Nervous

nervous

azriel x reader

summary: inspired by Nervous (The Ooh Song) by Gavin James & Mark McCabe

word count: 2k

warnings: angst, war

a/n: Part two can be found here: All My Heart (part ii) Enjoy!

————

“Azriel!” You squealed, high-pitched and shrill. A breathy laugh escaped your throat as you hung, bent at the waist, over the Shadowsinger’s left shoulder. Your hands found purchase amongst his lower back as you pushed yourself further upright. “Where are we going?”

He did not deign to respond, breathing out a low chuckle instead. The sound ricocheted down your spine and your skin prickled with anticipation. A swift smack landed on your rear and you let out a small yelp of shock before falling back into another fit of laughter.

Azriel had made a habit of this over the last few months you’d known him. You had met him back in summer, when a few young Windhaven soldiers had come to your neighboring camp. The moment you had met his piercing hazel eyes you knew you were well and truly fucked. In that moment, you swore you would follow him anywhere. It was a thought that frightened you for a brief minute. Then, this gorgeous male opened his mouth and his voice poured out like warm honey, rich and soothing. You found that all semblance of fear had bled away into complete contentment. And he had spent every free moment with you since.

On most days now you could count on him showing up in the evening when the sun began to sink below the horizon, having slipped away after a long day of training. He’d scoop you up and haul you off to some forest picnic or mountainside view where you’d spend the night cuddled against him to escape the harsh winter chill, wings just barely touching, laughing and kissing without a care in the world.

Azriel set you down, feet touching the snow-covered ground, on a cliff side you had come to know well and his shadows dispersed through the tree line, keeping an ever-watchful eye on things. A few logs remained piled up in front of a large fallen tree, the remnants of the last small fire you had made just a few nights ago. A small smile pulled at your lips as you glanced over at him. He sat atop the log, wings held wide open behind him to block the winter wind as he cast an expectant look in your direction, preening as he watched your eyes rake over the massive sprawl of them. Rolling your eyes playfully, you made your way over the the logs, grabbing the matches from his grip as you passed by.

You crouched down before the log pile, casting your wings open as well in an attempt to stop any stray wind blowing in the opposite direction and not allowing yourself to glance up at the male before you. You could feel his lingering gaze on you and were grateful for the distraction that lighting the fire had given you, hoping it would allow for the calming of your racing heart. Despite spending months now in his close company, you never failed to feel nervous around him. Every moment you spent with him had your palms sweating, chest aching and your stomach tied in knots. Even now, you were practically shivering and shaking at the knees.

Finally, the fire began to crackle before you. You took a deep breath, a sorry attempt to slow your heartbeat to a healthy rhythm and looked back up at him. His lingering gaze was as intense as it always was and his mouth was turned upward in small, knowing smirk. That bastard, he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Gliding over to him, you placed yourself between his parted knees and his hands came up to grip your hips as he looked up at you. You placed one hand on his shoulder, allowing the other hand to move slowly upward and brush back a loose lock of hair that had hung low over his forehead. His eyes fluttered shut at the gentle touch, his fingers flexing at your sides and he leaned forward, placing his chin upon your navel and breathing out a small sigh of contentment. His arms looped around your waist, pulling you closer to him and he buried his face in your stomach. Suddenly you caught a small mumbling sound and you let out a short laugh, “I can’t hear you.”

Azriel pulled back, his head tilting back to look up at you again with bright eyes, “I said, I missed you.” You smiled down at him, a large grin taking over your face, and you cupped both his cheeks between your small hands. You leaned down, pressing a small kiss to his forehead and murmured against his skin, “I missed you too.”

You moved over to sit beside him as the warmth from both the fire and his touch spread through you. Your cheeks were stained a bright red. Though whether it was from the frigid nighttime air or Azriel lavishing you in attention you could not be certain. “How was training today?”

