Remind Me Why We're Trying To Get Hifumi To Love Us, Again? (a Crackfic That's Going Too Far)

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter Three: Kimiko Imamura

@chibibreeby

As soon as he left the detention room, Kiyotaka began thinking about his plan of attack. The problem? He never really hung out with Hifumi: in fact, their only interactions were in class and ocassionally, detention. As a result of this, he'd need a wingwoman that knew Hifumi well, knew what he liked, knew what he was into, knew what...oh no. Kiyotaka internally reprimanded himself. It was obvious; his wingwoman had to be Celetsia Ludenberg, Queen of Lies.

As soon as he saw Chihiro enter Mondo's room, he knew he had to make a move. Gathering his confidence (and losing his sanity), he made his way to Celestia's dorm. "Celestia? Are you in?", he asked as he knocked on the door. "Who is it this time?", the other complained as she opened the door. "Oh, it's my dear, sweet friend Kiyotaka Ishimaru!", Celestia said in the fakest way possible, before returning to her usual displeasured tone. "Seriously, Kiyotaka, why the hell are you here? I have better things to do!".

"May I please go into your room? I have a proposition that may interest you.", Kiyotaka said, a bit uneasy with the way he worded his sentence. Celestia stared the prefect down, contemplating wether this would be worth her time. "Alright. Get in, speak your peace, then leave. I'm currently watching an anime series Hifumi recommended that isn't awful.". Kiyotaka rolled his eyes, "This anime wouldn't happen to have vampires in it, would it?". The gambler then stuck her metal-clad finger out to the moral compass. "You're treading on thin ice, Kiyotaka!".

Deciding against the argument, Kiyotaka made his way inside Celestia's room. "Actually, this proposition concerns Hifumi. You see...Leon had made this competition, and the Ultimate goal is to get Hifumi to fall in love. Each of us had to have a wingwoman, and we also must be in convincing drag.". Celestia perked up. "A competition, you say? As in, a competition I can bet on? And you are my own little bet? This may be more fun than I thought.". Kiyotaka smiled, "I am glad you're on board!".

Celestia waved her hand dismissively. "It's only for my own personal pleasure of having you as my 'Barbie doll', not anything else. Now then, you need to do this in drag, hmm?". The prefect nodded in confirmation. Celestia twirled her hair drills. "I'm not saying image is everything, but when dealing with Hifumi, you've got to appeal to him in the only way you can. You can have your own personality, that's not an issue. You...hmm...Kimiko...needs to look like an anime girl.".

Kiyotaka was admittedly confused. "Fun fact that you should take to your grave; when I was younger, I had an imaginary friend I named Kimiko Imamura. I never thought I'd actually create her, much less have you portray her, but that's besides the point. I'm going to be honest, I don't know anything about anime, and I'm assuming Hifumi can't know anything, yes?". "Unfortunately.".

Celestia thought for a moment. "That's fine. We can manage. You're not losing this. Let's just work with what we've got. If we go on with a skirt, it's gotta be a pencil skirt, or I guess one of those school girl uniforms that are unrealistically short. Anime girls wear that, I think. As for up top," Celestia gestured to Kiyotaka's chest, "We can go large, but not ridiculous. I'm thinking a 34 C. What about you?". Kiyotaka scratched his chin, "Whatever you think is fine, after all, you are the wingwoman.".

Celestia chuckled darkly. "Don't give me too much freedom with this". Kiyotaka and Celestia then heard the sound of shopping bags and running feet in the hall, and after a quick glance out of the open door, the two saw Chihiro and Mondo hauling an abundance of bags down the hall. "Oh, believe me, be as free with this as you like.", Kiyotaka reassured. "We're talking makeup? Nails? Mani-pedis? Massages? Starbucks?". "Everything".

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter Seven: Big Sis Diana's Rules For Dating

@chibibreeby

Momo couldn't believe this was happening. Never in a million years would she think that her brother sister would actually join in his her activities, yet here she was helping him, uh, her into a corset. Dai..ana...didn't have any clothes of "her" own, so Momo had to share, which would've worked better if Daiana hadn't chosen the tightest-fitting clothes Momo had (and no, there was no way s/he was sharing the tiger print thong, no matter how much Daiana begged).

