Ask Sam Raegan For Advice.

Ask Sam Raegan for advice.

It was even funny to him.

Funny that the man who married her was also the man to put her in her grave. Funny that the perpetrator was also the inheritor. Funny that more water leaked from the pores of his forehead than his eyes.

That’s the way life is.

He was the type of person who, after burying his wife, would shrug and say, “That’s the way life is.”

“For the love of God, I just wanted some coffee!” Charlotte yelled.

I’m afraid she looked to the wrong person. Wait, does Eleanor’s sister not even know the truth?

Allen looked over at Eleanor, who clutched her cup tighter and stared at the ground. “I’m afraid she’s still overcoming a cold. And it wasn’t pleasant. She nearly lost her voice for a couple of days, so I’m sure she’s just worried about the possibility of you catching it. You can take a sip of mine, but I drink my coffee black,” Allen said, handing over his cup. “If you wouldn’t mind, thank you.” Charlotte took a sip and let out a sigh. “I should get going. I’ll see you both at dinner tonight.” “Yes, of course,” Allen responded. Once Charlotte turned the corner, he lowered his voice and turned to Eleanor. “Not even your family knows that you disguise your hot chocolate as coffee?” “My other sisters do, and so do my parents. But Charlotte... I love her, but she can be condescending.” “Must be a first-child thing.” “Amelia’s nice!” “She wasn’t when I got that haircut back in middle school.” Allen grimaced at the memory of her sister messing up his hair each morning. “But Allen. A bowl cut?” “Next time, I’ll let Charlotte take a sip of your ‘coffee.’”

@tfw-all-good-usernames-are-taken

Ashley's Alphabetical Prompts (pt. 2)

“As long as I’m not the one doing the plan, I’m cool with supporting it.”

“Bet me fifty bucks and I’ll do it.”

“Come on, you didn’t really believe that lie, did you?”

“Do you have any alcohol? I need it.”

“Everywhere I go, here you are. This is getting creepy.”

“For the love of God, I just wanted some coffee!”

“Give me that, you fiend.”

“How did you even get up there? Actually, I don’t want to know, never mind.”

“I may be dumb, but I’m not that dumb.”

“Just hurry up and leave, my mom’s going to be here soon.”

“Knucklehead is such a pure term, don’t you agree? Like, I want someone to insult me by calling me a knucklehead.”

“Look! Wait, don’t look, that’s gruesome. Oh…Oh wow.”

“Much appreciation, kind sir.”

“Never take anything I say seriously.”

“Over the bridge, take a right, there’s the body.”

“Plan F isn’t going so well, on to plan G?”

“Quiet! Don’t you see she’s sleeping?”

“Respect your elders, I’m seven months older than you so have to respect me.”

“Something tells me this isn’t just a kind visit, what do you want?”

“Try again, asshat, I’m still alive.”

“Unblock the damn door, I’m cold!”

“Vacant towns are probably my biggest fear.”

“Why did you do the exact opposite of what I said?”

“X,Y, and Z. I used to think ‘and’ was another letter.”

“You are the worst person in my life, but I love you.”

“Zip up your jacket, nobody wants to see that!”

And this baby too!

Aesthetic post: Eleanor

@thisastroblogisnotonfire

Sam’s Advice #1

Alright, so apparently there are people in the world whom need some advice, and decided that it’d be a good idea to come to me. But I suppose that I’ll grace you all with my wisdom. First letter I’ve got here is from Anonymous:

Dear advice columnist (that is really just fucking Sam),

I've known this guy for quite a while now and I really like him, I just feel like we never have the right time or moment for me to make a move of some sort. Also sometimes he acts strangely, as if he doesn't know me all that well. What can I do to become closer to him and see if he likes me?

Well, Ro- I mean “Anonymous,” I’m going to take a guess and say that you both know each other pretty well already. So really, you just need to tell Ze- the guy how you feel and figure out how he feels, you need to wait for that right moment.

Just like a writer waiting for THE RIGHT words to write something (breaking down the fourth wall and calling out the blogger), or a photographer needs THE RIGHT scenery to take a picture.

I totally get it. I mean, waiting for wind to blow the trees leaves just right, or for every strand of my model’s hair to be just right, or when I’m taking pictures at the zoo then for the animals to get in the right positions-

If I wanted for the right time to take a picture, I would be living in a box on the side of the road while other photographers, real photographers, seized all of the opportunities that I passed up in sake of waiting for perfection.

Take charge of the situation and make it the right moment, before someone else does. As much as I hate having to type out this cheesy shit, if you keep waiting for the right moment, you will become an old woman or man living alone while children are throwing eggs at your house. And making the moment right would make your confession much more memorable. For all you know, this mystery man may be acting strangely because he likes you back and is also waiting for the right moment that neither of you are willing to create.

So in short, get your head out of your ass and do something about your feelings.

This has been a session of Sam’s Advice with your favorite asshole, Samuel Raegan.

// Ask Sam for advice! But not for legitimate advice. Sam is a bit of an ass and this is solely for comedic purposes.

Re-blog if you can write in cursive.

I heard cursive is dying. I want to see who still uses it.