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Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter One: The Ultimate Man's Competition

@chibibreeby 

It was another day at Hope's Peak. Well, afternoon, really. While other students were participating in club activities or hanging out with friends, Kiyotaka Ishimaru was watching over several students in detention. Some students, like Makoto Naegi, were only in for thirty minutes due to minor offenses, while others had an hour or so. By the time Teruteru had finished dinner, Kiyotaka was still on the detention room, watching over the two remaining students, Mondo and Leon.

Mondo groaned; he hadn't done anything detention worthy that day, or even that week. In fact, he was going to prove to the hall monitor that he could stay out of trouble, however, that backfired when he found out that he had piled up on enough minor offenses to keep him in detention for three hours.

Leon, on the other hand, was actually trying to stack up his detentions and serve them all in one day. Like Mondo, there were an abundance of minor offenses, added on to that one time he threw Yasuhiro's crystal ball down the hallway and had accidentally hit Headmaster Kirigiri. In all honesty, he didn't mind the detention as much when it was just him, Mondo, and Kiyotaka. Actually, that gave him an idea.

"Hey, Kiyotaka, come over here!", the all-star called out, catching the attention of both the prefect and the biker. "Why? This is not one of your foolish 'pranks', is it?", Kiyotaka questioned. Leon shook his head, "No, no, not at all, just come over.". Sighing, Kiyotaka made his way over to Leon's desk. "Now then, what is the reason you called me over?", the moral compass asked, crossing his arms and staring down at Leon.

"Well, I think it's safe to say that the three of us are pretty manly, huh?", Leon inquired, all too calm. "Fuck, yeah. What's that got ta do wit' anything?", Mondo wondered, whilst making his way to Leon and Kiyotaka. " We're all manly by our standards, but who's truly the manliest out of us?".

Kiyotaka laughed boisterously. "Is that a rhetorical question? It is obvious that I am the manliest of us three, after all, at this moment I am in charge of you, not only showing my authority, but dominance as well!". Mondo rolled his eyes, "Don't credit yerself like that. Yeah, you're in charge, for th' next twenty minutes, but I'm runnin' an entire biker gang! If anyone here's manly, it's me.". Leon smirked, "See? It would be pointless to argue that I'm manlier, because you two have proven my point. Therefore, in order to settle this...dispute, I think a competition is in order.".

"Competition? Please elaborate!", Kiyotaka replied. "With every man's competition, it's the same; who can lift that, who's able to eat this, normal men's things.". "What are ya plannin', Leon?", Mondo asked, a bit nervous. Leon stood up and made his way to the front of the room. "I'm planning a competiton that only a real man would have the audacity to compete in! One that tests a man physically, mentally, and emotionally.". Leon grabbed a piece of chalk and began writing on the board. "Introducing, the Ultimate Man's Competition!".

Mondo and Kiyotaka stared at each other, then at Leon. "Allow me to explain. Each participant must, one, be a male, and two, be a student here. The task?". Leon paused to finish drawing what looked like a four-year-old's portrait of Hifumi. "Make this guy fall in love with you!". The prefect and the gang leader cringed. "Uh, Leon, I think I speak fer both Taka an' I when I say, the fuck are ya thinkin?".

Leon chuckled, "Not up to the challenge? I guess that means I wi-". "No ya don't! I jus', uh, wanted ta know th' rules.", Mondo interrupted. "Alright. Any male is allowed to compete, except Chihiro, since he does this on a daily basis, and of course, Hifumi for obvious reasons . Each male is required to have one wingwoman, and once one is claimed, she can't work for anyone else. As for the task itself, you won't be going out with Hifumi yourself, rather you'd go as your female self".

Kiyotaka shifted his eyes. "Are you proposing we do drag?". Leon scratched his goatee. "One reason we've got a wingwoman. Any other questions?". "Does Hiro count as a wingwoman?", Mondo inquired. Leon thought for a moment. "Sure, why not. By the way, your lady self should have her own name, first and last, and the absolute, number one rule, is don't let Hifumi know. Got it?". Kiyotaka and Mondo gave a nod of confirmation.

"Alrighty then, gentlemen. Let the competition begin!".

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter Two: Momo Oyama

@chibibreeby

Man's Competition? Fine. Dress like a woman? Perfectly okay. Make Hifumi Yamada, a boy obsessed with his 2D girls and Pretty Pudgy Princess, whoever that was, fall in love with him? EASY. Mondo Oowada laughed aloud as he head back to his dorm. Forget Kiyotaka and Leon, this entire competition was going to him, no doubt. After all, he was the MANLIEST, no matter how many layers of makeup he had on or how short a skirt he wore.

First things first, he needed a wingwoman. There was only one person he thought was best for the job, and that person, without a doubt, was Chihiro Fujisaki. Sure, having an actual wingwoman may be more favorable, but Chihiro had been crossdressing since he could dress, and selling the feminisim with his MANLY body was a job only a crossdressing, drag, whatever expert could manage. Without wasting any time, he texted Chihiro to meet him in his room.

"Hello, Mondo! What's up? Usually when we meet up, it's in a public place.", Chihiro said as he practically intruded Mondo's room (but what could he do about it? He did leave the door unlocked.). "Well, uh...this may sound weird an' shit but," Mondo took in a deep breath, " I need ya ta work yer girly magic an' make me a lady!". "The fuck?", Chihiro questioned, understandibly. "I said...I need ya ta make me a woman.". Chihiro stared at Mondo uncomfortably. "You mean drag?". Mondo scratched his head. "Yeah, that.".

Chihiro relaxed. "Thank god. What made you intetested in doing drag, Mondo?". Oh, boy. This was the ball-kicker (and not the soccer/fútbol kicker). "Well, 'm doin' a challenge Leon made. Th' Ultimate Man's Competition. We're required ta have a wingwoman an' uh...make Hifumi fall in love wit' us...". Chihiro burst out laughing. "Let me guess, I was omitted from the contest?". Mondo groaned, " Yeah, cause ya dress like a girl every day!". Chihiro snickered, "Wouldn't that...never mind. So, what does Lady Mondo need?".

Mondo thought for a moment. "Well, she can't be Lady Mondo. She's gotta have 'er own name.". Chihiro scratched his chin. "It'd need to be sweet and endearing, but also kinda tough...I think I've got it!" "First and last?". "Oh...man, Leon's really trying to not get you guys caught. I'll come up with a name later. Right now, we need to work on a wardrobe. One of the defining things that make your MANLINESS feminine is what you wear, so....you know what that means!". Mondo groaned, "Shopping?". Chihiro nodded, afterwards saying, "If you're going to win this stupid thing, you better get used to shopping.".

Chauffered by Taichi Fujisaki, Chihiro and Mondo had gone to Towa Mall, a large complex of stores, restaurants, and shops, each one being of a popular brand. "Is there any reason in particular why you two wanted to go to the-", Taichi asked cheerfully, before Chihiro replied, "Nope! No reason at all! Just two friends hanging out! Okay? Okay! Bye, dad!", whilst ushering Mondo out of the car.

Once inside the mall, Chihiro began pitching his plan. "Contrary to popular belief, seeing isn't beliving; feeling is. That's why, during this shopping trip, we're covering every single possible area! If you feel the lady, you'll be the lady.". Mondo stuck his hands in his pockets. "I get what yer sayin'. So, where're we goin' first?". Chihiro smiled mischeviously.

"Since Lady Mondo's...proportions, are larger than others, I was thinking that maybe we needed to stop by...Victoria's Secret?".  Mondo stopped dead in his tracks. " 'm sorry, what?". "I'm going to explain this in the best ways I can...," Chihiro pressed his hands together, then pointed said hands at Mondo, "Lady Mondo's going to need help 'supporting the ladies'. Holding her 'boulders'. Staying up there and not down there. Covering her 'Akane's'. Her 'training days' are over.". Mondo stared at Chihiro, confused , before the programmer blatantly stated, "Lady Mondo's got huge boobs.".

Mondo covered his face as he blushed. "Are we really goin' there?". Chihiro smiled, "Yes, we are going there, unless, of course, you're admitting defeat.". Mondo removed his hands from his face. "Yay! I wonder if they'll have nice...undergarments, too!".

Post returning to Hope's Peak from the mall, (with Mondo's lady items hidden within mediocre shopping bags), the two dumped out all of the items onto Mondo's bed. "Let's see...studded leather jackets, cute tank tops, shoes, shoes, and more shoes, ooh, jeans from Old Navy, nice, also, cute skirts, nice bras, pretty panties, quality makeup, jewelry, wigs that drained the majority of my hacker money, and...Mondo?". The boy in question turned away. "Yeah?". "I thought we decided against the tiger-print thong?", Chihiro questioned as he held up the shameful thing.

"I couldn't look away from it, like it was callin' ta me or somethin'.", Mondo admitted. Chihiro rolled his eyes, while setting down the piece of revealing clothing. "By the way, I came up with a name for Lady Mondo! How does 'Momo Oyama' sound?". "Sound's fuckin perfect! It's girly an' shit, but like, tough girly, ya know?", Mondo said. "Plus, it'd be cute if Hifumi nicknamed you his little peach!", Chihiro giggled. The biker shrugged, "Ey that's only workin' in my favor. I better text Leon an' Taka.". Chihiro watched as Mondo sent out a message to the other two. "What does it say?", Chihiro inquired.

"That Momo's gonna beat their asses.".

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter Three: Kimiko Imamura

@chibibreeby

As soon as he left the detention room, Kiyotaka began thinking about his plan of attack. The problem? He never really hung out with Hifumi: in fact, their only interactions were in class and ocassionally, detention. As a result of this, he'd need a wingwoman that knew Hifumi well, knew what he liked, knew what he was into, knew what...oh no. Kiyotaka internally reprimanded himself. It was obvious; his wingwoman had to be Celetsia Ludenberg, Queen of Lies.

As soon as he saw Chihiro enter Mondo's room, he knew he had to make a move. Gathering his confidence (and losing his sanity), he made his way to Celestia's dorm. "Celestia? Are you in?", he asked as he knocked on the door. "Who is it this time?", the other complained as she opened the door. "Oh, it's my dear, sweet friend Kiyotaka Ishimaru!", Celestia said in the fakest way possible, before returning to her usual displeasured tone. "Seriously, Kiyotaka, why the hell are you here? I have better things to do!".

"May I please go into your room? I have a proposition that may interest you.", Kiyotaka said, a bit uneasy with the way he worded his sentence. Celestia stared the prefect down, contemplating wether this would be worth her time. "Alright. Get in, speak your peace, then leave. I'm currently watching an anime series Hifumi recommended that isn't awful.". Kiyotaka rolled his eyes, "This anime wouldn't happen to have vampires in it, would it?". The gambler then stuck her metal-clad finger out to the moral compass. "You're treading on thin ice, Kiyotaka!".

Deciding against the argument, Kiyotaka made his way inside Celestia's room. "Actually, this proposition concerns Hifumi. You see...Leon had made this competition, and the Ultimate goal is to get Hifumi to fall in love. Each of us had to have a wingwoman, and we also must be in convincing drag.". Celestia perked up. "A competition, you say? As in, a competition I can bet on? And you are my own little bet? This may be more fun than I thought.". Kiyotaka smiled, "I am glad you're on board!".

Celestia waved her hand dismissively. "It's only for my own personal pleasure of having you as my 'Barbie doll', not anything else. Now then, you need to do this in drag, hmm?". The prefect nodded in confirmation. Celestia twirled her hair drills. "I'm not saying image is everything, but when dealing with Hifumi, you've got to appeal to him in the only way you can. You can have your own personality, that's not an issue. You...hmm...Kimiko...needs to look like an anime girl.".

Kiyotaka was admittedly confused. "Fun fact that you should take to your grave; when I was younger, I had an imaginary friend I named Kimiko Imamura. I never thought I'd actually create her, much less have you portray her, but that's besides the point. I'm going to be honest, I don't know anything about anime, and I'm assuming Hifumi can't know anything, yes?". "Unfortunately.".

Celestia thought for a moment. "That's fine. We can manage. You're not losing this. Let's just work with what we've got. If we go on with a skirt, it's gotta be a pencil skirt, or I guess one of those school girl uniforms that are unrealistically short. Anime girls wear that, I think. As for up top," Celestia gestured to Kiyotaka's chest, "We can go large, but not ridiculous. I'm thinking a 34 C. What about you?". Kiyotaka scratched his chin, "Whatever you think is fine, after all, you are the wingwoman.".

Celestia chuckled darkly. "Don't give me too much freedom with this". Kiyotaka and Celestia then heard the sound of shopping bags and running feet in the hall, and after a quick glance out of the open door, the two saw Chihiro and Mondo hauling an abundance of bags down the hall. "Oh, believe me, be as free with this as you like.", Kiyotaka reassured. "We're talking makeup? Nails? Mani-pedis? Massages? Starbucks?". "Everything".

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter Four: Leiko Kuba

@chibibreeby

"Oh, Sayaka~! Where are you?", Leon called down the halls. This was his creation, after all, and he knew that this competition would spread through the school like a germ, but as of now, he was against Kiyotaka and Mondo, who were totally worthy adversaries. After all, Kiyotaka was already curvy (not that Leon was looking or anything) and Mondo would obviously have a sizeable bust (not that he was looking at that either), so he needed a secret weapon of he was going to have a chance.

"Sayaka~!". The pop idol groaned aloud, before telling Ibuki, Aoi, and Sakura that she needed to leave from their meal. Annoyed, she looked through the halls for the all-star, catching him before he entered the elevator. "Leon, what the heck? I was enjoying a nice meal with my friends . Is there any logical reason you're shouting my name down the hall?!". The fakeginger smirked. "Sayaka! I know you're still mad about that one time I broke your nose-". "By the way, the trial's in two weeks.". "-during athletics, but let's put that behind us for now!".

Sayaka rolled her eyes and pointed to her bandaged nose. "Ask someone else to help you with your sorry life.". "Okay, okay, you seem a little hostile, that's fine. But would you be willing to help a friend of mine? She really needs it!", Leon pleaded. The blue-haired girl sighed out of frustration, "Fine. Who is she, and what does she need help with?". Leon put his arm around Sayaka's shoulder. "So this chick's name is Leiko Kuba. She's having relationship problems. There's a guy she likes but she's not sure how to steal his heart.". Sayaka tapped her chin. "A common problem. When can I meet her?". Leon then pointed at himself. "You already know her!".

"Wait, what?", the idol questioned. "I've created this competition, the Ultimate Man's Competition. The task is simple, get Hifumi Yamada to fall in love with their female alter ego.", the baseball player explained. "And you want my help?", Sayaka asked rhetorically. "So, by agreeing, I'm allowed to do whatever to you make you Leiko Kuba, but also help out Leiko as if she was a bestie. All for the purpose of showing how MANLY you are? Leon, that's the best thing you thought of?".

Before Leon could reply, Sayaka continued, "This is better than any money I could have sued you for! Oh, you don't know how close Leiko and I will be! Spa treatments, sleepovers, brunch, oh, we'll do everything! This is what I call 'helpful revenge'. I'll help Leiko win Hifumi, all the while getting revenge for you breaking my nose!". Leon scratched the back of his head, "I'm fine with that. I mean, you're only the second broken nose this year.". "Oh yeah. How much detention did you get for Headmaster Kirigiri's nose, by the way?".

"Just enough to think of this.". Sayaka shook her head, "Whatever! I'll call my agent and tell him to scrap the court date. You and I, or rather, Leiko and I, are going to be the BEST BESTIES!".

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter Five: Operation: Land A Date!

