Sorry For Interrupting - Tumblr Posts
I know this totally isn't my place but I worked with a domestic violence group for a while and felt I had to jump in.
I agree with drmaurisles that he is not a nice guy and that you do NOT deserve to be beaten. I can also see that you are very afraid and this fear plays a part in you choosing to stay with him. You are right to fear what he will do when you leave him. Do not dismiss this fear. Use it. Become informed about what community supports you have. Form a safe plan before leaving. Who will be with you when you tell him? Will you tell him in person or is it safer for you to tell him long distance? Are you living with him and will you need a place he does not know about to move to? Do you have any dependents (for example kids) and how do you maximize their safety? Is there a shelter available to you? Is there a psychologist or counsellor whom you trust that you can talk to about this? They may have a better idea about social supports and safe plans.
You are in a very difficult situation with only an option of the lesser of evils. A person who will beat you in public already has no concern about stopping. He will not wake up one morning and decided to stop beating you, to him there is no reason to. You staying with him will not stop the beatings. If nothing changes today then yesterday will be your life. This change will be difficult and dangerous. It will also be the only guaranteed way to change your life. You can minimize the risk to yourself through pre-planning.
This will be difficult because, like all abusers, he uses psychological abuse to make you think that it is your fault, you are responsible (i.e. you deserve it and if you were better he wouldn't do it), that leaving him will be worse than staying with him, that you will always fail, that you are all alone, and that you deserve to be alone. These are LIES. Lies that he tells you to keep you where he wants you, as his punching bag. It does not matter what you do, he will always try to convince you that you did wrong. Do not believe him.
You are not responsible for his actions. You do notdeserve to be abused in any way. Staying with him will be worse than leaving because it will continue until you are dead or you chose to leave him. He will not change if you stay with him.
You are not alone. There is a whole community out there who have been in shoes very similar to yours. There are friends, maybe you haven't met them yet, that will understand the blame and the shame of what has been done to you is his. You are strong. You will succeed more than you fail, especially if you not stop trying. You are scared because you are smart. This is the situation to be scared of. Keep being smart, trust yourself. You know the dangers of your situation better than me.
Please remember that everything he says is designed to keep you with him. You are more beautiful, more brave, more intelligent, more competent, more capable, and stronger than he wants you to believe. Because if you believed that you were as beautiful, brave, intelligent, competent, capable, and as strong as you really were? You would leave his abusive ass in a heartbeat.
what would you do if you we're in an abusive relationship? like i'm terrified because i don't want him to hurt me more and sometimes he's a nice guy but he does it in front of his friends and they laugh and he comes to me all drunk and shit and my friend has seen it and says the safest thing to do would be to stay with him and try not to piss him off again and i can't break up with him because i'm afraid he'll beat me if i do and i don't know if this will be awkward to answer but i'm scared
In my head, this is just unacceptable. Hurt you more? Baby, stop it right there! HE IS NOT A NICE GUY, HE BEATS YOU, how’s that okay? It’s not! Denounce him! Do you have family, sweetie? Ask for their support. You CAN’T keep this relationship, it’s gonna destroy you and you DON’T deserve it. This is inhuman, go fight for your rights as a woman. Justice is out there to help you. Please do it, please don’t stay with that monster. :/