Will Delete Eventually - Tumblr Posts

I've just come to the realisation that next year I'm gonna turn 18 and it hit me so fucking hard. I'm very sad and uneasy about it, give me whatever age you want but not 18. And you know why? Why am I feeling this bad about it? It's so freaking sad that I don't even wanna talk about it, but I'm doing it anyway because otherwise I'll keep this inside and that's even worse. It's just tearing me apart...

I'm gonna turn 18 next year and my life doesn't look like anything I wanted it to look like at this age, nor like others people lifes. While others have fun, go partying, drink and smoke, have friends and relationships I'm trapped inside my room imagining scenarios with my favourite characters. I have no friends, never had a boyfriend and I have no one to hang out with. I still feel like that 14 year old girl, imprisoned in her imagination because she is trying to escape reality, by imagining to have things that she can't have. And those things unfortunately can't be given as a christmas gift. And here I am, almost 4 years later still doing the same shit.

And you know what's most ironic? It's that I'm actually pretty attractive, so I've got the looks, but my life still sucks. If I'm so attractive and so intresting as a person because I have many hobbies, why am I struggling to find some people, true ones with whom I can stop finally feeling lonely? That's my fucking problem, feeling alone around others, because no one cares about my true self. You either pretend to be like everyone else and find some fake friends to hang out with or stay alone. I want to be myself, which means that I don't to conform to stuff and trends I couldn't care less about, I want to preserve my individuality..

But I'm so tired of fighting this battle... I just want a way out of loneliness.