Trazyn The Infinite Is The Primarch Of The Blood Ravens AU.

trazyn the infinite is the primarch of the blood ravens AU.

even though i do not know much of the lore of the blood ravens, i keep seeing memes about trazyn being their primarch. and so like anyone who saw a funny story idea, i decided to look up fics for this. and yet i found none. now i have absolutely no concordance in my writing ability, or i would try to write it my self. and so i turn to tumbler. will you, the people of the world wide web, give unto this poor soul the crack fic he so strongly desires.

creeps up behind you. "yo where is the fic"

Naruto memes because yes

I truly am obsessed with how Knives Out was like. Hello Daniel Craig, man who has spent the past two decades of his career being alternately beaten up and objectified playing an action hero with no personality. Would you like to please put on a shirt and an incomprehensible vaguely Texan accent and flex your character acting dark comedy muscles as well as your pecs for a while. And he's like BOY WOULD I and they made a work of art. Also love that they put Chris Evans in sweaters. Get your beefcakes then dress them nice make them soft and give them some bonkers character work to do it's what cinema needs more of

where is the fic

okay, please imagine with me:

mito is in konoha on a diplomatic mission and the moment she meets hashirama, she knows she needs the man in her bed asap. i mean, have you seen him? yeah, she's gonna tap that, all right. so she tries to woo him inside her pants, tries to get him alone on every possible occasion, and the more time she spends with him, the more she crushes on him and thirsts for him equally

meanwhile, tobirama sees mito always hanging around hashirama and comes to the wrong conclusion. the senju and uzumaki might be allies, but clearly, mito must be a spy, for why else would she try to spend so much alone time with hashirama? oh hell no, this woman is not going to hurt his brother, he will make sure of that

hashirama, on the other hand, is completely oblivious to mito's advancements, however, he sees tobirama following mito around a lot, and because they're of the same blood, he also comes to the wrong conclusion: obviously, tobirama has a crush! which is really cute but also embarrassing, because "really tobirama, you can't just stalk the woman and hope she'll like you back." he's also a bit saddened as he finds himself rather enamored by mito. but for his little brother, he is willing to put those feelings aside, as much as it may hurt, and help him get the woman of his dreams

a comedy of error ensues in which mito tries to court hashirama with tobirama hot on her heels to expose her of her nefarious schemes, and hashirama heavily pines for mito while at the same time he tries to play wing-man for tobirama

it's a mess, really. madara meanwhile has a bet against the rest of konoha's jounin to win on how long it's gonna take these three idiots to realize what's up. (he might roll his eyes at hashirama's bad gambling habit, but hey, if it's a gamble against his best friend, madara is all in)

Meanwhile, in prehistoric Canada…..

where for art the fic.

what if damian's "meeting his father later on" situation happened with jon?

like, lois is pregnant from clark but they break up for some unnecessarily unspecified reason and she keeps the child without clark even knowing she was pregnant

then some years later the kid's powers start showing up and lois (who had no idea clark was superman) is left confused and seeks clark to understand what's going on

meanwhile, batman is detecting all kinds of weird activity that indicates there's a kryptonian around, even when superman is away or with him

damian, who never trusted superman in the first place, goes to investigate alone and meets jon, who's flying around gotham with no control. damian threatens him, jon is confused because he doesn't mean any harm and when damian understands the situation they just chill there and talk about kid things

meanwhile, clark is freaking out that he has had a son for ten years now and didn't notice, whilst lois is also freaking out because 1. clark is superman. and 2. jon is gone and nowhere to be seen.

then batman just shows up from the apartment's shadows and is like "robin called me. he has found jon and held him with red sun bracelets so that he doesn't float away randomly."

the craziest weekend they ever experience