So Tired - Tumblr Posts
Somewhere between Olli and Tommi, but leaning more towards Olli.
Which member are you in the states? 💅🏻
The boy is always tired and I can relate 😴
TFW you see a picture and say "MOOD" out loud 😅
I need more pelant fans to be friends with (aka the entire four that exist in the fandom)
Why Darkhearts made itself my least favourite YA book within the first half of it: a summary, review, and rant.
this is 2k words, please be advised before continuing lol.
Before we get into the book itself, let's talk about the author, James L. Sutter. Sutter is more known for being the co-creator of Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, acclaimed as the second most popular TTRPG, right next to D&D. Which is an amazing accomplishment in itself. According to the acknowledgements at the end of DarkHearts, and his Wikipedia page, this is his first ever YA novel, not to mention first ever queer romance novel. But I still have a vendetta against this book, so let's get into why.
You're introduced to the characters at their mutual friend, Elijiah's, funeral. The main character, David Holcum (17), refers to Eli as his enemy in the first line. Then, the romantic interest Chance Ng (18) (stage name Chance Kain) is introduced as Eli's best friend, and, quote, "America's favourite asshole". It becomes clear that Chance and Eli were famous, the book states that celebrities showed up to Eli's funeral, and this is when you get the mention of the band, Darkhearts.
This is where I get sick of explaining it by when the facts are introduced, but you get the shtick now, right? Spoilers beyond this point.
On page 5 (I'll be telling you which pages so you have an idea of the pacing) Chance is upset over Eli and says "How could you just leave us?" then leaves the basement he and David are talking in. Of course, David spins this whole thing on him, thinking 'The same way you both left me’.
Might not seem too bad, I mean, it could've been worse than I'm making it seem, so let's summarize.
On page 7, it's revealed David left the band on his own. He left the band by himself, on his own accord. So. he's comparing his best friend's suicide due to alcoholism caused by the pressures of childhood fame to his leaving a band at the age of 14. This is when I started to hate David Holcum.
They introduced Ridley McNeill, David's best friend, who is a black girl (her race is brought up a lot, actually) who is obsessed with Chance and Darkhearts. And I mean obsessed. When she's not talking about Chance she's making film references. It made no sense as to why David would be friends with someone obsessed with his supposed enemy but to each their own.
Skipping to page 59. Ridley and David are given VIP tickets to Eli's tribute concert, which David agrees to go to. It's not that important, but it is a sign that David is hating Chance a little less. Three days later, David asks Chance to go golfing at a pop-up punk mini golf place (a mouthful), to which Chance is afraid to be recognised. David immediately starts being a dick about it, saying he's "not THAT famous", and he ends up telling him to forget it, but Chqance agrees to go.
Does David sound a bit narcissistic to anyone else?
Also, this is the first time I fully realized Sutter doesn't know how kids talk over text. In comparison to Alice Oseman (bless her entire soul), it's horrible. In 'Loveless', one of my favourite Oseman books, the conversations over text between all the characters, especially Rooney and Georgia, felt directly out of my Instagram DMs. David and Chance's texts felt like I was reading my 50-year-old mom's Messanger conversations. I'll talk more about this later.
Page 90, Chance invites David over to work out together (do cis guys do that? Is that a bro thing I'm not familiar with?), and while doing sit-ups, David has the thought "You could kiss him right now". Okay. I liked this part. A bit fast, not a lot of buildup, but it was a good line. David soon leaves because Chance is busy, and is left with the fact he has feelings for Chance.
I guess it makes sense it'd move this fast, childhood friends and all, but I still feel like there could've been more build-up surrounding it. A little bit more spice.
Page 99, leading into chapter 10, Chance texts David while Ridley and he are hanging out and asks if he can come to pick him up. Ridley convinces him to say yes and he goes. Chance asks him to "just drive", and David ends up going far enough to where they don't have cell reception.
Here, Chance reveals the record company is pushing him to make an album, even though Eli hasn't even been gone for a month. Chance vents about being scared to lose his fame, and everything he and Eli built, and obviously David doesn't like this. Especially his use of the phrase "a has-been at eighteen".
David goes off on Chance, saying he doesn't see Chance as a friend and all this is just "reliving [his] middle-school highlights reel". Chance says he was trying to rebuild bridges and that David can't go five minutes without being jealous. True. Go off, Chance, you deserve it my little blorbo.
Chance reveals he would've let David back in the band afterwards, and that he wanted him back. They fight more. Physically. A little vaguely homoerotic, but whatever. They call a truce, and Chance bursts into tears.
He says he killed Eli, and David freaks out internally. David ends up comforting him, etc etc, they're sitting in the dirt hugging. Then they kiss circa page 114. Whoo?
