When Time Gets Dark You Have To Remember That Maybe You'll Make It - Tumblr Posts

Sometimes, it hits me that I'm disabled

Most of the time, I can live my life like a normal person. Well, I am in constant pain or discomfort, but I push through because I still have that part of me that doesn't know - that part that tries to forget - they are disabled.

That. Stupid. Part. They attempt to live, make choices, make small or big decisions like their pears. That part hopes so desperately to go back to a time where pain and fatigue and discomfort weren't a day to day normality. That part of me still clenches that desire to just feel like everyone else. That part of me makes me forget that I can't do things like normal people, but sometimes I get brought back to Earth.

Sometimes, disability is stronger than hopeful desires.

There's times where I cannot eat because my spine hurt so badly it's making me nauseous. There's times I cannot sleep because the pain is agonizing. There's times where I cannot walk correctly because my right ankle as been swollen for a year, and it doesn't go back to it's normal state even if we tried so many things to make it right once more.

Each time I remember that I'm disabled it hurts so bad. I can't live a normal life. I can't eat normally. I can't sleep normally. I can't even go out of my house without having to think: is the pain worth it?

Each time it hits me that I'm disabled I have to ask myself: Is all of this worth it in the end?