Saved But Lost - Tumblr Posts
I hope I do not bore you
I know I am long winded.
I have survived my own godhood
Surpassed my wildest expectation
And now stand upon the other side.
Mistake not my words for ego
Something I am surely guilty of
I am not trying to understand
My own mortality.
This is not a statement of finality
Rather
A statement of being here
Now
In this moment of flesh.
Not a sin
As some would count it
But a beautiful representation
Of my own soul
Before myself.
That truth I have loved
That honest answer before myself
Is the beauty of a person
Free
Exalted
Unbound
Just themselves before everything.
I add no law.
I demand no trial.
All I hope in
Is the person who may read this
And that soul who does not.
I am nothing
And you are nothing
And yet between ourselves
Is everything.
You have lived
And you have died
And all that can happen is in your hands.
I chose death
As this was my path
And now survived
I must ask myself what I would will with my freedom.
Since my waking breath
I have only thought of dying;
Laying downy my life for others.
How this has cheated them
Who has as much right now I exist in themselves
As I have in me.
I am flawed
I am broken
I am my own being
Just trying to make it through as myself.
One day
I still hope
Someone will forgive me
But what matters most
Is that I forgive myself
And learn to live
With my own desire.
I have never followed my own teachings
That mountain of literature
I have composed across my years.
Now I am beginning
To listen
Not as a stranger
But as one who ignore themself
And now speaks to themself
I have climbed the throne
Ascended the Mount
Sat down on the seat of one who would be god.
I changed the rules
Condemned myself
And set out a new freedom
Aside from me.
Now I think of opening
Small coffee shops away from sight;
A safe haven for lost souls
Who hate themselves
More than the world that hurt them so.
I have never been free
But now I am trying to be
A lost soul
Who never wanted to be more than others.
Whose ego blinded them
And sought to be exalted.
I am that lost soul
The admittance of which
Is its own pride.
I hope you live well
And sleep even better.
When I was young I hoped you would
And thought I had the answers.
I am no one anymore.
What supriseses me
Is I have even longer to survive.
In all my fantasies
I never imagined I'd make it past my death
Yet here I am
Unable to die.
I am haunted by myself.
Pour myself into this setup.
I can't let go
Even though I know I should.
Healing my own wounds
Is the hardest thing I have ever done
And I trying my hardest
To be human again.
I can't even explain it.
I know it is the wine talking.
Living on auto-correct
Praying it translates me proper.
I hope you will forgive me.
I hope you will sustain me.
I hope one day I can forgive myself
And live as if
Eternity were never created.
It is the abstract paradox
The game we play on ourselves.
I hope one day I understand my own words
And free myself from my own guilt.
I love you
As I could never love myself.
I love in the ways
I have denied to give my own soul.
Show me the mirror;
Teach me my own image.
Forgive me
Hate me
Exist
And so will I.
It is all any of us can hope fore,
The only thing we can believe in.
We will all die
And we will all live.
That is our gift
More than it is our curse.
All that matters is your own place in life.
Not position
But self imposed acceptance.
Learning to love being me
Is more than the ambition I have placed upon myself.
It is opening a coffee shop
And living as if
I only I have tomorrow.
It is harder than it sounds
Harder than I can usually manage.
Substance over form;
Truth over my own beauty.
Love me;
Love yourself.
All that exists
Is you and me.
The rules are made up.
The truth is what we want it.
Flesh will burn
But our souls will continue on.
All we are
Is you right now.
A lost cause
Just trying to let go.
I miss you
I love you
My own flesh and blood.
More than this world;
The very purpose of all living.
Be free;
Be yourself;
Just exist and cease to fret.
All that is is yourself
I am nothing more
Than your own fragment soul.