Syan Rambles - Tumblr Posts

I know I'm primarily a visual artist, or rather, mostly I draw. But, I have to say I'm really enjoying writing the one-shot I'm currently obsessed with. Despite the stupid premise, it's so much fun to just sit down for a few hours and write.

I keep really wanting to share it with everyone too. But it's maybe only halfway finished (if that, it keeps expanding further than I thought and scenes have appeared that I wasn't expecting). Regardless, I'm hoping it'll be done by this weekend and then I can edit it, get someone to quickly look it over maybe, and then post it.

It's cute, it's silly, and it's going to be spicy~ 🤭🤭🤭

Gonna be feelsy for a minute, I really appreciate you all;

For a long time I really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life when it came to art. Just hearing about how art school is and how the industry is, I knew there was no way I could do it that way professionally.

For a few years I tried my best to freelance, to do commissions. But they were always done for too little money and I was always putting too much effort into them. Getting paid $60 for something that may have taken me upwards of thirty hours is atrocious. And there was no time to draw for me.

In 2020 I dropped the commissions entirely. It just wasn't worth it. And then for a majority of that year and then the next I barely drew at all. I was burned out, tired... (however I am considering bringing commissions back soonish with revised prices and less options)

Only when I started drawing again late 2021 and into this year—2022—did I finally have a handful of goals I wanted to work toward I'm regards to art as a career.

○ I am in the designing stages, but I plan on relaunching my youtube channel to show speed paints of my art and talk about things that interest me or I have an opinion on. I hope to launch it again by the end of the year.

○ Because of TikTok I am growing a following quicker than I have in most places. Not as quickly as some, no, but I'm not doing too shabby. Because of that, I am hoping to also start designing and printing stickers, prints, acrylic pins, etc.

○ In due time I want to start doing booths again, whether they are at conventions, flea markets, art festivals. I'm looking forward to them all in the future.

One day my hope is to run a youtube channel, an online store, and do convention circuits here and there. It's a big hope, a big dream... But it feels attainable to me when a lot of stuff doesn't. I just have to keep putting in the hard work.

I appreciate all of the support each and every one of you give me. The comments, the likes. They help me keep chugging along, even when I'm feeling a lot more shitty from time to time.

Thank you.

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38. do you reread your own stories?

Little embarrassing to admit. But yeah. Like... on the regular I'll just settle down and reread my own fics. It's a great way for me to catch some mistakes I've missed for one lol But also, I genuinely just like the way I write. c':

49. writing advice

I'm not super prolific so I don't have any advice that's like... mind-blowing. But I've learned a few things.

Have an idea? It doesn't matter if it's a single sentence, a half formed thought. Write it down somewhere. I normally either drop it in my Trello or my Google Docs. If the words are flowing, try to get them down.

Give yourself time to stew. As fun as it is to vigorously type something out as quick as possible, it's okay if your 2.5k one-shot (even) takes a while to come to fruition. Take your time, think on what you've already written.

Read your stuff out loud. Can be to your friends, could be to yourself. Reading aloud makes you slow down a little more and you're likely to find grammar, spelling, and other mistakes you may have overlooked if you read silently. (also good practice if you're considering doing podfics)

11, 28 and 46 💕🤭

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11. do you listen to music when writing?

It depends, more often than not, no, unless i really need to drown something out. When I do listen to music it has to be something instrumental because (probably thanks to the aspergers) anything with lyrics will redirect my mind to listening to said lyrics. So even if a specific song inspires me I won't be listening to it while writing the fic it inspired.

28. worst review you ever got.

Maybe it's because I'm still not that popular of a fic author yet or I just haven't posted something long enough for people to leave disgruntled or unhappy reviews, but thus far? Haven't recieved one. And considering the ones I've seen other people recieve, I consider myself extremely lucky.

46. share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet

Okay. Look. This is kinda hard because I have like... five fics started at various stages. And I don't know which to pick 😥 So we'll go with what I started writing the other night when I couldn't sleep;

"Fuck!"

It's not an uncommon expletive to come over the comms system in the middle of a fight. Most especially when they are facing down whatever the 'big baddie' of the week has felt the  need to throw at them this time. Sometimes it's something life-threatening, sometimes it's something just plain irritating. But, regardless, 'fuck' isn't an uncommon word to be thrown around in their rag-tag group of super heroes.

Except when it's coming from Steve.

As it turns out, Mr. Star Spangled and handsome isn't half as prim and proper as Tony had initially assumed and some series of expletives leave his mouth with a relative regularity. But the 'F-bomb'? It's so rare that it catches Tony's attention and gives him pause.

