Dudes Really Talk A Lot About No Nut November Considering How Many Of Their Girlfriends Have Been Doing

Dudes really talk a lot about No Nut November considering how many of their girlfriends have been doing a No Orgasm for the Entire Damn Relationship

“[E]very man has reserved a special place in his mind for the one woman he will elevate above the rest by virtue of association with himself.”

— Shulamith Firestone, The Dialectic of Sex (via andreadworkinwasright)

Men have such a need to be "logical" at all times. Like "of course she's not the most beautiful woman in the world, there's always going to be someone more beautiful" how much a of a dick do you have to be in order to feel Special because you're so ~logical~. Same thing with men constantly feeling like they've got to be devil's advocates.

Yeah it’s very much a gross unnecessary way for men to talk about how the women in their lives are less conventionally attractive (and to them therefore less valuable) than whatever more conventionally attractive woman who is willing to take their place. I feel like a lot of men are in relationships with women they feel they can or at least want to “do better than.” So they’re just constantly half assing what they give the women they’re in relationships with while waiting for the next “better” woman to come along. also like I’m gonna be honest beauty is fake. There’s no one woman everyone in the world could agree on being the most beautiful. The singular most beautiful woman doesn’t exist. Once you break down racist, classist, misogynistic, etc. ideas about what beauty entails you’re left with a very different understanding of what defines a woman’s beauty and worth. Idk like I just can’t imagine thinking the woman you’re supposedly in love with isn’t fantastically beautiful. Absolutely cannot and will never relate!

leaving bruises on your partner isn’t romantic actually

The Truth About Men Who Like Coercive Sex

It's common – and dangerous – to overestimate how easy it is to change someone’s sexual tendencies.

Wow, this is a really good read.

But I can already hear the rape “kink” men and their token woman shouting, “you’re kink-shaming me!” “its just a fantasy!”. Well, here we have a scientist that says, if a man gets off on non-consensual sex acts (rape, sexual assault) he is likely to be sexually violent. He is not going to change. And women should use that as a warning sign and get the hell away from him.

I wish she’d gone deeper in this article too. A lot of the reasons she listed are totally true for why women stay with men like this. But I think she should have also gone into how 1) so many women are survivors of sexual violence, so they might think that they somehow “deserve” this type of treatment or that it might even help them get over their past abuse and 2) there is definitely a culture right now where women feel like they need to be “kinky” and “exciting” in the bedroom. Women might not want to admit that they don’t actually want to try something like this, in fear of seeming less sexually powerful. Because so much of women’s (fake) “power” feels like it depends on their sexuality, this is a huge psychological dilemma for them that stretches to multiple things in the bedroom, including even vanilla sex. “Do I do it even though I don’t want to, or “let my partner down”? I’ll seem like I’m not good in bed if I say no! I heard that the best way to keep a man satisfied and faithful is to give him good sex!”

These are legitimate coercive forces that women face that we need to talk about. Some women literally feel that they will “lose their man” if they don’t give in to his sexual demands. And in some cases… they are right. Of course in the long run we would be better off far away from such men. But in the short run, women fear facing humiliation, losing family and friends, harming their children, and even losing financial resources. There’s a lot more at stake here than just “women can’t stand up for themselves” because they’re weak or fragile or something. No, a lot of women can stand up for themselves just fine, they just weigh the consequences and determine that the risks are too high (this is compounded by women being generally more risk averse, to bring some economics into it).

My other totally different question to this article is - so “kinks” can’t change? I wish the author had specified if she meant just the tendencies towards sexual violence, or all weird sexual preferences in general. Also, is it just in men? I’m curious because I think that a lot of women (me included) have been conditioned to like certain things, things we might not necessarily WANT to like. Porn is a powerful driver of that. Can we ever change, even if we want to? If we could be conditioned in, we can probably be conditioned out, right?

Lastly, I think its interesting that most men become less aroused if they think their partner is showing signs of not enjoying sex. I think that’s just really cool and shows at least some progress.

sex positivity would be good if it was about destroying the current sexual culture and building up a healthy new one that doesn’t involve the sexualization of children, abuse, rape etc. but as of now it’s just dressing up the same harmful cultural norms as radical and progressive and ignoring the bad parts about it because that would mean people would actually have to analyze their behavior and that makes people uncomfortable