Waitttt - Tumblr Posts
Did i put aliitle too much effort into a joke.. yes yes i did! and it will happen again!
Original under cut (sorry i dont rember the user i yoinked this from)
Corroded Coffin’s frontman, Eddie Munson, gains a cult following on twitter as he and the guys gear up for a 30 year reunion tour around their home state.
One picture in particular has the fans going wild, that being Eddie smoking while in a hand-holding-chain with his wife (Acclaimed Investigative Journalists, Nancy Wheeler) another woman, and another man (later identified as Eddie’s childhood friends, Robin and Steve)
The picture blows up with, with everyone making the same joke (“This is my wife Nancy, and her wife Robin…) and within a week the reunion tour has sold out and new dates are added.
(Nancy Wheeler is quoted as saying “If I’d known this was how to get Eds back touring I’d have held Robin’s hand years ago” and no one’s sure if she’s joking or not)
Eddie starts posting more pictures captioned “The Wife” that all very clearly have Robin cropped out of them (sometimes Steve is in there too, but the fans don’t particularly care about him… yet)
His reputation as “Wife Guy” is absolutely cemented when he eviscerates a particularly nasty tabloid for having the audacity to refer to Nancy as just “Eddie’s Wife” in a (rather invasive and wholly inaccurate) article about the timeline of their relationship
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear,” Eddie says to the talk show Host when asked about the article. “Nance is the impressive one in our relationship, not me. She’s been kicking ass and solving mysteries since she was, what, fifteen? She was the youngest Editor in chief of The Times, ever, and still finds time to write and travel and I am so in awe of her. If anyone is just a spouse here, it’s me.”
His speech is clipped and giffed and shared far and wide, usually alongside screen-grabs of all his social medias where his handle is now @NancysHusband
Eddie and Nancy are the IT couple of the music world for a while, constantly tweeting at each other as Eddie goes on his reunion tour, and Nancy spends time in Europe, some referendum or the other piquing her interest
(Eagle-eyed fans would notice that Nancy is not alone on her trip. There’s a whole account dedicated to analysing her photos to try and prove she’s having an affair with her friend Robin)
(That account is absolutely not run by Erica and Max, what are you even talking about Nancy you sound crazy right now!)
There’s one Corroded Coffin song that gets played every night, without fail, right before the encore, called Princess and every night, without fail, Eddie gives the same little speech before he plays it.
“The song is dedicated to someone very special,” he starts. “You guys all know my incredible wife Nancy, right?”
He always pauses for the cheers, a huge grin on his face.
“Well I wrote this song with the boys when we were all back in high school together. Nancy was very cool and we were very not.”
He pauses here too, as the crowd laughs.
“Anyways, this song is dedicated to her High School boyfriend. Look at me now, Stevie!”
And with that he launches into a song that is very much the epitome of angsty teenage jealousy, and the crowd goes wild.
As far as the public is concerned, Nancy and Eddie have an absolute perfect, picturesque, relationship
This is all to say that when, late in the summer of 2015, someone discovers (and subsequently posts online) a divorce filing for Edward James Munson and Nancy Caroline Wheeler - Twitter Loses The Plot
It’s a free for all of theories ranging from amicable (“Maybe all the time apart put a strain on them”) to cheating allegations (“I told you @NancyAndRobin5Eva were onto something about DublinGate! That was definitely Robin’s hand!”) to at least one person insisting that those are very common names and it could just be a coincidence?
Eddie and Nance go radio silent online for months, and the speculations only get wilder and more outlandish in response
Photos leak of Eddie with some friends, holding a kid up on his shoulders and for a week everyone’s convinced it’s his secret child until a very grumpy and very not-famous Max Sinclair has to make a tweet like “Hey will you all stop claiming Eddie is the father of my child, that is Gross, he’s like my brother.”
(“That’s what you get for spreading those Robin & Nancy rumours” “I told you, that wasn’t me!”)
It all comes to a head in late October when, out of the blue, there’s an article posted in Rolling Stone titled The Truth about Eds & Nancy, with a recreation of that iconic hand-holding photo, except this time, Eddie’s looking right over the girls’ heads, smiling at Steve.
It’s an (almost) no hold barred exposé about their experiences growing up gay & bi in the 80’s - how their parters had married each other first (including photos from Steve and Robin’s wedding - a traditional monstrosity orchestrated by his clueless mother - and Polaroids from the after-party where Steve is wearing Robin’s veil and dancing with Eddie)
Eddie and Nancy had followed suit out of convenience, sure, but also a platonic love for each other (and it didn’t hurt that Eddie’s opportunities in the metal scene appeared to be restricted by rumours, rumours easily dispelled by an Extremely Heterosexual Marriage)
The article follows them through their relationship - from the four of them buying a house together, adopting pets together, building a life and a community together for over 30 years - and ends two weeks after Nancy and Eddie sign on the dotted line to finalise their divorce, with another wedding
They get married again in August, a double wedding, but this time it’s to the right people.
And as soon as the article drops, Eddie changes all his social media handles again, but this time it’s to @SteviesHusband
(
NancyAndRobin5Eva: What did I tell you guys?
SteviesHusband: @NancyAndRobin5Eva Max I’m gonna kill you
)