@chibibreeby

The next day, after class,  the boys and wingwomen met in the detention room (once Kiyotaka was done with his detention, of course). Leon then wrote on the chalkboard "Land A Date With Hifumi". "Now competitors and wingwomen, here is where competition gets interesting, to say the least. Of course, it's where we try to score a date with everyone's favorite weirdo.".

Kiyotaka raised his hand. "Yes?". "Can we get into the rules?". Leon rolled his eyes. "Fine. You and your wingwoman need to stay together, or at least in the same area. Also, you gotta have your lady gear on. You can do anything to convince Hifumi to date you.". The prefect nodded. "Now, uh, I watched a few videos on drag, and I still need help actually putting it on.", Leon admitted, "So this is the only exception to the 'No Helping' rule..".

Mondo, sorry, Momo felt a little uncomfortable, but that was because she was way too comfortable in those clothes. Currently, "she" was wearing a normal white tank top, a black leather studded jacket, a black miniskirt with a gold chain, a (thankfully) white bra over his, uh, her (admittedly real) bust, a big, frizzy wig that matched his own hair color, heavy makeup, black stilettos, and the tiger-print thong that Chihiro hated so much.

While it was an ugly process ( cinching his waist, waxing his legs, not to mention having to tuck a certain something you probably about know into a place he never thought it could go in order to achieve a feminine outline rather than a MANLY bulge, hint hint), the outcome was actually incredible, and "she" was pretty amazed with Chihiro's work. Now to see if it worked...

"I don't understand, Momo, wouldn't it be easier to test your lady charm on Hifumi rather than the Crazy Daimonds?", Chihiro questioned. "Yeah, but doing the gang will help me see if I'm unrecognizeable.", Momo responded. That was another thing that had changed. Since Mondo's voice was pretty deep at normal volume, Momo's voice had to be significantly quieter. While "her" voice was still deep, the falsetto added in made it more feminine and pleasing to hear.

Chihiro shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever you say. It's your logic.". After a minute or two scouring the streets, Mondo Momo found his her gang hanging around an alley. "There they are. What was that thing you told me?", Momo asked. Chihiro demonstrated every move. "When you get over there, flip your hair, blink three times, look over your shoulder, and put your hand on your hip". "Ya sure that works?", Momo asked nervously. "It has for me!", Chihiro chirped.

Momo went over the steps in "her" head, then walked over within earshot of hi- her gang. Flip, blink, blink, blink, look, and hip. Flip, blink, blink, blink, look, and hip. Flip, blink, blink, blink, look, and hip. Simple. Until s/he actually did the combo. Flip, blink, blink, bl- ow! Eyelash! Rub it out! Pay attention to where you're walking! Is that a manhole cover? Don't tri- whoa! Smack!

Momo could feel Chihiro's facepalm from on the asphalt. "Ey, lady, you okay?", s/he heard someone say in a rough voice. Slowly, Momo looked up to see who it was, and thanked everything that it was a Diamond, though that eyelash was still in h/er eye, so it made it difficult to tell who it was exactly. "Uh, yeah...who are you?". " Name's Shoji,", he said as helped up Momo, taking a moment to examine "her" body, "and you must be an angel, huh?".

"Actually, I'm Momo...". Shoji nodded, "Believe me, I saw your 'peach'.". Hurriedly, Momo flipped "her" skirt down. "I don't ever remember seein' you around. Ya must be new?". Momo nodded. Man, this was easy-  ah, stupid eyelash! "I can take care o' that.", Shoji said, removing the annoying eyelash from Momo's eye. "Gah!". Shoji smirked, "Yer all flustered. Cute. Lemme indroduce ya to th' gang.  It's not mine, but 'm sure boss won't mind.".

Confidently placing his arm around Momo's waist, Shoji brought "her" over to the rest of the Daimonds. Almost simultaneously, the alley filled with the sound of whistles and cat-calls (and Takemichi made his way to the back). "Well, well, look what Shoji found.", a Daimond with a particularly riduculous pompadour commented, making Momo feel a little uncomfortable.

"This is Momo uh...". "Oyama". "Momo Oyama. She's new.". "And gorgeous! Where you from?", a shorter biker asked. "Oh, I'm from...". "Is that really important? I'd like ta know if she's free tonight.", a paler Daimond purred, winking at the "lady". "Hey, I saw her first, Kazuki!", Shoji growled, afterward, all the Crazy Daimonds (minus Takemichi) swarming over the "girl".

"You know what? My friend's waiting for me, I gotta go!", Momo informed, before escaping the swarm and taking off toward Chihiro. " Run, Hiro!". "How'd it go?", Chihiro asked as he ran beside Momo. "I'm a better lady than I thought!", s/he replied in Mondo's natural voice.

Kimiko felt espesially brave. Celestia was the closest to Hifumi after all, so everything was in "her" favor. Of course, if everything was in "her" favor, why was Celestia taking her to a nightclub? "Celestia," Kimiko said in the uncomfortably high French accent Celestia begged her to use, "I think I should ask Hifumi out now. Could we please return to Hope's Peak?". Celestia rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding? You need to have fun like this. It'll sharpen your skills.".

"Sharpen my skills?". "As a woman. After all, you want to win this, don't you? Besides, you're getting looks.". Kimiko then scoured the area with her eyes, almost tripping over "her" thigh-high black heeled boots. S/he then dusted "her"self off, while taking a moment to straighten the ridiculous Sailor Moon-like black pigtails on "her" head and remove the creases from "her" red button-down blouse and white pencil skirt.

Once done with "her" maintenance, s/he continued the conversation. "Even if I wanted to go to a nightclub, I am positive we would not be granted admission!". Celestia then winked mischeviously, letting Kimiko know she had something up her sleeve. At the nightclub (a block or two away from Hope's Peak), Celestia grabbed Kimiko by the wrist and drug "her" to the front. The bouncer looked at the two, exchanging glances between Celestia and Kimiko. "Got I.D.?".

"Why wouldn't we?", the gambler replied, producing two realistic fake I.D.'s. "Alright. Have fun.". Kimiko's eyes widened, and Celestia had to snatch back the I.D. cards and drag "her" inside before she could say anything. "Celestia! That is illegal!", Kimiko shouted over the booming music. "Who's Celestia? As of right now, I'm Taeko Yasuhiro, and you are to have fun.", the other replied as she removed the two drills from her hair. "Now run along! I'll be over here.".

Kimiko pouted. This was definately not the way s/he thought this plan would go; now s/he was illegally in a nightclub with Hifumi nowhere in sight, and the more and more she looked at herself in a reflective surface, the more s/he looked like a little girl attempting to be a teenager (which made sense, being s/he never asked what age Kimiko actually was, and Celestia had made the makeup look way too natural) which made Kimiko all the more uncomfortable.

"Hey. Aren't you a litte too young to be in here?". Great. Perfect even. "Uh, yes, yes, sorry, I'll-". "Oh no, it's fine, I won't tell.". Crisis adve- wait, huh? "I'm Haiji Towa. What's your name?". "Kimiko Imamura.". If "her" looks didn't say little girl, that stupid voice would've by now. "How old are you?". Kimiko looked at the man. He didn't look like the law, and he seemed trustworthy, and besides the Towa family ran the city, right. Even still, "I'd rather not say.". "That's fine, Kimiko. Hey, why don't you stick with me for a while?", Haiji asked. Kimiko smiled, then nodded politely. Maybe this wasn't so bad.

Leiko sighed. What the heck were those other two and their wingwomen doing outside of the school anyway? The job was easy, and yet they found a way to make it more complicated. Classic Mondo and Kiyotaka, or Momo and Kimiko in this case. Sayaka stood near the dining area door, giving Leiko the okay s/he'd been waiting for.

This was it. This was hard work, layers of makeup to hide that goatee, a miniskirt, fishnets, Converse sneakers, a Paramore t-shirt, ponytails, and studded bracelets about to leave their mark on a certain doujinshi author. With the sway of "her" hips and the click of "her" tongue piercing, s/he strutted her way over to Hifumi, who was currently engrossed in a bento box.

"Hey. I'm Leiko. Let's say, you and me, Music Fest this Friday in Serenity Park?", the "girl" whispered into Hifumi's ear. "Gah!! Ahh...". Leiko took pride in Hifumi's blush. "Well, I don't know all that much about music...or you...how'd you get in here?", the doujin author asked suspisiously. "Oh, Sayaka snuck me in. We're like, best friends. While I was leaving, I couldn't help but notice you over here by yourself. So, what do you say?".

Hifumi thought for a moment while stuffing a pork bun into his mouth. "I suppose I could...at what time?". Leiko tapped "her" chin. "Oh, around five or six in the afternoon.". Hifumi nodded, "I'll be there! Now, please leave before you're caught.". Leiko winked and blew a kiss before leaving the room. "All too easy.".

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter Six: Leiko's Date (and other miscellaneous happenings)

@chibibreeby

'RULES OF DATING' is what Leon wrote on the chalkboard the next day. "Why do we gotta know this? You got th' date, so ya win.", Mondo complained. "That's the way things seem, isn't it? But remember, the goal is to get him to say those three magic words; I love you.", Leon remended him. "Now we all know that being attractive to other men is a difficult task-". "Acutally, I have managed to catch someone's eye!", Kiyotaka bragged. "Oh yeah, and my gang's been lookin' up my skirt.", Mondo said, just as confident.

Leon rolled his eyes, "That's because you wasted time wherever! I got to work! Asserted myself! Though Hifumi was uncomfortable...but whatever! Anyway, the RULES OF DATING. This can be a little incentive since ya know, we can't all date Hifumi at one given time. For every guy you can get to date you is ten points,  for every guy you can get to say those three words is twenty points, for every guy you get to kiss you is thirty points, and requests for any other physical contact is forty points and up.".

Kiyotaka thought a moment. "So you're saying that...we should build up a relationship, then completely destroy it?". "Yeah! Besides, it's not like they'll want you without the makeup, wigs, and lingere.", Leon pointed out. "And what if they do?", Kiyotaka contradicted. Leon rolled his eyes, "We'll get to that later! Where the hell are the wingwomen? I've got a date in two hours!". As soon as Leon was finished, the three wingwomen burst through the door with outfits, makeup, and some Starbucks. "Looking for us?".

Chihiro sat on Mondo Momo's living room couch (the one in "her" and "her" brother's apartment.). Luckily, Daiya was at work, so he wasn't going to catch a glimpse of his 'sister'. "Momo, what are you doing?", the programmer asked after a while. "Trying to style this huge fuckin' wig into a pompodour!" , 'she' answered, clearly struggling. "Do you need help? I can-". Click! Uh oh. Momo stopped in 'her' tracks. The click of the door was all too familiar, and since only two people had keys...

"Ey, Hiro! Ain't seen you here in a while!", Daiya greeted. "Yeah...heh...don't you have work?", Chihiro inquired stiffly. Daiya smirked, "My shift ends early on Fridays. Say...if yer in here, then Mondo ain't too far away!". He was right; Mondo, er, Momo was in the bathroom trying his, ugh, her hardest not to scream in agony. "Oh...I see. Yer playin' hide 'n seek! I guess we gotta find 'im, huh.". Anxious, Chihiro replied, "Sure! Nothing like apartment hide and seek...".

Meanwhile in the bathroom, Momo held the doorknob tightly, as there was no lock. What was he she going to do?! Act like a complete stranger and risk having his her brother fall for 'her', or tell the truth and suffer whatever embarrassing punishment Daiya could think of (and God, could he think of some good embarrassment). It was a good thing he she decided to wear that really pretty long sleeved purple knee-length dress with the gold sequin highlights and those black stockings; at least no flashing would happen.

"Aha! There ya are Mondo!". "Wait Daiya, don't you want to check the hall closet again?". This was it, in a few seconds, the door would fly open, and Daiya would flip out over what was residing inside (e.i. Momo, not Mondo). "Haha! I fou- oh my motorcycle.". Daiya was understandibly shocked...for like, a second. "Mondo! Little bro! Or little sis, I guess. Does it matter? Whatever. Look how beautiful you are! I was beginnin' ta think you'd be ugly yer whole life.". Momo chuckled in 'her'  natural voice. "Funny, Daiya. Go ahead, crack yer jokes, I ain't carin'." .

The elder brother shook his head. "Ya really think I'm lettin' this happen without a story? C'mon, there's a reason ya look like that, why don't tell me?". Against his, um, her better judgement, he revealed everything, from the Ultimate Man's Competition, to that one encounter with Shoji Yoko, which Daiya found particularly hilarious, to the fact that he uh she was preparing to ask Shoji on a date. "Aw, lil' sis Momo...don't ya know, if yer gonna date one of those bad bikers, they're gonna have to get through big sister!". "Yeah, I kno- wait WHAT?!".

Leiko toyed with "her" phone. Where was Hifumi? Did s/he throw him off by saying Friday instead of tomorrow? Did he not know where s/he was? Could Hifumi have possibly...no, nope, nada, no way, no how did Hifumi Yamada, round, doujin author with a taste for potato chips stand hi..her up on this. Come on, it was Serenity Park, filled with upcoming musical artists, cool merchendice, actual people that can actually talk to you face to face and not through a screen. What was there not to like? Sayaka came running towards Leiko excitedly, derailing "her" train of thought.

"Eee! Leiko, I've been having the greatest time! A whole squad of Sayakers came towards me, just begging for autographs, photos, ohh......you should have been there! ". Leiko shrugged, "Fun. Here's the thing. I...haven't been having fun. You know why? A certain someone has not appeared yet, and the Music Feastival ends in an hour! We've been here since five, Sayaka! Five! Now it's almost seven!". The blue haired idol nodded in understanding of Leiko's dilemma. "I totally understand. I've been on dates where guys and girls didn't show up at all. Are you sure you haven't seen him?".

Leiko shook "her" head. "You know what," Sayaka stated, "I have his phone number! I'll just call and ask what he's up to.". Sayaka walked over to the park's enterance, away from all of the partying and music, then whipped out her smartphone and speed-dialed Hifumi. "Yes? Who has called me on my cellular device?", the squeaky voice chimed in on the other end. "It's Sayaka Maizono, your friend! Now, I just wanted to ask-". "I stood her up.". "-about I'm sorry what the hell?". "I. Stood. Her. Up.", Hifumi repeated, afterward bursting into a fit of giggles. "Hehehehe! I feel so bad! I mean, good bad. Like I'm a delenquent in a dramatic school anime that gets the ladies! I can't belive I actually shot down a date. With a hot girl!!".

Sayaka blinked, then reviewed what the ever loving duck, yes, duck, was going on? Hifumi stood Leiko up...on purpose?! "Miss Sayaka Maizono? Are you-". Honestly, the idol was confused. The "girl" was hot...so you stood her up instead of taking the date just so you'd seem cool?! What logic was that?!

Remind Me Why We're Trying to Get Hifumi to Love Us, Again? (a crackfic that's going too far)

Chapter Seven: Big Sis Diana's Rules For Dating

@chibibreeby

Momo couldn't believe this was happening. Never in a million years would she think that her brother sister would actually join in his her activities, yet here she was helping him, uh, her into a corset. Dai..ana...didn't have any clothes of "her" own, so Momo had to share, which would've worked better if Daiana hadn't chosen the tightest-fitting clothes Momo had (and no, there was no way s/he was sharing the tiger print thong, no matter how much Daiana begged).

Now here Momo, Chihiro and Daiana were, about to intrude on the Crazy Diamonds (well, not really intrude, but technically, yeah), and personally, the first drag sister and her wing"woman" hoped that Daiana wouldn't do anything devious, or in their case, humiliating. Cue Daiana clinging onto 'her sister' like a teddy bear and cooing into Momo's ear things like, "Did you wear a nice bra? Are your nails done? Do you have your makeup bag with you in case I see someone I like?".

