This Was Written After I Cried A LOT - Tumblr Posts

10 months ago

Grievances

I grieve for what I lost today.

the innocence, of which I’ve lost today,

the tears, unuseful, which I have lost today.

I grieve for what I lost today

for I realise they will never know

how it feels like to accidentally offend someone,

everyone in your life, all the time,

fucking up, and finding out;

that is the basis of your life.

they will never know why you offend them

because you praise them, but they also

will never understand what it feels like to only

think

speak

hear

what you are currently fixated on,

songs, games, shows.

they will never understand

the magnitude of your heart breaking

because to them, it’s just fictional.

to me, it’s my whole life.

I grieve for what I lost today

my friendships young and old.

we said things would always stay the same

but I knew it was over long ago.

and these tears I shed for all of them

I know I will never recover, like

the pieces of my heart I gave them

burnt and damaged beyond repair,

all because of a small crack in the glass

letting all the empty airy conversations seep in,

I run along the beaches and the seas in silence

because today I realised

THEY WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE.

to be ostracised and bullied

for being who you are,

in this hypocritical day and age where

everyone is meant to be accepting.

you find no one wants to tolerate

you constantly talking about the same things

over and over and over, nor do they

want to hear your opinions, or take you seriously.

Grieving this day, because today,

I lost the freedom of non-oppression.

Now I shall hide into my shell

because you said we had way too different personalities,

completely change myself to fit in your circle

of which the borders barely touched me.

I will look at them who you befriended.

Them who charm and dazzle,

and tackled difficulty with smiles,

them who made friends so easily

and aced their every exam,

and had wonderful families who

put warm foods on their study desks.

I grieve, for what I have lost today

will ultimately be myself.

I grieve my times spent staring at my phone

laughing at characters

who will never exist in real life,

nor jump out my phone.

Watching the people dance and sing

unabashedly, thinking, this is what life should be,

this is what I can do with others.

I grieve that they will never understand

the things that bring me the most joy

are the things they cannot comprehend

the secret code to a mystery

these geniuses can’t solve.


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