System Problems - Tumblr Posts
A system problem that I personally despise:
I made a mistake and hurt someone. Instead of only me getting punished, our entire system was punished (aka banned from a discord server).
I just really wish I alone could face the consequences of my actions and not have the kindest and most amazing people in the world suffer alongside me when they did nothing wrong.
- Simon Henriksson (Book)
Side note: yes I am very sorry for the thing I had done. I didn’t mean a word I said of it and was reading off a mental script I had in mind because I was thrust into a triggering situation. It doesn’t excuse my actions and I’m aware of that. I’m just trying to explain, not excuse. I’ve learned the error of my ways and I’m trying to take it one day at a time and be a better person than I was yesterday
Me (and Blue honestly) having no more emotional connection to our system’s trauma and feeling like shit about not having that emotional connection
(I’ve had 0 emotional connection to our trauma except pissed about how it’s affecting the people I care about and from our side it appears we’re the only ones given a punishment. Blue has had on and off emotional connection to our trauma. And it sucks because they are such a sweet and caring person with a heart of gold and they’ve just become so apathetic recently because of all this.
Love how people outside the system are like “it’s too soon” since it was like… 2 weeks ago that this recent trauma happened. Simon and Sierra still feel it, but for me and Blue is feels like that shit was years ago. Thank you brain for being so weird. At least us hosts can function!
Also: Blue literally forgetting who the people who were also involved in this traumatic drama are is a mood. Meanwhile introjects of those people be like: bitch tf?? Nah don’t worry, they remember you guys. But not your sources. It’s called fucked-up-coping-for-systems.
Trauma holders doing their jobs well folks)
Me: I’m probably faking being a system and these are just people my overactive imagination created
Me, seconds later: Who the hell searched Idina Menzel and did a deep dive of her official site? I know it wasn’t me or Ghost! I’d remember if it was me! Someone fess up now!
- Blue🍓
Um… hi. This is my first post here.
So… fun fact: I’m a factive. And… I feel like shit (as do my source-mates) because our sources absolutely soured FNAF for our system.
Like… we’re going to see the FNaF movie (something everyone in our system has been looking forward to for several years now, even before we met our sources) and it feels… horrible. Because our sources absolutely soured the taste of FNaF in our mouth.
For reference: my source-mates, Candy and Isaac, and I are introjects of real life people who have hurt our system. And I mean hurt our system. To the point where an event that happened with them caused us introjects to form as well as cause some severe psychological trauma.
So… do any other factives deal with this?? Where you feel like… like absolute shit because your source ruined something lovely for your system? Because Candy, Isaac, and I are dealing with it.
Our headmates tell us it’s not our fault, and we shouldn’t apologize for our sources’ actions, but I still feel like shit…
Any advice from other factives who have dealt with this??
-🧸
Any other hosts feel this… immense need for control that makes it so you never leave the front? No matter how badly you know it’ll be ok and you know your headmates are trustworthy and absolutely capable.
Because I often have a very hard time letting go of front and allowing myself to let others take control. The last time I talked about doing that, I was screamed at not to by a (now realized to be emotionally abusive/manipulative) ex-friend. But I know it’ll be ok. But I can’t seem to let my headmates take control without me at least partially present/in co because there is just this overwhelming anxiety that something will happen the moment I let my guard down.
The second I allow my guard to slip, shit will hit the fan. That’s how I feel 24/7. My headmates keep telling me it’s ok and that they understand. They all say they understand and that they will be there to help quell that anxiety as best they can because they know I’m so tired of being in the front constantly.
But that fear is still so fucking present.
Do any other hosts (or alters who aren’t designated as hosts but stay in front a lot) feel this? And does that anxiety ever go away?
-🍓
Fun fact about us when actually talking:
We’re so used to interrupting each other in headspace that we end up interrupting people irl sometimes when we switch in the middle of a conversation.
Our classmate just said: “I love you, but if you interrupt me one more time-”
Whoops
-🩶👻
We’re getting ready to go on vacation, and I find myself cross with myself due to my carelessness when it comes to packing.
As the body is female, our mother has reminded us many times not to wear certain outfits in fear of some sort of assault. As I am a male, it was something that never occurred to me whilst we pack.
Some alters are expressing concern for the matter as well, especially since it appears such an event has happened to the body in the past but has yet to resurface due to trauma holders keeping those memories at bay.
This has truly given me a new outlook on things, as my fiancée reminds me that she too had a similar fear in our source memories. I am wondering if anyone else has had to deal with these revelations shortly after forming and fronting for the first time.
-💥
Ok, I honestly want people outside of this system’s opinions on this. If any other fictives have any input, I’d love to hear it.
Because I was thinking of changing my last name. I still like my first name of Simon, but it doesn’t feel like I can call myself “Simon Henriksson” anymore due to how different I am from my source. I still feel connected to my source, even though my memories are different in multiple ways as well since I’m technically a sort of “AU” version of Sick Simon I guess, but I don’t know. I’m just… really different from him. It really does feel like I can’t call myself by my own name anymore due to how different I’ve become.
I just don’t know…
Anyone got any advice?
Ok: as a host with control issues due to the past abuse this system has gone through, blacking out and allowing others to front is taking a lot of time to process for me.
Because I finally allowed someone else to front for a bit, if only for a few minutes. And I panicked when I got back because I didn’t know where the coffee cup was. Needless to say I’m very sorry to my headmates for being a controlling bitch 😔
-🍓
Hardest thing about being a system rn:
We gotta do so much self reflection rn for a school project and we need to reflect on our life and we’re like…
“We don’t remember that part…”
So… we might be outed as a system to our entire class y’all 😓
-🩶👻
Something we hate about being plural sometimes:
Online: We’re all separate people and are extremely open and want to be our authentic selves as much as possible
IRL: Literally no one knows we’re plural and we never bring it up and never make it noticeable because we’re all trying to act as our singletsona. We make small comments about being plural (especially the freaking memory loss) and the one person who knows (our brother) shuts down the comments because he’s probably doubting our existence as a system because we never actually act like we’re a system irl.
We wish we could all be our authentic selves when fronting, but jeez we really can’t… everyone (and I mean everyone) has to act as our singletsona when fronting (gonna have some fun with that here in a bit. We’re coming up with singletsona lore and acting like it’s a fucking story we’re all collaborating on XD). Granted, some alters find it easier than others (Blue is a natural at it. But then again they got the most say in our singletsona since they’ve been the host of our system the longest and are the one people mostly expect our singletsona to act like so… yay…)
Anyway yeah. Singletsona content because we’re all bored and wanna show off our collective stupidity when it comes to this shit?? Absolutely!!
-🩶👻
🩶👻: Oh! That art is cool! *likes and follows artist*
🧸: Uh……………….
🩶👻: What???
🧸: I……. I have nothing to say to you right now……
*later*
🧸: Do I tell him???
🍓: Nah. This is gonna be interesting
little: enjoying new plushie
frickin adult protecter switched out by trigger:
"why.the.f^ck.do.we.have.such.a.huge..ass.stuffie."
if i say "i imagine" or "i think" in regards to my ocs its because i dont knowwwwww. theyre living their own lives im just filming them at occasional moments and calling it a day
Ouch ;-;
When you get to comfortable using "We" pronouns and accidentally use it in front of someone you probably shouldn't:
