I Wanna Recover But I Dont Wanna Look Like A Blob

I wanna recover but I don’t wanna look like a blob

I told my sibling I miss how I looked in low rise jeans bc now my belly pops out and then she said didn’t it always and I said yea but not as much as before n then I looked back at what she said and I wanna relapse so bad I keep getting signs to relapse Jesus Christ

Was I prettier when I was skinnier?

How can I recover if I can’t go to the gym yet this is bullshit mane

I wanna recover but I don’t wanna look like a blob

Getting closer to my birthday which means getting closer to the first birthday party I planned and I feel so fucking ugly. Nothing looks good bc I’m too average now. I’m not thick n I’m not skinny skinny I’m just in the middle and I feel so fucking ugly. I’m fat and skinny all at the same time and it’s fucking disgusting. I keep telling myself wait till my body is fully recovered but Jesus Christ this hurts so bad.

I think not going to the gym & not getting my proper protein in is starting to make me wanna relapse bc I’m worried I’m going back to my average body