Writing Randomthoughts - Tumblr Posts

#grumpy randomthoughts - whining about random stuff. Not ranting, but close

#oc stuff 'cause I can - I love my children and I talk about them a looooooot

A junkyard of my thoughts, obsessions, etc. The junkyard is @roboticexplorer, which I use for liking and rebloging stuff.

I might be a long-time user of tumblr, but I never made a blog for posting something thoughtful, so call it "figure out, find out".

Fandoms I am currently in: MLP, Buckshot Roulette, small artists' fandoms, Halloween (slasher), Chucky series (when your OC is inspired by Chucky and the character from non-English media, that scared you when you were little, but mostly by the second one, that most people don't know, because it was a children's non-English cartoon 🥲)

Some tags to put in your filters not to see my specific content or whatever:

#tw suggestive randomthoughts - everything that I consider suggestive

#monsterlover - everything with monsters, often nsft and with the tag above.

#writing randomthoughts - posts from prompts to short stories

I'll update the list later. That's it for now.

Another Player has joined

tw: mentions of SH, injuries, questionable behaviour

Name: Ethan

Age: 23

Height: 180 cm

Appearance:

• Hair: Goldish brown curtain bangs, as if lightly dusted . He mostly combs them on the left side with his hand, causing a small achog appear on his head.

• Eyes: Brown, round, puppy-like.

Distinguishing Features: Body covered in bruises and other hematomas, fingers are covered in scars. There is a black ring on the ring finger of the left hand (no meaning). Ethan has a tooth, that has been knocked out, behind the left cheek. He also has constantly slumped shoulders with his hands shoved in his pants pockets. Looks defenseless in general.

• Clarification 1: Occasionally moves around by swaying and shuffling his pants (mostly when he's happy).

Personality: Despite his defenseless appearance, his demeanor is diametrically opposite, if you get to know him. Sometimes Ethan purposely provokes those around him to injure him (the main cause of his bruises).

Disabilities/Disorders and Mental problems: has MADD (Mixed anxiety–depressive disorder), self-destructive masochism tendencies, SH (marks on inner thighs and fingers, but the latter due to the knife game he plays).

Outfit: mostly all black, sometimes wears a gray hoodie without ties (lost them), heavy shoes (also affects his gait, making it comical). If possible, he chooses pants with a high waistband and which are wide in the middle. Loose and stylish.

• Clarification 2.1: The hoodie is stolen, as is most of his clothes. If he was given the chance, Ethan would buy gray clothes (instead of black) and would walk around in them. To keep stolen clothes he often damaged them beyond recognition and wears 2-3 months later. Sneaky bassard.

• Clarification 2.2: Particularly likes wearing a black shirt darker than pants, which are shades of black or gray.

Items: Small black leatherette crossbody bag. Sometimes wears it on his belt at the side.

• In the bag: antidepressants, tranquilizers, documents and a knife.

• Clarification 3: The knife is not used for SH, but it can be used by Ethan towards others.

Likes: belts (Mao's clarification: no sexual intent in the meaning (but that works as well))

Hates: the cold (wears several layers of clothing because of this)

Other: spends most of his money on antidepressants, tranquilizers and food.

That's it. Everything is made by Mao, I am just a translator and an enjoyer of her creativity.

Link to Mao's Telegram channel: t.me/Marika_219_MaoRi

Mellow lore part 1

I played double or nothing in Buckshot Roulette. Out of four games I died in three of them before third round and in the second round when I chose to double my score. 37k. Before the update I never got that low.

It inspired me to create my own OC (I usually just use my friend's (with whom we created our Dealer interpretation) Player's design), because I didn't care much who we use for our fanfics in our native language. But now I decided to create an OC. Her name is Mellow they use they/she pronouns and she is transfem enby. They signed contract with the demon, who became pissed that Dealer killed God. In my headcanon this demon sent Mellow, so that they play with Dealer until he breaks his rules. Somewhat a revenge for killing God.

But little did this demon know that Mellow has a terrible luck. She can calculate bullets, but still ends up losing, resurrecting and coming back. Their demonic boss gave them two abilities: resurrecting and hypnosis. The second one works only on mortals and for a short period of time. She uses it to come to the nightclub and remain mortal in people's eyes (part of the contract with the pissed by Dealer demon). Dealer doesn't care much, he is only for the laughs. It's not cheap to play with Mellow since they almost never win and they come often, however it's entertaining to watch, so Dealer doesn't mind.

The contract with the aforementioned demon consists of two parts: Mellow has to come back at the nightclub twice a week and tell nobody about their powers. If another person sees them ressurect or becomes confident that Mellow is immortal, then Mellon has to hypnotize this person to forget. "It's between you, me and Dealer", said the demon after the deal was made.