He let out a long sigh, staring into the flames as his brows pinched together. “Training was rough today, more strenuous than usual. There have been whispers of war on the horizon, human rebellions against their slavers.” You felt a shiver travel down your spine, the images of blood and death flashing behind your eyelids as you allowed your head to tilt sideways resting upon his shoulder. Reaching out you grasped his hand in yours, happy that he no longer flinched away from the contact as he once had, and set them on your thigh. He gave your hand a small squeeze.

“Do you think the rumors are true? Do you believe war is coming?” Your voice was small, barely a whisper on the wind. He heard you all the same. He turned his head to face you, and caught your lips in a light kiss.

“Yes,” he replied and gave your hand another squeeze, harder this time. You squeezed back in acknowledgment of what you both knew to be true, but would never speak aloud. Your time together was limited.

————

The alarm sounds rang out across the camp as hundreds of Illyrians emerged from their tents and cabins. Mothers, sisters and wives were frantically searching for their family members, helping to strap leathers and blades to them as quickly as they could. The time for war had come.

Dread pooled low in your stomach as you watched your brother don his fighting leathers. He sheathed a dagger to each thigh and slid his sword into place against his back. He took one last look at you and you gave him a small nod, lips pressed firmly together to keep yourself from begging him to stay. His gaze slid to your mother and he reached out to run the back of his fingers over her cheek. Then, without speaking a word, he turned his back to you and walked away.

You turned to your mother and could see the tears gathering along her lower lashes. But as any good Illyrian wife or mother or sister was meant to do in times of war, she did not allow them to fall. In the blink of an eye, she took a breath, pushed her shoulders back and steeled herself against the onslaught of sadness. A look of understanding passed between you two and she headed back for your home.

You heard a thud behind you and knew who it was before you even turned. You stood frozen, your back to him and your shoulders hunched over. You body was pulled taut. How can I possibly look him in the eye? How can I stand here before him and fight every urge I have telling me to fall to my knees and beg him to stay?

“Y/N. Please look at me.” His voice was a quiet whisper behind you and you felt his hand grip your shoulder, pulling your body around to face him. You only met his sorrowful eyes for a moment, before he was pulling you against his chest tightly. Azriel buried his face in your hair and allowed his eyes to fall shut, breathing in the scent of you.

You stood like this for a few moments, basking in the feeling of safety that being wrapped up in one another provided each of you. Slowly, gently, his hands grabbed onto your upper arms and pulled you back from him. His eyes raked over your face as yours did his. Desperately trying to memorize every detail of the look and feel of each other.

Another loud blaring horn sounded off in the distance. The final call to arms. He looked into your eyes for the last time and opened his mouth to speak. “I lo-”

You quickly brought a hand to his mouth and shook your head, blinking rapidly to hold back your tears. You felt his mouth shut behind your palm and you pulled your hand away. His own came up to tangle in your hair and he pulled you back to him, pressing his lips to yours in a bruising kiss, one that he desperately hoped conveyed all the feelings he no longer had the time to say. You pulled away from him, pressing one more small, soft kiss to his lips and stepped back out of his hold. Your eyes met his again and he knew you understood. Then, without speaking a word, he too turned his back to you and walked away.

————

Years had come and gone. He couldn’t believe it had been that long, that so much time had passed him by. The war was lengthy and many did not make it home. He considered himself amongst the lucky ones to know he and his brothers still drew breath in this world.

He landed roughly in the snow and glanced around the desolate wasteland before him. It was all that remained of your camp. A few families who braved the harshness of the Steppes together but little else was left. He took tentative steps towards your home, praying that your smiling face would greet him as you always had. He wanted to throw you over his shoulder again and fly you off to Velaris, his home now, where he could keep you safe, and finally speak those words he longed to utter all those years ago.

He raised his hand and knocked on the door to the small cabin, but did not hear any noise from within. Raising his hand to the glass window, he attempted to peer inside.

“You won’t find anyone in there,” a voice rang out behind him. He whirled around and his gaze fell upon a young female who was looking at him with distrustful eyes. “You’re looking for Y/N, yes?” He nodded his head in response, shoving his hands into his pockets and tucking his wings in tight.

