Dont Let Go

Don’t Let Go

kaz brekker x reader - don’t let go

summary/request: “Oki hiiiiii can I request a Kaz x reader where hes forced to touch her in some way like shes dangling from a building and he catches her/helps her up?  And/or one where he’s alone with her, helping her when she’s hurt and has to stop her from fighting him while he hurts her to stitch it up?  Maybe knowing about his aversion to touch there’s some guilt on her part with some “Don’t be stupid of course I’ll help.”  Whether they’re close or newly crushing is up to you, thank youuu.  Sorry it’s so long - 💛”

warnings: typical six of crows stuff, heights/falling, slight best friend!jesper fahey x reader, kaz endlessly pining

word count: 2k

     “Walking on a roof is so not a Jesper talent!” Jesper complained, his voice barely audible over the wind.

     The walkway along the building’s roof was thin, a foot at the max, but if Inej could do it with ease - the others could manage, right?  Kaz thought so when this route became their only method of escape.  Now he scolded himself for forgetting that his crew could occasionally become a band of babbling and bumbling idiots.  That paired with a vicious wind felt like a recipe for disaster.

     “There must be another way!” Matthias groaned, calling out over the wind that whipped around them.

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Don’t Let Go

kaz brekker x reader - don’t let go

summary/request: “Oki hiiiiii can I request a Kaz x reader where hes forced to touch her in some way like shes dangling from a building and he catches her/helps her up?  And/or one where he’s alone with her, helping her when she’s hurt and has to stop her from fighting him while he hurts her to stitch it up?  Maybe knowing about his aversion to touch there’s some guilt on her part with some “Don’t be stupid of course I’ll help.”  Whether they’re close or newly crushing is up to you, thank youuu.  Sorry it’s so long - 💛”

warnings: typical six of crows stuff, heights/falling, slight best friend!jesper fahey x reader, kaz endlessly pining

word count: 2k

     “Walking on a roof is so not a Jesper talent!” Jesper complained, his voice barely audible over the wind.

     The walkway along the building’s roof was thin, a foot at the max, but if Inej could do it with ease - the others could manage, right?  Kaz thought so when this route became their only method of escape.  Now he scolded himself for forgetting that his crew could occasionally become a band of babbling and bumbling idiots.  That paired with a vicious wind felt like a recipe for disaster.

     “There must be another way!” Matthias groaned, calling out over the wind that whipped around them.

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Patience

kaz brekker x reader - patience

summary/request: “I’d love if you could do a fic where Kaz and the reader are slowly working on his skin to skin aversion in a pace he controls and makes him comfortable and maybe work up to like hugs/kinda cuddling or kissing for him if that’s okay” AND “I am passionate about your writing and your Kaz !! Could you write something very cute and exciting? Like Kaz struggling with his feelings for Y/n for a long time, and for years the trauma doesn’t allow him to do anything, but one day when something happens that raises him to the limit, he finally kisses the reader ?? I would love it from your point of view ❤️❤️ love u 💖💖✨”

warning: mentions of blood, trauma, haphephobia (touch aversion), slightly ooc kaz - i feel like he’s much softer here

word count: 2.2k

A/N: I combined these two requests because they were soooo similar. This was by far the hardest piece to write so far.

Of all the admirable traits Y/N embodied, Kaz treasured her patience the most. He never dreamed someone could actually like him with all his flaws and broken parts. How could a relationship survive without touch? To Kaz it seemed impossible, something that only existed inside his head. But Y/N made it a reality.

When she’d joined the Dregs and ultimately become a Crow, Kaz found himself enthralled with her. There was something Kaz couldn’t figure out that made her so welcoming, so warm. He found himself gravitating towards her even when the thought of liking someone seemed like a death sentence.

Just a few short months after she joined his crew, Kaz found himself basking in her warm presence. It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. The comfortable silence they enjoyed felt natural, something that was simply destined to be. Kaz hadn’t realized how truly alone he felt until Y/N attached herself to him like a parasite. But a welcome one. Sure he had Jesper and Inej, and the Dregs who all held some weird reverence towards him but none of them could hold a candle to Y/N. She was otherworldly.