Now here Momo, Chihiro and Daiana were, about to intrude on the Crazy Diamonds (well, not really intrude, but technically, yeah), and personally, the first drag sister and her wing"woman" hoped that Daiana wouldn't do anything devious, or in their case, humiliating. Cue Daiana clinging onto 'her sister' like a teddy bear and cooing into Momo's ear things like, "Did you wear a nice bra? Are your nails done? Do you have your makeup bag with you in case I see someone I like?".

Once the trio had come across the gang in the alleyway, the older 'sister' thought that the best way to catch the attention of the bikers was to forcefully push Momo out front, knowing that he she was wearing quite a tall pair of heels, and was very prone to falling. Luckily(?), Shoji was there to catch 'her' before he she fell.

"Well, well, if it isn't my lil' angel again.", Shoji greeted, pulling back Momo's hair right before Daiana swept in and knocked Momo to the ground and offered 'her' hand for Shoji to shake. "My, my, I don't think we met yet! I'm Daiana, Momo's older sister!". When Momo attempted to get up, Daiana placed her heel firmly on Momo's back, leaving the younger sibling to squirm, and Chihiro to cringe. "Shake my hand if you know what's good for you".

Nervously, Shoji delicately shook Daiana's handl "Good, good! It's nice meeting my little sister's male friends!", Daiana clamored, kicking Momo's butt before finally allowing 'her' up. "Uh, yeah. Nice ta meet ya, too, Daiana.". Giggling obnoxiously, Daiana replied, "What a sweetheart! You can call me Didi!". Once Momo brushed off the asphalt on 'her' clothes, Daiana, er, Didi clung on to her arm. "Nice boys. I wouldn't be suprised if they wanted to date you, little peach!".

One by one, the Diamonds surrounded Momo, only to be warded off by a hiss from Didi. "Just like I thought. Absolute pigs, all of them. Why, oh why do you have to fall for these bad boys, Momo?". Lovingly, 'she' yanked Momo's hair, causing the 'sister' to shriek. "Oh well. Look's like big sis Daiana will have to step in! After all, it seems like all of you want a bite of this juicy fruit, hmm?". Enthusiastic cheers rose from the crowd, causing Momo to blush. "Hehe! Looks like I'll have to go over Big Sis Daiana's Rules For Dating!".

Daiana then grabbed Daiana's shoulders and had her back(?) facing the gang. "Rule number one;", Daiana paused to lift Momo's skirt and flash the Crazy Daimonds with 'her sister's' trademark tiger-print thong, earning a ton of whistles and a distressed, "DAIANA!". "...Keep your filthy eyes off of my baby sister's ass, ya perverts! Your eyes should be admiring her beauty, not her booty.". After letting go of Momo's skirt, Didi brought 'her sister' in for a hug. "Rule number two; love  my lil sis right. Hug her, kiss her, get her flowers, cotton candy, a maltese puppy, stuff she likes!".

"Rule number three, keep your eyes off of other girls.". Daiana paused to push up 'her' bra and stick out his...her tongue, earning a few catcalls herself. "Rule number four, keep all those violent gangsters away from my sweet little sister! Normally, this rule would apply to you, but I like your gang.". Both Momo and Chihiro rolled their eyes. "Finally, rule five...IF YOU HURT MOMO IN ANY WAY, I WILL HAVE YOU TIED TO THE BACK OF A MOTORCYCLE AND DRUG FROM HERE TO FUJI, GOT IT?!" . Shaking, the gangsters nodded.

"Good! We're going to the Karaoke Bar on Sunday! Be there~".

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter One: The Ultimate Man's Competition

@chibibreeby 

It was another day at Hope's Peak. Well, afternoon, really. While other students were participating in club activities or hanging out with friends, Kiyotaka Ishimaru was watching over several students in detention. Some students, like Makoto Naegi, were only in for thirty minutes due to minor offenses, while others had an hour or so. By the time Teruteru had finished dinner, Kiyotaka was still on the detention room, watching over the two remaining students, Mondo and Leon.

Mondo groaned; he hadn't done anything detention worthy that day, or even that week. In fact, he was going to prove to the hall monitor that he could stay out of trouble, however, that backfired when he found out that he had piled up on enough minor offenses to keep him in detention for three hours.

Leon, on the other hand, was actually trying to stack up his detentions and serve them all in one day. Like Mondo, there were an abundance of minor offenses, added on to that one time he threw Yasuhiro's crystal ball down the hallway and had accidentally hit Headmaster Kirigiri. In all honesty, he didn't mind the detention as much when it was just him, Mondo, and Kiyotaka. Actually, that gave him an idea.

