DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE LOOKED AT YOU?

DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE LOOKED AT YOU?

Me when Trevor Zegras 😽😽😼😼😻😻😻

I’d never seen him with such a fondness in his eyes. Watching with such focus as I lap around the arena. Stretching tall and lifting legs in preparation of a short routine. His teammates simply talk between each other but he doesn’t utter a word.

I see him in the corner of my eye, crossing my legs to gain speed. I let myself glide for a moment before an axel. The music is in my ears, hair fluttering in a ponytail.

The sharp twists and turns never give me whiplash, nor make me dizzy. It’s the sore of my knees and the shouting of my coach that make this much harder than it needs to be.

“Spin god damnit!” She shouts, “You look like a Floppy Turkey! Use your core not your knees” her hair is neat and straight. Bobbed and she’s wearing a thick coat even as I’m sweating through a tank top.

She doesn’t even let me finish before she sees my knees buckling and kicks me off the ice. She sternly marches onward, “get your knee looked at or I won’t let you on the ice. Do not make the same mistakes I did”

I know she means it from the heart but it still hurts. After giving something your all and still not being good enough. Even though she doesn’t say it it still sucks.

I see him again, still watching me as I plop down next to him to put my guards on. “You were good out there. Really uh delicate on the ice”

I purse my lips and smile and nod deciding to take my skates off and put in my shoes. “Thank you, I’m sorry we took so long. I heard your rink got closed for maintenance” I apologize and make idle conversation with him

“Yeah, don’t be sorry, the boys weren’t to keen but I think we should all be grateful to be skating, right?”

I smile and nod, “y/n” I introduce myself

“Trevor.. maybe I’ll uh see you around” he smiles, “oh do you have a pen?”

I nod and give it to him, he takes my arm and writes his number on it, “I really hope you don’t have a boyfriend”

“It’s a good thing I don’t I guess”

SMELLS & SUMMER

Reminiscing as a Persian girl who wanted so badly to be white

Someone told me that you can smell death in your finals hours. Sweet; sour. Reminiscent of childhood.

For me I would think it might smell like pistachio and rosewater ice cream and hot summer nights on my grandmothers Persian carpets. Sweating as I toss and turn in these musty sleeping bags.

Sitting up late with my dad as we watch cat videos and drink tea; I’ll tell him my feelings and those moments are some that I’ll still love as I die.

I love the summer; memories of laying in the grass as the sprinklers go off. Jumping into the cool pool from the toasted hot tub. Screaming underneath water.

I think death doesn’t smell like charred flesh, smoke and fire. I think death smells like childhood, wet grass. Fairy potions, bike tires. Falling on the asphalt. The burn of my bare feet

My childhood summers were spent in car rides to Los Angeles, seeing my grandparents. My bubba. Sitting on his lap as he tells me stories of the military, my grandmother teaching me to make Kabab Koobideh. She always told me to be proud of my heritage.

“Love yourself before you love someone else” she would tell me; kissing all over my face and my hair.

We would eat pistachios and other Persian treats together as she would paint me in the sunset; she would spend hours on my paintings. Making sure she got every freckle, loose eyelash, and curl in my hair.

She kissed the blonde strands that covered my face. The brunette that shone through.

I used to cry because I wasn’t white and blonde, cried because I wasn’t skinny enough to fit into my friends jeans. I bawled because my hair wasn’t blonde and it wasn’t pin straight. Was upset because I tanned so quickly while my friends burned.

Sat staring at myself in the mirror as my mother put her powder on my face and someone thought I was sick.

I’m older now; still struggling to love myself because I see my friends ‘tan’ be my pale. And through all of this; somehow I still feel like a fraud.

A Persian girl but I don’t speak Farsi, white but not white enough to be white. Persian but you can tell that I’m not 100%

But I don’t think that matters anymore. Because that was in the 2000’s. When being the whitest of white was trendy; but now I see myself. My culture and my body become a trend and I can’t help but feel used.

Maybe a little abused as I look at the little me who just wanted to be like everyone else

THE MOVE IN

Jamie Drysdale

Mah lil pookie wookie

“And you’re sure they’d be all right with me staying with you for the month?” I ask nervously as Jamie smoothly shifts gears and toggles the clutch. My apartment had grown a water leak and a mold infestation because of that leak so I’d been forced to move out. While my parents live in California; they aren’t stationed in Anaheim but in San Francisco. Almost a 12 hour drive away.

