6/28 - Suffocation

6/28 - Suffocation

Pain in the heart When will the gates open For me and only me When will you let me in

Feel the pain in my head My jaw clenched shut Like a clam shell Never opens for you

There are no pearls on my tongue Just salt between closed lips I sit gurgling curses Feeling the silt between my teeth

Crush, crush Bones destroyed by bones Lifeblood drank by deathblood Pure rose red and sickly rotten black

Feed me, fill me Acid burning up butterflies Take what I know Rip my pages apart

My brain is falling apart inside my head Panic fraying my loose ends My shell cracked Insides falling outside

Your pseudo tenderness A gull bashing me against rocks Ripping out my sweetness Sucking down my marrow

Eat me, become me, As I poison you, Turn those lips blue Suffocation the softest kiss

Now this one, of English Ivy, I like a lot more.  Tell me, how does it make you feel?

The Judge - Osiris 

The Third Guardian This sigil helps boost spellwork pertaining to finding balance, clarity, knowledge, and judgement. 

The Destroyer - Kali

The Fourth Guardian

This sigil enhances spellwork with connections to change, especially unexpected change, as well as spells with motherly and protective energies.

Searched:

How to be free of fear?

Searched:

How to remove expectation

All I think is of

Shame, hate, anxieties

Pressure not brought on by parents

Or teachers or lovers

But by the self

Searched:

How to love the self

All I feel is

That lurking pain

In the back if my head

Pain inspired fear in my stomach

Like peach pits

Searched:

How to be yourself

I am afraid to be me

To look this way

Act this way

Too much, not enough,

Simply "not the right fit"

Drenched in tar and feeling unaccepted

In my adoptive family of four

Searched:

How to be a better person

Unafraid to care and love

Sing and dance and laugh

To create for the self

Not for the attention I so desire

Searched:

How not to be a disappointment

Afraid to fail my parents

The pressure put on by divorced expectation

Too tall orders of what I should be

Not smart enough to succeed

Not pretty enough to cheat

Not strong enough to push my way through life

Searched:

How to be free of fear?

Answered:

Let go of expectation

Love the self

Let success and opportunity in

Remove that fear of pain and of failure