Sleepy Poetry - Tumblr Posts

10 months ago

Today, I…

Today I became the most average person

on god’s dear planet earth.

I passed my test, but it wasn’t an A;

always Bs and Cs wherever I go.

i’ll do better next time, I always say,

but we know averages in this school will always stay that way.

Today I became the greatest failure to exist.

I failed another test, and got the lowest grade.

In this elite school, in the society of intelligence,

Failing your best studied subject? Ha!

Shit like this appears only in nightmares for them!

but that’s reality for me every day.

Today I became part of the council

for a club that I love.

I could not be more proud,

but I was the only one running for this anyway.

The people above me would do wonders

While I sit here and ponder

what happens next in my life;

should I start to think twice?

Today, I became an ordinary student.

I pretended to be normal, for once,

putting phone into bag

and silencing the voices in my head.

But when I stopped being loud,

the people ignored me,

I was suddenly transparent;

and learnt that silence was never so golden.

Today, I became a tired, average fool.

The day was a rollercoaster,

with way too many loop-de-loops.

Today I shall lay my head to rest

With it, the confidence I shall shed,

the skin from my bones gruesome tearing

my soul feeling like its ascending

god, I pray that tomorrow, I become better

but today, I became too many things altogether.


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10 months ago

Grievances

I grieve for what I lost today.

the innocence, of which I’ve lost today,

the tears, unuseful, which I have lost today.

I grieve for what I lost today

for I realise they will never know

how it feels like to accidentally offend someone,

everyone in your life, all the time,

fucking up, and finding out;

that is the basis of your life.

they will never know why you offend them

because you praise them, but they also

will never understand what it feels like to only

think

speak

hear

what you are currently fixated on,

songs, games, shows.

they will never understand

the magnitude of your heart breaking

because to them, it’s just fictional.

to me, it’s my whole life.

I grieve for what I lost today

my friendships young and old.

we said things would always stay the same

but I knew it was over long ago.

and these tears I shed for all of them

I know I will never recover, like

the pieces of my heart I gave them

burnt and damaged beyond repair,

all because of a small crack in the glass

letting all the empty airy conversations seep in,

I run along the beaches and the seas in silence

because today I realised

THEY WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE.

to be ostracised and bullied

for being who you are,

in this hypocritical day and age where

everyone is meant to be accepting.

you find no one wants to tolerate

you constantly talking about the same things

over and over and over, nor do they

want to hear your opinions, or take you seriously.

Grieving this day, because today,

I lost the freedom of non-oppression.

Now I shall hide into my shell

because you said we had way too different personalities,

completely change myself to fit in your circle

of which the borders barely touched me.

I will look at them who you befriended.

Them who charm and dazzle,

and tackled difficulty with smiles,

them who made friends so easily

and aced their every exam,

and had wonderful families who

put warm foods on their study desks.

I grieve, for what I have lost today

will ultimately be myself.

I grieve my times spent staring at my phone

laughing at characters

who will never exist in real life,

nor jump out my phone.

Watching the people dance and sing

unabashedly, thinking, this is what life should be,

this is what I can do with others.

I grieve that they will never understand

the things that bring me the most joy

are the things they cannot comprehend

the secret code to a mystery

these geniuses can’t solve.


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