This Was Written After I Cried A LOT - Tumblr Posts
Grievances
I grieve for what I lost today.
the innocence, of which I’ve lost today,
the tears, unuseful, which I have lost today.
I grieve for what I lost today
for I realise they will never know
how it feels like to accidentally offend someone,
everyone in your life, all the time,
fucking up, and finding out;
that is the basis of your life.
they will never know why you offend them
because you praise them, but they also
will never understand what it feels like to only
think
speak
hear
what you are currently fixated on,
songs, games, shows.
they will never understand
the magnitude of your heart breaking
because to them, it’s just fictional.
to me, it’s my whole life.
I grieve for what I lost today
my friendships young and old.
we said things would always stay the same
but I knew it was over long ago.
and these tears I shed for all of them
I know I will never recover, like
the pieces of my heart I gave them
burnt and damaged beyond repair,
all because of a small crack in the glass
letting all the empty airy conversations seep in,
I run along the beaches and the seas in silence
because today I realised
THEY WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE.
to be ostracised and bullied
for being who you are,
in this hypocritical day and age where
everyone is meant to be accepting.
you find no one wants to tolerate
you constantly talking about the same things
over and over and over, nor do they
want to hear your opinions, or take you seriously.
Grieving this day, because today,
I lost the freedom of non-oppression.
Now I shall hide into my shell
because you said we had way too different personalities,
completely change myself to fit in your circle
of which the borders barely touched me.
I will look at them who you befriended.
Them who charm and dazzle,
and tackled difficulty with smiles,
them who made friends so easily
and aced their every exam,
and had wonderful families who
put warm foods on their study desks.
I grieve, for what I have lost today
will ultimately be myself.
I grieve my times spent staring at my phone
laughing at characters
who will never exist in real life,
nor jump out my phone.
Watching the people dance and sing
unabashedly, thinking, this is what life should be,
this is what I can do with others.
I grieve that they will never understand
the things that bring me the most joy
are the things they cannot comprehend
the secret code to a mystery
these geniuses can’t solve.