Tw Meltdown - Tumblr Posts

Today I had a math test. I was relieved because that was my last test of all. I'll tell how it ended up with me having maybe the worst meltdown of my whole life.

TW: meltdown, sensory overload

I already have had a discussion with my mom in the car, what made me angry. Then, at school, some other stuff pissed me off, but I though it was nothing. The test was in the two first periods, and I make my tests in a separate room with some other kids that have problems having a test inside the classroom.

I panicked some times during the test because the adults that were responsible for the test screwed up some important stuff, and, in the end, I got REALLY pissed off cause the boy next to me started to hit his rubber on the table. It was so loud and, at the same time, so low.

At 9:00, I had finished my test, so I could go back to my classroom. Picked up my schoolbag and went down the stairs to my year's floor. I stopped when I was in front of my classroom's door. I was not physically able to enter in. I could go to any other place, but to my classroom. I felt like I couldn't enter in, or else I would lose shit.

So, I sat in front of the door, and, a few minutes later, I went to the bathroom and tried to calm down. I thought I could go back to my classroom now. Spoiler: I wasn't. The hall has a lot of echo, and I could hear everything.

"NO, NO, NO! I'M STILL NOT PREPARED!" This is what I screamed to myself, alone, when I first heard the echoes. I sat on the ground, holding my schoolbag. So, I gathered strenght and walked to this really large hall/courtyard where there are some benchs.

I wanted to go home. I sat in a bench and started repeating the word: "home, home, home..." It was not voluntary. I just wanted to go away from there. So, I opened up my schoolbag and called my parents. My mom and my dad were instantly really worried about me, so, they started to talking to me so I could calm down. Mom told me to go to the bathroom, so I could be in a safer place.

There was nobody in the bathroom, and I entered a box. My mom stayed talking to me, which helped me calm down a bit. But this was the moment the test was over. Everyone left their classrooms and a lot of girls always reunite in the bathroom. I was still in the box, with my schoolbag there and my mom on the phone, trying to calm down.

When people started entering in and talking, I lost it. It was painful, it was so loud, it was terrible. It broke me in half. My body was shaking and slipping to the ground, and I felt something in my throat: the screaming urge of crying. My voice cracked when I answered my parents question. They were hearing the noise through the phone, too. My mom heard my voice cracking and realized I was about to cry, so, she told me to leave the bathroom. And that's what I did.

I got my schoolbag, opened the box's door and ran. I bumped and pushed at least four girls in my way out, but I was desperate. I was hurt, scared and broken. I wanted to run away from everything and everyone. The courtyard was full of people, so I immediatly ran to the hall with the benchs in which I was before.

Nobody was there, and, whyle running through the hall, I started crying and crying. My tears couldn't even flow through my face, because I was with a terrible pain expression, so all I could do was make some noises of crying and despair with my closen mouth.

I ran until I arrived in front of the library. At this point, my face was covered in tears. My parents were still on the call during the moment I was running, and I told them, while sobbing and crying, that I wanted to go home. They called the school so they could get me.

When I was going down to the entrance to meet them, I had to pass through the courtyard, and there was someone in there with a fucking guitar who started playing. I felt it all going back again, and I ran until I arrived to the entrance, almost falling down the stairs, because I simply couldn't handle something else anymore. In the entrance, I could still hear the sound, but it was lower. A few minutes later, my parents arrived and picked me up.