Sighing - Tumblr Posts
Brows furrow. It's obvious now that she's upset. The emotion is written all over her face at John's words. If she could fix it all, she fucking would. And, unlike him, she can't get cancer. So, Holly removes her hand from his pressence, taking a long drag off the cigarette. Still like a balm to a burn to her already dead body. She holds it in.
" I'd rather be with you in your final moments than to remember you like this and you die alone. " An exhale. She wants nothing more than to get it through his thick, dumb head, throw the cigarette, grasp at his collar, and pull him down to her level. To YELL at him, get him to understand how much she fucking wants this. But she's small. Weak. Has too many feelings. John and Nick know what's best, don't they ??
Holly shakes her head, staring at him. They never really let her make her own major decision. She's sick and tired of it.
" I hate you, John. "
he leans into her touch a little too quickly, lips twitching upwards at her keeping the smoke, but not reaching for it. now free hand joins the other on her hips, fingers digging into her flesh & keeping her pinned to him. brows furrowing is the only sign that maybe he was actually listening to her. pain in his chest is an afterthought, struggle to breathe simply second nature these days. head tilts just enough to press a kiss to her palm [ tenderness reserved only for her, it was something that tastes bitter on his tongue ].
he wouldn't admit it to himself, but he wasn't ready to die yet. twenty years ago was a different story, but the threat of eternal damnation seemed to kick his survival instinct into gear — fear, worry, anguish at the idea of leaving holly ALONE was a whole other beast that he wouldn't tackle, now or ever. the only thing to soothe that anxiety was the knowledge that she'd have nick, & he'd never let anything happen to her [ a sick turn of events, after how they met ]. his skin crawls at the chain of thoughts, eyes squeezing shut as if to wipe it all from his mind & he finally sighs.
❛ so what's the plan then, sweetheart? we play house for a few months? ❜ there's no venom behind the words, but instead the coldness of a man who has accepted his fate. no treatment in the world could save him from this. ❛ get married? maybe adopt a kid, hm? ❜ clears his throat & he finally pulls his head away from her touch, gaze back on her with a cold resolve. ❛ then you watch me die, slow & painful? that really what you want? ❜
Of course he's disappointed. It had been too late for Ryan in his older age, he feels. Give up on him, Samara, he's a lost cause. Get out while you still can... while you're still young. Ryan loved her more than he loved himself, and maybe this is for the best. As much as he is SELFISH... maybe it was for the best. No, it was for the best. However, he wont admit to that. His ego is too fragile for it.
Chest rises, inhaling through his nose as he stares at her. Fists clench, unclench, the ball up once more. The nails bite into the palms of his flesh, leaving half moon marks, reddened from the pressure. Fuck, he never though this would happen. He's kicking himself for willingly giving her those drugs, he should have HELD BACK... he should have questioned it all. But he didn't.
" But it has to be. " Towel is pressed to his lip again, sopping up the flowing blood. He looks away, arms folding over his chest. " Get the fuck out and get your shit on Sunday. I'll be at the clubhouse all day then. "
she's swallowing around nothing & blue eyes don't peer up anymore. hand is pressed to her lips as if that was enough to take her words back — it's not. wave after wave of nausea wracks through her body & the guilt eating away at her makes her want to dive headfirst back into the drugs. the thought crosses her mind that maybe she could help him get sober too, if she willed it to be so. but deep down she knows: you can't force someone to get help if they don't want it. she feels like she's gonna hyperventilate & her head spins despite standing perfectly still.
❛ i wish it didn't have to be like this. ❜ the words are choked out in a broken sob, & the floodgates break. tears fall freely down her cheeks as she holds her face in her hands. she understands now why she'd been such a bitter disappointment to her family. the only solace she can seem to find is knowing she hates herself more than ryan ever could. ❛ i never should've lied to you. ❜
@thehollyverse, continued from x.
Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen + his brother
nobody freak out but i fear im back in my mha phase (i shit on that show for 4 consecutive years after liking it why NOW.)