Sobbing And Crying - Tumblr Posts
They were gonna die together and they were so happy because they were together
Fic Update
Might go on hiatus for a bit..
still can't get over how pleasing your art style is, even in a non kink context. the colors you use are lovely, the way you shade, the brush textures, and lighting are all just beautiful. ✨✨
That's so kind of you to say, thank you so much!!! 😭😭😭
I love using warm colors and bring out textures in the details on my art, so I'm really happy when people point it out!!
family finds eachother
Gum Gum and his Mom
MAJOR Infinight Finale Spoilers
“As the stars start to align, I hope you take it as a sign, that you will be okay.”
I don’t think you understand how much this scene made me cry, standing in my kitchen with my hands on the counter mid-sandwich making, absolutely sobbing
This was mean’t for Gum Gum week but I got a lil busy and wasn’t able to finish it :(
Also, Dia design heavily inspired by @the-lemonaut’s design from the tftsd wiki!! Check them out theyre an amazing artist!!
𓈃 ❝ TO YOU, WITH LOVE . ❞ — lee heeseung !
PRECIS. four months after heeseung's death, you find the tape recorder he left for you ( wc. ≃ 2.12k )
GENRE. angst, minimally fluff, humour in traces
WARNINGS. profanities, angst / bittersweet, lots of flashbacks, death and mourning, mentions of breakup and arguments, crying, mentions of kissing, heeseung is insecure
NOTE. repost yas pls forget the times when i said im tired of hee angst. ps. this was inspired by lang leav's poems so there are several reference. italics text signify the audio / hee's dialogues. happy reading <3
they say relocating and starting over marks a new beginning, or to put in better words, signifies the end of a chapter of your life. you didn’t believe that initially, for new beginnings always commence from heart and not from where you live or what you’re doing. however, heeseung’s death changed that for you. and here you are, four months later, sitting in the living room of your newly bought apartment in osaka with only the setting sun keeping you company through the dreadful silence.
the unpacked boxes occupy almost every corner of the room, telling you to get up and arrange things, but your limbs have given up; partially from exhaustion and partially because of helplessness. but we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever. healing is a slow process, and an important part of the remedy is the will to heal.
so you get up, almost stumbling on thin air because of your hazy gaze, picking up the smallest box and rummaging through the stuff, only to come across a tape recorder you’ve possibly never seen before. there’s a note on top, and it reads— ‘to you, with love.’ it doesn’t even take you a second to interpret that it’s heeseung’s handwriting. an impassive smile makes its way to your lips and here you are, ignoring all the work and sitting in one of the corners as you tune in the recorder.
‘so, you’re out with your friends to shop for your friend’s wedding when you should be with me,’ a tear rolls down your cheeks, the smile trembling as you sniffle, leaning against the wall and closing your eyes. his voice resonates with love. ‘and i’m bored, so this recorder is my last straw.’ and then he pauses, the faint sound of movements reaching your ears. you chortle, knowing he’s probably making himself comfortable on the couch.
‘we could’ve spent the noon watching movies and baking but no, you had to go out with that fri—fuck,’ your eyes shot open at the sound, some profanities escaping his lips as audible through the audio. you presume that heeseung dropped the recorder while using it. after all, he is clumsy. ‘shit, i hope this is still working— yeah it is. anyway, where were we? right, your friend who you ditched me for.’
you chuckle, reminiscing about the mentioned day. you remember it perfectly. well, how could you not; because uncharacteristically enough, heeseung was at the peak of his dramatic behaviour that summer afternoon and despite the fact that you love his clingy personality, he really managed to get on every single one of your nerves. well, that was a typical day for you. hurried mornings, whinings from heeseung, busy afternoons due to work or friends, in some cases. and now that he’s gone, you find it hard getting accustomed to a stagnant lifestyle.
‘talking about friends, do you remember sunghoon? yes, the ice skating fanatic from high school. i met him the other day and do you know what he asked? if we were still together. like, c’mon, we’re in for a long run, right?’
there are days when melancholy settles on you like a sudden change in weather. the kind of sadness that is intangible. like the presence of an ache where you can’t pinpoint where exactly it hurts, you just know it does. hearing those words feels exactly the same. those are the words that were supposed to bind you both forever; the words you would count upon when you’d have an argument with him, knowing you both are eternal.