"Hey, Kiyotaka, come over here!", the all-star called out, catching the attention of both the prefect and the biker. "Why? This is not one of your foolish 'pranks', is it?", Kiyotaka questioned. Leon shook his head, "No, no, not at all, just come over.". Sighing, Kiyotaka made his way over to Leon's desk. "Now then, what is the reason you called me over?", the moral compass asked, crossing his arms and staring down at Leon.

"Well, I think it's safe to say that the three of us are pretty manly, huh?", Leon inquired, all too calm. "Fuck, yeah. What's that got ta do wit' anything?", Mondo wondered, whilst making his way to Leon and Kiyotaka. " We're all manly by our standards, but who's truly the manliest out of us?".

Kiyotaka laughed boisterously. "Is that a rhetorical question? It is obvious that I am the manliest of us three, after all, at this moment I am in charge of you, not only showing my authority, but dominance as well!". Mondo rolled his eyes, "Don't credit yerself like that. Yeah, you're in charge, for th' next twenty minutes, but I'm runnin' an entire biker gang! If anyone here's manly, it's me.". Leon smirked, "See? It would be pointless to argue that I'm manlier, because you two have proven my point. Therefore, in order to settle this...dispute, I think a competition is in order.".

"Competition? Please elaborate!", Kiyotaka replied. "With every man's competition, it's the same; who can lift that, who's able to eat this, normal men's things.". "What are ya plannin', Leon?", Mondo asked, a bit nervous. Leon stood up and made his way to the front of the room. "I'm planning a competiton that only a real man would have the audacity to compete in! One that tests a man physically, mentally, and emotionally.". Leon grabbed a piece of chalk and began writing on the board. "Introducing, the Ultimate Man's Competition!".

Mondo and Kiyotaka stared at each other, then at Leon. "Allow me to explain. Each participant must, one, be a male, and two, be a student here. The task?". Leon paused to finish drawing what looked like a four-year-old's portrait of Hifumi. "Make this guy fall in love with you!". The prefect and the gang leader cringed. "Uh, Leon, I think I speak fer both Taka an' I when I say, the fuck are ya thinkin?".

Leon chuckled, "Not up to the challenge? I guess that means I wi-". "No ya don't! I jus', uh, wanted ta know th' rules.", Mondo interrupted. "Alright. Any male is allowed to compete, except Chihiro, since he does this on a daily basis, and of course, Hifumi for obvious reasons . Each male is required to have one wingwoman, and once one is claimed, she can't work for anyone else. As for the task itself, you won't be going out with Hifumi yourself, rather you'd go as your female self".

Kiyotaka shifted his eyes. "Are you proposing we do drag?". Leon scratched his goatee. "One reason we've got a wingwoman. Any other questions?". "Does Hiro count as a wingwoman?", Mondo inquired. Leon thought for a moment. "Sure, why not. By the way, your lady self should have her own name, first and last, and the absolute, number one rule, is don't let Hifumi know. Got it?". Kiyotaka and Mondo gave a nod of confirmation.

"Alrighty then, gentlemen. Let the competition begin!".

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter Two: Momo Oyama

@chibibreeby

Man's Competition? Fine. Dress like a woman? Perfectly okay. Make Hifumi Yamada, a boy obsessed with his 2D girls and Pretty Pudgy Princess, whoever that was, fall in love with him? EASY. Mondo Oowada laughed aloud as he head back to his dorm. Forget Kiyotaka and Leon, this entire competition was going to him, no doubt. After all, he was the MANLIEST, no matter how many layers of makeup he had on or how short a skirt he wore.

First things first, he needed a wingwoman. There was only one person he thought was best for the job, and that person, without a doubt, was Chihiro Fujisaki. Sure, having an actual wingwoman may be more favorable, but Chihiro had been crossdressing since he could dress, and selling the feminisim with his MANLY body was a job only a crossdressing, drag, whatever expert could manage. Without wasting any time, he texted Chihiro to meet him in his room.

"Hello, Mondo! What's up? Usually when we meet up, it's in a public place.", Chihiro said as he practically intruded Mondo's room (but what could he do about it? He did leave the door unlocked.). "Well, uh...this may sound weird an' shit but," Mondo took in a deep breath, " I need ya ta work yer girly magic an' make me a lady!". "The fuck?", Chihiro questioned, understandibly. "I said...I need ya ta make me a woman.". Chihiro stared at Mondo uncomfortably. "You mean drag?". Mondo scratched his head. "Yeah, that.".

