I Forgive You. For Whatever It Is You Did. Is Such An Insane Line.

“I forgive you. for whatever it is you did.” is such an insane line.

like imagine going your whole life believing that you’re only worth as much as you’re useful, doing things you know deep down are horrible just to serve the interests of a man who won’t even acknowledge you as his son and then after he exiles you 2 years later you find yourself on your deathbed, all your crimes finally caught up with you, the young doctor who at this point you believe could not have a more different experience of life than you decides against everything you’ve been taught about yourself that you’re worth saving.

and no matter how much you tell him you’re horrible, how wretched you make yourself look in front of him, he doesn’t care. he doesn’t care about your past. you’re forgiven. you’re worth saving, just by virtue of being alive. and he’s not saving you out of pity or even kindness, he’s doing it because he genuinely believes that. and for the first time since you were a small child, perhaps even ever, you feel like you have intrinsic worth.

random stuff plus scenes from the star trek pocket novels that haunt me enjoy

"I want what they have" and it's the soul mate bond between an unhinged repressed gay alien and a repressed bisexual man with a heart of gold

Deep Space Nine 2x16, “Shadow Play”

I just cannot get over what a beautiful job Avery Brooks and Cirroc Lofton do playing father and son on DS9. The deep love and mutual respect that glows between them makes me so happy, and I appreciate that the show takes the time to develop their relationship instead of just skipping straight to action scenes and expecting us to accept that they’re a loving father-and-son duo without ever proving it to us.

It means a lot to see a dad who never responds “because I said so, that’s why” when Jake asks him a question; a dad who cultivates a relationship with his son based on their mutual love of things like baseball while also encouraging Jake to be his own person.

Also, I hope this scene helped parents watching it learn what being a supportive parent looks like. Ideally, parents wouldn’t make any assumptions about what their kids will grow to be, because it’s clear that Jake feels pressured to join Starfleet. But even though Sisko made the mistake of assuming Jake would want to be in Starfleet too, when he realizes his mistake he recovers quickly. He’s quick to reassure his son that all he wants is for Jake to find his passion and do it well. He doesn’t protest that “surely you’ll change your mind, Jake,” or say he’s hurt by Jake’s comment that Star Fleet is “too much like you.” Instead, he is proud of Jake for saying he wants to “find what’s me.” He doesn’t expect his son to be a perfect little clone of him whom he can mold to fit his own desires – he is proud of Jake for striving to be his own person.

It’s just. pretty cool.

OKAY OKAY OKAY

So to shapeshift, right, is to become that thing, isn't it? I'm sure that's how the Founder, and later Odo explains it. The changelings aren't just pretending to be that thing, in a way they're being that thing?

Okay so I'm a little unsure now that I'm actually writing this out so the rest of this maybe isn't as much sense as I thought it was....

BUT. If the above is correct it suddenly occurred to me another reason other than 'lack of practice' that Odo could struggle to imitate humanoid faces...

Could it be that he has too much of his own, distinct personality? Becoming a humanoid is to become them, to understand them entirely as a person (which is why Founders are the perfect infiltrators, and also why they hate being solids: their changelinghood is eclipsed by their target's personhood, even if they do of course hang onto their objective and knowledge from being a changeling).

But Odo developed as his completely own person, first. Changelings in the link don't seem to have a sense of "self", they are a communal species, but Odo is utterly himself. And so could it be that he is unable to put aside everything that makes him him in order to become and truly understand another person?

Or, in other words, the changelings who don't see humanoids as being proper 'people' can treat becoming them much the same as becoming a bird - they are understanding a different sort of lesser life form, and the fact that a humanoid has its own thoughts and feelings is non-consequential because they are on such a different order to a changling's.

But the thoughts and feelings of a humanoid are so similar to Odo's that -- in a way, because he understands them more -- he has more of an awareness of their individuality and difference to himself, and therefore cannot imagine them the same way he does a bird. He is distinct, and they are distinct, and shapeshifting isn't about copying, it's about becoming, and Odo could never become someone else because it would mean becoming less than himself.

This is a ramble and I don't know if it makes any sense but it's lit up my brain and I'm definitely feeling like

Dear Doctor,

Since you have yet to reply to my deep and personal letter detailing my life, I’ve recorded myself reading it to you so you may enjoy as you go on doing whatever you do these days.

Love Your Lonely Tailor,

E. Garak xxooxooxoo