‘do you remember when we had our very first fight?’ a lifeless laughter rolls off your tongue, spinning in the gloomy atmosphere engulfing the room. ‘it was so pointless. desserts, really? i still laugh thinking about it.’ the heeseung from back then would’ve said otherwise. it was a minute conflict but, maybe that’s how the greater arguments arose. ‘it must’ve hurt, right?’
his voice is no louder than a whisper, voice morphing into much more of an apologetic tone. and you realise— heeseung never properly apologised for your first fight. neither of you did, actually. you don’t mind, really, for the reason behind it was incredibly stupid.
a long silence follows, rather a painfully consoling one. soon enough, the sound of him humming the melodies of your favourite song fills the room, accompanied by your muffled snivels. you close your eyes and let your mind trace over the slightly blurred image of heeseung you see often in your dreams. you let it trace over his shoulders. you take a deep breath, and try to put those dark thoughts aside. a smile climbs up your lips.
loving heeseung is a wild ride. it’s like your eyes met his’, and the stars sighed in admiration. when you kissed him for the first time, your body gravitated towards him like those rides at the fun fair, where you’re spinning so fast that the motion fixes you to the wall. love chimed in your laughter, in the sense of wonder you found in each other. if you had your doubts, then time had told you otherwise. you and heeseung were a symphony of melody and melancholy, but it takes two to sing a duet.
‘remember when we fought and you left to live with your parents for a whole month? that was hell for me.’ you want to tell him that it was hell for you too. even though it was you who suggested that you both should take a break, you’ve spent nights spilling tears on your pillow, living on the edge with your mind contemplating you to call him. ‘the day you left, i went through all my old journals, frantically looking for my first mention of you. i know it sounds stupid, but i was scared. what if you never return— that was my first thought.’
‘people are right when they say we don’t know what we have until it’s gone and god, those thirty days made me realise how important you are to me. i know i can be a handful at times, and i end up lashing out for no reason at times. goodness, i wouldn’t even date myself but you, yn, thank you for choosing to stay.’
it was your second anniversary when heeseung had the worst breakdown. he had woken up from a nap, exhausted with puffy eyes due to the soccer match lost the same morning. he thinks it’s embarrassing to cry, heeseung believes it makes him look weaker than he already is. he hates to have you console him, wiping tears off his cheeks, cradling him in your arms like a toddler. heeseung doesn’t hate you, he hates how you were always there for him when all he ever did was give you a mere half of what you gave him.
heeseung believes there’s penance in yearning. there’s poverty in giving too much of your heart. when your desire for another is not returned in equal measure— nothing in the world could compensate for the shortfall. sometimes, the loneliest place to be in is love. between all the memories, through hugs and kisses, amidst all the i love yous that were shared, he knew you’re too for him. so, heeseung gave you numerous opportunities to leave; to hurt him like everyone before you did. but instead, you’d hold him dear, a little closer to your heart every time you hugged, a little deeper into your mind everytime you kissed, as if you were telling him to blather about his insecure mind that kept nagging him regarding all the things he couldn't do and, you'd explicate how exquisitely it told him lies that he believed.
you sniff, wiping tears with the sleeves of your clothing, wondering; ‘what about people who do know?’ because you knew. you knew you loved heeseung more than anything else, knew that he was your world— and still is— and good god, you tried your hardest to hold onto him. little by little, corner by corner, even if all you had was a fragile thread to tie your heart with his, you did. you never took a damn thing for granted; not him, not his love, not his antics— nothing. so, losing him, you wonder, isn’t it so much worse for you?
