[introduces Blitz To Miniature Horses]

[introduces Blitz to miniature horses]

"What the fuck? Who-- are you--what are you, like, jelly bean horses?" he asked the first miniature horse to approach him. When the animal looked alarmed and bolted away, Blitz stood up straight and put his hands on his hips.

"Hey! I was talking to you! How come none of you are talking? How come... wait..." Eyes widening, he turned to look around the pasture. It was true. Not a single one of these horses had anything to say. They were just...

They were...

Animals?

"No," he whispered. "No, no. No, no..." Horses weren't animals! They were people! Every soap he watched made that obvious! Horses were people, they were--they were--fuck! Horrified, Blitz leapt over the fence--and fell facefirst off the other side of it, landing in a pile of manure. He pushed himself upright, spitting and gagging. "Ugh, shit, fuck. What the fuck, what kind of fucked up dimension is this? This--"

Something snorted near him. Warm, moist breath blew across his neck.

Blitz went very, very still. For a long moment, he didn't look up, but the fascination proved to be too much. Slowly, he turned his head up--oh, yeah. Fuck. Exactly what he thought it might be. A bull.

The bull snorted and pawed the ground.

Smiling, Blitz got to his feet. "Heyyyy, uh. Nice doggie. Listen, can you understand me? Because those tiny fucking horses ca--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T!" His scream continued as he flew across the farmyard, finally crashing through the roof of a barn.

When he landed amidst a group of hens, Blitz rubbed the crystal for all he was worth and dove through.

Fuck. Since when were horses animals??

If you will have me. Blitz didn't know what that meant, didn't understand what exactly Stolas wanted from him, and the impulse to assume something, to panic and just run with something, was strong. He quashed it, refusing--consciously refusing--to fall back into the old habits, to keep making the old mistakes, and forced himself to keep listening. When Stolas had hugged himself, it left Blitz's heart aching, because he could imagine, he could fucking imagine, how many times Stolas must have done that--how many times Stolas must have been the only one to hug him, the only pair of arms that wanted to hold him, always left to comfort himself alone.

Blitz shoved his hands into his pockets--then thought better of it and stepped over to wrap his arms around Stolas. Screw the height difference, he hugged what he could get, and he held on. Stolas needed that. He needed to be loved. He needed to be cared for. And Blitz needed to care. He couldn't pretend not to anymore, he couldn't pretend--fuck. He just couldn't pretend.

"I want whatever you'll give me, Stols. If that's... if you just want us to be friends, I'll take it. But what I really want is you. I want to be yours. Your stupid, lovesick, idiotic, unculture imp. And I want you to be mine. I want to--to find ways to convince you, somefuckinghow, that you are mine. That I want you. That I'm not gonna, not gonna just let go?" He tightened his arms. "Until you tell me to. I want to be together. Not just for fancy fucking, either. I mean together, together. Romantically. And I don't--fuck. I don't know how. But I want to learn. With you." He closed his eyes and rubbed his face against Stolas, having heard his own damn voice break. Fuck, Blitz, keep your shit together. Blitz hugged tighter, still.

"I don't wanna lose you. And I know I already did. But I just. I don't wanna lie anymore, either. I wanna tell you everything. And never be the reason you're unhappy anymore.

"I wanna be the partner who holds your hand proudly in public, and never cuts you down, never leaves you feeling unseen in your own life, or just... fuck. Fuck. I wanna be together--and I want to be good for you. Fuck, I want to be good for you." He didn't know if he ever could be, but Blitz would give his entire being to just trying, if Stolas wanted that.

A selfish wave of relief flooded him, and some of the tension leaved Stolas' frame. It wasn't fair to have wanted Blitz to himself during their separation, or maybe at all, and yet, he did. Still does, but that was a conversation for another time if they ever got it.

Stolas listens intently, giving Blitz a reprieve from the constant weight of his gaze by watching the path ahead. Though he stole glances any chance he could, unwilling to blink too often or let the imp out of his sight for a prolonged time. Everything between them felt suspended on a wire fit to snap at any moment. And if it didn't, they each held a pair of scissors, ready to cut it and each other loose.

It took so much willpower not to speak and interject, to correct Blitz or overlap his apologies with his own. Messy didn't begin to cover what any of this — of what they were.

