Sometimes Violent Urges Come Without Warning - Tumblr Posts

i long to be gentle

i know that my mind can be cruel and i know that sometimes my words are not kind. i know that clean manicured nails only leave space for more dirt to build up under the surface, and i know that no matter how hard i scrub, i can’t reach those inner corners where the filth likes to hide.

but i long to be gentle again.

i know that once i made flower crowns and played the violin. i know that i didn’t always laugh at people. i know that i promised myself once i would never be cruel to others. i know that i said that before they were cruel to me. i know that once i held dolls and crayons and jump ropes. i know that i wasn’t always so tired. i know that once i could say something kind and mean it.

i long to be gentle again.

i know that my hands have formed fists before. i know that i have scratched and shoved and slapped with these hands. i know that these hands have formed middle fingers and poked fun at insecurities. i know that these hands are covered in blood.

but i know these hands have made art. i know that these hands have been scrubbed raw under the sink until the dirt was mostly gone, and underneath i can see my soft human skin that i couldn’t see before. i know that these hands were once capable of holding others.

and i long to be gentle again.