Mellow signed the contract in order to save her sister from cancer. Her sister isn't immortal, just healthy now. Mellow's sister cared as much as they did about her, so Mellow decided to fake their death and hypnotize their sister to believe in it, as well as all the people that were close to them. Then Mellow changed their identity and started this cycle of living a normal live and playing Buckshot Roulette twice a week.

At first they were into the game. It was fun even with the deaths. Then she became apathetic to the game and tried everything to make Dealer cheat. The attempts were futile, no matter how many times she tried. After some time Mellow started see a bright side duiring the roulette when Dealer told a couple of stories. Then Mellow shared several of theirs and eventually warmed up towards Dealer. There became less tension and they became pals and still continue their game. Mellow often answers snarkly towards Dealers teasing and teases back whenever Dealer shoots himself or loses round without having a turn, but mostly Dealer has a clever comeback at which Mellow has nothing to say back, so she insists on continuing the game.

AU where both Mellow and Ethan exist and live in Mellow's apartment (part 1)

Actually, Ethan lives in the dormitory, but in this AU he comes to Mellow so often, that he can be called a roommate, who exists similar to a cat. Without paying. Ethan became somewhat of a friend to Mellow, so they don't mind him living on her money. They want to have a company of people, who've been in the darkest pits of hell and came back. Figuratively, Mellow usually reappears in the bathroom in the nightclub and Ethan never took live bullet in his head. He is one of the luckiest players and got plenty of money, although he spent them somewhere + Only Mao knows where.

I have two more OCs in BSR and I am in the mood to translate their description (I am not ready to commission them, but I am thinking about cosplaying one of them).

Reaper

Age: 22

Pronouns: he/it/they

Country of birth: Sweden.

Race: half human, half demon (his mother met a demon before God's death, then fell in love and married the mentioned demon).

Appearance: always wears black cape, 'cause he can, black trousers, black shirt and a tie. Usually walks with his toolbox and a backpack with thermos and food.

Occupation in the nightclub: electrician. Often fixes stuff in the room for Buckshot Roulette.

Character: while working looks professional and concentrated, but really skittish when disturbed. Anxious mess socially, babbling a lot about their hobbies with a close person.

Some more:

Random as hell: can bring you random thing you mentioned once two months ago just because he wanted to do it, says something completely unrelated to the topic and gives a huge explanation how it came to his mind.

Makes a joke about death out of anything, thus the nickname.

His blood is 70% made of coffee. Lactose intolerant.

Cursing is his dilect in languages. He knows three languages and uses his full profanity potential when The Doctor isn't around. Reaper somehow can't bring himself to curse in The Doctor's presence.

"I hate it and I want to do it again because I like feeling these specific negative emotions".

Doctor had to push Reaper from the Buckshot Roulette playing room, because Reaper was curious about seeing dead player and was disgusted, but at the same time mesmerized by the view.

"Doc, look!" *proceeds to do stupid stuff*

Likes pets and often asks to pet them. Tried to pet Dealer. Didn't end well. Second time was fast enough to run. Doctor looked with a dead face.

Relationships:

Dealer: pals, though sometimes Dealer would rather pretend they are not.

Mellow: friends.

Ethan: somehow, they never met each other.

Other Players: either a show to watch from a far or bypassers.

The Doctor: has a crash on and sometimes tries to flirt with him. Unknown, whether the feelings are reciprocated.

Jake

Age: 31

Pronouns: he/him

Country of birth: USA in russian speaking family. Though Jake doesn't have russian accent.

Appearance: rectangular face, sloppy stubble, looks like a long-distance truck driver but doesn't drive long distances. Has a favorite light pink cap. Likes street fights, that's why he wears it: to run into a fight with rude people, usually men with fragile masculinity.

Bad habits: Drinks more than average. Though far less than Mellow.

Occupation: Beer delivery person. Main client is a nightclub with Dealer.

Status: Divorced, ex-wife won't let him see his kids, but he still pays child support. Two daughters, one of which he still manages to pick up from school and drop off home (the younger one).

Doesn't ask any questions when he brings a huge batch of beer. "There's a bar here," is his only explanation when asked about the nightclub, blood stains and gunshots.

Doesn't know about Dealer, doesn't know about roulette Thinks it's local entertainment to shoot somewhere.

Talks mostly to the bartender and the stripper who picks up a bunch of shifts in the same nightclub. If he sees that the bartender isn't the one he's talking to on a regular basis, he delivers beer and leaves.

Jake is extremely silent. Gives one-word answers, almost always has a neutral face. Only expresses emotion if he was irritated with something, which would make other people go berserk, but you can't catch him with a different face when he's angry, even during a bender. The bartender somehow found a way to get Jake to talk, and now that bartender listens to whining about his ex, arrogance from constant traveling. That's why Jake prefers when this particular bartender comes on shift. This woman has patience if a saint.

Jake prefers liqueur and ale.

