This Isnt Healthy - Tumblr Posts
heloo yeah apparently my kinlist says a few things about me
what's Aster Riskite, writer and unofficial attorney, without too much fucking weight on his shoulders?
simp. simp with money. prospective glucose father /j
this i s my happy face.
my life is not and never will be my own and maybe i'm okay with that but maybe i yearn for freedom
knows eight of your weaknesses and is ready to exploit them at any given moment but won't due to fear of loneliness
could we live in this tangled mess forever?
gender neutral oc, desperately in love regulus (and secretly reader too). regulus doesn't know how to express his emotions properly so he does his best to hint at it but it doesn't really work (this poor dude).
if your blood is my blood, i will course.
if your love is my love, i want more.
“I’m scared of getting older.” Regulus’ words were spoken quickly, as if it would protect what he spoke. A hint of desperation rested inside of his eyes, his hands holding his fragile heart, hoping they would take it.
"Everyone is, Regulus."
The words stung. He wished they didn’t, but they nearly knocked him over. They didn’t notice, didn’t want to.
He nods, looking down to the book in front of him. For a moment there, he had entirely forgotten they were in the library studying for OWLs.
James approached the table, sitting down and pulling out his book with a wave and a small smile accompanying as greeting to the two. Regulus returned the wave, and the trio went back to their books.
The sound of quill nibs scratching the surface of parchment and tattooing them with black ink occupied the library, echoing off the walls and mixing with the clicking and clacking of peoples' uniform shoes.
Regulus was anxious.
His fingers tapped against his quill as he tried to think of the next words for his essay, but all he could think about was how good they looked while their bangs fell over their eyes and they rubbed at their eyes. They had been up all night again, he could tell.
---
It was warm out by the Black Lake, save for the breeze drifting off the waters and the light breeze that would sweep past, rustling Regulus' hair like an old friend.
He found a suitable rock and sat down, pulling his book out of his pocket and getting comfortable. Every once and a while, he'd hear the Whomping Willow shiver, it's dry branches creaking against the quiet sounds of nature. Water lapped against the shore, almost calling his name. If it weren't for the ruthless sirens below surface, he most likely would have joined the cool lake.
"Regulus?" Stevie's voice brushed against his ear, drifting over in the breeze and settling next to him. He looked up, finding their proximity to be quite close. "Hm?" he hummed; Stevie pulled their cardigan closer around their body, looking out to the Black Lake as they thought.
"Nothing, I forgot."
Oh.
---
The hospital wing was empty aside from Madame Pomfrey and Stevie. The only sound bouncing off the walls was the two's ocnversation, and the doors being thrown open and quick footsteps.
Regulus marched right over to their bed, looking down at them as Madame Pomfrey continued cleaning the scrapes they got from quidditch practice. "Stevie, can I ask you something?"
"Uhh, sure?"
"Are you in love with me?"
Stevie choked on their spit.
Madam Pomfrey snorts, picking up the dirtied cotton swabs and walking out of the hospital wing with the excuse of visiting Minerva.
Stevie struggled for words, still looking at him, like if they looked away he'd disappear and Madame Pomfrey would replace him, this whole confrontation a dream. "Pardon?"
"Are you in love with me?"
"Um.. why do you ask?"
"Why does that matter?"
"Well- ...I don't know actually."
Regulus sighed, visibly frustrated as he sat in the chair that Madame Pomfrey was in. He picked up the roll of gauze, beginning to wrap their scrapes.
"Why don't you ever just use spells to heal these?"
Stevie shrugged, "They make my skin itch really bad. Like- I've itched them so hard to the point that they bleed, before. Madame Pomfrey decided it best that we just let them heal naturally. The ointments she uses still have magical qualities that speed up healing, though."
Regulus nods, tearing the end of the gauze off the roll to secure it. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, but it just fell forward again. He decided to ignore it. His eyes were locked on Stevie's, trying to figure out what to do next.
"Well. I'm gonna go." he stood so quickly that the chair nearly tipped over, but he ignored that too. All he could think about was don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, because he just told his best friend and most likely love of his life that he loves them.
What the fuck was he thinking?
His head was pounding and his heart was racing faster than his feet as he raced up to the astronomy tower, still trying to fight off the tears.
