Ill Keep This Under A Cut Since Its A Vent, But Things Are Going Very Horribly Right Now. I Have No Idea

I’ll keep this under a cut since it’s a vent, but things are going very horribly right now. I have no idea what to do. I feel like a complete fuck up.

Now I don’t know if this is what it is for sure, but something is fucking wrong with me cause I obviously just can’t interact with people correctly. I have realized recently that every single friendship I’ve ever had lines up exactly with BPD and having a ‘favorite person’. Not diagnosed obviously cause this is all very new information to me and I don’t have a therapist or anything, but holy hell is it pretty much exactly the cycle that’s happened with almost every single friend I’ve ever had my whole life. If that’s not what it is then idk what else it could be but yeah idk where I’m going with this sentence…

I have a great first impression with someone, we end up very great friends talking almost everyday or often, I care so so deeply about this person, something happens to the usual routine or someone else ends up talking to me, I suddenly either end up feeling way less close to them or just lose the spark entirely, I feel like a complete asshole and desperately try to feel the same way again to no avail, it either ends horribly and painfully or is never the same again and I am completely wracked with guilt and confused as to why I’m a terrible person who sucks at being a friend for a while, and then I end up stupidly believing it’ll be any different next time. It’s been this way as long as I can remember.

And it’s just constant. I can’t keep any more than maybe one main friend and a few secondary friends at a time. I can’t have too many social interactions with secondary friends too frequently no matter how much I love them or I’ll end up completely burnt out and overwhelmed. I can’t talk to anyone without being terrified I’ll just break them. I feel like a fucking parasite. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel like I wanna get close to anyone anymore. I don’t think I should. I’m just gonna fail and hurt everyone I love. Part of me just wants to dip off the internet for good, but I’m an idiot and I need to see content of and talk about a game or I’ll start spiraling again, not that I’m not already though I guess.

To make it worse, I do have friends that I know I’m failing right now. I know I’m gonna hurt all of them. The pattern is already past the point of no return. And now I know that it’s my fault. That it’s really is just a me problem. It’s always been me that’s the problem. Every time has been because of me. I know I’m going to inevitably neglect most of them because I’m already isolating myself. I know can’t balance all of them at once without being overwhelmed. I know I can’t pick myself up again without getting overwhelmed. I know I can’t get the routine back. I know it can’t go back to how it was. I know it can’t. It’s just gonna end like it always has, awful for everyone involved. I don’t know how to fix it or if I can at this point.

It’s so fucking selfish. It’s disgustingly mean of me. I just wanna be a good person. I just wanna be a good friend. That’s all I want. I just wanna make people happy and share time with people and talk and have similar interests and laugh and be there when they need it and give gifts and hug and hang out. I just wanna be a friend. But it never works. It always ends up this way. I shouldn’t have tried. I really shouldn’t have. I’m just hurting people at this point.

consider this your reminder to not use the castlevania wiki

CHARACTER ASK GAME!!! 💫

Send a character + one or more of these question!

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

11. Would you date this character?

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

23. Favorite picture of this character?

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!!

My first time trying to draw what I envision for CV2 Simon based on his box art. I thought it would be appropriate to share as my first post on this account. I'm a little nervous to share my art, but I hope you like it. :)

Fuck it, Simon Belmont, because why not you basically themed your blog after him

You don’t have any specific numbers, so I’m just answering every question >:3c mwahahaha—

1. “Why do you like this character”:

A lot of reasons!!! First off, most of his games are super fun and some of my favorite platformers just in general. I replay CV1, Simon’s Quest, and SCV4 most often cause they’re a real joy to play! I also absolutely LOVE Simon’s story, I’ve considered making comics about it if I could ever get out of recent art block whoops, even though I’ve seen many people say he doesn’t have one (´TωT｀). His designs are really cool, he’s got great music in his games, there’s just a lot to love and I’ll explain more in detail in other questions.

2. “Favorite canon thing?”