After reading this, it seems everything went a bit fast. I wish we could've seen an excerpt of Chance's point of view on this because all of it seems to go by really fast once you look back on the actual pacing of it all.
They go back, and David's dad is pissed because he stayed out until 3 am, he's grounded.
Page 134, he gets ungrounded and goes swimming with Chance in a secluded pond. They come to the consensus it's a date, then there's, uh, how do I explain this? Smut. Sort of. Just the build-up, and then they decide not to go farther, but damn it caught me off guard.
Halfway through the book now, and I regret making this so long.
Page 141, Chance's manager, Ben, sees them kissing and immediately says Chance has to hide it because of his audience. Bullshit, first of all! MCR probably got more popular because of the Frerard shipping, not to mention the shipping in P!ATD and FOB. Being openly queer generates a whole different audience, a kinder one. But this cishet man can't see that and tells Chance to keep it quiet.
David decides to not tell Ridley they're dating. Valid.
Page 152, David invites Chance over to his house and shows him the woodshop. Realising now that I haven't said anything about David's dad being a construction worker. Oops. It's mentioned David wants to do a fellowship instead of college somewhere. Keep that in mind.
They homoerotically cut wood. That's all I'm saying about this part. Chance awkwardly sits on David's bed to watch a movie and spoiler alert: they have sex. If it counts as that? It's just (putting this awkwardly) hand stuff. And fade to black. Sort of. I officially hate smut. Goodnight.
A few pages later, they're on a date again. They talk about them and their sexualities, and it wasn't that cringe. Actually liked this bit. David then takes Chance to a church he and his father's crew are doing renovations on and takes him up to the bell tower.
David mentions rejoining Darkhearts. Woah. Chance is on the fence about it. Nervous it'll make them hate each other again. David gets mad. David reminds me of my mother at this point. Chance agrees to the idea after some yelling. Whoo?
Page 192, David gets an email from a magazine called Pop Lock, which gives me BTS Dispatch vibes. David responds 'no comment', Chance's manager is pissed about it. To dispel the rumours of Chance and David dating, Ridley and Chance go on a fake date. David gets jealous.
A few pages afterwards, David and Chance come up with a re-debut song. They fight a bit. They really can't go one convo without an argument, what the fuck?
Page 219, Chance goes on vacation with his family and he's not allowed to have a phone on him. For five days, they don't talk. Chance gets back, they meet up, and they kiss. Etc. Normal bf stuff. David surprises Chance by teaching him how to drive, and it's an important moment for both of them. Very sweet, can appreciate this part. David invites Chance to Ridley's "cliche high school party" (with costumes!), to which Chance is worried about going but caves in anyways.
Page 250, Party Time! Everything going well but Chance is getting flirted with and asked to sing. Obviously, he's not happy about this. Chance ends up going outside to smoke, David finds him and says Chance should be flattered by the attention he's getting. They fight. Again. JFC.
Ridley sees them making out, and he and her get into a fight about not telling her. She calls Chance scared to come out for real, which is incredibly insensitive. Everyone should have time to come out on their own schedule, Ridley should know that. This line made me hate her.
Chance leaves on a trip, they stop talking as much. David tells his Dad they're dating.
Chapter 26 and page 283 roll around, and David auditions for Darkhearts to convince the label to let him rejoin.
It goes to shit. Fights all around. Chance changed the prewritten lyrics from a lovesong to a breakup song without saying shit to David, which was a bit of a dick move, but David deserved it. #davidholcumhateclub. They break up.
David then tells Ridley everything about him and Chance's relationship without Chane's prior knowledge or consent. They're friends again. Whoo.
Let's just breeze past this. Chance and he make up and make out. The usual. Then, it flashes to David backstage at a Darkhearts concert, and Chance calls him up front to play the song they wrote. No context as to how he got there, by the way. Then, Chance kisses David in front of the audience. The End. Curtains closed.
1,703 words. I regret everything.
So, my thoughts? David Holcum is a horrible character and so is Ridley McNeill. Chance was the only reason I kept reading this godforsaken book. He actually was a good person and felt like maybe he could've been an actual teenager, but David was cringe and so was every. Single. Other. Character.
Obviously, out of the extensive list of people credited with working on this book, none of them were queer teenagers. The vague fatphobic remarks made towards David throughout the book weren't covered further, and this just felt like another plot point abandoned. You can only have a few plot points that you barely go into before it becomes all over the place, and this book is teetering on that line.
I know this is his first-ever queer YA novel, but it was so bad. David isn't a loveable character, and I would've preferred Chance as the MC. David is annoying and selfish throughout the entire book, and it's clear he gets that from his parents (who are divorced).
