My Whole Life Feels Like A Test I Didn't Study For.

My whole life feels like a test I didn't study for.

I used to think that love made everything better, I've since found out that it makes people jump off Bridges and swallow pills because some people would rather die than live with a broken heart.

Love hurts. People lie. Friends cry. Things die. Parents yell. You always try. You're never good enough, and you don't know why.

Don’t lay flowers on my grave when I die , because you don't really care. If you cared you, would've given me flowers when I was alive.

Welcome

Welcome to society, we hope you enjoy your stay, and please feel free to be yourself, as long as it's in the right way. Make sure to love your body, but not too much or we'll have to tear you down. We'll bully you for smiling, then wonder why you frown. We'll tell you that you're worthless, that you shouldn't make a sound, and then cry with all the others while you're buried in the ground. You can fall in love with anyone, as long as it's who we choose, and we'll let you have your opinions, but please shape them to our views. Welcome to society, we promise that we won't deceive, and one more rule now that you're here, there's no way you can leave. ~e.h.

Monochromatic Reality

I take the anti depressants to make the people who want me to get 'better' think I'm happy. Even though all the pills really do is make me feel numb. At least before I felt depression, it was something. So now I take huge risks, do dangerous things, and hurt myself in anyway possible because any feeling of fear or pain or absolute dread that you can feel deep inside the pit of your stomach is better than this numbness. Some people would call me a masochist, but they wouldn't if they could feel numb like I do, then they too would do anything no matter how dangerous or painful it is just to see a glimpse of color in their monochromatic reality.

I thought people who say they wanted me to be happy meant it, that they might've even loved me, but that wasn't enough. They needed to understand-I needed them to understand. But time and time again I am made to feel alone, like I'm drifting through space and time watching their lives go on around me like I did cut the vein that night like I was planning to but I thought 'no there are people who wouldn't be able to go on without me'. So here I am, alive for people who I thought couldn't go on without me already living like I am gone, no, like I was never even here at all. I can't blame them, I'm just another shade of gray blending into the background of a monochromatic reality.