The female narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion but continued on, “you won’t find her here. Her brother died in the war and her mother shortly after. When things started going south around here, the camp lord made some changes. Since she had no family left here, she was sent somewhere else, married most likely. But I can’t tell you where. None of us who remain here, know.”

Azriel startled at the news, reeling back in horror. Panic began to overwhelm his senses and his shadows gathered around him in a flurry. You could be anywhere in the world, how would he possibly find you now. He felt as though the world was beginning to crash down around him at the thought of you being married off to gods knows who and sent to gods knows where. With no further thought he allowed his shadows to carry him off into the night, sadness overtaking him.

Unknowingly, his shadows had carried him to that little mountain side cliff. The large tree still sat toppled over before a small pit of charred Earth. The air was still around him, the night completely silent, like moment frozen in time.

Azriel sank down onto the log and allowed his head to fall into his hands. He had lost you. The greatest joy in his life, and he had let it slip through his fingers like sand. The winter wind whipped around him and he realized it was infinitely colder on his own.

I’m only about one quarter of the way through Sorcery of Thorns but Nathaniel is everything. 

the incomparable incendiosketches (twitter / instagram) made this incredible art for the ukranian translation (by artsash) of season pass (to this ass) and it is everything to me.

sharing here with permission because it is a moral imperative that everyone sees draco's biceps and hermione's ass. you're welcome, world.

i can't get over how much silly joy this fic has brought me (and, inexplicably, so many other people) and now this art has taken it to a whole new level.

GraffArt Shop x Fruits Basket ~ Rainy Season

all my heart

azriel x reader

summary: inspired by All My Heart by Sleeping With Sirens

word count: 2.2k

warnings: none?

a/n: Here’s part two! Part one can be found here: Nervous (part i)  Enjoy!

————

Flipping through the delicate pages, you allowed an annoyed sigh to escape you. You reached up, placing the book back on the self and slowly began moving down the aisle again. Fingers ran lightly over the spines as your eyes searched each title, deep in concentration. You snatched another book and flipped it over, eyes skimming the back cover. This one seemed promising.

Opening the front cover you allowed your eyes to swipe over the text, immediately becoming absorbed in the tale unfolding before you. Placing one foot in front of the other, you moved slowly through the shelves. You hoped the cashier was located in this direction, though you were paying zero attention to your surroundings. Suddenly, you felt as though you had crashed directly into a brick wall and heat flooded your cheeks. How embarrassing?

With the book still open in your palm, you drew your eyes from the page scanning upward. Black leather, more leather… not actually a wall then… your eyes continued upwards… that’s a lovely shade of blue…oh. Before you stood a male with rich, tanned skin and piercing hazel eyes. Shock painted his pristine features and the hands grasping your biceps to hold you steady went slack. Suddenly, you were 28 years old again.

A light breeze rustled through your hair and the late afternoon sun fell upon your face. You were sat on a large, red blanket amidst the trees taking in the last few beautiful days of Autumn in the Steppes. Leaning back on your elbows, legs stretched out before you and wings tucked in tight beneath you, you tilted your face to the sky and smiled. “Hey Az?” You cracked one eye open and looked to the male seated next to you. He gave you a responding hum.

“We should run away together.” A loud laugh burst from him as he moved to face you. He was propped up on one arm, one long leg stretched out, the other bent upright. His other arm was slung loosely across his raised knee. “I’m serious Az! It’s going to be Winter soon and the weather here is awful in the Winter.”

He grinned widely at you. “The weather? You’re telling me it’s the cold air that has you wanting to run screaming from these mountains?” His eyes sparked with mirth.

“I mean yeah, of course. The cold sucks.” Your smile widened and he let out another chuckle.

“You’re looking for any kind of reason to escape all this mess.” You caught his eye again and knew he understood.

“Az, these camps are terrible. I hate it here and I know you do too. We should just leave.” His soft smile remained, but you could see there was pain in his eyes. You let out a long, sad sigh, “but alas, I know you. You’d never leave if it meant forsaking your duty to this court or your brothers. I understand.” You peeled your eyes away from him, shutting them again and tilting your head back to catch the sun’s warmth again. “But one day, eventually, we’re both leaving this place.”

