Procrastinators Rebel! - Tumblr Posts
@vividly-creative
I read you and I feel you *hugs*
I've had similar thoughts about all the stories I've created (I'm having them right now for my 18-month old wip and the one I started... 3 days ago), a feeling that getting to the end is going to be so worthwhile because what I have in mind is so amazing, and at the same time so daunting that it actually stops me in my tracks, because what if I ruin this beautiful thing I have in my mind? What if it never reaches my expectations, and above all others'? And this is the one moment when the poisonous temptation to compare our work to others' pulls out its claws and drooling fangs.
From one thought to another, one day, I eventually considered things from a different point of view and came to a certain conclusion that I'd like to share with you. Maybe it'll ring something inside you, or maybe not.
Recently I've said in a post that I was a planner, and I am. This is the only way for me to beat this whimsical habit of mine: procrastination. I'd procrastinate for almost everything, and while I wouldn't mind postponing work-related stuff, it'd suck more to see myself postpone hobbies that are supposed to make me feel good. Writing falls into that category. Except that procrastination is not just postponing (and it certainly isn't idleness, we know that) Procrastination is also when you decide to do/create/start/continue/review another task instead of the one you "were supposed to do" (please, note the quotation marks), for reasons ranging from subjective importance to objective inclination.
It's not a flaw, it's not even a bad habit, but it certainly is exhausting in the long run.
But procrastination tells us something about us, creators.
Procrastinating is dreading the moment when the project, our project, will reach its term. When we'll have to part from it, when this project will live on with a life of its own, where it's meant to be, exposed to other people's scrutiny and comprehension. When it's no longer ours, and we have no control over it anymore. And yet, our parenthood over this piece of work is intact. We've been its source of life, its legal guardian.
We're responsible for its existence, as well towards its outcome, by making sure it's prepared for what's to come, autonomous, viable, acceptable, defendable. Perfect.
The fear of separation and the quest for perfection go hand in hand with procrastination.
Setting up a deadline, a date, a goal to finish a wip is like scheduling this separation and the grief that'll come with it, because it feels like a part of us will leave too, and there'll be nothing we can do about it. So, we hope it'll go in the best of ways, with flying colours. When the moment comes, we hope we'll be up to it, that the void that'll come after will be tolerable (but if we have other wips on the backburner, it'll hurt less, won't it?)
So, yeah, this is how I feel when I write my stories. I love to see them grow, develop, gain confidence. I'm always eager to write them down, to read the words and sentences flow and discover what I wanted to write (honestly sometimes I don't even know what I write...) And I'm so looking forward to knowing the end (LOL!!) while dreading that moment when I'll have to say goodbye.
Nobody likes to say goodbye to something/someone we love. I said goodbye too many times, without knowing that things were actually over, without making sure that I was happy with the way things were between them and me, that this part of me could go without any reason for future concern or regret.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that your wips might go when you finish them, but you can be sure they'll meet amazing people (readers, publishers, you name it) and make them happy. Don't be afraid to finish them and let them go (at your own pace).
Your creativity will never let you down. Take care 🤗
Doubting Myself
Lately I’ve been creating a lot of stuff, back to back.
I’ve been writing a lot and bringing characters to life. I’ve been working so much on my novel, my word count is getting up, my word document is getting longer and I’ve been receiving positive feedback from my friends.
Still, I feel likeI’m barely making any progress.
I have brought so many ideas to life and I’m proud of myself and of what I created… but it feels like it doesn’t mean anything.
My portfolio could and should have much more work in it. It feels like I’m behind and I always will be.
No matter how much I create, I constantly feel like I could’ve made more and I need to make more.
I want to have this inhumane amount of art made within a couple of hours.
The moment I start writing a scene I’m picturing how I want it to sound at the end and I start asking myself if I’ll be able to even finish it. The second I start a new sketch I begin ruminating how it should look and I want to skip the process to finally see the end result.
I have to keep reminding myself that a successful piece of art is the one that makes you proud and allows you to grow as an artist; but that does not mean it will always be satisfying and I get that.
I love to create.
I want to create.
I chose to create.
But it’s hard to enjoy the process sometimes, when you keep telling yourself “This is the time I will finish this novel.“
“This is the piece that I will finally send to publishers.”
“This is the work that I will have hundreds of rejection slips and just that one approved, because it only takes one publisher to say yes.”
“Today I’ll make the photograph that gets into a calendar.”
“This is the art project that will make people take me seriously.”
“This is the one that will make me an artist.”
It ’s exhausting.