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hear me out: Megatron in human form would absolutely be fat

as someone whose family is from the upper Appalachian region, I know a lot of rural workers and farmers/railworkers/miners/labourers, several of which are actual family members of mine or have been adopted as such 

and I’m just saying 

approaching things realistically and according to his background as a miner in MTMTE/Lost Light 

Megatron’s human form/holoform would absolutely be fat

I mean tall, fat, and Kentucky coal miner level strong, for real  

there’s a huge difference between bodybuilder aesthetic muscle and actual worker muscle; there’s no strictly controlled, carefully even with counted repetitions style working out, there’s no carefully monitored diet and hydration, it’s just muscle from doing ore cart loading and several different types of drilling and gear (equipment) hauling and vehicle prep and maintenance and so on 

rural Appalachian manual labour working life is like: You eat what you can get in the food desert you live in because there’s no time or energy or gas money to drive three hours away and then back again to get to the one good grocery store in the area, you don’t get time to make good meals so you snack constantly to keep your energy level high to focus just enough to avoid getting killed by large scale industrial machinery, and you end up with enough accumulated minor and/or major injuries over time that you ache too much to do “formal” working out even if you had the energy and time after hours of trying not to die on the job all day

all the miners I know are either rail thin or pretty fat, and it’s 99% because of shitty working conditions, poverty wages and/or no time or resources for good food with all cooked meals being massively heavy in fat/protein/carbs and nothing else because this is about keeping up energy levels so you don’t get killed at work, and various injuries including chemical exposures and so on = pretty much everyone is either sickly thin or intensely maximum power mode levels of fat 

the thin miners tend to be fast as hell, and the fat miners tend to have strength that rivals actual Hercules of Grecian lore

real world example story time: fat miner power, or how Davis the Miner demolished our bathroom entirely by accident 

I knew a miner, let’s call him Davis, who was a family friend when I was a kid

this guy was six foot four inches tall, weighed three times what my father weighed even though my dad was six foot two inches tall himself, and let me tell you…

once when Davis stayed over at our house for a week, he bumped into the bathroom sink after taking a shower and accidentally knocked the ENTIRE SINK OUT OF THE FIXTURE ON THE WALL 

when I say he took it out, I mean he butt bumped the edge of the sink when turning around to put his towel back on the rack to dry, and the momentum of this action was enough to straight up demolish the sink (part of the sink bowl actually broke) and actually pulled the entire sink fixture out of the actual wall itself 

this, naturally, bent one of the pipes to the sink, which started to leak, and his solution to this was to GRAB THE PIPE AND BEND IT BY HAND TO STOP THE WATER FLOW 

if you have never worked on house utility piping, I can confirm for you that it is extremely hard if not borderline impossible to do this even with tools, but not for our dude Davis, who has Hercules Grip 

he was super apologetic about it and we weren’t mad at all, we all helped fix it up with a quick trip to Home Depot later lmao

it was just so impressive that legit he just bumped it a little when drying off and it was enough to take the entire fucking sink off the wall, pipes sticking out and everything 

and 100% it was totally an accident, it really was just a little butt bump into the sink when turning around, and it ripped the sink straight up out of the wall!!! he demolished that shit!!! lmao 

never underestimate Fat Miner Strength. what they lack in speed, they have more than quadrupled in Fat Miner Power. 

his butt alone essentially took out that entire wall in our bathroom, given the damage, and it was honestly pretty awesome 

making my case: canon observations 

this is the kind of intense fat miner strength Megatron would absolutely have in human form, and I am convinced of this 

especially because we see him drilling with what is basically a jackhammer: 

now, Davis once explained to me: “I’m so fat because it helps cut down on the vibration!” 

and he’s actually right; bodybuilder (leaner) type muscular physiques would struggle with managing the actual return vibration of this kind of drilling– it’s not the force itself, or the weight of the drill, or even the strength required to hold the drill in position if drilling manually. it’s not even 100% about the vibration of a drill like a jackhammer in the above image itself, either. 

it’s about the return vibration you get when chiselling or drilling into a solid material like rock/minerals, which is 90% of what you’re doing when drilling in a mine if you’re still cutting out the ore/material!

this return vibration is such an intense effect that even on automated large scale unmanned drilling equipment, there is vibration protection and a huge amount of work and monitoring that goes into making sure the return vibration doesn’t literally shake the machinery apart. 