"Everything okay over there, Cap?" he asks, hovering high in the air, trying to pinpoint his location.

There's silence for a lot longer than he likes and he's just about to repeat his question while doubling his efforts when Steve's voice comes through, voice thick and strained.

"Not exactly."

I legitimately just got angry because, like, the Russo brothers did The Winter Soldier and that's a damn good movie, still my favorite of the MCU (look I just really love the stealth suit, and the espionage (or the thin veneer of it anyway) and the scene with Nick in his car, and the elevator scene, and that first fight between Steve and Bucky, and Sam, omg Sam. It's not the greatest movie ever by a long shot, but it's really good)

But after The Winter Soldier? They characterized Steve like complete shit. Sure there's parts of Steve's character I love in CW and he's a snack to look at through out. But I've spent the last few years going

'I don't get why they never even really detailed Steve's full opinion on the Accords, wasn't it supposed to be a Cap Movie? I mean the name is in the damn title'

But you know why we get the bare bones of his argument? Because they didn't give two shits about his character and didn't care to even flesh out what he was trying to say. Instead we get him sounding arrogant and misguided and saying 'governments are untrustworthy' and that's it. Nothing else. (to be fair he did just find out there were a bunch of Nazis in the US government in The Winter Soldier, so that part of his opinion kinda is understandable. If I just found out the same... well id probably feel pretty similar.)

And like a friend of mine said, they went into civil war way too early as it was.

And THEN we get Infinity War and Endgame. Infinity War is... eh, there's not a lot of characterization for him there in general and he mostly feels like a pretty piece of eye candy in it and little more. Rhodey just outright accepting him back is... strange, but technically he is his own character and is not beholden to Tony and Tony's grievances with Steve.

But Endgame... If I could gnash my teeth about that movie any louder and more violently I *would*. I give it some leeway because it's what really sucked me into the Stony fandom and there's some great scenes. And again, Steve looks like a fucking grade-a SNACK in it. But by the end it's a complete character assassination that not only destroys Steve's character so thoroughly that it's reprehensible, but it also relegates Peggy to the role of Trophy and Prize to Steve. And that's fucking disgusting on top of everything else.

It pisses me off so much, because I absolutely adore Steve and I watch so many people just completely misunderstand his character, his motivations, his ideals. But it's come to a point where I can't really blame them. With what the Russo's did with him? It's no surprise at all.

I may hate just how 'Gee Gosh Golly Me!' Joss made him, but I'd take 'strangly innocent and wholesome war veteran who barely knows how to cuss' Steve over the train wreck we ended up with.

Post the first line from your first fic on AO3 and the last line from your last fic!

Tagged by @sounds-of-some-day ♥ Thanks so much~

First Line from First Fic; I Wanna Hold Your Hand - Fenders (Fenris/Anders):

The worn voice of Xenon boomed suddenly, as Zachary had merely reached out to touch the young boy.

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Last Line from Last Fic; Don't Be Afraid To Look - Stony

"I love you."

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Tagging: @missmoodybear @robertdowneyjjr @tinystark616 @onlymorelove @avengersnewb @festiveferret

(no pressure~)

2, 16, and 45 for the writer asks!! 🥰🥰

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

So the top five are;

Fanart (10), Fluff (9), Giftart (8), Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot (8), Digital art (6)

But for the top 3 actually writing related ones;

Fluff (9), Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot (8), and Kissing (4)

They definitely do accurately represent what I generally write lmao

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16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

Honestly I'm a simple guy, so anything that's a Trans!Steve AU. I don't care if it's with powers or without or supernatural themed, or whatever. I've read a couple, but the ones I read were very worried about being as PC (for lack of a better term) as possible. And I appreciate that effort, but it sort of was to the detriment of the story.

Mostly ensuring that no of course he doesn't use THAT part of his anatomy, he's a transman after all! sort of stuff. Which, as a trans guy... I get it, but it was also alienating for me because lmao I do use those parts of me and that doesn't make me less Transmasc.

I'd love someone else to write it and to read that AU, but at the same time it seems like I might have to be the one to write it in the end.

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45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

Usage of similes, mostly. I'm able to string them together a lot better to build a more thorough picture than I used to. (it's definitely not spelling and punctuation, that's as bad as it's ever been lmao)

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39. Is any aspect of your writing process inspired by other writers or people? If so, who?

There's a few aspects, although if you asked me to outright pinpoint who inspired them, I'm not certain I'd be able to answer. There's a few fanfic authors that use lots and lots of — em dashes and from them I learned to love the fuck out of them.

In addition to that, single word breaks between things like.

He couldn't believe his eyes—what he was seeing in front of him. Terrified. Unequivocally, absolutely, he was terrified.