Once the trio had come across the gang in the alleyway, the older 'sister' thought that the best way to catch the attention of the bikers was to forcefully push Momo out front, knowing that he she was wearing quite a tall pair of heels, and was very prone to falling. Luckily(?), Shoji was there to catch 'her' before he she fell.

"Well, well, if it isn't my lil' angel again.", Shoji greeted, pulling back Momo's hair right before Daiana swept in and knocked Momo to the ground and offered 'her' hand for Shoji to shake. "My, my, I don't think we met yet! I'm Daiana, Momo's older sister!". When Momo attempted to get up, Daiana placed her heel firmly on Momo's back, leaving the younger sibling to squirm, and Chihiro to cringe. "Shake my hand if you know what's good for you".

Nervously, Shoji delicately shook Daiana's handl "Good, good! It's nice meeting my little sister's male friends!", Daiana clamored, kicking Momo's butt before finally allowing 'her' up. "Uh, yeah. Nice ta meet ya, too, Daiana.". Giggling obnoxiously, Daiana replied, "What a sweetheart! You can call me Didi!". Once Momo brushed off the asphalt on 'her' clothes, Daiana, er, Didi clung on to her arm. "Nice boys. I wouldn't be suprised if they wanted to date you, little peach!".

One by one, the Diamonds surrounded Momo, only to be warded off by a hiss from Didi. "Just like I thought. Absolute pigs, all of them. Why, oh why do you have to fall for these bad boys, Momo?". Lovingly, 'she' yanked Momo's hair, causing the 'sister' to shriek. "Oh well. Look's like big sis Daiana will have to step in! After all, it seems like all of you want a bite of this juicy fruit, hmm?". Enthusiastic cheers rose from the crowd, causing Momo to blush. "Hehe! Looks like I'll have to go over Big Sis Daiana's Rules For Dating!".

Daiana then grabbed Daiana's shoulders and had her back(?) facing the gang. "Rule number one;", Daiana paused to lift Momo's skirt and flash the Crazy Daimonds with 'her sister's' trademark tiger-print thong, earning a ton of whistles and a distressed, "DAIANA!". "...Keep your filthy eyes off of my baby sister's ass, ya perverts! Your eyes should be admiring her beauty, not her booty.". After letting go of Momo's skirt, Didi brought 'her sister' in for a hug. "Rule number two; love  my lil sis right. Hug her, kiss her, get her flowers, cotton candy, a maltese puppy, stuff she likes!".

"Rule number three, keep your eyes off of other girls.". Daiana paused to push up 'her' bra and stick out his...her tongue, earning a few catcalls herself. "Rule number four, keep all those violent gangsters away from my sweet little sister! Normally, this rule would apply to you, but I like your gang.". Both Momo and Chihiro rolled their eyes. "Finally, rule five...IF YOU HURT MOMO IN ANY WAY, I WILL HAVE YOU TIED TO THE BACK OF A MOTORCYCLE AND DRUG FROM HERE TO FUJI, GOT IT?!" . Shaking, the gangsters nodded.

"Good! We're going to the Karaoke Bar on Sunday! Be there~".

Genshin Crackfic

Childe x Diluc x Venti

So the story behind this crackfic I wrote last year- I was playing with two friends and we decided to sit down infront of Diluc's tavern together. One of us randomly said the three of them were on a triple date and I proposed I'd write a short fic about it.

Oh, and there was a cat sitting on our table, next to some alcohol.

(I'm struggling with the last character of the request I'm working on, so pls take this)

Triple Date

The smell of wine and vodka filled the air around the tavern of a certain red-haired hottie. At a table infront of said building sat three gentlemen, starring forward, not really looking at anything.

The only thing that seems to have a good time at that moment was an alcoholic cat that sipped on some vodka right next to a young looking trap. This trap was supposed to sneeze like crazy because of his cat hair allergy, but for some reason he didn't.

Venti was disappointed. He WISHED to have an allergy attack just to have an excuse to leave this TERRIBLE date. But at the same time he was kinda glad because- HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MEN!?!?!

First off all: Diluc himself was taking part of this romantic ceremony. And we all know how fine this man is. Like, bitch, have you even seen that sexy ass hair paired with that fat ass???

And, omg, don't get me started with that other miracle of a man- CHilde- Omfg- THose beautiful- BEAUTIFUL blue eyes and that little bit of stomache he showes??

How could anyone refuse to go on a date with them both at the same time?

Diluc and Childe thought the same thing, just replacing themselves with that pretty ass trap Venti was in their thoughts.

They were mesmerized by the god's roundish face and this little cute flower attached to his hat-

rawr

The date was very spontaneous. Basically they all just sat down at that table and didn't say a word since.

But they all had the same thought.

"Imma marry these bitches WOOF WOFOF OSUFSIUA"

Pls continue this

This is awesome

I love your writing.

Damian Wayne x Techoblade platonic  A strange encounter

Damian Wayne, despite his wishes and partly because of his brothers, he was taking Titius out for a walk to the local park. Now, was this a good idea in Gotham? Well no, but this Damian Wayne we’re talking about. As he neared the park, he could feel the rage radiating off his body. The cold weather outside was a relief from the stuffy house filled with the absolute idiots inside. 

Young Damian could no longer stand Richard’s insistence on family bonding. Could he not think about murder in peace. The sound of children playing and the off putting sound of AC/DC was looming in the air. Where was this god awful music coming from, Damian thought. As he walked into the park he quite easily noticed decrepit playground equipment, watching a child falls from the monkey bars as the ring he was holding onto snaps. He falls to the hard ground below. 

“They really should tear this shit down,” Damian mumbles.

He lets Titius off his leash to run around. As he walks around the park, keeping a watchful eye of his surroundings, Damian notices a tall brooding man sitting on swings, his long, atrocious pink hair just flying around everywhere as his braid falls apart. This man man has a fucking cape and crown on. is this another one of Joker’s failed projects?, he thinks. This strange man is the source of the god awful music Damian heard earlier. He tries to ignore the man until he hears off in the distance, 

“Where does an orphan get a suit?” 

Was the strange pink haired elf man talking to him? Damian Wayne, son of Batman, the future heir of the league of assassins, no it couldn’t be; no one messes with the Wayne family. 

“Looking pretty entitled for an orphan too,” the strange man speaks again. 

“Who the hell do you think you’re talking too, creep,” Damian yells. 

The strange man just points at Damian, “orphan” he yells in a monotone voice. 

Damian, without missing a beat says, “Who the hell are you calling an orphan, you pixie hollow reject? I’m Damian Wayne, the son of Bruce wayne. I demand respect.”

“I don’t know who that is.” the strange man states not a single change in the sound of his voice. 

“You come to Gotham and don’t know Bruce Wayne!?” Damian exclaimes bewildered. 

“Hey man, I’m just passing through, I just couldn’t stand the idiots any longer,” he states, no enthusiasm in his voice anyway whatsoever. 

Before Damian could respond, a small white dog ran past with Titus not far behind. The strange man quickly calls for the puppy. 

“Floof, come here” 

Damian looks absolutely appalled at the man like he’s on crack.  

“Who the hell names their dog floof.”

“Well, I think it’s a pretty fitting name. I mean look at him.” the man throws Damien a sideways smirk.

Damian notices the man has two fang tusks things in the front bottom of his mouth. Damian’s thoughts consume him as he thinks about how ridiculous the man looks. Why would anyone look like that? It kinda reminded him of Beast boy. Maybe Richard was expecting this man. 

“Are you part of Richard’s group of rejects?” Damian asks. 

“Who’s Richard?”  

Damian can not tell if this man is legit or not. Baffled, he just starts to ask questions.

“What’s your business here?”

“I just told you, I’m passing through. Gotta go back eventually o’course, but for the meantime I’m here. By the way orphan, why are you at that park in a suit?”

The strange man glances at Titus and back at Damian. Titus is just in a protective sit next to Damian. 

“Hey, is this your dog, weird kid?” 

Damian stands a bi taller. “Why yes, this is Titus. He was bred for my protection.”

“Titus? That sounds like a type of cancer.”

“He was named after the great Shakespearean character!” Damian exclaims, clearly pissed off.

The man hums, nodding slightly. “I’ve never really liked Shakespeare, more of a Sun Tzu guy myself. Or maybe Poe, thought the one poem about the raven was funny.”

“Sir, who do you think you are to talk to me like we’re old pals?”

“Well let me introduce myself,  tiny human. My name’s Technoblade, friends call me Techno. Enemies call me The Blade. Which one will you be?” he asks in a kind of mocking way. 

“I’m going to beat your ass, mister, if you keep talking down to me.” 

“You can try, tiny child, but you can see here my dog is mighty vicious.”  

Said dog is trying to hump Titus’s leg. 

Damian proceeds to pull out a katana. “I will not hesitate bitch.”

“Yo, that’s a pretty sick blade,” he says, though Damian can’t really tell if he means it because his voice doesn’t change at all, “More of an axe guy myself.” He proceeds to pull out his battle axe from beneath his cape.

This axe, may I remind you, is huge, shiny black and double-bladed and wickedly sharp with a weird purple glow emitting from it. There is something carved on the hilt, but Damian couldn’t read it from where he was standing, nor did he care to. Not much anyway. 

Damian, stopping short, stares at him. “Wait. Hold on. Pause.” Damian takes a moment to appreciate the massive, beautiful weapon presented to him in all its glory. “You carry a blade in your back pocket too? I thought I was the only one who did that!”

Technoblade, giving a restrained chuckle, responds, “Oh, man, I carry so many weapons.” He runs a hand over the blade, clearly well-taken care of but had probably seen many battles. “This one’s just my favorite.” 

Damian, getting excited despite himself, pulls out a batarang to show him. “Oh, sir, you’ve seen nothing yet.”

Technoblade leans closer, “Okay that looks awesome but I have no idea what it is.”

Damian knows an opportunity to rant about weapons when he sees it. “Well the wing part is sharp, see?” he says, pointing helpfully at said wing part, “And you throw it, and it stabs people.” A pause. “In the back.” Another pause, and he adds, “Oh, and it’s called a batarang.”

“Yooooo, my buddy Phil knows a guy with something like that. He’s got this wicked trident and he likes to mess with people by missing them on purpose and then it just completely annihilates them on the way back.” As he speaks, Techno makes his way over to a rotting picnic table, Floof (still a dumb name) close behind. He doesn’t seem to mind how it creaks dangerously under his weight when he plops down on it. 

Damian, Titus in tow, follows him to stand a few paces away from the ramshackle piece of outdoor furniture. Techno looks up from his dog to stare at Damian. “You gonna sit down?”

Damian wrinkles his nose. “On that? No, this suit is versace.”

Technoblade blinks. “I dunno what that means.” He leans in uncomfortably close to examine the suit. Has this guy heard of personal space? “Does look kinda expensive though… Uhh, here.” He moves to unclasp his (stupid) red cape, draping it over the bench next to himself. “There, now you won’t mess it up.”

Damian gives the man a look that he hopes portrays the feeling of absolute disgust crawling up his back as he sits stiffly on top of the cape, careful not to touch the table (it’s growing moss), and trying not to jump at the loud protesting creak.

“Would you mind telling me the text that is on that axe?”

“It says the axe of peace. This is not the original because I gave the original away and this one is from my friend,” techno states.

“Ahhh that’s cool, my katana is from my mother. It was forged in a fire hand chosen by me.”

“Nice, I once threw a pickaxe into someone’s teeth.”

“Oh man, are you serious?”

“I carry it on me.” This man proceeds to pull out a pickaxe made out of the same material as the axe with the same purple glow.

As they are talking Jason walks up behind his little brother. Jason picks Damian up a little off the bench. Before Damian could figure out who it was Jason had already started giving him a noogie. 

“Hey there you are demon spawn.” Jason states loudly. 

As Jason and Damian start bickering, technoblade can’t stop laughing. 

“Is this your brother Damian?” he says, trying to catch his breath. 

“This is the loathing idiot I unfortunately share a household with.” 

“I’m Jason Todd.” Jason sticks his hand out for technoblade to shake.

He takes his hand and shakes it firmly. “ I believe it’s time to take your pristen toddler home. I think it’s past his nap time.”

“IT’S 2PM AND I’M 10!” Damian yells. 

Jason laughs loudly and this statement. “Well Alfred sent me after you. I believe it’s time to head out. Say goodbye to your friend Damian.” 

“I can’t stand you todd.” Damian huffs. 

“Well i’ll see you around kid, i think it’s time for me to head home.”

As they all walk their separate ways techo stops and thinks that man wasn’t afraid of all the weapons out.

By: imhereforbagles and @the-hoely-bleach

Remember Me Once More | Ted Shackleford (The Man in The Yellow Hat) x f. Reader

description: He stayed. You left. 6 years after your last meeting, a game of circumstance lands you in the same room as him - and his monkey. With 2 weeks of working in close proximity, things are bound to come to light. The question is, how will he perceive it?

word count: 14.7k

warnings: they are both idiots!!! who are in love!!! angsty feelings, cursing a lot of talk of canada and the us as well as culinary schools (i did my research but i'm not from either of those places so pls forgive me if some things are wrong), some words are in italian because the pisghettis, awkward conversations, ted is a nerdy dilfy hotshot museum director, reader is a chef, sex fantasies (a LOT of them), they get trapped in a room, many many apologies, flashbacks to college, it's never explained but ted calls oc chowder, oc has two moms because we love diversity, brief mention of 'the office' and julius the monkey, sweet confessions, SO MUCH KISSING!!, cheesy lines are exchanged, boners, ted has a big virgin dick, experienced reader, oral sex (male and female recieving), a bit of a hair kink, clit play, ted is a bit too excited sometimes, bickering like they're an old married couple, reader has an iud, unprotected sex (do not try!! i repeat, do not try!!), several orgasms, creampies (yes, creampieS), missionary, riding, they act like horny teenagers, ted's butt deserves its own warning so here it is, brief mentions of bath sex, old wounds finally heal, the three of them are basically a family, public speaking, y/n is a bit unhinged, more sweet confessions, allusions to exhibition (pls keep in mind this is my first smut fic, be kind!!)

cover by: me (illustrations featured belong to their rightful owners)

note: I do not regret this book nor do I condone it. Fueled by Ted TikToks, inspired by 'Maroon' by Taylor Swift and 'Don’t You Remember?' by Adele.

Ted Shackleford was not a malevolent person.

Ask anyone and everyone who knew him; he was the last person to hold a grudge against anyone. His monkey had flooded his apartment - thrice! But his response every time he discovered George scratching his head uncomfortably and awkwardly giggling amid the soapy bubbles and rubber duckies surrounding him was to just sigh before proceeding to clean the place.

But you? You were a different story. Every time he recalls the blurry memory of you walking away from him - the last time he ever saw you - he only vividly remembers the anger bubbling up inside his chest. He only remembers the deep frown etched on his face, and the furrowing of his eyebrows as he dug his nails into his palm. Was it selfish to only recall what he felt at that moment, rather than the sight of you hurriedly making your way to your plane without sparing him another glance? To look back on perhaps the most significant turning point in his life and only focus on his emotions rather than figuring out why you left in the first place?

He didn't know. And, to be quite frank, a part of him doesn't care. Altruism was his one principle in life and constantly bent over backward 24/7 to make everyone happy; surely he could afford to be unkind in this one avenue.

But...

Some nights - including tonight - he thinks of the other memories you shared. That elementary school Halloween party, where you warned him that he was going to get teased relentlessly for dressing up as Percy Shelley (whom he was weirdly obsessed with back then), but come the day you surprised everyone by strolling in as Mary - Frankenstein plush and all in your hand. Yeah, you both still got ridiculed by all the Scooby-Doos and Rugrats in your class, but no bullying could have deterred the warmth he felt inside when you leaned over and whispered, "It's either both of us or none of us."