I’d offered to rent out a hotel room but Jamie hearing of my dilemma and being my boyfriend was nearly upset at the fact I was going to a hotel before asking to stay with him, “I’m sure; the guys love you. And they all understand that situation. Least from what they’ve told me” he looks at me and smiles before turning his attention back to the road.

“I just don’t want to encroach on guy time” I admit, I hear him sigh gently and move his hand to pat my thigh before going back to keeping his hand on the stick.

We pull up to his shared home with a few of the guys on the team, those who weren’t living with their girlfriends or wives. Jamie takes my bags from the trunk of the car, “Jesus how do you have so much stuff” he grunts; he sees my concerned expression and immediately cuts in with, "no oh sweet thing I'm joking" He looks at me sympathetically and drops my bags gently so he can wrap me into a soft kiss.

I breathe a sigh of relief as I help him carry my things into his room, “ah Drysdales wife is here” Trevor teases as he steps out of the kitchen.

I smile softly at him and wrap him into a soft hug, “I brought my recipe book if y’all want me to make waffles” I tell him and he excitedly grins at me.

“Jams whatcha eatinn” Trevor asks as he leans on Jamie’s shoulder; he bats his eyes at him. Obviously asking for a bite of whatever his friend was eating for a late home packed brunch.

“Oh uh. Y/n made me some blueberry waffles.. you want?” Jamie guiltily offers half of his waffle to his friend who easily scarfs the half down. Trevor’s eyes widen and he nods in approval.

“You need to marry her. And have a lot of babies. Mostly. Wife her up because if you don’t. I will” Trevor says; almost instantaneously. Jamie simply stares at him, almost astonished at Trevor’s confession.

“Trev— I’ve only been dating her for maybe a uh year?”

“Marriage”

“If Jamie doesnt marry you. I will” Trevor admits winking at Jamie.

The weeks pass as they always do, it’s weird waking up to someone else. Jamie’s arms wrap around my waist his thumb toying with the band of my panties. Somehow it’s so comforting being able to wake up next to him. I roll onto his stomach throughout the night. His hands go from resting on my butt to sliding underneath my tank top and resting on my shoulder blades.

“G’mornin” I’m the first to rise and Jamie always rolls over tucking his head against my chest, my hands slide up and tangle themselves into his thick brown hair.

“I don’t wanna wake up” He groans wrapping himself around me and anchoring me down into the plush bedding.

“I know baby, but I promised the team I would make breakfast for everyone. You can sleep a bit more” I tell him wiggling out from underneath him but still tucking him back into bed and placing a kiss onto his forehead.

It’s about ten in the morning when the boys and their significant others start arriving. The house fills with chatter and the clinking of utensils as I serve the eggs and bacon and pancakes.

Jamie comes down, rubbing his eyes and quickly finding me flipping the pancakes in the pan. He groans softly resting his head on my shoulder and sliding up behind me and rubbing my stomach underneath my shirt, “I can’t sleep without you” he whispers in my ear.

“You want some coffee?” I offer him my little mug.

“Yeah” He sighs against my skin taking my mug and drinking it, “I’m gonna go see the guys”

About a month later my apartment is ready but Jamie’s being weird about me moving back in, “somethings going on” I fish around as I start packing my things back up

“I guess” he shrugs reaching for my hand, “Instead of going back to your apartment.. what if. We buy a house, or an apartment. And officially move in together” he asks

“Really?”

“Yeah. I wanna marry you. Not right now but eventually”

“Seriously?”

“Yes”

🎉🎉

INVISIBLE STRING

E. Williams

I love her sm

I don’t know when these feelings started, the flutter in the depths of my stomach and my brain just turns to sludge when she places her hand on the small of my back. Slowly leading me out in the snow, I can feel her eyes on me as I just stand.

I’m still as the snow flutters around me, I’m fighting urges to just fall into the snow; the pillowy snow.

“It’s so quiet” I hear her whisper, she steps closer and I feel her hand slowly reach for mine, “I like this. It feels..”

