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bored, brain spew time- my experiences with gender are Weird.
born AFAB in the US south, several forms of neurodivergence (Autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, possible BPD but that one’s just a theory), mom was/is very open about gender and whatnot, dad didn’t/doesn’t like talking about it
went to a private Christian school for grades K-3, very “tomboy” like for those years. sometimes asked to be referred to by my middle name because it was more neutral than my first one- not knowingly for gender reasons at the time but looking back that was not cis behavior lmao
never really processed what it *meant* to be perceived as fem/masc/nb until middle/high school years, existed Purely On Vibes until then
Socially awkward disaster for almost my entire schooling time. Had trouble understanding conversation rules (thanks, mostly-unmedicated Autism /s), but with extensive training I eventually just ended up as a robot, silent for fear of overstepping and being rude
did a lot of reading about LGBTQ+ identities in the hopes of being considerate to my classmates
brain clicked with demigirl and/or genderfae for almost all of middle school
quarantine hits and most of my interactions shift to being online. internet kinda defaults to he/him when talking about randos in game lobbies… matter of time until I get referred to as such… and it isn’t uncomfortable? kinda vibe with it??
start experimenting with various labels:
agender didn’t work because I still was okay with being perceived as she/they/he;
bi-gender didn’t feel right either;
stuck with genderfluid for a while but it felt a bit too rigid- like I had to pick which mode I was in constantly to fit the description;
knew it was SOME kind of non-binary but I didn’t know much about the various umbrella and sub-type terms
‘bout a year into quarantine, still in school, making pride pins because I wanted to sell them and make money somehow, did some more research, learned about genderqueer.
and then the lightbulb finally stopped flickering and stayed on.
as of late, I’ve done more reading because a lot of the folks I talk to in Tavern-Frontiers and the surrounding groups are also LGBTQ+. found a label called “gendervague”- gender perception impacted by neurodivergence. while I’m personally not gonna use it as a main label, it definitely fits as a description of the clusterfuck that is my experience with identity
best way I can describe how I identify is “fuck if I know, call me whatever makes it easier.” General vibes I feel with different sets below:
she/her- born with it, used to it, okay with it
he/him- still feels new but I can work with it (I mostly use this when I refer to myself online, to help get used to it)
they/them- good default, not as natural as she/her but also not as exciting as he/him
it/its- :pensive_robot: yeah (nothing really wrong with it, but I’d rather call myself it than be called it)
neopronouns- never tried before, funky and new! (good funky, like a new genre of music- not bad funky, like socks)