Some More Batfam As Shit My Family Said; Pt.2

Some more batfam as shit my family said; pt.2

Bruce: *holds a shirt at the store*

Alfie: are you sure thats a 100% cotton?

Bruce: I think so? Why?

Alfie: that means its the good shit

(I love my grandma)

Tim, after fucking up his food for the second time: what! again? How?

Jason: I think you should just stop trying, you're going to burn the house down and my pc is to heavy to move it so quick

Steph, wearing a pink peel-off face mask: hey

Dick: *scream high enough for dogs to hear it*

Steph: what?

Dick: oh god i thought your skin was peeling off oh my god

Bruce, jokingly: so who wants to get tickled to death

Tim: me!

Jason: Tim!

9 year old Duke: *trying to write something meaningfull and cool*

Bruce: what ya doin'?

Duke: *slams notebook closed* you wouldnt understand *runs to his room*

I have so many DC one shots askjhjfascvjk

3 and yes, I know I already asked, so feel free to ignore

3- "Ugh, go naw on some hay or something."

"Y'know," Clark started with a thoughtful look, "you being a city boy makes perfect sense."

Bruce turned and glared at the alien,

"And what the hell do you mean by that exactly?"

"Nothing! I just meant that your techy stuff and gloomy attitude gives you away!" Clark chuckled and gave the younger man a few pats on the shoulder.

Batman sighed and rolled his eyes, turning back to his monitor, watching the dots move around, tracking his kids.

"Hmph. Go....I don't know, naw on some hay or whatever it is you do in the country."

(ps. no, I'm not gonna ignore these bc I love them (ღ˘ω˘ღ))

Batfam + Co as conversation my friends and I have pt.6

Stephanie: *visibly sweating* whoo that's enough working out for today lol

Duke: Steph you literally just did 5 squats and a pushup, how are you tired

Thinking about young dad!Bruce tonight

Dick to Bruce: Hey, so dad– Bruce: I– I’m babie??? Alfred, longsuffering: Yeah, Master Bruce, you really are.

Dick: Since you’re a grown-up– Bruce: I’m a WHAT now

Bruce, up at 3am, screams when Dick accidentally sneaks up on him

Dick: Hey, Bruce, I had a nightmare–stop screaming, it’s me, why aren’t you in your pajamas, did you even go to bed last night BRUCE my dad always said that if you don’t sleep you’ll get sick and grumpy and angry and then slowly DIE–

Bruce, squinting at a can of monster in the vending machine: Alfie, I… I never graduated college…

Alfred: Master Bruce, you dropped out in first year to join a murder cult, remember?

Bruce: I’m a terrible role model. I don’t even have a degree. How can I be someone my kid respects? Also Bruce: I KNOW. I’ll teach him the fighting moves I learned in the murder cult!!! Also Bruce: [is still at that age where none of his peers have graduated college yet]

Dick uses a lot of really old memes and over a decade later his little brothers and sisters will mock him mercilessly for it but it’s because when Dick was like 8 years old Bruce was at the age demographic where memes are targeted

Bruce has a LOT of firsts with Dick

For example: “ALFIE ALFIE I DID MY OWN LAUNDRY!!!” “Extraordinary, Master Bruce. Have you considered becoming a butler.”

Bruce is at that age where like… he’s still not quite sure where he’s going career wise… so he’s like “I’ll be CEO for now and see where it takes me”

“What if… I become a housewife. Then I don’t have to work AND I can play with Dick all day and help him with homework and English and stuff!” Alfred: Master Bruce, that would first require you to have a significant other Bruce: Whoa, wait a sec, I think I’m too young to be dating Alfred: Is that so, Master Bruce

I feel like Bruce would be kinda conflicted here because first off he’s a DAD second off he just came out of a murder cult and third off most kids his age are still in college studying so he’s like… do I go back and finish my studies and get a “proper job”? Aren’t I technically the CEO of a huge company? But I don’t know how to be a CEO?

Bruce: I feel like everyone’s ahead of me… and I’m behind and I just… I don’t know what to do… Lucius: You’re the richest person under the age of 25 Bruce: I just–I’m WHAT

Bruce telling Alfred to take care of all his money because he’s “too young and I don’t think I can handle it responsibly yet”

Bruce: ALFIE I swept floors in Korea with a pity job and made street food in India (also a pity job) and taught English in China (money issue on both sides) so I wouldn’t be homeless and the only reason I could afford planes was because I joined a cult that paid all travel expenses Alfred: I think the lesson here is don’t join cults just to travel the world Alfred: Also it built character

Batfam + Co as conversation my friends and I have pt.7

*after getting dairy queen*

Tim: dad,,,,?

Bruce: hm

Tim: *holding his cup, the ink starting to run off* my Blizzard cup is bleeding

Damian: tch no it's not drake

Tim: my hand is literally blue dami

Damian: I don't smell any blood

Jason: just lick it off man

Bruce: or you can NOT lick it off and just WIPE it off with a fucking nApKiN

Duke:......y'know, if we had a TV show it'd be "What The Actual Fawk is This Family" and today's episode would be Episode 173289, "Fast Food & Blood Lust"