They're All Going To Die From Heart Attacks At 20 - Tumblr Posts
SW Headcannons
The first time Rex has real, good coffee, he starts crying (happy tears). All the coffee on the ship slowly starts disappearing, and the next day Ahsoka finds him in a storage closet, surrounded by a mountain of coffee rations. She promises not to tell, as long as he shares. They make a pinky-promise on it (because that is totally something the clones would do, no I am not taking questions).
The first close call, though, came when Cody was making a routine inspection on the ship. He passed right by, but with his mom-friend powers he 'sensed' something wrong with one of the storage spaces. Rex has to subtly comm Ahsoka, who's busy with Jedi stuff. He must use the last resort. Fives answers immediately, and doesn't question why his captain wants him to blow something up. It works, and Cody bolts out to find out where the fire came from.
Unfortunately, though, Fives gets curious, and the secret eventually spreads to the entire 501st. Most of them find it amusing, but don't particularly care. But there's a few, like Jesse and Hardcase, who take it to heart. Other battalions begin to notice their coffee rations are disappearing. Nobody ever catches the 501st, because although they're often a hot mess, those boys are terrifying when united for a cause.
Soon, the 501st has turned into an unstoppable menace due to the unhealthy amount of caffeine they're drinking.
The one brother who can never know, though, is Kix. The vod even have to avoid drinking too much before their check-ins, as he might get suspicious about the crazy amounts of caffeine in their bodies. Despite their terrible lying skills, he never finds out. He might even steal from the stash on particularly late shifts (they'll never ask, because Kix is scary. Don't mess with the medic).
They're so overcaffinated that nobody questions it when Fives and Ahsoka disappear for a few days, and Palpatine mysteriously dies. Everybody lives happily ever after, and Senator Amidala makes sure that the clones all get extra coffee rations (Ahsoka too, because she couldn't escape her crazy brother's antics).