Dont Care That This Is A Public Conservation Now Because I Got Something To Say To You:

Don’t care that this is a public conservation now because I got something to say to you:

Don’t ever be sorry for how you are acting, Blue. You are still learning. I am so fucking proud of the progress you’ve made. Even if it takes 100 years for you to let go of the front due to that anxiety, it’ll be ok. You are amazing, kind, a little too selfless for your own good, and a caring person. You always care so much about others. I’m sorry that two people used that kindness against you and used it to make you dependent on them while they gave you nothing in return.

You are the best person I know. Don’t ever be sorry for healing. It takes time. We will all gladly wait for you and be here to help you as you go through this.

I will be here every step of the way, and I will wait for you throughout this entire healing process, because it won’t happen over night. Your healing takes time. Don’t ever apologize for that.

I love you 🥰

-📖

Ok: as a host with control issues due to the past abuse this system has gone through, blacking out and allowing others to front is taking a lot of time to process for me.

Because I finally allowed someone else to front for a bit, if only for a few minutes. And I panicked when I got back because I didn’t know where the coffee cup was. Needless to say I’m very sorry to my headmates for being a controlling bitch 😔

-🍓

“No one in their right mind” well thankfully for you I’m in my wrong mind

Well, now I’m absolutely pissed.

Just learned that our ex-abuser had told Blue🍓 (our host for those who don’t know and the one who suffered the most from the past abuse) that they shouldn’t trust their headmates.

Our ex-abuser had said not to trust our headmates. Said it was to take “system-responsibility.” Said it was because “no headmate should ever be fully trusted.”

To that ex-abuser, I say fuck you. Because we are all literally here to keep the system safe no matter what. Yes, persecutors go about it the wrong way, don’t get me wrong. But what the absolute fuck?

We are all literally here because of the trauma we have endured and because there was this little girl, sad and alone, who had no support system. So the brain made up its own. And that’s where everyone else in the system comes in.

Blue🍓 knows it’s ok the trust us, because we’re all here for them and each other. We’re the support for everyone else that we desperately needed growing up. We are the loving parents (no matter how hard our parents tried to be so, they sadly failed but we care for them anyway), we are the older siblings, the friends, the ones who never leave due to just naturally growing apart. We’re the ones that will always have the backs of our headmates because no one has ever had our backs. When it came to our past abusers, our friends always chose them over us because our past abusers are always more “traumatized” and more “broken” than us.

And to everyone who believes that shit about comparing trauma, fuck right off because trauma is trauma and you seriously should not compare trauma you mfs. Just because an abuser is traumatized does not mean they are excused from that abuse. Just because an abuse victim lashes out and pushes back at one point or another does not mean they weren’t abused.

So for fucks sake, I hope everyone who has blocked us because they know about the drama that happened with our ex-abuser and took our abuser’s side rots in hell no matter how nice they are because they are comparing trauma and ignoring the abuse another person inflicted on another because they deem them to be “more traumatized.”

We’ve moved on from the aftermath of the abuse, we’re getting better, we’re living life and absolutely having a blast about it (currently on vacation, got a tattoo, hot tub soaks, ocean waves, so many gluten-free restaurants with some bomb ass food). But I am still pissed that people are supporting our abuser in all of this. That’s the only thing pissing me off. That there are people who compare our traumas and decide that the abuser is the victim here.

Also a note: our abuser was younger than us. Yes that can happen. Abusers can be any age. If anyone thinks someone younger can’t abuse someone older, you are very much wrong. Abuse is abuse.

Ok. That’s my internet ramble over.

-🎳

X X X|X📖X|X X X

Made a stimboard for Simon📖!

Idk I think it fits him pretty well. Blue🍓 also helped out with choosing the gifs.

-🧡🐍

i think all systems should stop trying to figure out if stuff is “normal” in systemhood before accepting that it’s happening to them.

there have been many times where i assumed i was crazy because id never heard another system talk about something i was experiencing and tried to ignore it. eventually id find someone else who experienced the same thing, and id be so happy, but realize i wasted so much time doubting myself and beating myself up.

yes, look for others who share your experiences, but also YOUR experiences are enough. you aren’t faking for simply having an experience. you should be allowed to feel what you feel and do what you do.