There was also that day in freshman year when you guys cycled through town, the sun setting behind you as you rushed home to make it in time for curfew. How you'd tripped over a train track and he'd tried his best to clean and dress the small gash on your knee, and how you looked at him as if he'd hung up the stars in the sky to accompany the moon when he matched his pace to yours and made it home extremely late. He'd gotten scolded, but it didn't matter. Not as long as you were safe. Besides, all was forgiven when you presented him with a history book in addition to his favorite cookies over a week later. The book inspired him to pursue history and eventually landed him a career as a museum director at the Met. Without you, he doesn't know how he wouldn't have gotten here.

It's that exact realization, however, that causes him to shift to his side on the bed and shake off all thoughts of you. He was approaching 30, for god's sake, and had a life to think about now rather than you; the one that got away. He lists them all in his head: a rambunctious monkey not even the age of 3, the meeting he has tomorrow for his new gallery opening, his friends... If it meant that, to focus, he had to drown out his thoughts (and the feeling of your soft lips pressing against his that one time) to the sound of George peacefully snoring in the room beside him, then so be it.

You had to remain in the past because Ted doesn't have space for you in his future.

The last thing you want to be confronted with after your tedious 6-hour flight to New York City is bitter coffee, but of course, that is what you get. The minute the foul-tasting liquid grazes your taste buds you spit it out onto the pavement, where the crowds don't even bother reacting to your gross public act of self-humiliation. It is at that moment when you truly feel like you are in New York, never mind the countless welcoming posters you'd seen passing through the airport. Being back in America after half a dozen years abroad felt dizzying - like something you'd spent so long carrying with you around British Columbia had finally lifted itself from your shoulders when you landed. You finally felt at home.

That being said, you weren't here for good just yet. Everything that you owned was still tied up in your apartment back in Vancouver, it depended on the outcome of your upcoming interview on whether or not you'd be moving here permanently. In the meantime, you'd spend the next few days here exploring the Apple; it's unlikely, but perhaps you could secure some last-minute Broadway tickets, or take a gander through the Central Park Zoo, or maybe even go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Right now though, the coffee had done nothing and you were more focused on getting to your hotel and crashing into the comfortable bed. Jetlag was a bitch, but it was one you were willing to give into.

After checking in, the concierge handed you a bunch of pamphlets on things to do while you're in New York before smiling and sending you on your way. Leaning against the elevator wall, luggage in tow, you flipped through them. You stop at the Met's in particular; despite being a culinary student, a dear old friend had gotten you somewhat interested in history and museums have kind of drawn you in since. You unfolded the paper, glazing your tired eyes over the words, briefly looking over the pictures.

Until you spot a familiar face staring back at you.

In your confusion, you bring the paper closer to your face. Surely it couldn't be - oh my god, it is. Your 'dear old friend' was right there on the paper, smiling and beckoning you to visit with a small monkey on his shoulder. Right as the elevator pinged, you folded the paper and removed the picture from your sight. Slight change of plans, you thought internally as you walked towards your hotel room. Maybe you wouldn't be visiting the Met after all.

"George! I'm home!" Ted yelled, walking inside and setting his keys into the designated bowl, and hanging his hat up on the hook. The day had been grueling, some cuddles with his favorite non-human in the world were all he was looking forward to. George was equally as excited to catch the man in the yellow hat up on his day; he'd spent his time playing with Hundley and one of the things they did together was making a mess in George's bedroom. Ted groaned, muttered 'I'll clean this up later,' under his breath before scooping the primate up in his arms and settling down on the couch. Together, they watched a few episodes of the show they'd started before Ted left to go shower.

As the water trickled down his body and he lathered the shampoo onto his hair, Ted recounted key points from his meeting. The new Invention of Cooking exhibit would be one of their grandest yet; aside from collecting hundreds of utensils, tools, and recipes from all around the world and from different points in history, they would also be flying in top culinary experts and food history enthusiasts for the opening. Having so many people come in and also having the entire gallery focused on food itself meant that they would have to bring caterers in, and obviously, Ted knew no one better to perform the task than the Pisghettis. He'd have to drop by their restaurant after work tomorrow to discuss the appetizers, main course, and dessert platters that they'd be serving. Aside from that, there were still a bajillion other things to do and only a month left to do it. He was losing his mind the more often he was left alone with it.

Once he got out, he tied a towel along his waist and ran another through his hair before making his way to the kitchen to make dinner. He only needed to heat up what he'd made the day before anyway, so he split the leftovers into two bowls and threw them in the microwave. While it was in there, he changed into his loose sleeveless shirt paired with his boxers; all his signature yellow. He made his way back to the kitchen before calling George over, and they made light conversation as they ate.

Later on in the evening, when Ted had read him his favorite bedtime story and tucked him into bed, he clambered onto the balcony and started to water his mini-garden. Halfway into this routine, he paused and looked beyond the railings to the brightly lit streets below him. In combination with the chill air, it was enough to make even the toughest day seem so distant from where he was now. Keyword: was. Ted had originally purchased the apartment solely for the view, but now he just felt lonely gazing down at it. He wished he had someone to share it with. There was always George, and he wouldn't trade that little guy for anything, but you could only converse with a monkey so many times. He longed for someone to be by his side, to have deep conversations, and also to joke around with. Someone who could do more than nod and make a few, albeit cute, sounds.

His mind flickers to an image of you for a millisecond. Then, he finishes watering all the plants and shuffles towards his cold, empty bed for another night.

You knock on the door anxiously, your gaze focused on the couple sitting at the dinner table in front of you. "Excuse me, I'm here for the interview?"

"Ah, you must be Y/N!" Netti, as you learn her name to be, says as she leads you to where her husband is sitting. "How was the flight, dear? Thank you for visiting on such short notice."

You wave her off, "My pleasure, I've been meaning to visit here anyway. You guys did me a favor!" Uh-oh. Was that too much? Possibly too little? They didn't seem to mind, both of them making polite conversation with you as Chef Pisghetti contentedly petted the kitten on his lap. They were extremely nice, you'd noted. Much better than some of the past bosses you'd had. At least, you'd hope they would be your bosses. Another thing you noticed was how each time one was speaking, the other would put their undivided attention on them and their eyes shone with adoration. It showed just how comfortable and in love they were with each other, and a fuzzy feeling filled your chest.

"Let's get into business, Y/N," Pisghetti says once the conversation fizzles out. "Your resume's extremely impressive; 4 years of school in Le Cordon Bleu and The Culinary Arts School of Ontario? Apprenticeship at the CN Tower? Ammazza! You're brilliant!" He grins sheepishly and you smile back in return. "I have one question though," He makes an inquisitive face.

"Yes?" Stress builds in your chest, scared of what was to come.

He throws his hands in the air excitedly. "When can you start?"

That's how you find yourself getting a pseudo-training session from the two for the rest of the time. The restaurant was closed for the day, so you got to learn the layout of their kitchen, how Pisghetti cannot accept anything less than perfection (which suits you fine anyway being a perfectionist yourself), and even take a tour through their spectacular rooftop garden. A lush green farm amidst the busy streets of New York, could you imagine? Most importantly of all, you learn about Gnocchi, the Pisghetti's kitten. The cutie had been saved from a tree by one of their firefighter friends a few months back, and once the pair had seen her they couldn't look back. Gnocchi was now part of their routine and soon would be a part of yours too. Everything revolved around the spoiled but loveable creature.

By the time it rolled around to half past 5, the Pisghetti's handed you some food so you wouldn't have to spend another day eating cup noodles and microwaveable mac and cheese and allowed you to hang your apron up. However, just as you said your goodbyes and were about to walk through the kitchen door, you heard a jingle come from the main dining area. "That's weird," You said to Netti and the chef went out to greet whoever came by. "Weren't you guys closed?"

"Don't worry about it tesoro mio, it's probably our friends. They told us they were going to drop by."

You nodded your head and hugged Netti one last time before making your way to the front entrance. At first, the odd and lanky yellow shape didn't register as anything familiar in your peripheral vision. It was only when the figure turned around to acknowledge you that you felt the wind get knocked out of your lungs. Your mouth felt dry and your knees felt weak as your eyes snagged onto those of the man in front of you. You felt zaps from his staring register in your brain, sending tingles down your spine to the tips of your toes.

Who knew that after so long, Ted Shackleford would still have the same effect on you?

It was strange. He always thought that, if he saw you again, he'd feel the same anger and resentment as he did when you left. But as your eyes connect and lock onto yours, all he feels is the sharp pain of old wounds reopening. An eternal flame of longing was reignited within him, surrounded by a moat of suffering.

After picking George up from Professor Wiseman's office after work, they made the journey to the Pisghetti's diner so that he could muck around for a bit with Gnocchi and Ted could discuss the menu for the opening with the chef. He'd called in beforehand to ask them if he should drop by the apartment or the restaurant, and they told him they'd be in the latter. Something about an interview with a girl who flew in? He didn't know. Forget pushing it to the back of his head, he'd thrown the piece of information out completely.

Pushing through the red door, the duo was soon joined by Pisghetti. George soon ran off once he spotted Gnocchi, making happy little monkey noises while doing so, whereas Ted settled down with Pisghetti and they had a light banter. "Like I was saying, Chef," Ted said. "I want you to go all out with this. Give it the full Pisghetti treatment. I'm thinking maybe 5 courses if you're up for it, some cleansers in between."

The cook nodded excitedly as he launched into his plan. "I've already been testing for this one recipe - I'll probably serve it as an appetizer - something I'm calling my giardino sliders. Oh, you'll love it! È magnifico!"

Had it not been for him keeping an eye out for George, he probably wouldn't have noticed the figure quietly making her way out of the kitchen. But he did. And once his eyes spotted her, his face turned to her and his jaw dropped. Pisghetti was unbothered at first, but once he realized the other wasn't responding anymore, his head shot up and he looked between the two of you, not sending the tension. "Ah, Y/N, this is Ted. He's a friend of mine. Teddy, this is Y/N - our new hire." He paused for a moment. "Hey, since she's going to help me make all of this anyway, maybe Y/N should join us here. What do you think?" Before either could reply, Netti called her husband from the kitchen and he shuffled his way to her.

Then, for the first time in 6 years, you and Ted Shackleford were in the same room together.

It was the latter that first broke the ice. "Y/N..."

"Please don't say anything." You mumble out, clearly uncomfortable as you shift from one leg to the other.

Ted's heart sank. He'd say this is not how he'd envisioned your reunion, but that would mean he'd have to admit he imagined it in the first place.

"I'm sorry, so sorry, that sounded rude as hell." You say, shaking your head. "I mean, please don't tell Chef Pisghetti anything. I really, really need this job, Ted." You stared at him with your pleading eyes. Ted could only nod in return.

"Um, anyway. How- how are you?" You say, biting your lip.

"Good. Uh, I'm a museum director now. At the Met. Metropolitan Museum. Of Art." He choked out, barely being able to form a coherent thought.

"Yeah, I saw a picture. You had a monkey in your hands and said something about coming by for an exciting afternoon."

"That's George, he's actually mine. In fact, he's around here somewhere. Where'd he go? George?"

After a few seconds, you felt a tug at the hem of your dress. You looked down to see the young simian from the pamphlet happily meeting your sight before rushing to sit on Ted's lap. "I adopted him about 2 years ago, he's been with me since." He said while George nuzzled into the man's arms (is it logical to be jealous of a monkey?).

You genuinely grin, "He's sweet. Wasn't expecting you to have a monkey but I guess it makes sense."

"I really don't think you have a clue about who I am." He replied, almost snappily. His eyes widen as he realizes the implications of his words.

Silence. Your heart pounded inside of your chest.

Chef Pisghetti thankfully walked in at that moment, "Mi dispiace, Netti was having some trouble with one of the recipes - or rather, some trouble reading my handwriting." He giggled to himself. "Anyway, Y/N, I've kept you waiting long enough. You can go, I understand you're tired. You can join us for another meeting, see you tomorrow. Ciao!" He said.

Nodding your head meekly and uttering out a soft 'thanks', you hurried out of there. You weren't tired, actually, but you couldn't stand being around Ted for another second. Could this get any worse?

Lucky for you, Ted didn't come back the next day. The entire week, really. Or the next. George would pop by from time to time, with you quickly getting fond of the silly guy, but his owner (dad?) was nowhere to be seen. Maybe it was for the best. You don't need to be digging up any trauma, especially right now.

This good luck streak would end when Pisghetti asked you to hand deliver a parcel. To Ted. At the Met. It was cruel, how life was treating you. After two weeks of blissfully testing and experimenting with recipes once the restaurant had closed, fate had decided you were having too much of a fun time and sent down a terrible idea to shake things up a little, knowing you couldn't say no. You sigh as you hold the large box in your hands and climbed up the steps, hoping to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. It was once again after 5 and you craved nothing but the leftovers in the fridge (nowadays, you prefer to leave the cooking at work) and the new season of your favorite show.

"Excuse me, ma'am," An old white man dressed in an even whiter lab coat approached you. "No food allowed on the premises, please."

"Ah, I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding," You say, reasoning with him. "These are for Ted. Ted Shackleford? I believe he's the director?"

The man nodded his head in understanding, "Ah, yes! You must be the Pisghettis' new girl. Sorry for not realizing sooner, I'm Alvin Einstein. No relation to the big one, unfortunately. This way!" He said, leading you through some smaller almost unnoticeable doors along the wall to get to the director's office faster.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but you must not be local if you don't know who Ted is," Alvin pointed out as he ushered you inside the employee elevator. "Not that he's that well-known but people do recognize him in these parts."

"Yeah, I just came here from Ontario." You say in response, focusing on the ascending numbers as you got closer and closer to his office. "Started the job about two weeks ago."

Alvin nodded, briefly told you about the time he visited Ontario with his wife, and when the elevator reached its destination bid you off. "To the left!" He said. "You wouldn't miss it!" You face that direction as the doors of the lift close behind you and see a big door next to a plaque emblazoned with the words 'Director's Office - Theodore Shackleford' in gold. He was right, you couldn't miss it no matter how much you wanted to. You walk over and lift your hand, knocking once, twice, thrice.

You wait for a heartbeat before a faint 'Come in,' is heard from inside. You open the door and come face to face with Ted, sitting only a few feet away behind his giant desk with his reading glasses on his face. For one tiny split second that you would take to your grave, you imagine sucking him off underneath it as he takes an important call - beads of sweat trickling down his forehead as his glasses fog up - he'd clench his jaw, desperate to not moan and ruin your cover. God, he looked so fucking hot in his seat, even the absurd yellow suit draping over his curves and muscles deliciously.

His words snap you out of reality. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was expecting the Chef, I would've cleaned up a bit more had I known it was you. Come, sit. You're just in time for, err, linner?" He motions toward the seat in front of him, taking off his glasses to your disappointment.

You are about to protest when Ted shrugs you off. "Listen, I- I wanted to apologize. That was really rude of me to snap at you like that. You know that I'm not that type of person." He says, fiddling his thumbs.

"It's okay. Really, I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"For not telling the Chef anything. I don't really want to go back to Ontario; I'm kind of dreading picking up all my stuff. Had you said anything about our history, I could have been let go. I mean, he's your friend. He'd do anything to make you happy."

"Y/N," he sighed, rubbing his temples. Despite his tone, hearing him say your name was a treat in itself as if he'd coated it in everything that is good in this world before presenting it to you. "You know I'd never do that. And neither would he, I think. He's my friend but he'd be crazy to give up such a talented person as you."

