Wow Whyme - Tumblr Posts
Dear Diary #1
Today os the day that I realize, that I have to stop being loyal to others. And become what this country wants me to be. A selfish entitled bitch who... Emotionally manipulates people. Because when you are.. honest, patient and understanding..... Things just seems to go sooo far left. You're hanging off of a cliff from by the tags of your clothes. Bent over. And all you can do is taste the water of the ocean, flowing up at you.
Recently a woman who I though was a very close and dear friend has hurt my mother fucking feelings for the last time. I now have realized I have or will have had a toxic trait. I unknowably “enable people”. I thought I was not a YES man!!!!! But! by not allowing people to move on out of their emotions. Not allowing them to try something different or! Become a simpler better version of themselves. You enable them to be the ship wreck they are. I use to validate there feelings and show understanding. I use to show them that they had a person who will make them feel seen and make them feel heard. Or actually be heard.
The only thing that I realize I have managed to do is enable adults to truly not out grow their situations and feel that it is okay to stay stuck and bitch about it. all the while. I really thought I was being a good friend. A good and genuine person. I now realize that this is a relative thing. everything is truly relative. I cannot believe this!!! I cannot believe that I’m flawed.
One thing you need to know about me, peering eyes. Is that in my opinion I think everyone see’s themself in a non flawed state. I think people choose to see the best of who they are personally. I’m talking about personality. I have as long as I can remember in my adult life, try, tried! to be. Open and honest. Respectful and objective. And NO! I have not been. I have failed at this.
The situation that I’m in is crazy. And all that I was trying to do was help. Help a close friend who I thought was moving into a family category. For GOD sake I actually thought of this person as family. I tend to mind my business. At least I usually do! And help where and when I can. I took on the responsibility of sheltering her adult child when he was in need of assistance. He’s 18 and pushing 19. He was being dense as all hell and found himself in danger.
Being naive, He allowed someone to go to his connections house to get some weed. The guy apparently was deeper into something that anyone would have thought. The person who approached her adult child asked to be linked up with some smoke and her son asked the dealer. The dealer approved! As her son was doing child like things. Playing video games and talking to girls. The dealer was being robbed. And heavily assaulted. Now! to sum this up because I’m getting off point and I have to get back from break. He’s on the “run” and he’s been linked up with me for a while....... To Be Continued!