More often than not, they could be found together in his office at the Club or in his attic at the Slat. When he was around her, he could let his mask drop. She didn’t look at him as an idol or a leader. Every time she gazed at him, Kaz felt as though she was staring straight into his very soul, seeing the essence of his being. He didn’t feel like he needed to put on a show, be the ruthless criminal he was known for.

Instead, they could sip on their coffees and read books, simply enjoying the comfortable silence. They fit together perfectly like two puzzle pieces, made for each other. Kaz would sit quietly and listen to Y/N rave about whatever book she was reading. Whereas, Y/N would diligently listen as Kaz ranted about his plans, running through every single detail aloud. She was the only one ever granted the privilege of seeing the inner workings of his mind at play. At every heist, every job, Y/N knew every single exact detail for plans A through F.

And the bond only grew, to the point where neither could deny the intense feelings for each other. Y/N confessed of course, laying out her feelings and thoughts on the table. But she didn’t mind when Kaz couldn’t. That’s what he liked about her - she was patient. She didn’t need the words said aloud to know what he was feeling. Through his small acts of kindness, he knew she could tell he cared for her. The grin on her face everytime Kaz brought her donuts from the bakery on his way back from Fifth Harbor said it all.

She never poked or prodded him, trying to get Kaz to cross his boundaries when it came to touch. Instead, Y/N silently accepted that touch and Kaz weren’t two things that went well together. Y/N didn’t ask for him to, but Kaz tried, tried so hard to work through it. Everytime one of his hands reached out, twitching with nerves as it drew close to her skin, but ultimately yanked away, Y/N didn’t flinch. She always softly smiled, her eyes twinkling with affection and reassured him, “It’s okay Kaz.”

To Kaz, the most stunning thing of all was the way she saw him. When he looked in the mirror, he saw a monster - someone that didn’t resemble the innocent young boy that lived on a Kerch farm. He saw each life his hands had taken, each job he’d done and done well at that. The craving for vengeance driving his every action was visible in his eyes. But somehow, Y/N didn’t see any of that.

Whenever Kaz stared into the mirror, Y/N walked up beside him, a soft smile etched onto her face. She’d place a finger on the mirror, on top of his reflection, and file through all of his traits. To her, he was a painting, perfectly created, each and every feature placed there intentionally.

First her finger would glide to the reflection of his eyes, “Your eyes are like the ocean, waves rumbling but within you that rumbling is ambition. A drive to succeed, not everyone has that Kaz - you’re special.”

And then it would slide over the reflection of his skin, “Sun kissed, it’s like that pale golden rosy glow at sunset. The most beautiful color. And the scars and lines, they’re stories, the tale of your life.”

She’d continue, seemingly endlessly, always finding something good within all the evil. Kaz didn’t know how she did it, but by the time she finished, he didn’t feel so disgusting anymore. The heavy burden weighing down his shoulders always lightened and his brain didn’t feel so chaotic.

When he picked a lock, Y/N didn’t see a crime of breaking and entering. Instead, she saw a man gifted with incredible dexterity. When he formulated a plan for a heist, she didn’t see a criminal mastermind. She saw someone with a brilliant mind that could solve any puzzle.

She saw Kaz for who he really was, just Kaz. To her he wasn’t Dirtyhands or the Bastard of the Barrel - just Kaz. And she let him know that, always repeating it so he wouldn’t forget. Kaz never forgot. That was the beauty of her, she was calming and patient and everything Kaz so desperately needed.

But Kaz knew she needed to be touched, to be shown physically that she was loved, cared for. Her lingering glances at couples holding hands in the Crow Club didn’t pass him by. Kaz always noticed. It made him feel guilty, but it also motivated him, another ambition that found a way to reign over his mind, sitting beside revenge.

So he set his mind to improving and went about it like he would with any other challenge - he made a plan. Step by step, he promised himself he’d get better for her.

The first step was feather light touches, just barely grazing his fingers over someone. First with gloves, and then without.