Your heart fluttered, and you gave a small smile. Realizing his confession, he coughed and pointed to the bags. "So, what have you got for me?"

You walk him through the meals that had been prepared, sharing all the ingredients and ideas that culminated in them. You don't notice how he barely looks at the food and focuses on you instead. Eventually, he calls George in to try the food and even convinces you to have a few bites. Most of the time you talk about the kid;- mostly about how cheeky he is. He tells you how he once got stuck on the subway for the entire day, making Ted run all around New York to find him, but even moments like those are worth it because the bond between them is unbreakable. You found it endearing and secretly wished you got the same opportunity - a second chance to love Ted as freely as you did before, or at least could have.

George left as soon as you guys finished, already having arranged a playdate and sleepover with Charkie for that day. As he left, your minds were too buzzed from being in each other's company for the entire evening that you barely acknowledged the click behind you as you packed away. Ted had loved everything but gave a few notes here and there that you'd have to take up with Pisghetti. You beam warmly at Ted, giving your thanks once more before grabbing the door handle.

You tugged. Nothing.

You tugged again. Still nothing.

Third time in and you were panicking. Realizing your distress, Ted walked over (was his scent always this intoxicating?) and gave it a try himself before he outwardly groaned. "Crap." he said, "The doors automatically lock after 6 for security measures, George doesn't know that. It's stupid, I've been meaning to change it. Ugh. It just - it just became second nature to me you know?" He ran his fingers through his hair. You had to stop yourself from reaching out and playing with his tousled strands. On the other hand, he marched over to his desk and punched a few numbers in, and spoke firmly but politely into the phone. He was met with a disappointing response on the other end, causing a frown to settle on his face. After pleading for a bit more, he eventually returns the handset back in place. "I'm sorry, Y/N."

"Why, what's the verdict?"

"They can't get us out until 7 AM. We're going to have to spend the night here."

Nothing about this was ideal. You were sprawled over on the pull out couch, your back facing him as you try your hardest to fall asleep. Meanwhile, he'd have to periodically pull his eyes from your serene figure and try to focus on getting comfortable on the floor. He shouldn't be complaining, he'd practically forced you to take the bed. Still, being 28 meant that he didn't have the same body as he did when he was 18. He was definitely going to feel this tomorrow.

That being said, Ted doesn't know if he'd really call it unfortunate. When you'd started to leave, Ted was about to reach out and ask you to stay, to take a stroll with him. Reminisce about the past. Talk about why you left and why it felt like you took a piece of him with you. Anything. He just wanted to be near you. It had been so long. His nervous prayers were answered when the door refused to open. Sure, you weren't talking, but your presence itself was soothing.

He heard you shifting where you were laying down and looked over to see you staring at the ceiling, clearly unable to sleep. "Can't sleep?" he asks, giving in to temptation.

Your eyes quickly snap to him, and he feels them glaze over his chest. The suit was not at all comfortable to sleep in, so he'd loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt a little. He hadn't realized how it made him look seductive but seeing the way your eyes widened as you looked him up and down did cause pink to bloom on his cheeks and ears.

"Uh... sorry, what did you say?"

"Can't sleep?"

You lick your lips. "Um, yeah. Today's been a long day and it doesn't seem to be over anytime soon."

"I understand. Hey, sorry about this mess. This was not the way I envisioned this evening."

"Didn't you say you didn't know I was coming?" You say, giggling.

"You know what I meant!" He chuckles in return. "Is the couch uncomfortable? I haven't slept on it in a while, might be a bit stiff."

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's fine, I'm just restless." A blanket of silence covers you again, but this time it's not awkward. You move to sit properly on the couch, essentially telling him you're available to talk.

"We talked a lot about George while we were eating," Ted says first. "However I still don't have a clue about what you were up to when you were in Ontario. How've you been?"

"Well, I did two years at Le Cordon Bleu, but in my 3rd year I decided to transfer." You begin. "Partly because I wasn't meshing well with the other students and partly because; well, I could. I'd been offered a scholarship from CASO, so I did my last two years there. It sucks though, I really thought it would be my alma mater. I bought an apartment but after a year I fell out of love with it and soon I fell out of love with the entire province. So, I applied for the sous chef role in Pisghetti's and, well. Here I am."

"I'm sorry Le Cordon Bleu wasn't like what you'd seen in Julie & Julia - still don't understand what you see in it by the way -"

"Hey! Leave me alone."

" - But, I'm proud of you, Y/N. Your talent overshadowed our town."

You're left dumbfounded. "That's so sweet. Thank you. Truly." You say, playing with your hair. How could he say probably the nicest words you've ever received despite what you did? Surely Ted couldn't be that nice.

"What about you? I knew you were going places but I didn't expect you to end up here so soon." You inquisitively ask.

He scratches the back of his head. "It was all luck, really. I started off as an intern, but the previous director took notice of me and took me under his wing. I've been here for, what, 4 years now?"

"You were only 24?! Jesus, you must be the youngest museum curator ever. Why're you watering your accomplishments down?"

"Ha, I was far from the youngest. I believe that title belongs to a 5-year-old?"

"What? Wow." You say, bewildered. "Hey, isn't George under 3? Maybe you could help him beat both that record and be the first monkey to do so."

"That's - that's actually not that bad of an idea." He says, daydreaming about how chaotic that would be to even approach.

You take your chance. "I've been meaning to ask... what's with the yellow? You were never a big fan of the color growing up."

He falls shy. "It's going to sound really stupid, but I purposely tried to make myself look like a banana so that George would come to like me faster. Professor Einstein told me we associate ourselves with other objects better when we have a pre-established bond with them. I still don't know if he was trying to get a joke out of me, but I guess it worked. Look, the brown boots are meant to be the stem, and the polka dot tie is meant to be the seeds."

You make an 'Ahh' sound, realizing why he'd paired the odd combination together. "That's really smart, wow. But George loves you now, why keep wearing it?"

"I guess I haven't found the time to shift back." He replied, shrugging.

"We'll have to change that. Also, Julie & Julia is a very good movie thank you very much."

He gives you a lopsided grin in response. His gaze stays on your face. The silence envelops you both once more. You both stare into each other as if there were no other people in the world, your eyes sharing words that were hard to put out into the real world. "I missed you." he finally says. "I missed you like crazy, Y/N."

"I missed you too." You say, hesitantly. More than he could ever know.

"Why did you leave? You never gave me a real answer."

"It's complicated-"

"You seriously cannot say you expect to stroll back into my life like you never left after breaking my heart like that." He says, his voice getting firmer as he scoots closer to you. "I- I deserve better. You know I do. I deserve an answer."

A sigh escapes you. The truth had to come out one way or another.

6 years ago, you had an epiphany. You remember exactly where you were; Econ 101, senior year of college. Your mind was in a distant land even as you stared at the professor's whiteboard, but by the end of class, you'd come to a decision. This would be your last year doing anything related to economics; you were going to go to culinary school.

It wasn't that you were particularly bad at the subject, your heart just wasn't in it. Every day when you walked into school, all you wished to do was go back to the 4 walls of your kitchen;- smell the aroma as the onions carmelized on the pan, the repeated action of the knife chopping through different vegetables, the sizzle of the wok as you added oil to it. You wouldn't find your heart calculating the GDP or GNP bullcrap, it would always be there at home standing in front of the stove figuring out what seasonings the meal needed.

The moment the realization hit you, you rushed to your shared dorm with Ted. You know he'd stayed at home today and wasted no time in letting him be the first one to know of your new decision. He's a bit surprised to see not just you but the frazzled expression on your face, but ushers you inside anyway. You unload everything that was on your mind from the last hour onto him and eagerly wait to hear what he thinks.

"I think," He says, stroking his chin. "You should do it."

"Are you sure? You don't think it's too late? I mean, 4 years of my life have gone into this already."

"Don't forget this is the rest of your life, chowder. I'd much rather you do something you actually love rather than something you only picked because of convenience."

"I don't know, Ted... It's in Canada. I'll be there for a long time, too."

He reached out to grab your hands, your cheeks turning a shade of pink that you hope would go unnoticed by him. "Y/N. You've always been there for me, and I can't thank you enough for it. Let me be the same for you. It doesn't matter how long, or how much, or whatever - as long as you're happy. Take the leap, apply for Le Gordon Blah-blah." You grin, lost in his cheerful eyes.

That was the push you needed to finally tip yourself over the edge. He was by your side when you repeated the same process with your moms (slightly less rambly this time). They were skeptical at first - who wouldn't be? - but eventually accepted that this was your life and you were more than capable enough to handle it. He was also by your side when you applied for the program. He'd helped you write and rewrite your application several times, batting your hand away from your mouth every time you got the urge to bite your nails. Bless his heart, he even clicked on the upload button when you got too scared to.

When you were accepted, it was his arms you ran to. Ted has always been your number-one supporter, hasn't he?

Of course, with only a few classes left to go before you got handed your degree, you decided to stick around for the final exams. It was pretty funny to compare your calm and serene mood compared to your friends who were freaking the absolute hell out - most of all, Ted. He completely forgot that self-care was a thing, spending hours hunched over his history textbooks and going for hours without food. His reading glasses were on him 24/7 - not that you minded. Still, you had to step in for him at that moment; prepping his meals, dragging him to bed, and massaging his back every time it started to hurt. He kept on thanking you, but you brushed them off. It was honestly the least you could do, and you knew he would do the same for you.

One night, you dragged him from his studies to watch The Office with you. "It'll help your brain relax a bit. You can't keep cramming everything into your brain." He grunts but complies anyway, resting his head on your shoulder while Jim and Dwight plan Kelly's birthday. It's more background noise, really, as your focus is more on him instead of their on-screen antics. You hear his breathing slow down and his eyelids flutter shut. You tread your hands through his soft hair, knowing that it always helps lull him to sleep.

Soon enough, you notice how you're synchronizing your breathing to his. It amuses you at first, but a bolt of fear strikes your entire body. This time next year - heck, in just a few months, actually - you wouldn't have the chance to do this. Yes, you weren't going that far - Canada was literally the next country. But it was still a 6-hour flight, and it was still a 3-hour time difference. And it's not like you could come over every so often or expect him to - that would create a huge dent in the already little savings you had. Could these moments be your last with Ted for at least the next 4 years? Your glossy eyes turn to Ted's stoic sleeping face.

Maybe you'll allow yourself to be brave just this once.

Slowly shifting yourself to face him, you bring yourself closer. Your mouth ghosts his, your breath fanning over his skin. You stay that way for a few heartbeats, contemplating whether or not this was a good idea. You inch in closer and closer until your lips brush over his...

And that's when you feel his hands frame your cheeks, his face crashing into yours. Your brain doesn't absorb the shock of him not only being awake but also kissing you back at first but caution is thrown into the winds as you pull him closer. Soon your back hits the sofa below and he's over you, desperate to reach each and every crevice of your mouth. You tilt your face to allow him to get deeper, hands over his to hold him in place because you were scared he was going to pull away. His glasses knock into your face but neither of you seems to notice.

When Ted closed his eyes, he expected to wake up to the sight of Dwight taping up half-deflated balloons to the ceiling - not the most beautiful woman in the world kissing him. And really, what could he have done except kiss back with triple the fierceness? He loves how your lips mold against his perfectly, his tongue running against your bottom one to make you open up even more, eliciting a moan from the depths of your throat.

You don't know how long has passed when you break away, a long strand of saliva connecting your bruised lips. His hands fall to your waist, his face nuzzling your neck. You revel in his glow, reminding yourself that it wouldn't be long before you'd have to give him up. You couldn't handle a distance of 3000 km, and he didn't deserve that either. You should not have done this. You start tearing up, feeling as if the walls are closing in around you, popping the bubble surrounding the both of you.

Out of nowhere, Ted feels a wetness on his cheek. "What the - Y/N, are you okay? What happened?" You gently nudge him off your body, wiping the tears from your face.

"Nothing, I'm fine. You should go sleep, you have an exam soon." You say, turning around and making your way to your room without waiting for a reply. You still can't believe that you left him confused and heartbroken on the couch from something you had done to him. That night had been the worst of your life.

Exam season came and went, neither of you bringing up what happened and in all honesty, you tried avoiding him just as much as you could. The system you had built was working relatively well, you would only see him in the morning right before the both of you left for your exams. You'd leave leftovers for him in the fridge with a brief note taped on his fridge, but that's where your contact stopped. Every so often, when you were getting ready in the morning, you'd see him from the corner of your eye trying to reach out to you opening his mouth as if he was going to say something.

But he never did.

You started packing up your room the day you were done with your exams. You'd turned down a celebratory night out with your friends, feeling the need to leave as soon as you could. What use was staying here anyway? No, now was the time to shove your belongings in boxes and start arranging your flight back home, arriving much earlier than expected. It wasn't a permanent solution since Ted lived right next to you, but it would work for now.

That's how Ted found you just over an hour later. By that point, your room was mostly bare save for some of your essentials sitting out on your desk. He had just returned home, about to use the washroom when he heard some weird shuffling from the direction of your bedroom. A bit alarmed, he rushed to you, only to see you stacking your suitcases on top of each other. You stop in your tracks when you see him, expecting him to be gone for at least another two hours. "Oh. Hey."

"Hi...? What's going on?"

"Uh, I'm going back home for a bit. Probably the day after tomorrow."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Wait, you're not staying for graduation? It's only two weeks from now."

"Yeah, but that's not really important to me." He clenches his jaw.

"Well, I suppose you would want to spend as much time with your parents before you go."

"Sure, yeah." You lie through your teeth. He was right, of course, but that wasn't the reason why. "How long are you here for?"

"A little after graduation, I think. Have a few job positions available, I'll need to go check them out."

"Oh, makes sense."

The conversation comes from a standpoint. Unable to maintain eye contact with him, you fiddle with your suitcase. "Y/N," He begins, sucking in a deep breath.

"Yes?" You say, biting your lip.

"Could you wait for me before you go? We could just, like, hang out?" He says nervously.

Oh god.

"Of course, Ted." You say unsure of what would come of the promise.

"Thank you." He adds, relieved.

Just as he's about to leave, you call out for him. "I don't know if I'm going to see you tomorrow, so, um. Bye. For now." If only he knew the true intent of those words.

He looks at you skeptically but returns the sentiment anyway. "Bye, Y/N."

True to your word, you didn't see Ted the next day, finally being dragged out of your cocoon by your other friends. You didn't see him the day of your flight either, not really knowing where he was. Once you'd lugged all your belongings outside, you paused to look over the apartment. A deep sadness instills within you - this was the place where Ted and you had spent the last 4 years of your life. He'd coached you through several panic attacks on that very table, you had spent hours behind that stove cooking whatever your heart desired, and the picture of the both of you still hung over the crack in the wall that came with the place. That sofa was the same place the both of you slumped over after a hard day to catch up on whatever you were watching and, very recently, where you'd both shared a brain-melting kiss.

You shake your head of these thoughts, it was time to move on. You had just been accepted into your dream school, why were you acting like your entire life was ending? Previously, you'd contemplated leaving him a note, but that didn't feel necessary anymore. You'd already said what you needed to say that night.

Wrapping your hands around the door handle, you say goodbye to the place one last time before locking it shut. As you load everything onto the small elevator, you hope that goodbye extends to Ted too.

The next two weeks have you fall into a pattern. You'd wake up and have breakfast with your parents before tagging along with either of them on any errands they needed to do. Sometimes that meant going with your mom to the grocery store or helping your mama in the soup kitchen a few streets away. Your days were dedicated to spending time with them, but your nights were left empty. It was really a matter of time before Ted occupied your mind during those times. You'd wake up and fall asleep to memories of him;- your best friend, your crush, your rock. The thought has you laughing. Despite the last 20 years of being friends, this was the legacy he'd left on you - and you had no one but yourself to blame. Funny how life works sometimes.