Coming back into yourself, you jolted.

“I’m so sor-”

“Y/N?” Your eyes fluttered shut, the sound of your name on his lips was like a prayer being answered. More than that, it felt like coming home. You opened your eyes again to look at him and smiled softly.

“Hi Az.” Before your brain had a chance to catch up he was grabbing your wrist and yanking you forward. The book in your hands clattered to the floor. He pulled you into a tight embrace and your arms came to rest around his waist. He buried his face in your hair, tightening his hold on you. You inhaled his scent, and your heart ached with longing. Finally, you pulled yourself back enough to peer up at him. His hand came to rest on your cheek and you leaned into it.

“I can’t believe it’s really you. Here, in Velaris. What are you doing here?” He rambled on.

“Ummm it’s kind of a long story,” you trailed off, eyes lowering. As if his brain was just now catching up with him his eyes glanced over your shoulder and his brows furrowed in confusion. You knew immediately what his was looking for and ultimately what he would fail to find. His eyes met yours again and you could see the silent question in them. A long, weary sign escaped you as you took a step back out of his hold, folding your arms over yourself and pointedly looking anywhere but at him. “My husband wanted me clipped. Unfortunately, the person performing it was inexperienced and didn’t get it quite right, what with all my trashing about. They were so badly damaged that in the end they had to be removed entirely.” You couldn’t meet his eyes.

White hot, burning rage filtered through him. “I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he spoke softly. And then, in a harsher tone, “can you tell me his name?” A small smile tugged at your lips. Same old Azriel, ready to kill for those he cares about.

“No need. I killed him and fled. That’s why I’m here.” Finally you met his eyes again and saw his here wet, tears gathering at the corners. “Don’t cry for me. I’m okay, truly.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Please stop apologizing.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you. I wish I could’ve been stronger or better back then, that I’d had the courage to take you from that place like you deserved.” You stepped forward, grabbing both his hands in yours.

“It’s not your fault. These things, sad as they are, happen. I’m alive, I’m okay. You don’t need to worry about me.” You raised his left hand to your mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, then the right. His eyes softened at the gesture, pulling you into him again. He buried one hand in your hair and allowed the other to wrap around your waist. In turn, you buried your face back into his chest.

You felt him huff out a laugh, “I’ve always worried about you.” And then more quietly he asked, “can I take you to dinner sometime?”

“Yes, I’d really like that.” You wrote your address on a slip of paper that you borrowed from the cashier and handed it to him. You gave him a beaming smile, “see you soon Shadowsinger.” As you opened the door and headed out onto the busy streets of Velaris, you glanced back over your shoulder and winked at him. Your chest pulled tight again, just beneath your ribs. You still have all of my heart.

————

The sun was setting and a warm golden haze filtered through your windows. You were sat on your couch with your legs tucked up under you, a blanket over your lap and a warm cup of tea sat on small table in front of you. Your book sat beside you, held open upside down by its own weight, long forgotten as you stared into the empty space before you.

The winter air was frigid. The night’s chill sank deep into your bones and you huddled yourself closer to him, seeking his warmth. Azriel brought an arm over your shoulder and tucked you in closer to him. His wings wrapped around you, just barely brushing against yours as they encircled you. A shiver traveled down your spine, though this was decidedly not due to the cold air. You tilted your head back and pressed up into your toes, lips lightly grazing his neck as you pressed a gentle kiss there. His gaze moved down to meet yours.

“You okay, sweetheart?” He whispered, his lips falling upon the crown of your head.

“Do you think we’d ever make it?” You asked him in response. Azriel was used to this by now, your strange sudden questioning. He knew where your mind was wandering. With war looming on the horizon and the time you were able to spend together growing shorter and shorter, he understood your fears.

