I Think About My Grandmother A Lot More Now That She's Gone. She Was A Complicated Woman But Knowing

I think about my grandmother a lot more now that she's gone. She was a complicated woman but knowing I'll never see her again hurts me more than anything I could fathom her being while she was alive. I'd like to think she's at a beach where the sun shines forever in her afterlife

I think a lot of what people call radical feminism on tumblr is really feminism 101 but people don’t want to acknowledge that being born female means that in almost all of the world if not the entire world puts us at an innate disadvantage

I wrote some poetry about autism when I was younger but now looking back on it I don't think I really liked acknowledging the fact that I was disabled by my autism. If anything I was desperate to prove how undisabled I am and now that I'm older and having more frequent meltdowns I'm starting to think I have some sort of complex around accepting the fact that I am in fact developmentally disabled

Being autistic and having been diagnosed at twelve years old is so inherently funny to me cause like I was knowledgeable enough to know that something was clearly weird or off about me. But not knowledgeable enough to realize that the DSM-5 wasn't kidding when they said that symptoms could be managed but would always be lifelong

Like my meltdowns are still a massive pain. Just now they're about things that could make sense like grades and not stuff like the sun exploding within my lifetime

That's all for tonight folks :)

Growing up female is traumatic. From a young age I remember being terrified that I was going to be harrassed because I had developed faster and more obviously than my peers. Even now I shudder at the idea of having to bend over in front of men of any age. I got catcalled twice at 17 by other boys my age. I couldn't drive and I was waiting for my mom to come pick up from school and two boys from inside a car at the pick up line yelled something sexual at me. I will spare you the deals but despite my false bravado and real rage I felt nothing more than embarrassed and ashamed once they had left. I had rumors around my sexual life even before I had a serious relationship of any kind and I had male friends who had found me being sexually innocent funny. The things they'd watch and openly show me was nothing more than disgusting yet the idea of exploring my sexuality and then finding out I was bisexual had me ashamed because I thought that they would be weirded out

I can go on but I won't