Regulus hates crying.
---
Regulus had been laying in his bed all day. The sun had long since set when he finally looked up from beneath his blankets. He'd missed dinner — and lunch — but it was fine. He wasn't hungry. He didn't want to see anyone, and he didn't want to see Stevie.
Stevie had gone to dinner (and lunch). They noticed his lack of presence immediately, and it threw them off. They sat with the Marauders, as usual, but despite their usual constant chaos, they stared blankly at their plate and zoned out. Regulus wasn't mad at them, right?
---
It was still warm out. Only the second week of July as the students of the castle were either wandering about or in their dorms packing. It was strangely quiet.
Regulus had only picked at some oatmeal this morning, but his stomach was burning with excitement upon his plan to ask Stevie to join him on a walk. He figured that maybe if they did that, he could find a chance to slip in the good old "I love you. I have for years. Please love me back, you're all that's keeping me sane." (yet simultaneously driving me to insanity).
James Potter was tired of this bullshit. For the past month he'd watched the two dance around each other. He knew what Regulus had asked in the Hospital Wing (that bloody idiot) and had told him that he was fucking stupid for saying it. He had approached Regulus upon seeing him in the Great Hall and smacked him on the back of the head, whisper-yelling quite the jumble of words:
"Whythehellhaven'tyoutoldthemyetyoufuckingi-diot?"
"Haven't gotten the chance. And everything is great now! Why can't it wait till next year?"
James looked at him as though he had either said the most stupid or the most underwhelming thing ever. "Are you fucking serious?"
"Yes?" Regulus looked scared.
"Sirius told me you said that last year."
"Of course he did." he turned to his bowl of oatmeal, sighing defeatedly.
"Please, Reg. Just tell them." he pat him gently on the shoulder before standing up and joining the Marauders.
---
"It's nice out." Stevie spoke, looking up to the cloud-freckled sky.
"Yeah." Regulus thought for a moment, and then took a deep breath. "Stevie?"
"Yeah, Reg?"
"That rock is shaped like a heart."
"Um...sure." they laughed — the rock looked much more like very saggy tits than a heart.
---
Stevie and Regulus had just found an empty compartment and started spreading their things on the seats so that no one else would join them.
"Regulus?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you think that-"
"I'm in love with you. And I always have been. And I think this is really fucking stupid that I'm telling you on the fucking train and not somewhere more special but I couldn't tell you before and I think if you hate me now I might just go throw myself off the train."
"Oh."
"Oh? Oh Merlin- I knew I shouldn't have listened to James. Fucking hell, oh gods. I'm gonna go find the sweets trolley."
He rushed off faster than he had ever run from Mcgonagall in the hallways, mentally punching himself and tripping over air a few times. And there was James fucking Fleamont Potter. Great.
You could see the question settle behind his eyes, even through those huge ass glasses. "Did you tell them?"
"No, James. Well- yes, actually."
"What'd they say?"
"'Oh'."
"'Oh'?"
Remus sighed as Sirius held out his hand to him, smirking smugly, "Pay up, fucker." Regulus' brows furrowed at the interaction, but he decided to ignore it.
"That's what I said. But I rushed off before they could elaborate or tell me to fuck off or that they actually hate me-"
"Regulus, can I talk to- oh. Hi, James."
Remus and Sirius poked out from behind him, waving to the subject of the past month.
"And Sirius and Remus.. Um.. Regulus could I just-"
"Stevie, I'm so sorry that I said that and it was honestly all James' fault, I mean he's the one who-"
"Hey!"
"Regulus."
"Yeah?" his voice came out squeaky, causing his reddened cheeks to deepen in color.
"I was going to say that I actually-"
"Anything from the trolley, dears?"
"Oo, me! Could I have a box of Bertie Bott's, and a handful of licorice wands?" Sirius had money in his hand, and James was looking about the cart. Remus was already holding a chocolate frog — most likely he had asked quietly when no one was looking.
When they were done, they all squished against the wall so the trolley witch could get by. Stevie leaned towards Regulus, whispering, "I feel the same."
"Oh."
"'Oh'?" they were grinning, and Sirius broke into cheers and a very idiotic dance. "PAY UP AGAIN, REMU."
Remus groaned, "Fuck you."