The day before you left, the Shacklefords came over to see you. You'd seen them at various points since you'd been back but this was the first time all of you were settling down in a room together. You didn't mind, these people were literally your second set of parents. The 5 of you discussed various topics over dinner; how your decision was so unexpected, how they would support you no matter what, how your brother was doing, if their other kids were coming for Ted's graduation party, etc.

"Oh yeah, how was the graduation by the way?" Your mama says. "Y/N robbed us of attending it," she adds, giggling.

"It went fine - it was pretty emotional to see our youngest reach such a milestone. We are really starting to feel the empty nest now." Ted's dad replies, smiling. "But Ted didn't seem to share the sentiment."

"Really? He looked pretty happy in his photos." Your mom questions.

"Yeah, he was pretty glum throughout it all. Those pictures I sent you were the best ones of the bunch. To be fair, I would be too if my best friend wasn't there with me." His mom says teasingly. You force a smile.

The conversation continues to flow around you but you let yourself simmer in that comment. No one except your parents knew that you were leaving tomorrow; they were extremely confused by your request but promised to not tell. His mom's remark was meant all in good jest, but now you're terrified of her reaction to the news that you left before saying a proper goodbye to her son. It would be fair, you felt like a horrible person, but you were not prepared for anything otherwise.

The next morning, your moms dropped you off at the airport. They both took turns kissing you on the cheek, helping you load your luggage onto a trolley before waving you off, promising to visit you once you'd found an apartment and settled in. You hug them and go to catch your flight, leaving a piece of your heart with them. Ted may have been your number one supporter, but those two had been with you through literally everything and you'd probably miss them the most when you're abroad.

An hour or so later you're done checking in, and you decide to spend some time window-shopping in the Duty-Free section. You didn't need anything, your mama had made sure of that while you were packing, plus everything was too expensive anyway. No, you just wanted to browse - at least, until, you'd noticed a pile of cute Julius the Monkey plushies in the corner of the shop. Okay, maybe you'd let yourself buy one thing. It could be a companion for this new scary stretch of your life.

You pick one up, fondly looking over the details on its plush body. Ted did very briefly have a Paul Frank obsession, you remember. He would've loved to have this. You miss him so much.

Suddenly, a hand reaches out to grab your shoulder. You jolt in surprise as you turn back, Julius falling from your hands in the process. "Sorry! Let me grab that for you," a wide-eyed and flustered Ted bends down before you, picking up the doll. He offers it to you, but you skip over it.

"What are you doing here?" You exclaim in shock. "Weren't you supposed to arrive in a week or something?"

"I got an offer I couldn't turn down, so I decided to come home early and surprise my parents. But I could ask you the same thing, Y/N. You said you were going to wait for me." He replies in an exhausted voice. You eye him. He looked a bit sleep-deprived, his messy hair poking out of his hoodie. A large suitcase stands next to him, adorned by his neck pillow. It must've been a rough flight.

You were cornered. "I, um, have to go. The announcement lady just mentioned my flight."

He stops you, spotting your lie. "Unless you're flying to Germany, I suggest you explain yourself." He replies in a firm tone.

Clenching your jaw, your eyes fall to the floor. You had caused all of this just because you couldn't keep your freaking lips to yourself. You deserved this moment of humiliation. "I'm sorry."

"You can't kiss me one day and then disregard our decades of friendship by running away, Y/N. What's going on?"

"That kiss was a mistake." You say, literal garbage falling out of your mouth. Was it something you regret? Yes, but it wasn't a mistake. "I did it in a moment of foolishness and I wish I didn't."

This catches him off guard. "No, it wasn't. You would have t-"

Gathering up all your courage, you stare into his eyes. "Don't make something out of nothing." Wow, now you were deflecting. Perfect. You sense anger building within him and realize you should probably step away while you still can. You grab your carry-on, about to turn away when he says something.

"I can tell when you're lying, Y/N."

You chose to not reply to that comment. "Goodbye, Ted. I wish the absolute best for you, congrats on the new job." At least that was wholehearted. You walk away, leaving Ted behind in that overpriced Duty-Free shop still clutching onto the Julius plushie as if it'll abandon him like you just did.

He purchased it in the hopes that you'd return back to him.

And there it was. The truth is all out in the open.

"You should know, Ted, I would do things completely differently now. I am so, so sorry. I never should have done that to you, it was stupid, I was a fucking coward-"

Ted's hands encase yours, and for the first time in 6 years, you feel like you're going to be okay. "No, you were completely right to feel those things, Y/N. God, if I had stopped being so hardheaded and realized why you became so closed-off, we wouldn't have missed so much time together."

"No, it's my fault." You say, gripping his hands tightly. "Don't you dare blame yourself. It was me - I made everything worse. I should have been more upfront with my fears. I shouldn't have lied to you." You cup his face, resting his forehead against yours.

"I would've flown there if you'd asked me to." He confesses, his voice a decibel over a whisper.

"I knew you would have, but I couldn't expect something of that scale from you." You reply. "You deserved to live your own life."

"When will you realize that you are my lifeline?"

"Fuck, don't say that... in some cruel and fucked up way, I'm kind of glad it worked out. I mean, think about it. You wouldn't have gotten George or this gigantic office!" You leave the warmth of his embrace, widening your arms to emphasize its size. He snickers, acknowledging that you have a point.

You spot something from the corner of your eye. Your hands reluctantly left their position and you reach to pick up a book lying next to you. Following your line of vision, Ted watches as you pick up and rotate the book in your hands. "Oh no, that's George's favorite nighttime story. He probably got it to read with Charkie but left it behind." He says, worriedly. He sees in your eyes, though, that that's not what intrigued you.

"You kept it? The book I gave you?" You say, staring at him with the rawest emotions anyone could ever see. There it was; the same look you'd given him when you'd fallen off the bike.

"It's you, chowder." He says, returning the stare. "It's always been you."

In a split second, you push your lips against his. You move the book aside and find your spot on the back of his head, playing with his hair. His travels further down your back until they meet your ass, caressing your cheeks and tugging them to be closer to him. This. This is what bliss felt like.

His mouth explores your tavern as if his only goal is to go deeper and deeper until you were one. It feels like the air is being sucked out of you in the absolute best way possible, melting into him just as you did that day 6 years ago.

Then, you feel something meaty poking your leg. Your eyes flow open in surprise and it takes you a few seconds to realize what it is.

"Are you hard?" You say as you pull apart. He squeaks, looking down and turning red and you stifle a laugh.

"I'm sorry, this isn't- oh my god, this is so embarrassing," he panics. "I'm so sorry, Y/N, I swear this wasn't my plan, maybe if we just wait a bit-"

"Ted," you caress his face and he immediately hushes. "It's okay. Honestly, it's kind of hot to know you're pining for me down there."

"Still, the girl of my dreams is finally back in arms-" your heart flutters. "-and this is how my body decides to react. Ugh. We could wait for it to go back down; or if you're uncomfortable having it around I could go to the bathroom and, um, take care of it?"

You bite your lip as you see the outline of his bulge and he instinctively covers it with both hands. "We could do that, but I am open to other options." His eyes widen as he realizes the implications of your words. "Only if you are as well, though." You add, quickly.

"...I'm open to it too," he reveals, and your smile widens.

Taking your chance, you smash your lips against his again before flipping your positions. Your fingers snake down to the buckle of his belt and you impatiently try to remove it, eventually being successful. Once it's off, you quickly discard his pants in the same way. Smirking into the kiss, you run your fingers over the erect tent in his boxers.

You pull away only to press more kisses onto his neck, making your way downwards to his nether region. He lets out a moan when you wrap your lips around his nipple and suck, and the sound sends a fresh wave of arousal through your body.

His flushed face scrunched up in pleasure, your saliva coating his lips, his bare chest dotted with sweat. The sight was simply erotic.

Your fingers slip into his waistband as your lips continue traveling downwards. You tug his boxers off and his member almost pokes you in the eyes.

My god, how was he hiding this in those tight pants? It was curved, veiny and thick. The angry, swollen red tip begged for some relief and your hands reached out to grab it in your hands. You felt drool escape from the side of your mouth as you realize your hands don't even wrap around properly. Your eyes shift to his. "I have to be honest," you say anxiously, rubbing circles on his slit with your thumb. "I don't know if you'll fit."

Those words were enough to send another shiver through his already overstimulated body. "You should know, I haven't really - um - done this before."

Your movements freeze. "What?"

"I'm still a virgin." He says, and your lack of reply sends him into a spiral of panic. "I'm sorry, is that a turn-off? I just never really thought about it that much. I'm so sorry-"

"What the fuck are you sorry for?" You startle him. "I'm sorry for literally everyone else in the world! Have you been hiding this monster in your pants for 28 years?" You grip the tip tightly once more, earning a groan from him.

"To think that I will be the first person to bring you an orgasm, to see how your eyes roll to the back of your head as you ride out your high... fuck, do you not know how hot that is? Holy shit, I cannot wait to feel you inside me."

Wasting no time for his reply, you pop his leaking tip into your mouth and roll your tongue over it. The whimpers he makes fuel you as your hands cup his balls. You bob your head, trying to fit him inside one inch at a time.

You see his palm quickly clamp over his mouth, amusing you immensely. "Moan as loud as you want, pretty boy. What are they going to do, walk in?" You laugh, unlatching from his cock for a bit before diving right back in.

He heeds your advice, letting out the most satisfying moans you've ever heard as he tangles his fingers in your hair. He gently pushes you closer and closer to him until your nose touches his pelvis. Is this what he'd been missing out on for his entire life? If only he could turn back time and slap himself across the face.

Your tongue only gets needier and needier, desperate to taste all of him all at once. You use it to trace his bulging veins, feeling him twitch as you do so. Your hands leave his balls to slip in between your own legs and you rub your clit in the same rhythm as you suck him.

Maybe the sight of you playing with yourself should've been enough to push him over the edge; but it's only when he makes contact with your hazy eyes that causes him to buck into your mouth and finally give you what you wanted, his essence running down your throat as you swallow. "Fuck," he says, surprising you by swearing. "You're a goddess." He says in his post-orgasmic bliss.

You wipe any remnants off your lips with the back of your hand and laugh. "That's my name, Teddy. Don't wear it out." Then you clamber onto his lap and meet his lips once again. He grins sheepishly when he tastes him in you, but that grin quickly turns into a moan as you grind down on him. He's tempted to let you bounce on him till he spills himself all over you, but he knew he wanted you to experience your own orgasm.

"Y/N," he shyly says. "Can I eat you out?"

You weren't expecting that, but who were you to refuse? "Yes, please!"

Placing his hands underneath your buttcheeks, he lifts you into the air - damn, has he been working out? His biceps are so hot - and awkwardly shuffles to the desk. He places you on the desk, albeit in the wrong spot as you end up having to scoot up a bit for fear of falling off - but with a man like Ted molding into putty in your hands, how could you care?

He fumbles to remove your shirt, his eyes darkening once he sees the glow of your breasts in the moonlight. You unclasped your bra and tossed it away without a care in the world, discarding your pants in the same manner. You feel exposed, desperately wanting to blow his expectations out of the water but secretly being afraid that you're not capable of it.

You see his breath hitch in his throat as he gazes at you lustfully, clad in nothing save for a pair of soaked panties. He reaches forward and plants a sloppy kiss on your lips, moving downwards to your chin, then the length of your exposed neck before settling on the center of your collarbones. You tingle with delight - only Ted could be so seductive in an endearing manner.

He wraps his pillowy lips around your nipple, one hand playing with your other breast. He's a bit rough at first but eases his force when he observes how you jolt up. His teeth graze your skin and you mewl.

He leaves your nipple and gets himself level with your clothed pussy. When you feel his nose digs into your clit, you instinctually gasp and wrap your legs around his head. You feel fucking powerful for a second, knowing you're suffocating him with nothing but you. You might just climax on the spot.

The feeling is interrupted when he pries your legs open. "Slow down, chowder, we have all night - and, err, next morning."

Just when you're about to reply with a giggle and call him cute, he pulls your panty to the side. He latches his mouth around your clit, giving it some experimental licks before deciding he was doing well when he hears you suck in your breath. He sucks on it like his life depends on it, teeth grazing ever so gently over your sensitive core. One hand keeps your legs apart so he could have access to more of you, while his other runs itself along your slit. When his fingers are sufficiently coated in your slick, he finally plunges inside with two digits.

The loud moan you let out makes his cock twitch.

His fingers repeatedly thrust into you, making a come-hither motion each time. It was really just a matter of time before he found your g-spot, instantly making you reach up and grope your breast.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuck!" You curse, and you feel his lips twisting into a smirk as he keeps sucking the life out of you. When he feels you tightening as you near your precipice, he takes it as a sign to switch his position. You feel a warm, wet appendage poking your quivering hole, audibly gasping His tongue travels around the perimeter at first, but then they replace his fingers when it snakes inside of you - twisting, turning and plunging into you.

In just a few seconds your vision goes blurry and you wrap your thighs around his face again as you climax around his tongue. "Holy shit!"

He cheekily rises from where he was sitting, his mouth streaked with evidence of your orgasm. His breath catches in his throat when he sees the mess you're in. "Not bad for a first timer, huh?" You giggle exasperatedly, trying to catch your breath.

You were the definition of lewd at this moment; sweat highlighting the curve of your breasts.

"See something you like?" You joke, propping yourself in elbows.

"I love you."

"...what?"

"Sorry, sorry! I did not mean to say that! Forget what I said."

"Ted."

He sucks in a deep breath. "Maybe it's seeing you after so long but - I can't. I can't let you slip away again. I want to be with you, Y/N, you're it for me." He says, caressing your face and using his thumbs to wipe the tears welling in your eyes. "Stay with me." He hums, kissing your nose.

"You don't-" you start, holding onto his arms. Ted feels uncertain of what you're going to say. "You don't tell that to someone after you've given them an earth-shattering orgasm, you doof!" You exclaim, chuckling.

He feels like he can breathe again. "Reciprocate my love, woman." He says, pouting.

You pull him in for a hug tightly, never wanting to let go. His arm snakes around your back and holds you in place, his nose nuzzling into the base of your neck. "I love you too." You finally say. "It's definitely going to be an adjustment. I've only been back for two weeks, you have a monkey, I don't even have a place yet - but that doesn't matter. I love you so, so much. Letting you go was the worst decision I ever made, and I'll be damned if I let it happen again."

You're pulled into a kiss. This one is different though; not based on hunger or desire as before but rather passion. It feels like an ice cube spreading over your bruised lips. He breaks apart, resting his forehead on yours. "Soul meets soul on lover's lips." He quotes.

"Ugh, you haven't changed one bit, you nerd." You remark, rolling your eyes half heartedly as you recognize the line as one of Percy Shelly's. He shrugs shamelessly, elated that you remembered.

He gently lays you down on the desk once more, being careful to not crush you as his hands wrap around his dick and he strokes himself. He pulls away, slowly, leaning over to your ear.

"Think I can give you another 'earth-shattering' orgasm?" He smugly says, his sticky fingers gripping onto your hip.

"I might just die if you don't."

He blushes before slowly pulling your cum-soaked panties down, slipping them past your legs. God, the sight of your battered pussy was so lewd, but an essential detail registers in his head. "Y/N," he says, scratching the back of his head. "I don't have a condom."

That snaps you out of your trance. "Ugh, I completely forgot." You reply, annoyed. "I have an IUD, but I haven't been with anyone for a while. If you still want to continue, then I'm up for it too." You say nervously.