Chihiro relaxed. "Thank god. What made you intetested in doing drag, Mondo?". Oh, boy. This was the ball-kicker (and not the soccer/fútbol kicker). "Well, 'm doin' a challenge Leon made. Th' Ultimate Man's Competition. We're required ta have a wingwoman an' uh...make Hifumi fall in love wit' us...". Chihiro burst out laughing. "Let me guess, I was omitted from the contest?". Mondo groaned, " Yeah, cause ya dress like a girl every day!". Chihiro snickered, "Wouldn't that...never mind. So, what does Lady Mondo need?".

Mondo thought for a moment. "Well, she can't be Lady Mondo. She's gotta have 'er own name.". Chihiro scratched his chin. "It'd need to be sweet and endearing, but also kinda tough...I think I've got it!" "First and last?". "Oh...man, Leon's really trying to not get you guys caught. I'll come up with a name later. Right now, we need to work on a wardrobe. One of the defining things that make your MANLINESS feminine is what you wear, so....you know what that means!". Mondo groaned, "Shopping?". Chihiro nodded, afterwards saying, "If you're going to win this stupid thing, you better get used to shopping.".

Chauffered by Taichi Fujisaki, Chihiro and Mondo had gone to Towa Mall, a large complex of stores, restaurants, and shops, each one being of a popular brand. "Is there any reason in particular why you two wanted to go to the-", Taichi asked cheerfully, before Chihiro replied, "Nope! No reason at all! Just two friends hanging out! Okay? Okay! Bye, dad!", whilst ushering Mondo out of the car.

Once inside the mall, Chihiro began pitching his plan. "Contrary to popular belief, seeing isn't beliving; feeling is. That's why, during this shopping trip, we're covering every single possible area! If you feel the lady, you'll be the lady.". Mondo stuck his hands in his pockets. "I get what yer sayin'. So, where're we goin' first?". Chihiro smiled mischeviously.

"Since Lady Mondo's...proportions, are larger than others, I was thinking that maybe we needed to stop by...Victoria's Secret?".  Mondo stopped dead in his tracks. " 'm sorry, what?". "I'm going to explain this in the best ways I can...," Chihiro pressed his hands together, then pointed said hands at Mondo, "Lady Mondo's going to need help 'supporting the ladies'. Holding her 'boulders'. Staying up there and not down there. Covering her 'Akane's'. Her 'training days' are over.". Mondo stared at Chihiro, confused , before the programmer blatantly stated, "Lady Mondo's got huge boobs.".

Mondo covered his face as he blushed. "Are we really goin' there?". Chihiro smiled, "Yes, we are going there, unless, of course, you're admitting defeat.". Mondo removed his hands from his face. "Yay! I wonder if they'll have nice...undergarments, too!".

Post returning to Hope's Peak from the mall, (with Mondo's lady items hidden within mediocre shopping bags), the two dumped out all of the items onto Mondo's bed. "Let's see...studded leather jackets, cute tank tops, shoes, shoes, and more shoes, ooh, jeans from Old Navy, nice, also, cute skirts, nice bras, pretty panties, quality makeup, jewelry, wigs that drained the majority of my hacker money, and...Mondo?". The boy in question turned away. "Yeah?". "I thought we decided against the tiger-print thong?", Chihiro questioned as he held up the shameful thing.

"I couldn't look away from it, like it was callin' ta me or somethin'.", Mondo admitted. Chihiro rolled his eyes, while setting down the piece of revealing clothing. "By the way, I came up with a name for Lady Mondo! How does 'Momo Oyama' sound?". "Sound's fuckin perfect! It's girly an' shit, but like, tough girly, ya know?", Mondo said. "Plus, it'd be cute if Hifumi nicknamed you his little peach!", Chihiro giggled. The biker shrugged, "Ey that's only workin' in my favor. I better text Leon an' Taka.". Chihiro watched as Mondo sent out a message to the other two. "What does it say?", Chihiro inquired.

"That Momo's gonna beat their asses.".

This is how I was inspired to start my own blog! 😊

that’s it. that’s the comic

Something I had drawn a while ago for this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9284852/chapters/24925548