“I’m sure, if it’s right.” It was the best he could give because in truth, he did not know. And it was that uncertainty that scared him the most. There were so many things that could go wrong. So many things that could take you from him. His heart thumped wildly in his chest. He knew should tell you how he felt, that he may never get another chance because tomorrow wasn’t promised. He wanted to let go of that lid he’d kept so tightly shut on his emotions, spill his whole heart to you. He’d tried several times now, but the words wouldn’t come out. Always getting stuck in this throat. The sharp pull against his ribs was aching again but still, he couldn’t utter those words into existence.

You looked up at him again, saying nothing in response. You didn’t need to, for you knew the truth. Your days together were numbered. Maybe, you’d meet again one day. When the world was calm. You tucked that hope away in your heart even though you knew hope was a dangerous thing.

A loud knock sounded against your front door and your brows pulled together in confusion. Your heart began to beat wildly in your chest. Oh Gods, what if they found where I’ve been hiding. Sweat gathered on your palms as you slowly placed down your mug and rose from the couch. Another loud knock sounded against the door. You took in a deep breath and steeled yourself. Wrenching it open, you let out a breath.

There was Azriel, on your door step with his hands tucked into his pockets and his wings pulled in tight to his back. His cheeks were stained red and a sheepish look adorned his face. One of your brows rose as a small smile pulled at the corners of your lips. Despite five centuries having passed since the last time he showed up at your door, this felt familiar. You half expected him to throw you over his shoulder and stalk off somewhere with you for a picnic. Based on the large grin that was spreading across his face at the sight of you, you had a feeling he was thinking the same.

“Azriel. What are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you to stop by quite so soon.”

“I’m sorry for dropping in unannounced like this but I just-” he trailed off, looking around at your front yard. You knew he’d finish when he was ready, that words did not come so easily to him and he needed time to formulate his thoughts. So you waited, patiently, leaning against your door frame until he started again. “I just wanted more time with you.” Your heart leapt in your chest.

Pushing off from the frame, you swung the door farther open and stepped back into the house with one hand remaining on the handle. “Would you like to come in?” His eyes met yours and you could see the relief flood through them.

“I’d like that very much,” he stated as his crossed the threshold.

————

Blinking your eyes open, you squinted against the bright morning sun. Warmth radiated from behind you and a smile crept its way across your mouth. You were laying on your side, two strong arms corded around your stomach as your fingers intertwined with his. Your back was pressed tightly against his chest and you could feel his light exhale of breath against your neck. Shadows pooled around you like water, some of them cascading off the edge of the bed and draping down to the floor.

Slowly, you returned to the land of the living, detaching one hand from his and rubbing the sleep from your eyes. A soft whine sounded next to your ear and you let out a breathy giggle.

“Why’re you moving? We’re not getting up yet,” he complained. You rolled over softly in his arms and pressed a light kiss to his cheek. Then to his nose, then another just beside his mouth. His lips turned downward in a pout, “you missed.” Laughing again, you finally pressed a small kiss to his lips and you felt him sigh against your skin. You tucked your head under his chin, burying yourself in his chest as his arms pulled you in somehow even tighter than before. How crazy is it? Someone could waste their whole life helplessly. Just patiently waiting for a love like you and me.

And as if sensing your thoughts, Azriel slowly opened his eyes and glance down to meet yours. The sun shone through the window behind him casting a radiant glow around him and your heart began to race just as it had all those years ago. There was a buzzing in your ears as all the hardships and heartache you had faced in your life flashed behind your eyelids. You couldn’t believe you were here, in his arms. It felt like a dream. I couldn’t possibly be this lucky. He gave you a knowing smile and then he pressed his lips to yours again.

“I love you,” he whispered and the world fell silent. You still have all of my heart.

“Sweet Jude, you're my dearest punishment” 🖤🗡️🌿

Hello there 🙋🏻‍♀️ Just in case anyone was wondering if I’m still alive - yes I am 😌

I spend the last few days listening to the folk of the air series again and it was a true delight so I thought maybe someone might enjoy the result of me being lost in elfhame 💖

Jude & Cardan belong to the amazing mother of all faeries @hollyblack 🖤