Trauma Informed - Tumblr Posts

I have no idea who you are, but I've been a few months into EDMR therapy ( trauma therapy) and this has been the most heartfelt and touching thing anyone has said to me in the 6 yrs I've dealt with what I went through.

This was not my first SA. I was SA'd as a child. I was trafficked before I was adopted. I was assaulted in high school by an official. I've been through a lot.

I buried it until I broke. But I'm healing. And some days that still looks like breaking all over again. I doubt myself. I struggle. I have panic attacks in the shower. I'll hate who I see in the mirror so I avoid them for days.. I struggle with anxiety, depression, shame.

But I've worked so hard to face things with minimal support. I'm honestly really grateful for this platform and the community it offers. I'm not even entirely sure how to absorb everything you said, no one has ever given that kind of support before 😭🥹💕

How do you process being abused by the love of your life? The first person you bore everything to. You gave your entire heart and soul to. Who saw every ugly, horrible part of you. Who went through unimaginable evils with you....

Who showed you love that you couldn't accept. Who gave you trust that you couldn't return. Who's life you made harder. Who you never appreciated. Who you could only see fault in because of your trauma because you weren't strong enough.

Maybe I did deserve what happened. Maybe I deserved all the nights not knowing what girl he was out with. Maybe I deserved the bruised ribs and having seizures in the rain. Maybe I deserved the SA, if I would have just said yes it wouldn't have happened.

Maybe if I was better, or softer, or quieter, or worked harder, or did more, or fought less...

Maybe it wouldn't be 6 yrs of me falling apart.

Have people stopped saying "Cool Beans"?, or should I stay in this bunker another 12 years.

Out with it