He bends down to kiss your nose again. "I trust you."

You reach out for his member, rubbing it against your folds with your slick making it seem so effortless. The pretty moan he lets out only edges you on - he had you wrapped around his gorgeous long fingers, didn't he?

He writhes in your grasp, fingers digging into the flesh of your hips leaving crescent-shaped marks that you prayed would remain. "Shit, shit, shit!" He exclaims.

His swearing really shouldn't be making you weak in the knees, but damn it all to hell.

"God, I can't wait to take you apart every single day." You say. "Crumbling before my very eyes. Fuck, I can't wait to be wrapped around you."

"Then what are you waiting for?" He pants irritatedly, arms placed on each side of your head.

"As you wish, pretty boy." You reach out for his hand to plant a kiss on his fingers. Finally, you align his head with your entrance and lace your legs around his waist. "I can't believe I'm finally making you mine."

He cups your face. "Chowder, I've always been yours."

And with that, you push him inside with your legs. The first stretch is uncomfortable due to his sheer size and girth, but that couldn't matter less. You were more focused on how his head rolled back and the loud groan that escapes his throat - possibly the most erotic sound you've ever heard.

It was like he'd lived in black and white before this, and all of a sudden there was an explosion of color and he was drowning in you, you only you-

"Holy crap, Y/N." He pants. "You're so tight and warm and- fuck."

"You're becoming quite the potty-mouth." You giggle.

"Hush, woman. You and your pussy are going to be the death of me someday." He says, hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

You stroke his wet hair, grinning. "That's the plan."

"Brat."

"Yours truly."

"At least you got one thing correct." He says, leaning in to kiss your lips. The inadvertent thrust that came with it causes you to let out a gasp, and you're starting to be weary of if you can survive being impaled by his monster dick.

Luckily your thoughts are silenced when his hips start to move; it starts slow as he adjusts to you, but he picks up his pace, pounding into you.

"Ted! Fuck - more!" You scream. Watching his cock disappear into you - seeing where you started and he began - it felt like he had no choice but to comply with your words.

Rolling his hips against yours, he diverts the attention of his mouth onto your exposed neck, pressing wet kisses along before harshly biting and sucking on your skin. It hurts - not unbearably so, but you still make a point to give him a hickey to show how it was done later on.

Wanting more of him, you slowly lift your hips and match his pace. "Holy fucking shit, your dick is skewering me alive." You cry, hands going to play with your clit. You see his face scrunch up at the image, which amuses you to no end.

Above you, Ted chases the warmth of your pussy. The sound of skin on skin makes him feel delirious, getting turned on by the mere thought of your fluids intermingling and leaving a mess on the space he has to work on.

He catches your lips with him, slowly feeling the coil tightening in his lower abdomen. Your pert nipples drag over his chest, sending tingles all over him. Between your pretty little moans, your tight hole sucking his cock in and the sight of your slick-covered fingers rubbing figure-8s around your clit, he knew he had no chance.

Soon he starts seeing white spots in his vision and something starting to unravel in his lower abdomen. "Y/N, I think I'm close. Where should I - um -"

"Inside, please." You say, panting.

And just like that, his hips still and he comes undone.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

He was a fucking vision - you wanted the sight imprinted on the back of your eyelids. His thick eyebrows knitted together as his eyes closed shut, his lower lip falling under his teeth as his stomach caved in and of itself. His thick, warm seed shot into your pussy in uncontrollable spurts, stuffing you beyond your wildest dreams.

"Fuck, I love you so much." You say unabashedly, feeling his essence dribble out of you slowly. He chuckles lightly, struggling to catch his breath. "Can I ride you? I'm almost there."

He nods his head excitedly before flipping the both of you so you were on top, your palms planted firmly against his chest as you straddle him. You waste no time in moving your hips and he seems all too happy to let you take over, watching your actions through his lidded eyes. You create a fast but deep pace, the sound of him fucking through his own cum pushing you even closer to your end. "So good for me, love." You praise him as he mewls beneath you. "So perfect."

You slump backward, allowing you to grind against his cock more as his head smashes into your cervix. His fingers vigorously rub your clit, making you wail. "Don't stop, oh my god, fucckk!"

He bucks his hips into you, desperate to see you crumble in front of him again. "God, I must be the luckiest man alive," he eggs you on as you swirl your hips. You clench your walls, the friction bringing him to his edge once more.

"Ted..." you whimper. Looking into your glassy eyes, he understands.

"I'm close again, love," he grunts. "Cum with me."

"Fuck - I love you, I love you I love you I love you-" you chant frantically. With one final thrust, your orgasm overtakes you with such force that your vision blanks out. Your hips stutter as you fall onto him, gushing around his length as his cum paints your walls again.

He brings his lips to yours, kissing you amid your choked sobs of pleasure. You stay in that position for some time, with his bulky arms wrapping around you and his softening dick plugging his cum inside you.

Moments pass as you lay on his chest, listening in for his heartbeat as it slowly calms. "That was amazing." You say, breaking the silence.

"I don't think I could ever go back to my hand again." He sighs as you laugh. "Don't you need to go pee or something?" He says, brushing his fingers through your sweaty hair.

"I don't want to leave our bubble." You pout.

He kisses your forehead. "Well, we have forever, don't we?" You smile. "We can manage maybe a few seconds apart."

"Ugh, fine." You say, slipping him out of you as you wobbly walk to his attached bathroom. He watches himself slowly leak down your thighs, licking his lips contently. If he wasn't completely spent, he'd probably take you up against the wall right now and add another load to the stash. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

He wipes off the mess you made as much as he can before arranging the pullout couch more comfortably. He waits for you, immediately reaching out to your warm body once you're out of the washroom.

He falls asleep tucked up in your arms, and as you listen as he softly snores you realize that this is the most at home you've felt since you left 6 years ago.

"I'm glad to hear he had a good time," Ted says onto the speakerphone as he ties his tie. "We're still trapped but it shouldn't be too long now. Thank you for taking care of him, Margaret, it's lucky this sleepover was scheduled when it was."

Ted was the first to wake up this morning, but you soon followed when you felt his tongue lapping at your folds. After another dalliance in the hay, you watch as he dresses while calling Charkie's house to make sure George was okay. Once he talks to him and promises to take him to the playground today, he hangs up.

You smirk as he bends down to pick up his belt, your eyes training in on his round ass. "You know, I've always loved your butt. You should bend over more, it's my biggest vice."

He turns to you, rolling his eyes in amusement. "Shouldn't you start getting ready? They could barge in any time now."

"I would, but I think you've broken me, Shackleford."

"Don't be so dramatic, chowder. Here, I'll help you."

Once you're dressed and have fixed your hair (to an extent), you place yourself on Ted's lap and overlook the view from his window. "We live right about there," he points to a tall yellow building in the distance, resting his chin on your shoulder. "Ours is the one with the garden on the balcony. Speaking of, remind me to water the plants as soon as we get back."

"Dang, if I wasn't too busy bouncing on your dick we could've seen it at night."

He groans. "Don't talk like you didn't enjoy cumming all over my de-"

All of a sudden you hear the scraping of a key being inserted into the door. Ted swivels the both of you around to meet a maintenance worker and Dr. Einstein. "Heard you kids got locked up yesterday. Ted, you really oughta get this whole system replaced." He says, eyeing the two of you. "Glad it worked out, though." He shamelessly adds.

You cough. "Of course, I'll get a locksmith up here immediately Professor Einstein. Thank you for letting us out, Jerry." Ted rambles, blushing.

The man only nods his head and leaves, unfazed and unbothered. Professor Einstein, on the other hand, lingers for a bit more. "You should take the day off, Shackleford. Maybe get a shower, or touch some grass." He says, before walking away, humming to himself.

"That... was the most embarrassing thing I've been through." He says, dumbfounded.

"Get used to it, sweets." You laugh, picking yourself off as best as you could. "I think I want you to fuck me against this huge window, let everyone see how much I love your dick."

"Jesus, Y/N, I didn't expect you to be such a pottymouth." He replies, shocked, getting up to embrace you again.

"Speak for yourself;- did you hear the shit you were saying last night?"

"I really hope you don't influence George to be just as crude."

"Um, wow. Have some faith in me."

He kisses your forehead, pulling you closer. A warm silence ensues.

"I don't want you to go. You just got back." He whispers.

"I don't want to leave." You mumble, hiding your face in his chest, inhaling his scent. He always gave the best hugs; the ones where you melt right into him.

"I take back what I said about being apart for a few seconds. I want to be with you 24/7." He groans. How did you get so lucky?

"The Pisghetti's are expecting me at 10, right before the lunch shift. Maybe you should tag along? I don't think they'd mind. Actually, it'd help us if anything."

"Well, Professor Einstein did basically tell to me take a day off, and we do still have nearly 3 hours before you're expected. How about we freshen up at our apartment?"

That's how you find yourself curled up around him as he pounds into you in his tub, your 15-minute bath turning into 35. After the stickiness between your legs is washed off (and a sex-crazed Ted is satiated), you quickly rush to get ready, despite knowing that the Pisghetti's are immediately going to know if something is up when they notice you wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Oh well.

The pair of you pick George up from Charkie's, who only live the next block over. Margaret, the sweet dog's kind owner, is delighted to be introduced to you and offers tea, but you regrettably take a rain check. George on the other hand is surprised to see the man with the yellow hat's fingers intertwined around yours but accepts it happily, even climbing to your shoulders as you make the walk to the Pisghetti's.

Safe to say the Chef and Netti didn't expect to see the both of you together, but they don't make a big deal of it. George plays with Gnocchi as the four of you discussed the final adjustments for the meals in the kitchen.

You try your hardest - you swear you do. But every so often Ted's hands hover over yours and it's goddamn hard to not run your fingers over his soft palms. This doesn't go unnoticed by Netti, but she doesn't say anything. She'll squeeze it out of you on Monday, you suppose, judging by how the corner of her lips turn up every time she spots it.

By the time it rolls around to 11:30, you start preparing for your lunch shift. "I wish I could stay, but I did promise to take George to the playground. And I think the Chef wouldn't like me hogging space for potential customers anyway." Ted pouts. "Should I pick you up after your shift? You can have dinner with us - I'll cook." He offers enthusiastically.

"That sounds good! I do have one request; can we drop by my hotel? I really need a fresh set of clothes, and also make sure the staff doesn't think I died or something."

He kisses you briefly but passionately. "Consider it a plan. See you in a few hours, chowder. I love you." With that promise, he reluctantly leaves.

That night, as you're sleeping and sprawled over him, belly full of lasagna and hands holding onto a rather flat plush of Julius the monkey, Ted makes the realization that he has two sources of snores to drown his spiraling thoughts in.

This time, it's enough.

He sleeps contently, tucked in your arms like he hopes to be for the rest of his life with his beloved (and live) monkey just a few paces away.

"Passport?"

"Check."

"Wallet?"

"Check."

"Suitcase and backpack?"

"Check."

"List of Canadian snacks George wants to try?"

"Check! That should be it."

"You are missing one thing." Ted gives you a grave face.

You nervously think back to what could be missing. "What is it?"

"A goodbye kiss for me, hello?" He says, puckering his lips like an idiot in the middle of the bustling crowd around you.

You roll your eyes before planting a big fat wet kiss on his lips. Even Ted wasn't expecting to drop you at the airport today. Heck, he'd actually been trying to avoid flying; partly because it brought a whole list of complications because of George being classified as a primate but also because every time he'd step in one memory of you leaving would rush back into his brain, leaving him a grumpy old mess. He'd even completely skipped over the Duty-Free sections every time he did have to go somewhere.

There was also another reason;- the gala was tomorrow, and dropping you off was already taking a chunk of precious time that could've gone into overseeing the preparations. Obviously, Ted didn't mind - Professor Wiseman was more than capable of being in charge for an hour - but this event was important to him. It was the biggest he'd thrown in his entire career, plus, it had somewhat brought you to him. He was next to you, yes, but he'd be lying if he said a part of him wasn't worrying about the exhibit in the back of his mind.

Of course, you didn't mind. Truth be told, your mind was also a bit preoccupied with the gala - specifically the food. Most of the work was done, Netti and the Chef only had to fix it up to look more presentable. Still, if it hadn't been for your lease expiring soon you would've extended your stay by at least one more day.

You brush these thoughts aside as you give Ted one final hug. "Is it too late to stuff you in my suitcase and carry you with me?" You ask.

"Unfortunately, yes, chowder." He says, kissing the top of your head. "Though... I wouldn't mind being stuffed somewhere else." He says, raising his eyebrows mischievously.

You hit his arm. "Oh my god, give my pussy a break. I'm going now." You whine, turning away from him.

He snickers, stopping you from leaving. "Okay, okay, calm down. Just one more kiss and I promise I'll let you go." He says before bending down and capturing your lips in his. You stay like that for a while before you begrudgingly pull away.

"See you in a few days. Tell George I'll miss him. I love you!" you grin before walking away to the check-in station, waving as you do so.

"I love you too," Ted replies. He watches as you disappear into the crowd, just as you did that day 6 years ago, but he reminds himself that this time is different. You'd be back. And very soon.

With that in mind, he turns back to head to the museum again.

Someone snaps him out of his trance. "You're up in 5, boss."

"Thanks, Andie." Ted acknowledges, flickering through his opening speech again. This wasn't the first time he'd given one but they were very nerve-wracking either way for an introvert. Dressed in an all-black suit for the first time in 2 years, he only wishes you were here to see him. You'd been trying to push him out of that yellow suit for a while now.

Adjusting his tie, he devotes one more second (okay, maybe a bit more) to thinking of you before making his way to the stage stairs. The MC for the evening, a guy by the name of William H. Macy, introduces him - and soon he's facing a room of 500 people with a mic in front of him. He hopes all that practicing with you and George paid off.

"Distinguished guests, it is my honor to unveil the new Invention of Cooking exhibit to you tonight on behalf of The Metropolitan Museum of Arts." A round of applause ensues as Ted searches the crowd for familiar faces so that he could feel a bit more relaxed. "We'd love to extend our warmest welcomes to each and every single one of you. People from every corner of the earth have flown in just to attend this event; food bloggers, world-famous chefs, historians of different specialties, and so forth. A diverse palette of company, really - but all of us, including me, are united by one thing." He pauses to draw the audience in. "None of us know what I'm going to say!"

That earns a cackle from the horde, the most distinct being George. That soothes his nerves, but it's hard to spot the monkey with all these bright lights flashing in his face. "Plans for this new extension date back to several years ago, so seeing everyone stand in it is a very special moment for all of us who have been dedicatedly working on it. We hope that you enjoy immersing yourself in how cooking evolved from the discovery of fire to the stage it's at now." His eyes adjust to the darkness a bit, and he notices George cheekily smiling at him about 50 feet away. He was on someone's head - who was that? "But please do make sure to try out the assortment of appetizers and courses that are sure to give you a taste of New York." He continues, squinting to seek out who George was on but trying to not make it too obvious. It seems like they were walking toward the stage. "They have been prepared by our very own Chef Pisghetti, his wife Netti, and my partner, Y/N L/N, who unfor-" George's mysterious booster seat finally comes to light, and Ted makes eye contact with you.

He coughs, dumbfounded, but picks his jaw up from the floor quickly. This was a professional event, the show must go on. "Who have all devoted the last few weeks of their life making sure everyone in this room gets the best experience attainable. Uh, if you have any questions, feel free to direct them to any of our dedicated staff. Otherwise, have a wonderful evening!" He reaches the end of his speech, pausing for the applause before rushing downstairs to embrace you in his arms. George scurries away, picking up cues that this should be a more private affair. "Y/N - how'd you- Weren't you-" he excitedly queries as you pepper his face in kisses.

