Dont Care That This Is A Public Conservation Now Because I Got Something To Say To You:

Don’t care that this is a public conservation now because I got something to say to you:

Don’t ever be sorry for how you are acting, Blue. You are still learning. I am so fucking proud of the progress you’ve made. Even if it takes 100 years for you to let go of the front due to that anxiety, it’ll be ok. You are amazing, kind, a little too selfless for your own good, and a caring person. You always care so much about others. I’m sorry that two people used that kindness against you and used it to make you dependent on them while they gave you nothing in return.

You are the best person I know. Don’t ever be sorry for healing. It takes time. We will all gladly wait for you and be here to help you as you go through this.

I will be here every step of the way, and I will wait for you throughout this entire healing process, because it won’t happen over night. Your healing takes time. Don’t ever apologize for that.

I love you 🥰

-📖

Ok: as a host with control issues due to the past abuse this system has gone through, blacking out and allowing others to front is taking a lot of time to process for me.

Because I finally allowed someone else to front for a bit, if only for a few minutes. And I panicked when I got back because I didn’t know where the coffee cup was. Needless to say I’m very sorry to my headmates for being a controlling bitch 😔

-🍓

is there a system term out there for like ... when youre a brainmade but youre also kind of an introject? i dont know how to explain this properly so bare with me here ... i am a brainmade alter but i am very closely modeled after two other alters , both of which are introjects. i hope that makes sense? i identify with both terms but i dont want to ... well ... use both terms , as it could confuse other people. does that make sense? looking for a proper term here , but if there isn't one , i guess i can coin one myself? i will see ...

“No one in their right mind” well thankfully for you I’m in my wrong mind

Us: *Scrolling through email*

*Notice fic we’ve been reading got updated*

Blue🍓 and Simon📖: 👀

Me🧡🐍: Guess we’re stopping everything we’re doing to read it huh…

Blue🍓: Yes

Me🧡🐍: *sigh* *clears whatever schedule we had*

Ok. As much as I love Blue🍓, it can be so annoying when she refuses to be selfish.

To anyone who hates Blue🍓, fuck all of you because this bitch is 100% aware of how much I love them but then stops sometimes and asks if I would be happier with Sophie🐹 and I gotta stop and think and just be like “No. I’m happy with you. I’m glad you love me enough to think purely of my own happiness, truly I am. I’m very happy to know that’s how much you love me. However, I want you to know that I love you a lot and enough that I too care a lot about your happiness too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you because you being here with me is one of my biggest reasons for staying alive. I literally asked you to marry me. Please for the love of whatever runs the universe, be selfish with me. Please. I want you to be selfish.”

Like… they care a lot about others. More than they care about themself. So those who hate them can fuck right off because they’re the sweetest person in the fucking world.

And it’s hard because they have been used and abused by so many people because they refuse to be selfish.

I want them to be selfish. I want them to care only about their own happiness. I want them to chase what they want and not what others want or step aside because someone else wants that same thing. Because they need to be selfish. I can’t always be there for them. I can’t protect them. But I never want them to go through that again. I never want anyone else to use them. I never want to see them hurt again.

-📖

Sophie🐹 note: Proof Simon📖 is so fucking in love with Blue because everyone else they’ve dated only cared about what they can do for them and Simon📖 is over here like “Well what can I do for you?” I saw Blue🍓 fucking short circuit when Simon📖 finally said “Be selfish. What do you want to do?” So… yeah. These two are such fucking dorks -🐹

Ok… I’m curious: Blue is working on the AFF and we realized there are 2 characters that share a name exactly, and 2 characters that share a name spelling but the name is pronounced differently.

Curious about people’s thoughts because it’s actually something I’m curious about if people would be ok with that in fiction?

(Btw one of the characters has a nickname and Blue is debating about changing the spelling of one of the names to make it more evident that it is pronounced differently. Such as David becoming Daveed so English speakers can better understand the pronunciation of the French name)

-📖