One evening, nearly exactly two years after she’d joined his crew, Kaz initiated the first step. Y/N sat next to him on the couch that was stuffed in his attic. She softly thumbed through a large book she was reading, the old pages treated delicately. Kaz couldn’t help but watch her. She was far more fascinating than the sheet regarding the Crow Club’s profits that he was reconciling. His eyes followed every movement of her fingers as she turned the yellowed pages.

Kaz turned his attention to her other hand that lay in the space between them. Slowly, he inched his hand towards hers, fingers twitching in anticipation. Every thought that stirred in Kaz’s mind was wondering how he would happen, what he would feel if he just kept moving closer. Drawing in a deep breath, he steadied himself, calming his racing mind. It was far easier to think of doing something rather than actually doing it. With a gulp, one of Kaz’s fingers softly laid itself against Y/N’s hand.

The air was tense as Y/N froze, staring over at Kaz with a concerned gaze. It’s not horrible, Kaz thought as he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in. Her skin was warm, contrasting sharply with the cold, biting feeling of the ocean that overtook Kaz’s body. The two feelings wrestled for control, turning his mind into a bloody war zone.

Y/N’s gentle voice cut through the noise, “Kaz, you don’t have to.”

Kaz shook his head, eyes trained on the tiny spot where their skin touched, “I want to, I need to.”

After another moment, he inched forward again, now his entire hand covered hers, his fingers intertwining with hers. Breath caught in his throat, trying to rein in his mind that was running with panic. It’s okay, it’s Y/N.

From there, Kaz only continued to improve, of course with setbacks scattered generously along the way. At times he wondered if he’d ever be able to best the trauma and anxiety that raged within, if he’d ever be someone worthy of Y/N’s affection. But she was always there by his side, encouraging consistently through the highs and the lows. Not once did she ever try to push him. Kaz worked at a rate that fit him. Kaz knew he was finally getting better when Y/N reached out and intertwined her hand with his and he didn’t flinch. Each “first” was a milestone.

Their first hug came a year later. Kaz stood in the middle of the main floor of the Slat, feeling his face grow pale as he stared at the gorey scene before him. His heart hammered away as he overlooked Inej and Jesper’s bloody and still bodies. Nina fluttered between the two, tending to their wounds and utilizing her small science. Kaz was frozen on the spot, silently watching two of his closest friends fight for their lives. It felt wrong, so wrong, and then he was drowning, struggling to keep his head above the waves of dread and panic.

And then there was Y/N, his lifeboat, the only thing tethering him down to reality. She stepped in front of him, obscuring his vision, and ran her hands delicately over his face, wiping away the blood and grime.

“I did this to them.” Kaz choked out, barely a whisper.

Y/N swiped a few stray hairs away that fell over his face, “No, no, don’t do that Kaz. You drug them home, you saved them.”

Kaz shook his head, eyes trained on the bodies before him. He didn’t even look down at Y/N, he was too lost.

She gripped his cheeks and forcefully tilted his head down. Kaz’s eyes met hers, they were soft, warm, enveloping him.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself, Kaz Brekker.” Y/N’s voice was soft but stern, every word that left her mouth was spoken with confidence.

Her fingers softly danced along his jawline, skittering over the clenched muscles. But Kaz’s body jumped under her touch, willing to do her bidding - willing to relax. Staring down at her, he realized she was his rock. The one steady constant, the one person he couldn’t ever imagine leaving him. She always had a smile etched upon her face, one of patience, warmth, and understanding. What would I do without her?

Without a second thought, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. He’d grown accustomed to touches but this was something else. Kaz felt at peace wrapped in her arms, the memories that regretfully came along with touch stayed in the back of his mind. For the first time, they didn’t push their way to the surface, causing Kaz to be overcome with nausea and dizziness. Instead they stayed buried, where they should be - manageable. He focused every bit of his mind on the warmth of her body and how he could feel her lungs expand and deflate against his chest. It just felt right.

Another year later, two more “firsts” occurred, the most important firsts in Kaz’s opinion. Y/N spun about his attic, swaying like a leaf in the wind to the melodious music that filled the room. A smile was plastered on her face as she danced like a prima ballerina, beauty and power all combined into one. Kaz was transfixed, hypnotized by her movements.