I really like the concept that he looks up to Christopher as this legendary hero and then ends up considered the same kind of legendary hero by Juste and others after him. It’s pretty ironic, kinda bittersweet, especially after being hated for so long. Castlevania loves its cycles like that. Also just Simon’s Quest in general, I love that game.

3. “Least favorite canon thing?”

Ooo that’s very hard. There’s kinda a lot of things about him that aren’t explained or confirmed, especially personality wise, but I kinda like that in a way cause it leaves room for interpretation and whatnot. Idk hmmm. I’m gonna go with Grimoire of Souls in general. I had some hopes for it, but it ended up being kinda lame. A lot of the characterization was weird and don’t even start me on things like the Cursed Whip theory being in there 💀. So I just choose to ignore it and not consider it canon.

4. “If you could put this character in another media, what would it be?”

I have thought about drawing him as if he was a character in other series for ages lol. I’ve already drawn him as a Pokémon trainer, I’ve thought about drawing Castlevania and Soul Eater crossovers before, and I tried drawing him in the style of Resident Evil 1 but could not get the art style down. Idk put him in Fortnite or something that’d be funny we already got Solid Snake so Konami has been in talks with them I guess X,,,,,,,,,,D

5. “What’s the first song that comes to mind when you think of them?”

Probably either Simon’s Theme (of course lol) or Bloody Tears, but I do wanna mention that I have a YouTube playlist of songs I wanna make Simon animations with eventually (alas animation is HARD).

6. “What’s something you have in common with the character?”

Mostly negative things unfortunately d(;w; ). Like self comparison, doubt in my own abilities, trouble making and keeping friends, etc etc. Although a lot of these are based on assumptions and interpretations, as a lot of him usually is. Simon does have a really similar hair color to me on the NES box art tho so that’s cool.

7. “What’s something the fandom does with this character that you like?”

There’s a lot of really nice art of him!!! Usually portraits, but sometimes there’s other doodles and whatnot too :3. Cool fan redesigns too! I also have seen a lot of neat headcanons, a lot of which I’ve adopted. I also appreciate the Captain N reunion stuff for the most part, it’s pretty wholesome.

8. “What’s something the fandom does with this character that you don’t like?”

I’ve seen a lot of comics, especially around when Smash Bros Ultimate came out, that were really… weird. I think all of them could kinda be boiled down to “old = bad” in the way that the artists probably just found out he was from the 1600s and then decided to make him the Boomer to Richter’s Gen Z for whatever reason (ya know despite Richter being from the 1700s but anyway). Simon would either be the jerk in the situation and/or the butt of the joke. I don’t think that Simon would have any issue with any of the female characters’ outfits let alone start harassing them for it. I saw some comics that made fun of him for not speaking very much in some genuinely disgusting ways too. Like making him not able to read or practically just the generic caveman stereotype. Especially in cases where the artist would depict other silent NES protagonists really nicely after making Simon out to be a complete idiot and asshole. There was also the trend of making him generally be all “oh no witchcraft!!!!!!!!!! What sin!!!!!!! The horror!!!!!!!!” about like anything and everything. I guess a lot of this comes from Smash Bros fans not usually being fans of Castlevania, but I’ve seen it in the Castlevania fandom too just less frequently. There’s also the “Simon has no story” thing oof. I’ve seen people tell people to skip his games or play fan games instead before :(

9. “Could you be roommates with this character?”

Realistically, no, my room is too small for another person :(. If that wasn’t an issue, then yeah probably :).

10. “Could you be best friends with this character?”

I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO—

11. “Would you date this character?”

No, he’s probably married, generally feels more like a bestie, and I’m aroace lol

12. “What headcanon do you have for this character?”

