avalovesindie - Untitled
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This Is Pretty Much The Best Place To Vent Where Theres Some Chance Of Someone Seeing It But Not Basically

this is pretty much the best place to vent where there’s some chance of someone seeing it but not basically forcing anyone to respond or whatever

im mourning a better world that I know I’ll never get to. There’s so much in my personal life I’m sad about but rn the #1 thing bothering me is the world. I’m so goddamn scared. And also so upset, I feel like every tragedy that’s ever happened is constantly weighing me down. I just want everyone to be okay but it’s never going to happen. Some things seem so easy to fix but we just aren’t. I wish I could beam compassion and sense into everyone. I wish I was never born to witness this. It’s too much for me. But I can’t die because I’m so utterly terrified for what comes after. And I know that me dying would only bring more misery, which is the last thing I want, but it’s getting so hard. I’m so lonely and I don’t know who to talk to about all this. My best friend blocked me last year and I’m still not over it. My special interest is like half my life even though it brings me so much stress. I don’t think anyone will ever really find me attractive. Living in this world is exhausting and I have to grieve it every day. My current best friend i don’t even know what he thinks of me and I keep embarrassing myself in front of him. I know climate change or a nuclear war is gonna ruin everything and I’m trying to enjoy what time I have before that but it’s really hard. It’s so hard to feel every emotion so acutely. I don’t think I’m strong enough to fight. I think of the ways that would be the least painful to die. I can’t deal with any pain. I don’t know why my one friend is ignoring me. I know he only uses me as someone to talk at- not to- and doesn’t really care for me anymore. I don’t feel empty I am uncomfortably full. I’m so stupid and I’m not joking around or anything I just really am. why can’t everyone just have a warm place to sleep with food always available. Why can’t we get there already. What’s stopping us. Why

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2 years ago

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens going “we’re all gonna die” over and over is so soothing to me. It doesn’t feel ironic, it doesn’t feel darkly comforting, it just feels plain comforting. We’re all gonna die. It probably sounds morbid but it’s such a calming and beautiful song.


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