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The Angsty Domestic Life of Team Rocket: Quite the Turn (part two of three)

Thirteen!me thought this story should be rated PG-13.

Thirteen!me was a goddamn idiot.

Part one is here.

Warnings: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; workplace violence and murder; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; general angst; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; drunk Giovanni smoking crack; original characters; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; self harm; odd ideas about romance and revenge; blood drinking (?!); FUCKING CANNIBALISM?!

-O-o-O-o-O-

It was a cold winter day. Meowth had decided to help James raise Methoni. Jessie still wanted them to think of plans to steal Pikachu and was being a slavedriver to them. Methoni was old enough to be able to understand their situation, but young enough for it to be better not to tell him.

That didn’t mean he didn’t know what was going on, which he did.

That day, James had come down with something because he and Jessie worked all day shoveling snow and burying Matalico. Meowth had to take care of Methoni because he and James didn’t want Methoni to get a cold.

Methoni was asking a lot of hard questions. The answers were too extreme so all Meowth could say was, “Let’s wait until you’re older.”

Then after literally twenty questions, Methoni asked the ultimate push-them-off-the-deep-end question: “What happened to my father and my sister?”

At that moment, James snapped.

He went into the bathroom, mumbling something about avenging Matalico’s death.

“I think he’s breaking down,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

James forced himself to vomit. He was punishing himself for letting Matalico die. Then he took a small razor and started to cut himself. After he made about ten cuts, he stopped.

He grabbed a pocketknife and climbed out of the bathroom window.

He ran to Giovanni’s headquarters. He broke into Giovanni’s office. The guards tried to catch him, but he was too fast for them.

When James arrived at Giovanni’s office, Giovanni was drunk and smoking crack.

“What do you want?” he yelled violently at James.

“I’m here because you killed Matalico!” James yelled.

Giovanni slapped James down with his ring hand. “I don’t care about that waste of a Meowth,” he said.

James took out the pocketknife and stabbed Giovanni.

When Giovanni finally stopped breathing, the guards came in and looked shocked.

“Don’t tell anyone about this if you know what’s good for you,” James said.

“Hey, take it easy, babe. We want to thank you for that. He was a slavedriver,” one of the guards said.

“You’re welcome,” James said.

When the guards left, James trashed the surveillance camera. He locked the door. He had killed Giovanni, but his work was far from over.

He poked a hole in one of Giovanni’s legs. Blood poured out of the hole. James collected the blood in a cup.

James cut off pieces of Giovanni’s flesh and began to eat it. The taste didn’t faze him; he’d eaten some pretty weird things when he was pregnant with Methoni.

After eating about a quarter of Giovanni’s flesh, James collected more blood. He began to drink the blood.

When he was done, he cleared away the remains of Giovanni. He had become dazed after doing that little cannibal homicide thing. It was probably because he had never eaten human flesh before. He had drank blood before, but it wasn’t human blood. Every time he, Jessie, and Meowth accidentally killed a Pokémon when they blasted off, James would stab the Pokémon and drink its blood to honor it. Jessie and Meowth knew about this habit; Jessie thought it was weird and Meowth thought it was brave.

James cleaned the blood off his clothing and face. He had to admit, he was pretty cute. That was why the guard had called him “babe.” He hoped they wouldn’t try to make him “do things” with them. He didn’t want to insult the ghost of Matalico.

James went back home. He entered the bathroom through the open window.

Then he realized what he’d done and started vomiting.

Meowth came in.

“James, are you okay?” he asked.

“What have I done?” James screamed.

“What do you mean?” Meowth said.

“Let’s just say, we don’t have a boss anymore.”

“What did….How did….?” Meowth wasn’t even finishing his sentences.

“I killed him.”

“What did you do with the body?” Meowth asked.

“I drank his blood and ate his flesh,” James answered, completely calm.

Meowth noticed the cuts on James’s arms. “Who did this to you?!” he asked, alarmed.

“I did,” James said.

Meowth looked at James sadly. He knew right away this was because Matalico was killed.

“You know what we have to do, don’t you?” he said.

“What?” James said.

“Turn you in.”

James screamed.

-O-o-O-

James woke up screaming.

It turned out it was all a nightmare.

He never killed Giovanni. He never drank Giovanni’s blood. He never went cannibal on Giovanni.

He had just fallen asleep in front of the toilet.

James remembered the horrible vision of Giovanni’s dead, rotting carcass. He rushed back to the toilet.

Meowth walked by. He heard James vomiting. He decided to leave James alone for a while.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, the fact that he was no longer dreaming hit James.

He realized it was the day after Matalico was killed.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Cannibalism and blood-drinking is no excuse for a messy appearance.