I Want The Freedom Of Calm

I want the freedom of calm

Althought it's one of my favorite pfp I ever made I still don't know if I posted it here. Just like most of my Metal Sonic edits I also did this one in a angry time and oh boy, all Kaiju-like Metal Sonic forms are hella badass but my favorite is surely Metal Overlord. He looks so menacing, unnatural yet something about it look so free. Anyway, gotta end this post quickly since I'm currently on college~

Oh and you know what else I never mention that trauma causes? Breathing problems. Not being able to take a deep breath, trying and immediately breaking down and ending in hyperventilation, randomly losing breath or starting to pant in panic and shock, physically trembling and jerking and shaking as a result of not being able to catch your breath. Feeling suffocated and like there’s no oxygen, always needing to have a window opened, feeling crowded and unable to breathe whenever you’re in room with people, running out of buildings and stores because you can’t find the air.

Heart palpitations, so loud, you can sometimes hear parts of your body pulsing and pounding and it’s not even where your heart is, you can feel it in your hands, your neck, your back, it’s horrid.

Overheating without noticing, having your blood pressure drop so low you faint easily and just collapse whenever you try to stand up, feeling dizzy and weak and sleepy all the time because your circulation is crap. On the other hand, absolutely freezing whenever overcome with anxiety, feeling like nothing could possibly warm you up and shaking even under a hot showe or wrapped in every blanket you own.

Dry mouth, sore throat, feeling of thirst that water doesn’t satisfy, whenever you wake up. Jaw so rigid you develop aches and pains in your teeth, neck and head.

These can be caused by trauma so if you struggle with this and you don’t know why it’s happening, trauma might be why. Also, it does get better with time, and as far as I know, it doesn’t cause further damage to your body (at least in my case, all of this became milder and less frequent.)

don't worry guys, the first 8 billion of rejections are just warm up

getting your main in ARAM hits different

the allergy i am seeing grow up around small talk in any form is troubling to me. do you know how to make friends with people in your physical environment? it typically starts with small talk. do you want to live in community? small talk. do you want to have the type of relationship with your neighbors where you can run over and borrow a battery for your smoke detector when it starts beeping at 10pm? small talk!! do you want leeway from your coworkers when you fuck up something small? you gotta be able to build a relationship and that's small talk, baybeee.

"but i don't need friends and i don't care about community!" okay, lone ranger, what about the people in your community who need you? "but i have social anxiety!" me too, bud! we simply must soldier on. making up lists of questions to ask people helps. and people are predisposed to be generous, i've found. even if you make some kind of mistake, what is this but the natural give and take of human interaction? nobody is perfect.

you were not put on this earth to live by yourself and then die. you need people and people need you. treat those around you with curiosity and generousness of spirit and you will gain so much goodwill in return.