If there is ever a second book to this, (which I honestly hope there is, I'd love to see this expanded) I hope Sutter consults actual queer teens like David and Chance. They didn't really feel like teenagers throughout the book, and it felt less "coming of age" than I wanted it to be.
If James Sutter reads this, I'm sorry. The baseline is, your book is okay. The plot is good, the base idea is good, but the characters are shit. David is shit. I hate him. Sorry, that'll be the last of my hatred.
Thanks for reading this monster-incduced mess I wrote in one sitting. Much appreciated.
OH MY GOD SO TRUE I AM TIRED OF THESE BUSES GIVE ME GETO 💀💀
born to ride suguru, forced to ride the bus to university everyday.
is anyone else just like, having A Time of it lately
I've just come to the realisation that next year I'm gonna turn 18 and it hit me so fucking hard. I'm very sad and uneasy about it, give me whatever age you want but not 18. And you know why? Why am I feeling this bad about it? It's so freaking sad that I don't even wanna talk about it, but I'm doing it anyway because otherwise I'll keep this inside and that's even worse. It's just tearing me apart...
I'm gonna turn 18 next year and my life doesn't look like anything I wanted it to look like at this age, nor like others people lifes. While others have fun, go partying, drink and smoke, have friends and relationships I'm trapped inside my room imagining scenarios with my favourite characters. I have no friends, never had a boyfriend and I have no one to hang out with. I still feel like that 14 year old girl, imprisoned in her imagination because she is trying to escape reality, by imagining to have things that she can't have. And those things unfortunately can't be given as a christmas gift. And here I am, almost 4 years later still doing the same shit.
And you know what's most ironic? It's that I'm actually pretty attractive, so I've got the looks, but my life still sucks. If I'm so attractive and so intresting as a person because I have many hobbies, why am I struggling to find some people, true ones with whom I can stop finally feeling lonely? That's my fucking problem, feeling alone around others, because no one cares about my true self. You either pretend to be like everyone else and find some fake friends to hang out with or stay alone. I want to be myself, which means that I don't to conform to stuff and trends I couldn't care less about, I want to preserve my individuality..
But I'm so tired of fighting this battle... I just want a way out of loneliness.
Why does anyone actually initiate a conversation with me when they actually DON'T want to talk to me?
I'm tired of it and it happens over and over. One word answers are fucking rude and tells me you shouldn't have said hello to begin with.
What the hell is wrong with people?
Im getting so tired of either feeling waaayyy too much or nothing at all.
I’d like to introduce me, in the office, like 75% of the time:
I’d like to introduce me, in the office, like 75% of the time:
Spent(;-;)
It sometimes feels like I donot want to wake up after I sleep.Am I the only one who feels like this? This feeling of being so tired wears me down every single bit wanting me to just disappear
Spent(;-;)
It sometimes feels like I donot want to wake up after I sleep.Am I the only one who feels like this? This feeling of being so tired wears me down every single bit wanting me to just disappear
I’ve spent the week doing hard labour in a field in +30C heat, getting about 5-6hrs sleep a night while sleeping on the ground.
Hence a lot of cold, wet, dark pictures in The Best colour combo possible. Enjoy.
why can't i have a nice show about autistic people without it being straight and ALMOST KISSING IN THE FIRST GODDAMN EPISODE (my bad it's a movie so ig it's all good /s/j)
it was nice seeing neurodivergent people connect and like, idk bond over shit but goddamn the cissies people directing characters gotta.. chill.. i think
why can't i see me in show about autistic people where maybe they're a little queer and. i dunno.
i'm just tired i think
I've been trying, and failing, to write a paper for hours
It was due yesterday
I ran out of red Bull
It's 3 in the morning
God help me
Woke up drenched in sweat and nauseous yet again. Just miserable. I barely got down a half bowl of cereal and have been sipping liquid iv.
I feel so gross. So weak. My chest has hurt all morning. I couldn't sleep well the last 2 nights because of irregular heartbeat knocking the wind out of me.
I just want to shower. I just want to sleep.
I hate waking up and being ready to just go back to sleep again. No matter the amount of sleep.
30 minutes
3 hours
13 hours
I've even pulled a 30+ before (that was due to medication mixup and was scary but anyway)
Doesn't matter. Always exhausted. Always ready to hunker down for nap/sleep. Years and years of fatigue. I barely remember what it was like to be hyper and energetic and bouncing around ready for adventures.
Now I'm only ever mentally pining for adventures knowing full well my body wouldn't let me go and if I went anyway it'd be the last anyone saw of me.
I need to interrupt this pitiful whining with the observation that my youngest's silhouette right at this moment looks like shinchan standing on the dining room chair particularly his head-cheek shape and well that's all carryon
