Do Not Click Thru To The Last Reblogger...creepy Trans Exclusive Radfem... - Tumblr Posts
Wow, this is a really good read.
But I can already hear the rape “kink” men and their token woman shouting, “you’re kink-shaming me!” “its just a fantasy!”. Well, here we have a scientist that says, if a man gets off on non-consensual sex acts (rape, sexual assault) he is likely to be sexually violent. He is not going to change. And women should use that as a warning sign and get the hell away from him.
I wish she’d gone deeper in this article too. A lot of the reasons she listed are totally true for why women stay with men like this. But I think she should have also gone into how 1) so many women are survivors of sexual violence, so they might think that they somehow “deserve” this type of treatment or that it might even help them get over their past abuse and 2) there is definitely a culture right now where women feel like they need to be “kinky” and “exciting” in the bedroom. Women might not want to admit that they don’t actually want to try something like this, in fear of seeming less sexually powerful. Because so much of women’s (fake) “power” feels like it depends on their sexuality, this is a huge psychological dilemma for them that stretches to multiple things in the bedroom, including even vanilla sex. “Do I do it even though I don’t want to, or “let my partner down”? I’ll seem like I’m not good in bed if I say no! I heard that the best way to keep a man satisfied and faithful is to give him good sex!”
These are legitimate coercive forces that women face that we need to talk about. Some women literally feel that they will “lose their man” if they don’t give in to his sexual demands. And in some cases… they are right. Of course in the long run we would be better off far away from such men. But in the short run, women fear facing humiliation, losing family and friends, harming their children, and even losing financial resources. There’s a lot more at stake here than just “women can’t stand up for themselves” because they’re weak or fragile or something. No, a lot of women can stand up for themselves just fine, they just weigh the consequences and determine that the risks are too high (this is compounded by women being generally more risk averse, to bring some economics into it).
My other totally different question to this article is - so “kinks” can’t change? I wish the author had specified if she meant just the tendencies towards sexual violence, or all weird sexual preferences in general. Also, is it just in men? I’m curious because I think that a lot of women (me included) have been conditioned to like certain things, things we might not necessarily WANT to like. Porn is a powerful driver of that. Can we ever change, even if we want to? If we could be conditioned in, we can probably be conditioned out, right?
Lastly, I think its interesting that most men become less aroused if they think their partner is showing signs of not enjoying sex. I think that’s just really cool and shows at least some progress.