but our dude Megatron seems to be handling the vibration incredibly well, he doesn’t appear to be shaking at all in the panel above, not to mention the underhand grip he has on an otherwise unsupported jackhammer in the panel above, meaning his upper arm strength, glutes/thigh strength, back strength, and core strength are taking the majority of the force here 

now, Davis said his fat helped him deal with the vibration, and that’s because being so fat gives him more mass/weight overall, and adipose tissue is a pretty good shock absorber of sorts! 

so more weight = more stability when doing this kind of stuff (although nobody would ever hold a jackhammer like Megatron is here lmao) 

and it also does somewhat minimise some of the acute/short term physical damage of vibration (although it does not eliminate problems like joint stress or over time problems like various well known vibration induced syndromes, it’s just that fat people are gonna statistically do a little bit better with this kind of stuff than skinny people generally speaking) 

conclusion: Megatron would totally be a tall fat dude and it’s good 

considering that canonically all the frame types as per Functionist social/class stratification are literally put to the work deemed most “suitable”, and Megatron is doing manual labour here that would be better suited to larger/stronger humans, I feel like he’d be like “ok well I guess if I were a human I would be this” 

I also can’t imagine Megatron choosing a holoform/human form that would shy away from his origins as a miner; it’s a core part of his identity and ideology, and I feel like once he got a little more comfortable with generating a holoform, maybe a little more familiar with human body types via movie night at Swerve’s or something, he’d probably want to represent himself as accurately as objectively possible within human cultural-social context if he had to generate a holoform for that purpose 

I also imagine Megatron showing up at a local worker’s union in his holoform and writing some AMAZING shit to leave behind for them, have a little revolt, go get your wages, you’re organics but you’re working class and the solidarity is undeniable 

meanwhile Rodimus takes Drift to New York and Minimus gets lost somewhere (re: ditched by Rodimus) on the Amtrak network and ends up in Canada and it’s a mess, they realise Megatron went the other direction on the rail once they see a Times Square news scrawl about a union riot somewhere in Tennessee and they immediately go OH SHIT IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN

anyway 

I just sort of always imagine IDW 1 Megatron having a holoform of like, a fat version of old Arnold Schwarzenegger: way less actual muscle definition (no or very little clearly visible muscle), a lot more fat, but equally if not more strong overall due to the different muscle groups developed by hard manual work vs. bodybuilding 

Hot take: TFP's version of Starscream has digitigrade legs, high heels, wings, a head crest, and his vehicle mode is called a Fighting Falcon. Starscream is literally a bird. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Notice how, despite apparently being a guard for the Hall of Records, no one knew Smokescreen? No one recognized this kid, but he was already an Autobot. Even Optimus didn’t recognize him, despite being the leader of the Autobots. He should know his people, right? What ties Optimus to Smokescreen is their connection to Alpha Trion. All Smoke remembers is guarding the Hall and then getting knocked out. And recall how he spoke about Alpha Trion. Awfully casual about the guy, kinda like a son/grandson would be about their parent/grandparent. Not at all like how you’d refer to the Grand Archivist, let alone a Prime.

From what we know of Cybertronian relationships such as Skyquake and Dreadwing, it’s possible that Smokescreen is somehow related to Alpha Trion by means of spark sharing or sharing CNA with another. That would explain why Alpha Trion permitted Smoke to talk about him or even to him in a certain manner.

But that’s just a theory-

IS ANYONE ELSE NOTICING THE SIMILARITIES IN ALPHA TRION AND SMOKESCREEN’S DESIGN?!

TAKE A LOOK AT ALPHA TRION…

THEN LOOK AT SMOKESCREEN!…

DO YOU SEE IT?! XD

Hot take: In TFP Season 1 Episode 21 T.M.I they say “Come to papa,” “Run to mommy,” and “Say uncle!”

This implies that Cybertronians can have parents and thus, by extension, can procreate. This ALSO means that Cybertronians would need to have the necessary “facilities” to do that. In conclusion, Transformers can have s*x. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

TF HC: Reproduction

Knowing his creative powers were waning, Primus made it possible that a very small number of Cybertronian “females” born of the Well of All Sparks were given the ability to create new life from their own body. Having that ability, which is basically a miniature Well of All Sparks, makes them very valuable to those who are aware of their existence. Think being similar to a fertile Krogan female from Mass Effect 3.

There are limitations to this. 

1) They can only produce one or two at a time.

2) They cannot transform while creating a “newspark.” This does include the use of their weaponry.