“Good.. peaceful almost. Like nothing scary is actually going to come for us” I finish for her.

The way she looks at me, the way her eyes flick over my body and I see her knees buckle a little; like she wants to step closer. But somethings holding her back.

“Ellie” I mumble, nervously licking my lips against the cold air. The wind that makes my eyes water and how the snow clings to my lashes.

She whispers my name; so quiet against the howl of the wind, “it’s bad..” I hear gently. I feel like I’m losing my mind; that something in my heart just draws me closer and closer to her.

“What is?” I question, and I’m leaning closer and closer to her.

“How badly I want to kiss you”

Her words don’t even still in my mind before I almost throw myself onto her, pressing my lips against her. It’s sloppy and uncoordinated but something about it feels right. And comfortable like this is where we’re supposed to be.

Her hand wraps around me, the curve of her elbow slowly deepening the kiss by resting on my waist.

When we break for air we’re giggling like little kids as her lips are close to mine, our noses brushing against each other, I take her hand and fall back into the snow.

She smiles; turning away from to catch her breath, “I like kissing you” she says; just before she grabs a pile of snow and throws it into my face

AMERICAN DREAM

First fic in a while 😐😃

:(no outbreak) Sarah, drinking, dilfs. Ranch on pizza, food. Hives AFAB reader. Periods

Joel would often wonder what his life would be like, would he have that American dream? Would she have stayed? Would he not be a contractor living day to day in a house he can barely afford.

Would she still be a doctor instead of running away at the sight of a positive test. Would she be the mother she wanted to be.

Maybe instead she would’ve been a stay at home mom, nursing babies and enjoying life. Would he have had that cushy job her mother approved of.

He sees her in his dream sometimes, hair tied back like always, especially when she was thinking. Hard at thought; nose in her textbooks.

But instead she was eternalized by his dreams, stuffed into baggy clothes to hide the bump, crying in the shitty apartment they were living in.

In his dreams shes standing in the kitchen, Sarah tucked under her arm as she’s mashing potatoes, angrily grunting away and blabbing about some girl on the soccer team.

Sometimes he’d like to imagine the two of them having another kid, sometimes he’d imagine her stomach swollen still covered in those hives she used to get.

Sarah gets them, stressed, in the sun too much. Her skin flares and she ends up with her skin scratched raw, spoon feeding her ice cream in an ice bath.

He’d imagine her, kissing him at the door and untightening his tie, taking his briefcase and setting it by the coffee table he built.

Instead he’s taking his flannel off and seeing Sarah once again making eggs, “hi sweetie, you ok?” He’ll ask kissing the part of her hair.

“Yeah, I made eggs.” She always says, “I put cheese in them too. If you grab some of the bread and toast it I can put some bacon on too”

“No ‘m alright sweetheart. The guys ordered pizza, brought you some for lunch tomorrow”

“Thanks” she says, scratching the back of her hair to which Joel lifts it up seeing the small lumps with red circles around, “hives”

“Uh oh, do I need to go buy icecream?” He jokes

“No, no im fine.”

It’s when Sarah starts truly growing up when he is at a loss; unsure of what to do. Confused and nervous. But aware of the young adult neighbors who’d moved in.

It’s an awkward situation, nervously knocking on a door he’s only interacted with once. And that was just introducing himself and Sarah.

It’s just about seven at night, and a young woman appears at the door after some shouting. It’s clear she’s half asleep; the television blaring in the background. There’s a girl passed out on the floor and the woman at the door turns back, “Becca, turn Sofie on her side. If she barfs she’s gonna choke” she stares before closing the door.

A southern accent drawls from her voice, one clearly hidden from years out of state, “somethin I can help you with?” She asks, sweeping some hair out of her eyes.

“M so sorry for the bother, my daughter. Uh Sarah. She’s uh” he nervously looks at the ground, “got her period.. and I uh don’t know what to do”

“Oh yeah, give me a sec”

She runs back inside; and whilst Joel is completely expecting for her to ditch she comes out later with a box of pads, “I remember her, uh will you show me to her?” The twenty something girl.

He leads her upstairs knocking on the crummy white door, “sar, it’s one of the neighbors. She’s a uh. Girl and I think she will know what to do”

“Ok..” the muffled voice is shaky and clear that she had been crying.