She reached a hand out towards him, beckoning him to join her as a slower melody began to play. Of course Kaz couldn't say no, so he reached out and took her hand. Together they swayed, Y/N’s arms wrapped around his neck as Kaz’s hands ghosted over her, running from her hips up her sides. Kaz felt like he was touching something heavenly, a piece of the universe right under his hands. It sent his mind reeling, wondering what he could have done to be so lucky.

Y/N smiled up at him, her eyes slowly running over each of Kaz’s features. Her eyes glittered like gold in the dim light and they were inviting, tempting Kaz to fall even deeper in love if that was even possible.

As the song came to a close, Kaz pulled her closer and he pressed a kiss to her temple. To anyone else, it would have been a simple, mindless form of affection. But for Kaz it was something more. That kiss meant the world. It was a promise that he’d continue to get better, a promise that he’d do it for both himself and her.

“I love you, Kaz.” Y/N’s voice was silvery, floating in the air, blending melodiously with the dying music.

Kaz leaned back slightly so he could gaze into her eyes and his heart beat rapidly. Admitting for the first time, he whispered, “I love you too.”

At that moment, Kaz realized the past was the past and he couldn’t go back to change things. He couldn’t bring Jordie back, he couldn’t stop himself from waking up in that sea of corpses. But he could change the future, dictate what was to come. Kaz knew one thing for certain, Y/N was his future and he wanted to experience everything with her.

He would overcome his past, brick by brick, but he’d need time. It was a good thing Y/N had patience.

———

Kaz taglist, continued in comments (comment “tag me” to be added)

@oliviasslut @ameliathackray @purplewcrld @subjecta13-thefangirl @aysegust @amberash05 @beatitlikeabongodrum @thanoshadtosnaptwiceforyou @mindofasupernova @kaitlyn2907 @renataligorio @xcharlottemikaelsonx @ladydaemon @just-a-new-start @nlnlpanini @kaqua @chaoticneutral3 @thedelusionreaderbitch @the-abyss-gazed-back @spawn0fsatan @vintagebitc @itsnotquimey @datrie @aliiiyyaaah @morganayenneferburnham @magravenwrites @kykymyeon @fandomstuffff @whatiswrongwithpeople @bilesxbilinskixlahey @imagines-and-preferences1216 @dreamer-writer-fangirl @alice-the-nerd @rika90 @for-bebbanburg @ancientbeing10 @everwhovian @theoroseo @jaystaysinside @moony-is-bae @ms-awkward @glowstick-lesbian @xetherealbeautyx @lillypotter00 @black-kitten-imagines @shortimaginewriter @ohfuk @aleksanderwh0r3 @yummyfanta @gallysonegoodlung

Parents exasperated with their kid’s whining. Genius.

THE CROWS in Shadow and Bone 1x04

Jajajajajajajajajajajajaja!!!!

A 🐐 for Jesper

Martyr

kaz brekker x reader - martyr

summary/request: “Hi!  Can I request a Kaz imagine where reader tells Kaz that he’s worth so much more than he believes and he lashes out on her because he isn’t used to people loving him.  And then reader and Kaz go a few days without talking because she doesn’t want to push him and he’s conflicted until he decides to talk to her and he says something like [redacted, spoilers]  Or something along those lines.  Omg I’m sorry that’s so specific.  I just really loved your Kaz imagine, you’re so talented”

warnings: typical six of crows stuff - blood, one mention of death

word count: 2.7k

     Kaz uncomfortably hobbled up the stairs to his room, a bloody hand clutched over his shoulder.  Y/N followed behind him, as she always did, something of a shadow - always there and never leaving.  As they reached the landing at the top of the stairs, she quickly stepped in front of him, opening the door wide.  With a quick nod of thanks, Kaz stepped inside, hurrying off to his bedroom where he kept a little stash of supplies for moments just like this.

     They’d been gone for the day, away on a heist.  Everything that could have gone wrong, went catastrophically wrong - Wylan’s bombs went off at the wrong time, Nina was delayed in knocking out a guard which caused the alarms to go off early, and Kaz himself had been cornered.  The events were still being replayed over and over again, his mind trying to dissect every moment.

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