And I know I learned somewhere the whole thing with playing around with italic, bold, and bold italic to add more emphasis to something. But that was at least ten years ago, and I'm not certain any longer.

I read a lot. I used to read even more. It's hard to remember where every little bit comes from, unfortunately.

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45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

Dialogue. While dialogue definitely is something that seems to have come naturally to me in general (it's probably all those years sitting at the table with adults and listening to them talk as a wee tot) it's gotten exponentially better over the years.

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49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

Technically I haven't been working on ANYTHING writing wise in the last few weeks. But I have restarted a gift intended for my girlfriend (as you know because I've already shared this with you lmao) over two years ago. So that's what everyone is gonna get a chunk of.

When they finally arrive at the cabin, Steve sees a flash of lighting, followed by an almost deafening crack and roll of thunder moments later. They’re inside, before it happens again. There’s still laughter on their lips as they all but tumble through the door, but soon the mirth is replaced with the sound of teeth chattering and the drip, drip, drop of rain soaked clothes. Quickly they are creating large puddles on the welcome mat just inside the door. Steve shakes his head, amused as droplets of water fling this way and that and, he licks at his lips, catching a few on his tongue. He turns to Tony and, he means to say something… But, whatever that something is, it’s lost immediately as he looks at the man standing next to him. He’s struck with the fact that no one has any right to look so good in waterlogged clothing, with their hair plastered to their head and their lower lip quivering from the cold. And, yet, Tony does. His shirt and jeans are stuck to him like cellophane, and this close Steve can see the rise of goose flesh along his clavicles. Painted across his cheeks is a rosy red flush, and Steve… Steve barely remembers to breathe. Longer than he means to, he stares, until Tony’s dark brown eyes meet his. Despite the cold clinging beneath his skin, Steve feels the telltale heat of an embarrassed flush making its way over the rise of his cheeks. He shivers and a moment later, Tony offers him a smile. It almost seems knowing. Perhaps he’s just seeing things. “What?” Tony asks, after another moment, inclining a brow. “Huh? Oh—uh. Nothing, really, I was just considering taking a shower to warm up. Looks like you might need it more than me.” Steve replies, and the shower is absolutely something he made up on the spot. Tony’s grin becomes broader, seeming to be even more knowing than before and Steve wants to fidget under the scrutiny. There’s no way Tony knows what he was actually thinking. That Tony knows how Steve actually feels about him. If there was, he would have said something by now—Tony is many things, but none of those has ever been bashful.  After another handful of seconds, Tony shakes his head. “Naw. Have at it, Cap. I’ll get changed and start a fire while you’re in there.” It’s as those words leave Tony’s lips that Steve realizes that now he has to commit to his lie. The alternative is to admit it was a lie and then be forced to explain why, exactly, he’d been staring at Tony. He doesn’t see that going over well—how does one explain being hopelessly in love with their best friend without alienating them in the same breath? It’s easier to go with the lie. “Okay. Thanks, Tony,” Steve says, and he turns and makes his way into the singular bedroom the cabin contains.

Shout out to the person on TikTok who told me my art was worth the money, but no one would buy it at the prices I'm charging.

3 of 5 slots filled! 😝

Checking in. I'm still around and trucking on, just working two jobs and don't have a lot of free time to create like I want to.

How are you guys? ♥

My life outside of work feels like a constant decision between drawing and writing, desperately wanting to do both, and ultimately doing neither.

How many chapters of a multi-chapter fic should i write before I start publishing it?

And... do I really need a beta reader, or naw?

I'm working on a multichapter fic, and I'd like to start publishing it soon, but I'm having a bit of an existential crisis.

It's been suggested that a beta could be useful and I agree with that, though I feel at a loss of how to find one. I'd like someone who could point out issues with phrasing, word usage, who could tell me if i need to include a bit more clarity or if I'm getting a little too verbose, etc.

At the same time, it'd be nice to have someone to talk to about the fic, maybe fling some ideas for plot points around a bit with, etc.

I guess I'm a little intimidated about asking anyone for help as a beta, though, since this would be a fairly long term project until I'm ultimately finished with it.

I guess I don't want anyone to feel obligated to have to put in so much effort for me. 🥴 IDK

Gotta love when the WIP of an image gets more attention than the finished piece lmao Making me wonder if I should bother to post WIPs.

Like, I dig that you like it, but imo the finished image is 10 times more interesting to look at.

I hate being depressed.

It's just a spiral of my brain telling me I want to die and then me doing nothing about it and wallowing in the stupid ass agony.

I don't really want to die.

I just want to be happy.

I want to create. I want people to care.