Dont Care That This Is A Public Conservation Now Because I Got Something To Say To You:

Don’t care that this is a public conservation now because I got something to say to you:

Don’t ever be sorry for how you are acting, Blue. You are still learning. I am so fucking proud of the progress you’ve made. Even if it takes 100 years for you to let go of the front due to that anxiety, it’ll be ok. You are amazing, kind, a little too selfless for your own good, and a caring person. You always care so much about others. I’m sorry that two people used that kindness against you and used it to make you dependent on them while they gave you nothing in return.

You are the best person I know. Don’t ever be sorry for healing. It takes time. We will all gladly wait for you and be here to help you as you go through this.

I will be here every step of the way, and I will wait for you throughout this entire healing process, because it won’t happen over night. Your healing takes time. Don’t ever apologize for that.

I love you 🥰

-📖

Ok: as a host with control issues due to the past abuse this system has gone through, blacking out and allowing others to front is taking a lot of time to process for me.

Because I finally allowed someone else to front for a bit, if only for a few minutes. And I panicked when I got back because I didn’t know where the coffee cup was. Needless to say I’m very sorry to my headmates for being a controlling bitch 😔

-🍓

Ok… I’m curious: Blue is working on the AFF and we realized there are 2 characters that share a name exactly, and 2 characters that share a name spelling but the name is pronounced differently.

Curious about people’s thoughts because it’s actually something I’m curious about if people would be ok with that in fiction?

(Btw one of the characters has a nickname and Blue is debating about changing the spelling of one of the names to make it more evident that it is pronounced differently. Such as David becoming Daveed so English speakers can better understand the pronunciation of the French name)

-📖

Tips for writing trans characters from someone who was afraid of writing them wrong:

Write their narrative in a way that makes sense for the characters.

For example, my character Dex Dieunarrah discovered he was trans very early in life (after entering kindergarten). This makes sense for his character because he is someone who knows what he wants and doesn’t stop in pursuit of it. He knows who he is and is extremely self-confident. So it makes sense that he knows he’s trans early on in life.

My character Currant Numerfein’s story revolves around how much her life changed after a traumatic family accident when she was young, and revolves around self-discovery and free will. She discovers more about herself and family history through others. So Dex was the one who explained what his experience with gender dysphoria was like and why he socially transitioned when he was younger. Currant decides to give it a try, and finds she much prefers living as a girl instead of a boy. So she sticks with it. It also affects her brother Leno, who is having difficulty moving on with the trauma but loves his sister anyway, despite how much he wishes to return to the past. Furthermore, after noticing how much happier his sister is now that she’s socially transitioned, it helps him realize that the past was actually worse for the people he cares for. I would also like to add that Currant does face a lot of transphobia throughout the story, and biphobia as well since she is also bisexual, which is a major part of her story as she fights to have the freedom to choose for herself in her life instead of allowing others to choose for her.

Another tip is to not bring too much attention to the trans-ness of a character unless it fits in with the narrative.

Such is the case with Ghost Long. He discovered he was trans relatively early on in life too, but he’s a character from a completely different culture as well (one completely fictional btw). He’s been around trans people his entire life, because he lives in a culture that is extremely accepting of a lot of things, and where gender identity is explored very early on for children and it is encouraged that you try out different things at a young age. So of course it makes sense he knew he was trans since he was little. When he decided to socially transition, his parents didn’t even bat an eye. They just said they would accept him and moved on with their lives. A major part of his character is the massive culture shock when he arrives on Earth, because it’s so different from where he’s from.

Then there’s D’Ghala Kanabo, a genderfluid alien who knows who they are, but hides it constantly until they finally feel comfortable around the main cast and embrace their full identity, including their quirks and bad parts of their history. It’s a major part of their character, since they try to hide their kind’s history and pretend it never existed and a huge part of their character is learning to accept that part of their heritage.

The final trans character I want to mention is Squid Fisk. They’re nonbinary, and absolutely refuse to elaborate on what they were identified as at birth. It’s no one’s concern. They already know they’re nonbinary when the reader meets them, and the reader never finds out their sex. Because it doesn’t matter. Their character struggles with trauma and depression, but their past remains mostly a mystery to everyone but their fraternal twin brother Pallet. No one else learns of this, because they deem it unimportant as they attempt to move on from the past at every turn and accept that what was will never be again.

With those three characters, they’re mentioned to be trans and the narrative brings that to a focal point only when necessary, such as when D’Ghala breaks away from their toxic ex-friend group and proudly expresses that they’re genderfluid because now they’re no longer tied down to the expectations had on them by others.

Sometimes you don’t need to write in how a character figured out their gender identity. You can just have them start off that way and never explain it, but give hints here and there. Sometimes you can write about a character discovering that they’re trans. Just remember that the story should fit the character. Don’t force the representation. Make it make sense to the character that you are writing.

Have a great day!

-🍓

Well, now I’m absolutely pissed.

Just learned that our ex-abuser had told Blue🍓 (our host for those who don’t know and the one who suffered the most from the past abuse) that they shouldn’t trust their headmates.

Our ex-abuser had said not to trust our headmates. Said it was to take “system-responsibility.” Said it was because “no headmate should ever be fully trusted.”

To that ex-abuser, I say fuck you. Because we are all literally here to keep the system safe no matter what. Yes, persecutors go about it the wrong way, don’t get me wrong. But what the absolute fuck?

We are all literally here because of the trauma we have endured and because there was this little girl, sad and alone, who had no support system. So the brain made up its own. And that’s where everyone else in the system comes in.

Blue🍓 knows it’s ok the trust us, because we’re all here for them and each other. We’re the support for everyone else that we desperately needed growing up. We are the loving parents (no matter how hard our parents tried to be so, they sadly failed but we care for them anyway), we are the older siblings, the friends, the ones who never leave due to just naturally growing apart. We’re the ones that will always have the backs of our headmates because no one has ever had our backs. When it came to our past abusers, our friends always chose them over us because our past abusers are always more “traumatized” and more “broken” than us.

And to everyone who believes that shit about comparing trauma, fuck right off because trauma is trauma and you seriously should not compare trauma you mfs. Just because an abuser is traumatized does not mean they are excused from that abuse. Just because an abuse victim lashes out and pushes back at one point or another does not mean they weren’t abused.

So for fucks sake, I hope everyone who has blocked us because they know about the drama that happened with our ex-abuser and took our abuser’s side rots in hell no matter how nice they are because they are comparing trauma and ignoring the abuse another person inflicted on another because they deem them to be “more traumatized.”

We’ve moved on from the aftermath of the abuse, we’re getting better, we’re living life and absolutely having a blast about it (currently on vacation, got a tattoo, hot tub soaks, ocean waves, so many gluten-free restaurants with some bomb ass food). But I am still pissed that people are supporting our abuser in all of this. That’s the only thing pissing me off. That there are people who compare our traumas and decide that the abuser is the victim here.

Also a note: our abuser was younger than us. Yes that can happen. Abusers can be any age. If anyone thinks someone younger can’t abuse someone older, you are very much wrong. Abuse is abuse.

Ok. That’s my internet ramble over.

-🎳

Our hosts: coffee drinkers. Love the stuff. Breathe the stuff. Adore the stuff.

Applejack: Absolutely traumatized by caffeine and has a panic attack when there is caffeine in the system while she is fronting

-🐹

YOU hate JK Rowling!