The Horses He Sees On TV Aren't Real XD - Tumblr Posts

[introduces Blitz to miniature horses]

"What the fuck? Who-- are you--what are you, like, jelly bean horses?" he asked the first miniature horse to approach him. When the animal looked alarmed and bolted away, Blitz stood up straight and put his hands on his hips.

"Hey! I was talking to you! How come none of you are talking? How come... wait..." Eyes widening, he turned to look around the pasture. It was true. Not a single one of these horses had anything to say. They were just...

They were...

Animals?

"No," he whispered. "No, no. No, no..." Horses weren't animals! They were people! Every soap he watched made that obvious! Horses were people, they were--they were--fuck! Horrified, Blitz leapt over the fence--and fell facefirst off the other side of it, landing in a pile of manure. He pushed himself upright, spitting and gagging. "Ugh, shit, fuck. What the fuck, what kind of fucked up dimension is this? This--"

Something snorted near him. Warm, moist breath blew across his neck.

Blitz went very, very still. For a long moment, he didn't look up, but the fascination proved to be too much. Slowly, he turned his head up--oh, yeah. Fuck. Exactly what he thought it might be. A bull.

The bull snorted and pawed the ground.

Smiling, Blitz got to his feet. "Heyyyy, uh. Nice doggie. Listen, can you understand me? Because those tiny fucking horses ca--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T!" His scream continued as he flew across the farmyard, finally crashing through the roof of a barn.

When he landed amidst a group of hens, Blitz rubbed the crystal for all he was worth and dove through.

Fuck. Since when were horses animals??