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State of numbness.

It's weird. You're calm and peaceful, but at the same time you feel tormented. You feel like you need to break out of the prison your brain is stuck in. You feel weak. You know you're okay, but at the same time you're not.

There are moments full of energy bursts, you get up, do housework, listen to music. Sometimes you will sing. Read. Feel like there's hope outside of the walls you're in.

And there are those moments when you feel completely the opposite. You feel like your brain is asleep. Like your body isn't yours anymore. Like you need someone to pinch or shake you out of the numbness, the grey that your perception has become.

And then you wonder; is it always gonna be like this?

Is it always gonna feel and look so grey?

Am I always gonna be this numb and powerless?

Full moon, January 28th 2021.

"Right when she was tied on the railway, she realised how much she actually wanted to live".

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They say, "sadness makes you creative".

But is it true though? Do we always have to be sad, to get hurt, to feel a shit load of negative emotions in order to create? Why can't creativity be the fruit of happiness? Why can't we feel joy and create?

Why does it always have to be dark?

We're humans. As humans, we tend to feel. A LOT.

How about we celebrate it more? How about we grab a notebook and start writing or drawing or singing when we're happy? When we're in love? When we feel confident? When we love life?

I believe we need to do this more, maybe because happiness is rare. Feeling joyful comes in small drops. It's like gold. And when it ends, it tends to remain as just that; a beautiful memory we grasp and admire everytime we miss it. And maybe, this way, we can experience it once again.

Wed, 27 January 2021, 8:47 PM.