3) They are vulnerable at this time, but still capable of moving or running.

4) Their “womb” stays the same size. 

5) The “newspark” is built compact and small of malleable metals. They’re soft, but hearty and grow fast. Eventually, the metals completely solidify and this allows them to use their T-Cog without causing themselves permanent disfiguration.

Here’s the big one.

“Newsparks” do not require a father to provide genetic material. 

Though it is possible, it’s not done in the way humans would traditionally think reproduction is done. Cybertronians do not have genitalia and do not need it. However, they have their own energon specific to their bodies. Organic energon and the energon that grows out of the ground is not exactly the same thing. If this energon were to be given to the “females” to use, their body would repurpose it and create a “newspark” based on that raw genetic material aka the organic energon. 

How would they give birth then?

They don’t, at least, not in the way you think. The womb opens up from the front and the “newspark” can be removed. Like a c-section without being cut open... or a fridge.

“Newsparks” function a lot like babies for roughly the same amount of time as human infants. The only difference is they don’t pass waste or really eat. They do need to consume a very specific kind of energon.

What kind of energon do they need?

It’s supercharged with nanometals/nanomachines that help to build and solidify the cybermetals the “newsparks” are made of. This is only produced by womb-bearing “female” Cybertronians. 

* Note: I use “female” and “newsparks” loosely here because there are technically no female Cybertronians as we define them (then again, I don’t expect Hasbro to say there are sex defining markers in their CNA or something like that). That, and there are technically no Cybertronian babies, since newly formed Cybertronians are usually born fully grown adults, so newly forms Cybertronians that aren’t born fully grown could be considered newborn (or newsparks).

So, I was thinking about what sparklings sound like. I know normal ones beep, but what about predacons?

I head canon that they sound like porcupines!

https://youtu.be/cILZ_cB3_so

https://youtu.be/ihUQ3ZE4kB8

But what if they sounded like dogs too?

Just imagine two bots chilling and the predacon kid makes this noise.

“WOAH, is your kid ok?”

“Yeah it’s just that we haven’t had lunch yet.”

Another headcanon!

Predcons don’t really have battle masks, but what if they had a 3rd eyelid so nothing gets in their optics.

Adding on to my battle mask headcanon, I did some art of my predacon ocs battle mask. Including mandibles.

Ok, headcanon that predacon femmes are fucking MASSIVE, like, absolute units.

Just imagine your on an evening jog and see a dragon lady the size of a mansion.

Seekers head cannons part 2 :D

Starscream >:D

I personally don't like starscream so I'll try to be as non-biased towards him as possible <3

•the amount of of times this man has been absolutely reckt is unreal

• hes probably the most annoying out of all the seekers.

•hes annoying to fight too because he's just too fast and agile in his jet form

•hes probably indestructible because he's taken so much abuse from Megatron. (idk how he's still alive °-°)

•he doesn't like anyone, only tolerates them.

•Hes been found fighting Skywarp in the elevators (or lifts) multiple times because "Skywarp just won't shut up"

•Laughs at others stupidity even if he's made the exact same mistake.

•Hates Megatron with a passion.

•he has beef with mountains and birds (Airplane problems lol)

•intentionally runs into the other seekers in the sky to to make them lose control or crash (he thinks it's funny)

•has an unhealthy obsession with leadership.

(Awww look their holding hands ❤)

•hes secretly jealous of Soundwave

•he has tried to kill Megatron a countless number of times

•hes horrible at hitting moving targets(while in the sky)

•he hates it when Skywarp calls him 'Brother' hes like "no, we're acquaintances, not brothers"

•Hes the one who has to go get Skywarp when he accidentally warps to a random place

•He sucks at close combat, he prefers to stand far away and shoot enemies with his arm cannon

•he always has that smug little smirk on his face

•Hes stupid (thats not me hating Starscream, he said it himself)

•hes not scared of Megatron, hes just faking it... Mostly

•he is the most untrustworthy of the Decepticons, he will lie straight to your face without a second thought.

•he likes to watch human sports or just judge them on how they build houses and stuff (Yes he's the guy how will sit there and say "your doing that wrong" every time you mess up)

•he explains Cybertron technology to humans to make himself feel smarter.

•he was genuinely excited when Megatron died the first time but later just figured out that he'll just keep coming back. (Poor guy)

•he walks around on 6 inch heels

Like- RIP his ankles bro.