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Humans are weird: Thrift Stores

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Alien: So humans just come here to throw away their belongings? Human: No, that would be a dump. Alien: But all I see here is trash. Human: That hurts.. ———

Alien: What are these tiny people here? Human: Those are called porcelain figurines. Human: Some people like to collect them. Alien: If they like to collect them why are so many here waiting to be bought? Human: Because eventually people realize that having a dozen tiny faces looking at you in the middle of the night when you went for a cup of water is pretty creepy. Alien: …. Alien: This sounds a bit too specific to be an example. ————-

Alien: I wish to purchase this human replica. Store worker: That’s a mannequin, and they are not for sale. Alien: I will pay triple. Store worker: Okay now it is for sale. Store worker: By the way, why would you want to purchase a mannequin anyway? Alien: Practice. Store worker: What kind of practice? Alien: Don’t worry about it. Alien: I also wish to purchase this variety of kitchen knives as well. ————–

Human: Dude, we dropped you here an hour ago. Human 2: Why are you still shopping? Alien: I just need a few more things and then I’m done. Human: Are both these shopping carts yours? Alien: Yes, but I am almost done now. Human 2: Dear gods, he’s caught in a purchase loop! Human: Grab them before they start a third cart! *Struggle ensues* Alien: Just a few more things! —————–

Alien: Do you have this shirt in blue? Human: I’m sorry, but what is out on the racks is what we have. Alien: Could you check in the back? Human: What part of “out of racks it what we have” do you not understand? Alien: I’m just asking if you can check. Human: We sell what people donate. Human: Do you know how rare it would be to have the same shirt but in multiple colors? Alien 2: *approaches* Alien 2: I’d like to buy this blue shirt please. Alien: *Looks at blue one they wanted, then glares at human* Human: Luckily I am not paid enough to care about this. ————–

Alien: Why is there an entire canoe here? Human: Someone must have donated it. Alien: Who the hell would donate an entire canoe? Human: Someone who seems to have made some seriously bad life choices. ————

Alien: I will take this evil looking doll. Human: 16 bucks. Alien: It has a deep gash in the back of the head. Human: 14 bucks. Alien: And is covered in red stains of some kind. Human: 12 bucks. Alien: It also whispers to me when no one is looking. Human: 24 bucks. ————

Alien: I need some holiday directions. Human: The thrift store will have them. Alien: I haven’t even told you which holiday. Human: Doesn’t matter. Human: No other place will you find a smiling santa next to a jack-o-lantern and a cupid heart all at the same time. ———-

Alien: Since these pants have holes in them I get an additional discount, yes? Human: I’m afraid they’re designed that way so no. Alien: Who designs clothing with premade holes in them? Human: How long have you been on our planet? Alien: About five years. Human: And when have we ever made sense about anything? Alien: Fair enough.