Dont Care That This Is A Public Conservation Now Because I Got Something To Say To You:

Don’t care that this is a public conservation now because I got something to say to you:

Don’t ever be sorry for how you are acting, Blue. You are still learning. I am so fucking proud of the progress you’ve made. Even if it takes 100 years for you to let go of the front due to that anxiety, it’ll be ok. You are amazing, kind, a little too selfless for your own good, and a caring person. You always care so much about others. I’m sorry that two people used that kindness against you and used it to make you dependent on them while they gave you nothing in return.

You are the best person I know. Don’t ever be sorry for healing. It takes time. We will all gladly wait for you and be here to help you as you go through this.

I will be here every step of the way, and I will wait for you throughout this entire healing process, because it won’t happen over night. Your healing takes time. Don’t ever apologize for that.

I love you 🥰

-📖

Ok: as a host with control issues due to the past abuse this system has gone through, blacking out and allowing others to front is taking a lot of time to process for me.

Because I finally allowed someone else to front for a bit, if only for a few minutes. And I panicked when I got back because I didn’t know where the coffee cup was. Needless to say I’m very sorry to my headmates for being a controlling bitch 😔

-🍓

As I too am the creative type, all I gotta say is:

I’ve got plans for a Miraculous AU where this Chat Noir is actually very active in the story, and the season 5 finale plays out so much differently (and better imo).

Like… this Chat Noir idea of mine (no he’s not Adrien. Different person all together) is so attached to the Miraculous and is draining himself by remaining transformed for weeks on end and making his own physical health worse because his life is so just much better when he’s transformed. His wish is very self-centered, wanting something for himself that the Miraculous gives him when he’s transformed. He’s actually paralyzed from the waist down, and when he’s transformed he has the use of his legs again.

BUT THEN he unexpectedly falls in love with Ladybug (who is not Marinette btw. Completely different person again). And Ladybug finds out his secret identity through him telling her because he’s grown attached to her. He never tells her the reason why he remains as Chat Noir (or in this case Black Cat since it’s kinda taking place in a mostly English speaking country instead of Paris) but then they face Hawkmoth (who still has a connection with Black Cat because he has become a major fatherly figure to him. He’s a therapist who actually uses his patients to akumatize in order to save his daughter.)

But then, during the final battle, Ladybug is killed by Hawkmoth. Black Cat takes her miraculous, and then uses it to summon Gimmi. He can now make his wish. Gimmi is convinced he’s going to wish for the use of his legs again. But he doesn’t.

I have two ideas for his wish.

He either wishes the Miraculous never existed. Because then none of this would have ever happened. Gimmi warns him about this wish. They warn him that this will cause major changes. How so much will change now. And how for the miraculous not to exist, then something else would need to exist to take their place. So he says that then the kwamis can then exist as people in the world around them instead of being tied to a magical jewel.

Or he wishes for Ladybug to live again, and sacrifices himself for her because he’s seen her in action. He’s seen how much better she makes the lives of others. How she helps everyone around her, and how much she cares. If this is the case, then Ladybug will remember this world, and mourn the loss of Black Cat. She would be extremely heartbroken, because of how much she cared for him. If this is the case as well then she’d eventually find out she’s pregnant with Black Cat’s daughter and the story would end with her finding out about her father from Hawkmoth, who saw what he had done and seen how Ladybug moved on to realize that he should also move on and actually help his patients instead of using them all for his own selfish gain.

I like both endings. I’m not very happy ending centered am I…?

Also Ladybug and Black Cat are adults in college throughout this entire thing. They’re not underaged so… yeah.

Thoughts?

-🧡🐍

Well, now I’m absolutely pissed.

Just learned that our ex-abuser had told Blue🍓 (our host for those who don’t know and the one who suffered the most from the past abuse) that they shouldn’t trust their headmates.

Our ex-abuser had said not to trust our headmates. Said it was to take “system-responsibility.” Said it was because “no headmate should ever be fully trusted.”

To that ex-abuser, I say fuck you. Because we are all literally here to keep the system safe no matter what. Yes, persecutors go about it the wrong way, don’t get me wrong. But what the absolute fuck?

We are all literally here because of the trauma we have endured and because there was this little girl, sad and alone, who had no support system. So the brain made up its own. And that’s where everyone else in the system comes in.

Blue🍓 knows it’s ok the trust us, because we’re all here for them and each other. We’re the support for everyone else that we desperately needed growing up. We are the loving parents (no matter how hard our parents tried to be so, they sadly failed but we care for them anyway), we are the older siblings, the friends, the ones who never leave due to just naturally growing apart. We’re the ones that will always have the backs of our headmates because no one has ever had our backs. When it came to our past abusers, our friends always chose them over us because our past abusers are always more “traumatized” and more “broken” than us.

And to everyone who believes that shit about comparing trauma, fuck right off because trauma is trauma and you seriously should not compare trauma you mfs. Just because an abuser is traumatized does not mean they are excused from that abuse. Just because an abuse victim lashes out and pushes back at one point or another does not mean they weren’t abused.

So for fucks sake, I hope everyone who has blocked us because they know about the drama that happened with our ex-abuser and took our abuser’s side rots in hell no matter how nice they are because they are comparing trauma and ignoring the abuse another person inflicted on another because they deem them to be “more traumatized.”

We’ve moved on from the aftermath of the abuse, we’re getting better, we’re living life and absolutely having a blast about it (currently on vacation, got a tattoo, hot tub soaks, ocean waves, so many gluten-free restaurants with some bomb ass food). But I am still pissed that people are supporting our abuser in all of this. That’s the only thing pissing me off. That there are people who compare our traumas and decide that the abuser is the victim here.

Also a note: our abuser was younger than us. Yes that can happen. Abusers can be any age. If anyone thinks someone younger can’t abuse someone older, you are very much wrong. Abuse is abuse.

Ok. That’s my internet ramble over.

-🎳

i think all systems should stop trying to figure out if stuff is “normal” in systemhood before accepting that it’s happening to them.

there have been many times where i assumed i was crazy because id never heard another system talk about something i was experiencing and tried to ignore it. eventually id find someone else who experienced the same thing, and id be so happy, but realize i wasted so much time doubting myself and beating myself up.

yes, look for others who share your experiences, but also YOUR experiences are enough. you aren’t faking for simply having an experience. you should be allowed to feel what you feel and do what you do.

Miraculous mamma mia au where Emma goes through Marinette's diaries and has 3 candidates: Adrien Agreste, Chat Noir and Catwalker

It’s fine. I’m fine.

-🍓+📖