He could fill the gaps between the stars and planets with everything he wanted to say. But would it be too much? Would he be too much? His hands link together, fingers grasping at each other with nervous excitement and uncertainty. At long last, the prince moves to step into Blitz's path, leaning down with a small smile. So much pain. There was an immeasurable amount of suppressed emotions and experiences between them both that could fill the world's oceans, he had no doubt.

❝ Blitzy — ❞ Stolas gives pause and shakes his head. One hand moves to rest on the imp's shoulder, the other to lift his chin to meet the owl's gaze. ❝ You think this is your fault, but it isn't. Not all of it. Please. . . . please do not bear the weight of it all without me. I was — I did some unfavorable things and. . . ❞ He trails off, beak clicking softly as he struggles to find the rest of his words. The problem wasn't that they weren't there; it was the struggle of unwinding them, untangling every thought and feeling from each other to form something coherent.

❝ You keep apologizing, but I could have stepped up too. I should have, sooner than I did, honestly. I hurt you too, and really I — it wasn't right of me, to bring up my feelings the way I did. Not so suddenly. Not like that. And I refused to give you a chance to properly take in what I was saying and suggesting. If I had just given you a chance to speak. . . ❞ It was his turn to withdraw, hands moving to his own arms, awkwardly hugging himself before falling to the prince's sides. He felt at odds with his existence, with the physical presence he held. It felt too small, and too much all at once.

❝ I care you for very much, Blitz. I just. . . want you to be aware of that. And to understand that I hold fault in what happened between us too. We. . . we hurt each other, unfortunately. But I — ❞ He sucks in a breath, head tipping to the sky instead, eyes closing. But when he speaks again, his gaze is back on Blitz.

❝ I still want to be a part of your life, and for you to be in mine, if you will have me. . . ❞

As Blitz listened to him, he sat down next to him. The mattress felt so familiar, but at the same time, it felt like they had never been here before. And they hadn't, not really. He looked down at the bedspread for while, needing to look away if he was going to fully take the words in. Frowning a little, Blitz nodded along at several points; the things Stolas asked for, not just the way he asked, but the things themselves, said so much about how badly Blitz had wounded him. And not just Blitz, but damn near everyone else in Stolas's life, the imp thought.

When his beloved fell quiet, Blitz looked up and studied his face, unable to miss the fear--to miss how much courage Stolas was showing right now, with all of this. He was quiet for a moment, then offered Stolas one of his hands, and laid his tail up against his back--strong enough for Stolas to lean back on if he needed to, another way of holding him.

"You are the only one I want. And I don't want to be a convenient way for you to get off, either. I mean, I do, I want you to know that I always want you, so that it's like, so you never feel in-convenent... convene.. fuck, inconvenient. But I want to be something to you, too. Someone you're... proud of, you know? Where if we go to Ozzie's again, maybe neither of us ever has to look away or feel ashamed. I want to be someone that you feel good to want. To love.

"You want my commitment--babe, you got it. I'm yours. And yeah it's... kind of fucking terrifying, saying it," he admitted, eyebrows scrunching up, "but it's true, too.

"What I need in return is... try to... be, I guess, be patient with me? Because we're both learning how to do this right. Together. And we'll get there. We might fuck up along the way, but we'll get there.

"Do... okay. Shit. Um. Two questions. One: can I have a drawer? So that, you know, maybe we can spend more time together without it feeling like..." Like I'm your dirty little secret. "Like somethin' so rushed?

"And second--does it... how... how like, how open do you want things to be at first? If we're out in public, anywhere the other Goetia can find out, how do you feel about me like, you know. Kissing you, or holding your hand?" These were small things, but they felt important to figure out all the same. The way forward would be made of all of these small things, all of these questions asked and answered together. They could do this--couldn't they?

This conversation was a truly terrifying one but it was necessary, Stolas kept reminding himself. After this, if Blitz didn’t feel the same, he could lose the imp forever. He longed to hear the words but should he not receive them, the prince would have to learn to accept that. Though the concept was a painful one.

Stolas gave Blitz time to sort out his words, talons wringing together anxiously as he watched the imp try and put his feelings into words. He closed his eyes, ready for the rejection when he heard the words he had always been longing to hear, I love you. That couldn’t be right, could it? No, but Blitz said then again and confirmed that he was indeed, in love with Stolas. His eyes grew wide as he tried to process those three little words. How could he accept so much from the imp? He had wanted it but now that he had it, what did that mean? What were they? Where was this going?