He doesn't swear or raise his voice at all. Not even when he's drunk. He's a former philologist, a fan of Mayakovsky, Pushkin and Tolstoy. Ready for hour-long discussions, the only topic where he doesn't stay quiet. Writes poetry at his leisure time, but 80% of it is crossed out and thrown away.

When traveling alone he hums Vysotsky and Yulia Kim to himself. When he gets wasted he says he would marry a female version of Vysotsky.

He loves his mom's soups. Neutral to other dishes.

Since his teenage years he was fond of throwing knives.

Chameleons are his favorite animal.

Doesn't know how to verbally support, so he offers children and teenagers hugs and adults liquor.

Is willing to punch the face anyone who gets drunk in front of kids.

Doesn't like sports. Doesn't watch, doesn't participate.

Relationships:

Dealer, Ethan and Mellow: never met

The Doctor: acquaintances

Everything else was mentioned above

Bzzsszzzzzzzz 👁️👃🏼👁️

Celebrate your elevated heart rate with this new print!

Imho, my writing is trash right now. Used to be far better a year ago. So, no, it's a normal part of learning. I used to write hundreds of pages at one point, which can be considered baby steps in comparison with my writing style two years later. Even though it was in the past, I am still searching for my writing style while having far worse results now (half a year of horrible results in writing). It's frustrating and exhausting, however, with practice, passion and persistence there is always a chance to find something truly magnificent.

please please please please reblog if you’re a writer and have at some point felt like your writing is getting worse. I need to know if I’m the only one who’s struggling with these thoughts

Finally, my husbando is there 🛐🛐🛐

My version of The Doctor. The commission is made by @vixxman (Larrikin on Telegram). I love making artists' put their watermarks, 'cause giving credit imo is not enough even if it is a commission. Come on, the guy put his soul into his art, it's the least I can do. Anyways.

The Doctor (Bezaliel)

Gender: man.

Race: fallen angel (Christian mythology based).

Age: over 2000 years old.

First drawing:

First row: the appearance without shadows.

Second row: the true appearance.

Mouth is not visible, but contains sharp teeth (not as sharp as The Dealer's, obviously). Bezaliel wears a golden headpiece only in hell and used to always wear it before The Fall.

The appearance in the game is an illusion and was given as a punishment for losing to The Dealer. The lore will be under the cut.

The last art (without headpiece) is heavily referenced by:

Horns: @/expensivebrowniez on Tumblr.

Ponytail: Jotdan Love model.

Teeth: @/kipine-art on Tumblr.

Appearance: According to legends, no one have seen what Bezaliel looked like before and after The Fall. The Dealer saw the fallen angel's true form when he caught Bezaliel, but in the form of a shadow. After becoming The Doctor, Bezaliel took on the appearance of the man he is in the game aka an illusion.

Key features: made of shadows, horns, sharp teeth, ponytail, golden headpiece that covers forehead and chin. On the sides of helmet there are folded wings. They were open before his fall from heaven. He wears the dusted and tattered robe of an angel he once was. His illusion form has boots, but The Doctor himself is barefoot.

Personality: Generally calm and resigned to his work. He was stressed only three times during his entire time on earth: during the first (and currently last) club check-up, when he dragged out a half-dead satisfied player (the guy was a masochistic participant) and after seeing Mellow resurrection without Bezaliel's help. The stories of both are silent on the details, and the Doctor chose not to ask any questions.

Background: Previously was called Bezaliel (biblical motives, but I don’t follow the Bible completely) and the Shadow of God. Was cast into hell alongside Lucifer. When God died, Bezaliel came out to earth and explored, gliding through the streets like a shadow. During his stop at a motel, he was unable to sleep due to the noise coming from the nightclub, where Buckshot Roulette takes place. When he saw, what was going on at the nightclub, he decided to drag away the corpses of players and bring them back to life. Before him players died immediately, so it was a shock for The Dealer to see the lost players in front of him again. Later, Bezaliel was securely caught, and The Dealer’s charming talking lured him into a bet, where if he won, The Dealer would have stopped playing Buckshot Roulette for two weeks. In case of defeat, the fallen angel would work for Dealer, which is what happened. After this, in the roulette was added the ability to return to the game in the second and first rounds.

Relationships with the others:

Towards Dealer: used to him, so more neutral than negative.

Towards most of the players: "Work is work".

Towards Mellow: neutral, when they come, The Doctor usually takes a day off and gives high five when he sees Mellow. In a condescending way.

Towards Ethan (My friend's OC): was impressed and disappointed at first, but then got used to him.

Towards Jake (another BSR OC of mine): neutral, they don't see each other often.

Towards Reaper (the last BSR OC of mine): undecided. Literally, The Doctor can only say he is fine with Reaper's existence and OK in his presence.

Likes: day offs.

Dislikes: when something doesn’t go according to plan (rarely shows that he is stressed), treating open fractures and broken skulls, cold.