Too many oh my god. I think he probably makes things. That’s a very vague sentence lol, but think like armor, knives, general woodworking, all his necklaces and headbands and stuff, etc. He generally seems like he keeps to himself and lives mostly alone, so I can see him doing all that by himself. He keeps some bones and teeth of things he hunts most of the time. A lot of people have him as the most super Christian of the family, but I see him as like Christian but really not organized or strict about it, if that makes sense? I’ve seen someone else describe the Belmonts as like “Christopagan” before and yeah I think that fits. Idk why but I have consistently drawn him with his cross necklace in his mouth sometimes. I headcanon him as semiverbal (I think that’s the correct term for it, basically like inbetween speaking and nonspeaking). I like to think he’s like really average height for the 1600s cause he’s about as tall as other townspeople and skeletons and stuff. Which is funny cause that’d make him like 5’5-5’7 ish and that’s kinda short in modern day lol. And I guess that makes his 8bit sprite being used all the time make more sense XD. I have way more, I didn’t even get into Simon’s Quest related ones, but I don’t wanna make this too long aaaaaaaaaaaa

13. “What’s an emoticon that reminds you of the character or you think they’d use a lot?”

Ok this is funny cause I actually do have one for this and it’s got context. It’s the “:3”. So I was watching a bunch of people’s playthroughs one night cause I was bored and ran into a channel with a toooooon of speedruns of maps from Harmony of Despair. Whenever they’d get to a boss battle they’d use the typing feature just to go “hi” with a different cutesy emoticon every time, but when they got to Dracula they specifically went for the “hi :3” and then went “oh no :(“ when Dracula started attacking and now that’s the way I think he’d text I guess.

14. “Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character”

How does one properly explain how much this guy slays in one aesthetic term—

15. “What’s your favorite ship for this character?”

Oooooo, in canon probably like his wife (Selena) and/or the Mysterious Woman (who could be the same character depending on what theories you go by), but outside of that Simon Belmont x Getsu Fuma and I can’t even explain exactly why, but it’s pretty cute.

16. “What’s your least favorite ship for this character?”

Any BelmontXBelmont shipping ugh, it’s unfortunately really common on some places… also the whole Lucas or Pit or whatever other child character thing the smash bros fandom had ugh. I guess I also just don’t see the appeal of shipping any of the Belmonts with Dracula.

17. “What’s a ship you don’t hate but it’s not your favorite?”

I’ve also seen people ship him with Solid Snake, Palutena, or Bayonetta before. Ummm he doesn’t really have a lot of other characters he’s shipped with tbh. Idk I saw someone ship him with one of the priests from Simon’s Quest once.

18. “Relationship in canon you admire?”

Unfortunately he doesn’t really talk to people enough in game to form canon relationships 😔

19. “Relationship in canon you don’t like?”

I don’t even know if I can answer this one for the same reasons as the above 💀💀💀. I guess the townspeople hating the hell out of him, but I don’t hate that cause it’s kinda integral to the plot???? Yeah idk lol

20. “What character is the ideal best friend for this character?”

Simon and Shanoa would get along a lot I think. Sara too. Hmmmm… I think he and Alucard would probably also be good friends. Christopher too for many reasons. Simon just really needs friends my poor dude is out here in Dracula’s Castle and the Romanian countryside after being cursed alone like this poor guy :’(

21. “If you’re a fic writer, what’s your favorite thing to do when writing this character? What’s something you don’t like?”

I have not written much at all, however what small comics I have done I looooove to make sure to sprinkle in whatever symbols he has in the games into it. He has a lot of cool things ranging from like rose thorns to The Hanged Man card and a lot of them end up meaning things like martyrdom and whatnot idk I made a post about it a while ago :3. I also like specifically Simon’s Quest speculation stuff, like what if scenarios for the vague, left open spots of it. If it’s not something super angsty or lore heavy, it’s usually just wholesome character interactions or doodling him being comforted by Christopher or Trevor cause I was sad or something lol. As far as things I don’t like writing uh idk that’s hard, maybe just any kind of filler scenes cause I’m not very good at those oof. Dialogue is hard too 💀💀💀

22. “If you’re a fic reader, what’s something you like/don’t like to see in fics?”

I’ve mentioned a lot of things I don’t like seeing in uh question 8, but things I do like is when people really try to go full horror with him. I’ve seen some Simon’s Quest fics (sadly there’s very few :’3) that really try to get that same feeling of anxiousness and dread the game does and I love that honestly. It’s a really dark story in the series! I also saw one that went psychological horror with it with him kinda losing himself a little at night it’s just ough it’s cool :D! Simon is a horror protagonist! Make him afraid!!!