“Hey. I’m y/n” you tell her your name and she responds with hers.

“Y/n, I’ll be downstairs. Beer?”

“No thank you Mr.Miller. I don’t drink on school nights”

“Alright. I’ll be downstairs”

You see him more and more, drinks now and then. Babysitting for some extra cash. A cool house that isn’t full of partying.

He finds you, usually asleep on the couch, Sarah’s head on your lap. He sees the similarities between you and her, heat hives.

It’s unexpected when he finds you in the shower, “you alright?”

“Gosh I’m sorry Mr.Miller, Im breaking out in hives and Sarah said I could use the cold shower”

“No, you’re alright. Do I pop a bottle of wine and order pizza?”

“God that’d be lovely.”

Joel never opens wine unless it’s with you, and you manage do drink half of it. And half a pizza, with Sarah’s assistance of course, “I didn’t know a sorority girl could eat that much” Joel jokes seeing you dip your pizza into some ranch.

“Mnh, I also played volleyball and was on my collages soccer team before I graduated” You say, “never missed a meal, kept my mass up, I’m on the bulk right now” You inform

“Jesus, ranch with pizza? What are you a wild animal”

You laugh at him as Sarah looks disapprovingly. He still walks you home and waits for you to lock the door before he goes home.

Sarah is still there, eating leftover pepperoni, “you like her” she states

“Don’t lie you lil twerp”

“No I’m serious, non of the others made you open up like that, and I wouldn’t mind having her around. I mean she basically lives here anyways”

“I NEED MY GIRLFRIEND”

My baby Nico my poor baby 🥲🥲🥲

(Throw back to when neeks got hit in the junk:| )

I flinch against my seat as I watch Nico go down, “that was a dirty shot” I tell Emma as she nods, “am I allowed to go see if he’s ok?”

“Yea, comon- I’ll take you to him” She says taking my hand and leading me to the lockers. Nico is laying on the ground with an ice pack on his junk, “I’m gonna go save our seats” she tells me brushing her short blonde hair behind her ears and closing the door.

“Hi handsome” I whisper softly as I go and sit next to him

“Can I put my head on your lap?” He asks sheepishly and I nod and he moves to put his head on my thighs, “that really hurt” he groans out.

“I know baby; do you want some pain killers?” I ask him, threading my fingers through his hair

“No, I can’t. Unfair advantage or something like that. I’d be benched for the rest of the game” he defeatedly sighs rolling slightly and burying his head in my thighs

“Bubs maybe you should. You seem like you’re in pain” I tell him; shrugging softly. He sighs against my skin

“Maybe, but I should also go to a doctor probably”

“Yes. You should”

Driving Nico home after he goes to the doctor is always fun; because he’s either really happy or sometimes. Like today really high. He didn’t go in-depth about what they had to do and I’m a little nervous.

He’s all giggly then suddenly turns nervous like a train wreck, “would you leave me if I can’t have kids?” He asks. Leaning against the head rest, “can we get McDonald’s”

I sigh and tap my fingers against the steering wheel; not sure how I want to answer those questions, “sure baby. Let’s just go home and we can order something” I rub his shoulder and squeeze softly

He stares at me with those big eyes and nods slowly, blinking slowly like a reptile. I let him lean on me as I unlock the door and move him into the kitchen, “bed or sofa?”

“Bed”

And so we march our way to the bedroom, “bathroom?” I ask him and he shakes is head in a no. Laying back down on our bed.

“Can I get an ice pack for my balls?” He asks rubbing his eyes and I put a blanket on him, “pretty please”

“Sure baby, how about some pain killers?”

“Please and thank you” he slurs slightly nodding off. I come back and find him asleep, mostly.

“Neeks, Neeks baby” I whisper, gently shaking his shoulder

“Ja, meine Frau?” He murmurs softly rolling his head over to face me.

“Ice”

He doesn’t say thank you, but nods and tugs at my arm, “I want my girlfriend”

“I know sweetie, I’m here”

He lets me lay with him as he starts to fall asleep, his hand wraps around my back, “that was a mean move”

“It was”

“I love you”

“I love you too”