‘i’d like to marry you, someday. as in, soon, very soon. and it’s not only because i love you. it’s because i don’t think i can love anyone else the way i love you. besides, the thought of a mini you running around the house doesn’t sound bad.’ your eyes flutter open at his confession, tears resting on your lashes like pearls shining in moonlight. you could feel his lovestruck smile from the words he recorded.
heeseung loved kids, always. if there was a reason why you’ve spent your sundays looking after your cousins— on popular demand from heeseung, of course— it’s because he loved spending time with them. the sound of tiny feet pacing up and down your house, innocent giggles spinning in the air along with heeseung’s poor jokes. ‘you’d be the best dad,’ you remember telling him, and you could’ve sworn, heeseung’s eyes shone brightest then.
he says it’s ‘the heeseung effect’ because coincidently, even your neighbour's son has heeseung’s eyes. same colour, same passion, it reminds you of him. apparently, you’re his favourite after his mother. you were heeseung’s favourite too, after his mother. it’s sweet, but it hurts so much because there’s a glimpse of him in everything around you. you see the stranded pieces of memories floating by in every thing, and the worst part of holding memories isn’t pain, it’s loneliness. because memories are supposed to be shared, and you’re all by yourself.
‘i’m running out of things to say,’ he sighs, another trail of silence following. you’re running out of tears. ‘how did i manage to have you love me, yn? you’re too good for me, gosh, i don’t deserve you, not at all.’ your heart escalates a little, hands dying to hold his face for the last time and tell him how wrong he is. heeseung looks down on himself, but you want to hold him close, cupping his cheeks as you plant soft kisses on his face, telling him that behind his precarious mind, there’s a murmur of love. you want to trace his cold fingers with your lips, reciting tales of all those moments he made you feel like the happiest person alive. you want him to know that he holds your heart in his trembling hands, and you feel safe. his touch is sweet like honey drizzled strawberries, kisses like the first blooms of a cherry blossom.
you want to tell him that even if he feels like he doesn’t deserve you, he has you nonetheless. he always did, even when the world wasn’t. you don’t know where it comes from, all this love that you possess for him. you don’t know where to put it now that he's gone.
‘can you promise me one thing?’ your ear perks up at his request, though of no use now, probably. ‘promise me that you will never settle for less than what you give. i know i shouldn’t even be talking about this but yn, you deserve the whole world, even more. thank you for keeping up with me, tolerating me; thank you for not leaving like everyone else. and if you ever choose to leave, promise me that it’ll be for someone better than me.’
last night, you had a dream that felt like a memory. like a glimpse of what could’ve been crossed signals from another life. where instead of all this, you had heeseung. life was exquisitely simple, and you were desperately happy. just when you have convinced yourself that you’ve learnt to live without heeseung, you’re pulled back into the endless spiral of all the feelings you harbour for him. he’s someone you keep in your heart. settling for someone else isn’t even an option; loving someone else isn’t even a possibility. because you can tell that you only love once. anyone who claims to have loved twice in their life— they have not loved at all.
‘and i promise i’ll be there for you no matter what,’ he whispers and it feels as if he’s right next to you, holding you into a warm embrace, whispering sweet nothings to you just the way he did. another tear traces down your cheek, the sound of shuffling shoes emerge from the recorder, marking your arrival from. you hear him shift on the bed, and he mutters a last message before the tape goes silent. ‘let’s make it till forever.’
just like that, lee heeseung breaks another promise, leaving you with a broken heart, and the tears come back.
taglist in the rbs.
like father, like son
(don’t tag spoilers pls im on mag 161😭)
I have roadtrip
I might still be a little active when I have wifi
I will probably be posting art i make while driving and pictures of my dolls in random places idk
Raz and his close good friends
here. here is where i’m planting a chair and sitting forever.
Now hes gonna have to finish his work with a wound on his neck thanks Kallamar
@outerwilds-events My entry for campfire fest 2024 day 7!! Open prompt -> I chose universe for this one ::] it's pretty basic but I tried getting out of my comfort zone for this illustration! So here it goes.
You were the first to say that to him, you will be the last one too
I just noticed that Moon's side is the one to have the most noticeable damage and... yeah. You know me, I don't need a reason to make angst.
*Absolutely inhailing the sona art like oxygen*
Another day, another artistic creation. What could it be? Herb’s propaganda? An explanation for Leo’s death? Actual plot?
Nope!
Sona Lore with my friend @zinovi768 . Delicious.