Dont Care That This Is A Public Conservation Now Because I Got Something To Say To You:

Don’t care that this is a public conservation now because I got something to say to you:

Don’t ever be sorry for how you are acting, Blue. You are still learning. I am so fucking proud of the progress you’ve made. Even if it takes 100 years for you to let go of the front due to that anxiety, it’ll be ok. You are amazing, kind, a little too selfless for your own good, and a caring person. You always care so much about others. I’m sorry that two people used that kindness against you and used it to make you dependent on them while they gave you nothing in return.

You are the best person I know. Don’t ever be sorry for healing. It takes time. We will all gladly wait for you and be here to help you as you go through this.

I will be here every step of the way, and I will wait for you throughout this entire healing process, because it won’t happen over night. Your healing takes time. Don’t ever apologize for that.

I love you 🥰

-📖

Ok: as a host with control issues due to the past abuse this system has gone through, blacking out and allowing others to front is taking a lot of time to process for me.

Because I finally allowed someone else to front for a bit, if only for a few minutes. And I panicked when I got back because I didn’t know where the coffee cup was. Needless to say I’m very sorry to my headmates for being a controlling bitch 😔

-🍓

is there a system term out there for like ... when youre a brainmade but youre also kind of an introject? i dont know how to explain this properly so bare with me here ... i am a brainmade alter but i am very closely modeled after two other alters , both of which are introjects. i hope that makes sense? i identify with both terms but i dont want to ... well ... use both terms , as it could confuse other people. does that make sense? looking for a proper term here , but if there isn't one , i guess i can coin one myself? i will see ...

Our hosts: coffee drinkers. Love the stuff. Breathe the stuff. Adore the stuff.

Applejack: Absolutely traumatized by caffeine and has a panic attack when there is caffeine in the system while she is fronting

-🐹

It’s fine. I’m fine.

-🍓+📖

Ok. As much as I love Blue🍓, it can be so annoying when she refuses to be selfish.

To anyone who hates Blue🍓, fuck all of you because this bitch is 100% aware of how much I love them but then stops sometimes and asks if I would be happier with Sophie🐹 and I gotta stop and think and just be like “No. I’m happy with you. I’m glad you love me enough to think purely of my own happiness, truly I am. I’m very happy to know that’s how much you love me. However, I want you to know that I love you a lot and enough that I too care a lot about your happiness too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you because you being here with me is one of my biggest reasons for staying alive. I literally asked you to marry me. Please for the love of whatever runs the universe, be selfish with me. Please. I want you to be selfish.”

Like… they care a lot about others. More than they care about themself. So those who hate them can fuck right off because they’re the sweetest person in the fucking world.

And it’s hard because they have been used and abused by so many people because they refuse to be selfish.

I want them to be selfish. I want them to care only about their own happiness. I want them to chase what they want and not what others want or step aside because someone else wants that same thing. Because they need to be selfish. I can’t always be there for them. I can’t protect them. But I never want them to go through that again. I never want anyone else to use them. I never want to see them hurt again.

-📖

Sophie🐹 note: Proof Simon📖 is so fucking in love with Blue because everyone else they’ve dated only cared about what they can do for them and Simon📖 is over here like “Well what can I do for you?” I saw Blue🍓 fucking short circuit when Simon📖 finally said “Be selfish. What do you want to do?” So… yeah. These two are such fucking dorks -🐹

Wanna tag onto this: I’ve been afraid to write characters who are trans because of this idea of there being a right and wrong way to be trans. Which is especially sad because I AM TRANS. I’m trans and am afraid to write trans characters because of this idea of a right and wrong way and what if I’m being trans the wrong way? Especially since I’m nonbinary. (Every trans activist I meet IRL has literally said that nonbinary people don’t exist and that I don’t count as trans)

But there are definitely many ways to be trans. You could know from a young age or discover it later in life. I use afab. I still use she/her pronouns despite being nonbinary. Let people live their lives if it’s not actually causing harm. And if you need to block things you find offensive, do it.

don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.

i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.

i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.

spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.

sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.

i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?

do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.