"I'll explain everything, can we go to your office though?"

"Sure. Wait, is something wrong?" "No, no! I just don't want to be with you, not surrounded by a bazillion people."

5 minutes later, you're back in his office and he has you wrapped in the tightest of hugs. "You weren't supposed to be back for at least three days - what happened?!"

"Don't scold me, but I chugged like 4 Red Bulls to pack up my entire apartment in under 12 hours. Honestly, you should have seen me. I think I set a world record, but anyway. I brought what I could - all the boxes are in the restaurant - but my friends are going to have to sell my couch and bed and blah blah. Whatever, doesn't matter, caught a flight and ran here." Ted gazes into your eyes. "What? Say something."

"You're crazy." He says, "Why would you do that?"

"You're crazy if you think I would have missed this for the world."

"God, I'm in love with a lunatic."

You beam. "Tell me something I don't know." He grabs you by your cheeks and smashes your lips together and you savor his taste. How did every kiss with him feel like it was the first? Your fingers card through his hair as you try to breathe him in. His tongue pressed between your lips to part them, slipping inside your mouth. You don't know how much time passes before you finally part, lips wet with spit.

"I am wholly and irrevocably in love with you." He confesses.

"Ditto." You teasingly smile.

"Ugh, I take it back."

"No! Don't!" You cry. "I love you too, so much. You are my forever, I couldn't imagine a life without you."

He bites back a cheeky grin, resting his head against yours. "Imagine being so cheesy."

"Watch it, mister, or I'll kick you to Mars."

"Will you come with me?"

"Of course. We'll have to find a spacesuit for George, though. I doubt they make them monkey-sized. Speaking of suits, you look particularly ravishing tonight, Shackleford."

"I could say the same for you, chowder. Where were you hiding this little number?"

You twirl your dress for him. "Do you like it? Had to dig it out of the closet. Sorry, it's not exactly black tie,"

"Are you kidding? The only place this would look better is on the floor."

"Oh, really?" You smirk, turning and walking away from him.

He stares at you in confusion. "Uh, what're you doing?"

"You had them remove the auto-lock security feature thing, right?"

"Yeah, the day after we got stuck. Why?"

"Oops!" You say as you close the door shut and slide the bolt in place. "My hand slipped! Uh oh." He slowly catches on to your plan, a bulge already forming in his pants. You turn back to face him, a mischievous look on your face.

"Now, what happened to your promise of fucking me against your window?"

Special Instruction

Peter Parker x Reader

This is based on a prompt I found from somewhere.

Warning : it is very weird and it feels like 3 a.m. whatever yolo.

Masterlist

————————--------------------------------

You and your friend were having a slumber party. It was nearly midnight and the urge to commit something remotely illegal was coursing through your veins.

Basically the usual female culture during slumber parties. Other than summoning a demon.

"you know what? Let's just order pizza. It's been ages since we sat down ordered junk food" Leo, your friend suggested.

The mental image of a pizza and it's cheesy goodness was an absolute amazing one.

So if course, you decided to order two pizzas.

But now the thing is, while ordering the pizza through an official app, there was a small blank box which was labelled as "Special instructions".

And immediately you were struck by an idea which seemed illegal enough for you both to go through without the fear of going to prison.

"hey Leo, what if we ask for the cutest delivery boy?" You ask her who gasped, eyes wide and lips smiling wide.

"YES" she yelled.

So you both giggled like evil little gremlins as you filled that blank in.

PLEASE SEND YOUR CUTEST DELIVERY BOY <3

" Now let's see what happens hehe" you both giggled yet again.

*meanwhile*

"GUYS, THERE IS A NEW ORDER AT XX LANE! AND YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT THE SPECIAL INSTRUCTION WAS!"

A chorus of 'what is it's resonated through the kitchen of the pizza place.

"THEY ASKED FOR THE CUTEST DELIVERY GUY TO BE SENT"

The silence that spread was defeaning.

"IM THE CUTEST DELIVERY BOY"

"WHO THE DUCK APPOINTED YOU AS THE CUTEST? A CUCUMBER?"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY WOULD YOU INSULT A CUCUMBER"

And hence, the whole kitchen burst into a battleground

*time skip*

Both you and Leo kept waiting...and waiting...and waiting for your pizza to arrive that you didnt notice that you both fell asleep.

A sudden obnoxious ring of you phone interrupted your peaceful sleepy state.

You pick up your phone and without checking the caller, you grumbled outing your husky sleepy voice "hello?"

"your pizza is here...ma'am."

Your eyes shoot open. You immediately cut the call and check the time. It was 1 a.m.

You shake Leo like a damn vibrators but much more aggressive who simply rolls away, hair in her mouth and a line of drool dripping out.

You roll your eyes at the sight "what sort of unsexy people I have as my friends, tsk".

You stand up and wobble towards the door and pull it open.

And you scream.

"WHAT- WHAT HAPPENED-" The guy yelled, clearly startled at the sudden scream.

"Why- Why are you covered in blood?!" Your voice trembles in fear. Who was he and why was he covered in blood?!.

"oh this-" the delivery guy shook his head. "It's tomato sauce"

Okay now you feel dumb. But seriously, could you blame yourself? The darkness of the night didn't help in any way.

"oh uh- why are you covered head to toe in sauce-?" You ask.

The delivery guy suddenly seems to falter a little, as he stutters out bashfully "uh..you asked to send the cute delivery guy so....I had to put up a fight didn't i?" He said and smiled at you.

Now that your haze was clear, the delivery guy WAS ACTUALLY pretty cute.

You felt self conscious and looked down to see your Avengers pajama set and felt ur unruly hair. Your face burned a degree more in embarrassment.

"uh...thanks..and sorry for the weird...request...we were just messing with you-" you apologized as you recieved the pizza box.

The delivery guy laughed and winked at you "well, I surely didn't mind putting up a fight to meet such a lovely lady as yourself."

Damn, he is smooth.

"well...tell me your name then?" You asked, hoping to not let this be the first and last encounter.

"Peter. Peter Parker"

— ALL I WANT FOR COCKMAS (m.)

pairing; jungkook/reader words; 3,678 genre; santa au, fluff, crack, smut rating; explicit

— synopsis; you tell santa exactly what you want for christmas.

contents; santa jungkook, but not what u might think, elf yoongi lmao, crack!, humor, christmas related puns, public sex (bathroom sex), unprotected sex (stay safe!), rough sex, creampie, dirty talk, marking, breast play, light cum play, impreg kink!!, multiple orgasms, light degradation.

“No way,” you whined, cheeks aflame as Mina dragged you toward the line to take a picture with Santa Claus. Usually, you wouldn’t care much and go along with her, but this year was different.

Because everyone knew that Jeon Jungkook was being Santa this year.

That’s right, you heard it right, folks. The most attractive man you’d ever seen, the one that caused heat to flood in your cheeks and your thighs to squeeze together was playing Santa Claus. His friends had made it a big deal, telling anyone that would listen to them, shouting it at random people they passed on campus.

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Some more of my favorite BTS scenarios.

you all know me, there’s only a few of my reactions that have only one genre, so if I were you I’d just read through all of them and see what you like. I tried to put each story to the genre section I thought it’d fit most!

masterlists for other idols/groups can be found here here

Keep reading

The crackhead energy in the THIICC boys groupchat gives me life.

➳ COLLIDE

╰ your life had always been so wonderfully ordinary. or at least, it was—until the day you accidentally bumped into him and ended up with the wrong cellphone and a one-way ticket to a groupchat full of unusual characters…

paring: artist!taehyung x waitress!reader

genre: sm au, crack humor, fluff, smut

status: completed

series: hobiverse masterlist

a/n: yUH YEET!! we here with a new series shisters!! I really wanted to write an au with a crackhead gc but also an artist!tae fic so here we are doing both lmaoo I hope y’all enjoy it!! x

🎨 part 1 - profiles

🎨 part 2 - the thicc brothers™️

🎨 part 3 - the phone snatcher

🎨 part 4 - no comment

🎨 part 5 - hell party

🎨 part 6 - peeps

🎨 part 7 - serial killers

🎨 part 8 - that’s the that on that

🎨 part 9 - yeehaw

🎨 part 10 - friends

🎨 part 11 - heart dicc

🎨 part 12 - cereal court

🎨 part 13 - none pizza with left beef

🎨 part 14 - Rebellious Youths™️

🎨 part 15 - mothman: smash or pass?

🎨 part 16 - big miss steak

🎨 part 17 - uncouth

🎨 part 18 - loose milk

🎨 part 19 - paris, texas

🎨 part 20 - the city of love

🎨 part 21 - amour fou (m)

🎨 part 22 - jeopardy

🎨 part 23 - poisoned donut

🎨 part 24 - error 404

🎨 part 25 - crying in the club

🎨 part 26 - chef boyardee

🎨 part 27 - forever

🎨 part 28 - water my cat

🎨 part 28.5 - bonus

🎨 part 29 - the soft brothers™️

🎨 part 30 - yote

🎨 part 31 - friendship camp

🎨 part 32 - crackhead christmas

🎨 part 33 - the zodiac killer

🎨 part 34 - mazel tov, jeremy!

🎨 part 35 - epilogue

:: bonus part - postlogue 3

I love how Hobi gave up in this fic with kind of concealing his identity and just kept talking about the past universes.  Also, conspiracy theorist Yoongi is the crackiest of crackheads.  

➳ ROSES

╰ life was a lot easier for seokjin before the crackhead who moved in above his flower shop accidentally kidnapped his daughter… but he had to admit; meeting you definitely made things a hell of a lot more interesting

pairing: single dad!jin x photographer!reader

genre: sm au, crack humor, fluff, angst, smut

status: completed

series: hobiverse masterlist

a/n: yoooo y’all already know wtf is going on lol we back and thiccer than ever with a new au!! bls enjoy clueless single dad Jin getting his shit turned upside down by chaotic good y/n!! x

💐 part 1 - profiles

💐 part 2 - die hard

💐 part 3 - shrek

💐 part 4 - lizard person in a child suit

💐 part 5 - the sacred law of dibs

💐 part 6 - bird watching

💐 part 7 - friendship flowers

💐 part 8 - in a totally chill friend way

💐 part 9 - hold that canoe

💐 part 10 - math

💐 part 11 - frozen

💐 part 12 - the word that shall not be named

💐 part 13 - jolly green giant

💐 part 14 - over and out

💐 part 15 - exposed

💐 part 16 - psychic powers

💐 part 17 - zoinks scoob

💐 part 18 - smirgins

💐 part 19 - this is a case for the FBI

💐 part 20 - family night

💐 part 21 - lesbians

💐 part 22 - second chance

💐 part 23 - petals (m)

💐 part 24 - peachy

💐 part 25 - crying at the cinnabon stand

💐 part 26 - lasagna

💐 part 27 - bigfoot kink

💐 part 28 - Feelings™️

💐 part 29 - mario and luigi

💐 part 30 - everybody say sausage

💐 part 31 - code red

💐 part 32 - flower daddy

💐 part 33 - i do

💐 part 34 - skittles

💐 part 35 - epilogue

:: bonus part - postlogue 4

spin-offs: breathe (jjk) || finding bigfoot (myg)

Ah, this universe’s JK actually turned cute, instead of just a pure thot.

➳ BREATHE

╰ in which jeon jungkook is a raging fuckboy with a secret passion for antique birdhouses and you are a funky craft store employee just trying to pay off your crushing student loans…

「spinoff of my social media au “Roses”」

pairing: fuckboy!jungkook x student!reader

genre: sm au, crack humor, fluff, smut

status: completed

series: hobiverse masterlist

a/n: ahh the fuckboy!jungkook Roses spinoff is finally happening guys!! you don’t need to read Roses first if you haven’t, but some things will make more sense if you do!! i hope y’all enjoy x

☁️ part zero - prologue

☁️ part one - profiles

☁️ part two - big coochie energy

☁️ part three - goodbye, thot

☁️ part four - fensiminsm

☁️ part five - you said homo

☁️ part six - mouth-holes

☁️ part seven - and i oop—

☁️ part eight - world’s best boyfriend

☁️ part nine - kombucha girl

☁️ part ten - THAT domestic ass couple

☁️ part eleven - restless leg syndrome

☁️ part twelve - food poisoning

☁️ part thirteen - hella thicc feelings

☁️ part fourteen - ass over tits

☁️ part fifteen - the long boy

☁️ part sixteen - congrats to lila and jessie

☁️ part seventeen - three words (m)

☁️ part eighteen - coochie teeth

☁️ part nineteen - couples yoga

☁️ part twenty - emotional suport crackheads

☁️ part twenty-one - big sexxy brain

☁️ part twenty-two - epilogue

:: bonus part - postlogue 4.5

The crackhead nature of her roommates is so funny.

It’s a Reverse Basket ◍ Part 5

⇝ Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

⇝ Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Angst

↳ Basketball AU, Gender Bender AU

⇝ Words: 3.1k (short chapter but it still has its own craziness) 

⇝ Warnings: pg13 (please check out the disclaimer on the first part); none 

⇝ Summary: The goal has never been in your favor, and despite all your best efforts, you don’t think it ever will be. But that’s right when you finally get the chance to turn things around, to do things the way you’ve always wanted to and to go after what you truly love. However the problem isn’t if you can do it, it’s how much are you willing to do…?

⇝ Next Update: Tuesday, April 14 (let me know if you’d like to be tagged) 

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I love the fact that Taehyung did not even both to question why Yoong’s clothes were just completely drenched.  It was also very mature of Taehyung to drop the whole investigating Y/N’s secret because it was her secret to share or not.

It’s a Reverse Basket ◍ Part 7

⇝ Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

⇝ Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Angst

↳ Basketball AU, Gender Bender AU

⇝ Words: 4.5k

⇝ Warnings: pg13 (please check out the disclaimer on the first part); none (but things get realll chaotic in this one) 

⇝ Summary: Basketball is your everything; your passion for it running deep and wanting nothing more then to play the sport. Problem is, the sport isn’t offered competitively to girls and with that, all your hopes immediately fizzle away… …but who ever said that was going to stop you?

⇝ Next Update: Tuesday, April 28 (let me know if you’d like to be tagged)

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TGM bonus content #4

HELLO it hath been a while since i’ve given you some crackheadery so please enjoy something i whipped up on my study break

if you aren’t caught up on tgm you may wanna do that first but this doesn’t contain any direct spoilers from the series

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ceo!yoongi - baby makes three

→ pairing: min yoongi x reader

→ genre: ceo!au, the fluffiest fluff, bitch you is PREGNANT, yoongi squeals in this, jimin is ur supportive bff as per usual 

→ wordcount: 3.5k

→ notes: well folks, we made it..,,.,. you guys like ceo!yoongi so much that we’ve come to the point where he starts a damn family with y/n.,,.. writing this gave me intense baby fever so i hope it does that to u too <33333 also there is definitely going to be a part two of this drabble where i’ll be writing like week by week of the pregnancy so keep an eye out for that  

if you have no idea whO ceo!yoongi is go ahead and read the fic that started it allllllllll anyways i hope you guys like this one! feel free to flood the friCK out of my inbox i love dat shit

if u wanna ask yoongs or y/n anything u know what to do ;-)

(gif isn’t mine!)

(((and the read more function iS there but most of the time it doesn’t work on mobile :// i am sorry don’t attack me by sending passive-aggressive anon messages)))

oh god

it’s happening again

you furrow your brows in discomfort and press the back of your hand to your mouth while the other hand clutches your stomach

immediately you drop to your knees and fumble with the toilet lid to get it up and

bLEruGHHUhuHGhuHuhGUhguh

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