Stolas’s mind raced as Blitz not only confessed his feelings but apologized as well. A genuine apology this time. It was all too much to process at once. Stolas sat down on the edge of his bed, head in claws as he sorted through everything Blitz said.

Now Blitz was asking what he needed? Stolas hardly knew at this point. The imp had never been so forthcoming, so open. He was already given exactly what he had hoped for from Blitz, why did he want to push the imp even more?

“Blitz I-“ Stolas took a deep breath and looked at the imp from his place on the bed, reaching out to take his claws and squeezing them tightly in his own. He couldn’t stop the almost sad, disbelief that graced his features. “I had thought the words would be enough, and they do mean a lot. Do not get me wrong, however, I need to see your actions reflect your words. I need to know that you truly do care about me-love me-the way you say you do. Words can only mean so much.”

Stolas took a deep breath, “Blitz, if you love me-truly love me-I want commitment. I want to be the only one you want. I want this to be a real relationship. I am tired of being just a convenient way for you to get off. I understand if I am asking a lot but this is what I want. I want commitment. I want companionship. I want love. And I need to see that in your actions, not just your words. I know it is a lot to ask, I encourage you to take your time to…reflect.”

The fucking what now, Blitz wondered? Whatever a Lie Brary was, he was pretty sure he didn't want any part of that. Some kind of weird fuckin' kink. Shit, he didn't even know this woman--although he did have a vague memory of drunkenly scrawling on her wall, he admitted to himself, so he should probably make up for that... Yeah. Shit. Yeah. Time to go to the Library. Or Lie Brary. Whatever. Fuck.

It was a few days before Blitz actually got his shit together. Sore from a job gone south, he was feeling too off his game to work--which made for a perfect excuse to go look for some stranger he had apparently harassed. Dressed casually, in black slacks and a comfortable black t-shirt, he had a backpack over one shoulder, a splint on his left arm, and bandages wrapped around his head. Still, despite not feeling or looking like himself, Blitz was in good spirits as he tromped on down to--

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah. This was a book building.

The shit in his backpack--it sure as shit wasn't for this.

He walked in, eyes slowly widening, and looked around with--doubt. A lot of doubt. Whoever this woman was that he had bothered, she was probably educated, which meant she would use words he would never understand and the second she saw him try to spell anything significant--yeah. Yeah. Nope. Time to go.

Blitz turned to hurry out--and almost knocked someone over when he did.

"Shit, fuck. I'm sorry! You good? I'm sorry."

“…thank you??? I mean that genuinely, I’m very flattered, I’m just also confused. Lil’ forward of ya to add X’s and O’s to a letta first thing, but I can’ pretend it’s not a fun lil’ surprise. Sure, uh…Blitzø, is it? Come by the library sometime, and I’m sure we could set somethin’ up.”

"If I thought Alastor was pissed at me, or trying to like, fuckin, trick me in to something? I would run so fucking fast. But Lucifer? Doesn't even bat an eye." Blitz toasted the television set hanging above the bar. "Guys, our king is hot! H, A, W, T!

"You get em, Your Majesty!" Not that Lucifer would hear it of course, but damn it, it made Blitz happy to cheer for people he loved.

❝ We should go on a date! Where would you like to go, Blitzy~? We can do anything your heart desires! ❞

"Wait, anything?" Blitz asked, immediately turning and looking up at Stolas, his attention completely shifting. He'd been waiting in line for Loona--literally for her, she had commandeered him and instructed him to hold a spot in line for some concert for her--and had somehow conned Stolas into joining him. Until now, Blitz had been enjoying commenting on the outfits of all the people around them, but now it was like the world fell away.

Immediately shifting gears, he took Stolas by both hands and tugged him close, leaning his whole body against Stolas's legs, his chin on his hip, looking up with (mischievous) adoration. "Big words, pretty-bird. You sure you want me to hold you to 'em? Cause I think..." Blitz shoved the top of his nose against Stolas's belly, huffed, then planted his chin right back on him, "that you and me should play laser-tag. Not against each other though. Team shit. You and me against the world? I bet we'd be amazing together."