Arthritis - Tumblr Posts
Chinese Remedy
This is not my week
Basically, I tripped over and scrapped the back of my hand (I was in enough pain already. LITTLE MISS ARTHRITIS DECIDES TO ACT UP DURING A TEST AND I COULDN'T MOVE MY HAND. it was a mock week, where we do mock tests for a big test thing a couple months away, it lasts a week. I tripped and grazed both my knees. I was about to sit down and my friend pulled my chair to I landed on that sensitive spot on your BOOTAY, knocking my elbow in the process. My cold is still here after a month.
At least I'm going to Karen's Diner this weekend
Sometimes, it hits me that I'm disabled
Most of the time, I can live my life like a normal person. Well, I am in constant pain or discomfort, but I push through because I still have that part of me that doesn't know - that part that tries to forget - they are disabled.
That. Stupid. Part. They attempt to live, make choices, make small or big decisions like their pears. That part hopes so desperately to go back to a time where pain and fatigue and discomfort weren't a day to day normality. That part of me still clenches that desire to just feel like everyone else. That part of me makes me forget that I can't do things like normal people, but sometimes I get brought back to Earth.
Sometimes, disability is stronger than hopeful desires.
There's times where I cannot eat because my spine hurt so badly it's making me nauseous. There's times I cannot sleep because the pain is agonizing. There's times where I cannot walk correctly because my right ankle as been swollen for a year, and it doesn't go back to it's normal state even if we tried so many things to make it right once more.
Each time I remember that I'm disabled it hurts so bad. I can't live a normal life. I can't eat normally. I can't sleep normally. I can't even go out of my house without having to think: is the pain worth it?
Each time it hits me that I'm disabled I have to ask myself: Is all of this worth it in the end?
I just woke up in pain.. it's 5am and my allergies were like hey man you're up? I can totally fuck your nose now lol 😂
cane users don't have to use their cane for every single step in order to be valid in their need for a cane. cane users can suddenly stop using their cane while moving around and not invalidate their need for it next time they use it. some cane users may only use their canes during flare ups. some only need their cane every few steps for short bursts. everyone's needs are different.
every cane user deserves respect.
Being sick and also having chronic pain is really silly sometimes. Like I have a head cold why does my foot hurt- wait that's the arthritis. Shit
Oblivion: You have contracted Helljoint
Me: Yeah, tell me something I don’t know
Long Slender Fingers
Turn gnarly and old
Can’t grab, can’t clutch
Can’t go out in the cold
Two active built legs
Now buckle and fold
Never again will they run
Or so they are told
A ‘Special’ bright mind
Turns cloudy and fails
Can’t feel, can’t think
Its intellect pales
Small gifted child
Chained, constrained
Can’t move, can’t make
A body so pained
Once a ‘good time girl’
Lost to time and life
The good with the bad
Like the edge of a knife
people are like "you should do this high fitness thing it'll be so good for you and also a good social activity" and for a minute I feel almost guilty for not wanting to go and then I remember the lingering pain from my foot injury that flares up a LOT when I do that kind of physical activity exists and is a very good excuse to not do it
maybe i should try to get my sister's cat to sit on my foot and purr
my sister showed us how to do a deep tissue self-massage on our feet and I forgot that perhaps my deep tissue there is still heavily damaged (!! wow who would have guessed it's not like I have, like,,,, arthritis or anything,,, hahaha that would be so crazy fr,,,,,,,,,) so I will not be doing that on my bad foot again I think
good news guys I think the seasons are actually fr finally going to spring instead of just going back and forth (source: my foot hurts)
I started my period like 5 hours after posting this so that may have been another false alarm
good news guys I think the seasons are actually fr finally going to spring instead of just going back and forth (source: my foot hurts)
update on the situation I think I interpreted the foot pain correctly the first time 🎉
good news guys I think the seasons are actually fr finally going to spring instead of just going back and forth (source: my foot hurts)
a frustrating turn of events
something terrible has happened. last week my arthritis flared up.
4 years ago I was given the diagnosis of undifferentiated spondyloarthropy, which basically meant that my rheumatologist knew the pain I was suffering with was due to one of the diseases in the spondylitis family but it was too early to tell exactly which one. spondylitis, which is autoimmune, can be bluntly defined as inflammation of the vertebra (spondylo = spine) but many other joints can be involved due to various other factors. I'm pretty sure right now my diagnosis is psoriatic arthritis.
my primary problem joint is my right elbow. other joints affected are my left wrist, the left side of my jaw (and possibly the right side), some part of my left ankle, and maybe a few toes. my back has never given me any problems. until last year. december 2009 I got the swine flu and had to go off my arthritis medicines for about a month (since I have an autoimmune disease I have to take immunosuppressants, which are not good to take when your body is trying to fight off an infection and/or virus). during the time off my meds I noticed that my arthritis was flaring up, which was understandable. but I noticed that my back was starting to hurt too. at first I just convinced myself that it was from staying in bed for a month. but now I can't make that excuse anymore.
this time around, my first flare up since the swine flu inflicted flare up, my back is also causing problems. when I noticed the increasing back pain I was experiencing I thought it might be due to the fact that I spend a lot of time hunched over my desk working in my studio. but the more I thought about this the more it didn't make sense. this is hardly the first time that I have been spending extended hours leaning over my work station. no, I'm pretty sure my spine is just the latest victim of this cruel disease.
so what does that mean? for anybody who is still reading this long diatribe of dribble let me explain. it means that I am frustrated at my body for crapping out on me at such an important time. but the fact that I haven't simply crawled into my bed and refused to come out shows that I have grown a lot in the last 4 years. I am trying my damn hardest not to let myself get down. sure, I had a few bad days at the beginning of last week. I let myself get angry and sad, but then I got over it and tried to figure out what I was going to do next.
so I'm still working hard, trying to get my show together. but now I have to be more aware of my body and intentionally watch for warning signs. I work best in long hours, generally working until I am exhausted and all that. but now I can't do that anymore. I have to learn to be a sprinter, not a marathoner. well, maybe a half-marathoner.
for all you people reading this (are there any?), will you do me a favor? will you keep me in your thoughts and prayers during this next month?
Ho god arthritis pain is something else. o_o Couldn't sleep last night because of it and today it feels like there's a spike jammed under my knees but also it's that kind of pain you feel in your teeth. D: I'm going back to sleep, don't care if I miss today.
good morning to all with chronic pain/illness who did not sleep well last night due to pain. please take time to rest and take today easy. I know it's overwhelming running on a lack of sleep on top of all of this. I love you.