23. “Favorite picture of this character?”

Again, too many!!! X3

24. “What other character from another fandom reminds you of them?”

Not from fandoms I am in (yet, hopefully I’ll get into these), but Ragnvaldr from Fear and Hunger I’ve heard is just directly inspired by him and Alfred from Bloodborne also, to me, seems heavily inspired by him. The whole Vilebloods section seems very Castlevania inspired tbh. From other fandoms I’m in, that’s hard to say, there’s not really any I don’t think.

25. “What was your first impression of this character, is it the same as now?”

Well I got into Castlevania through Smash Bros and at first was completely indifferent about him, he was just kinda fun to play as. Then Richter got me to play SotN and actually get into the series more. I had no idea I had SotN on XBOX360 for a long time, but that made it pretty easy to start playing. And now I am absolutely hooked and Simon is my favorite character so uh yeah X3.

26. “Freebie!”

I guess I just say anything? Ok, I am currently half trying to cosplay Simon’s Simon’s Quest design rn! I have like everything but the armor, but I’ll have to wait a while to be able to get materials for it oof. But yeah :). Hopefully that works out. 

Ok yeah that’s pretty dang long wow, but yeah, thanks for the ask!!!! I am happy to rant about Simon anytime :3

This Bloodlines timeline document has some names of characters that are never actually ever seen in a game, so I decided to give some designs and ideas to them :3. I know that it’s mostly defunct material (even for Bloodlines itself considering it still has Bolt Ericsson, who was scrapped from the final release on it), but I’m just gonna take bits of it that I like anyway lol.

So this is my take on Cyncia, Christopher’s wife. Maybe when Christopher is off fighting Dracula, she’s at home beating the hell out of bats and skeletons trying to get into the house hmmm. Or idk maybe she should get to come with the second time hmmmm >:). Anyway, the embroidery details on her clothes are all scribbley cause I couldn’t decide on patterns, but just imagine that it’s actually nice embroidery oof (TwT ). The first image is kinda like a talking sprite pose now that I’m looking at it. Sadly there’s not too much to say about her because she uh kinda only exists in development limbo so uh yeah :’(.

There’s also the other two kids! It’s such a cool concept of a Belmont having siblings, I wish they address that concept more often :O. In my interpretation I have Gerhart as the oldest, Soleil in the middle, and Amanda as the youngest. The text says that Gerhart “strangely died” so I was thinking about the concept that he died at 15 not long after the Vampire Killer was passed down to him, making Soleil the next in line. I think that’d add a lot to how Soleil was possessed, he would be feeling awful about taking his brother’s place and possessions in other games tend to have the character have some kind of emotional weakness that was an opening for something to get to them, if that makes sense. But yeah, again, sadly not too much to say about the two themselves since they don’t appear anywhere.

If ever we get some really nice Christoper games remake (1. I am aware Rebirth exists 2. Konami will never cause they’re cowards), I really really wanna see these three end up in it. Cause as of now it’s just sad seeing them be names in an unused developer document when they have really good potential. It’d be cool to see that part of the series get fleshed out more in general because, as much as I LOVE the Christopher games, they are barely written ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡. Which is a shame because Christopher seemed to be planned to be something a lot bigger than that, ya know? There was a weird time he and Trevor were almost the same person in development, but the name Christopher is used as the name of the ancestor Simon looked up to and I feel like he and his story should’ve been way more important, ya know??? Like it does get used as foreshadowing for Richter and Maxim and other characters that get possessed later but mannnnnnnn. Justice for Christopher, and also justice for Cyncia too.

Asdfghjkll maybe make her playable in a Belmont’s Revenge remake that’d be so cool I wanna have my Murder Dad and Murder Mom tag team. Also that fits the themes of “he went at it alone and things went wrong but it went right the second time cause he wasn’t alone” and aaaaaaaaaaa do you see my vision