Demidolll - Demidoll

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The Ellipsus team xo

People make a lot of good "thank god I'm not a kid anymore" posts about like school bullies or homework or puberty. But actually my #1 top of the "thank god I'm not a kid anymore" list is the fact that I can leave the event when I want to.

Any event I'm at! I can say "okay well I'm tired I'm going home goodbye." Could not do that shit as a kid. If you're a kid it's like yeah you will sit here at your brother's soccer game in the cold for the next 1.5 hours. You will sit here at your sibling's football practice. You will stay at this BBQ until the whole family is done with the BBQ. You are stuck at the mall until mom finds the pants she needs. You are stuck at the grocery store. No we don't know how long. You are stuck at band practice. It's running late but you're not allowed to leave. You are stuck at the party that the adults said you're leaving soon but they keep talking to these 2 people who showed up late. What the Fuck.

And that shit is on top of having homework.

i like to complain that i'm neck deep in burnout and that i haven't had the drive to do anything i want to since february

except then i randomly get energy to Do Stuff™ on a random sunday afternoon and by monday evening i have a whole new fucking portfolio.

i'm not joking.

i spent 8 months on version 2 of my portfolio. i made version 3 in a little more than a day. subject to change and improvements, of course, but so was version 2 (i never edited v2). wtf??

brain pls explain to me. give me a sign

passion to perform - 20230420

People ask me what the difference is between the want to dance and the passion to perform

Dance is a thing you can achieve pretty easily, just go to a party

Performing is different, and by my interest

calling it the same would be ignorant, deliberate, inconsiderate

Comical and dumb like a figurant

I’d like you to consider it, euphoria like a recently-burnt cigaret,

Childhood preliterate, summer with a refrigerant,

Breathless, right after your first hit on a vape

A protection cape, an inevitable escape

From the man-made world, view the landscape

You work and you thrive, chasing your drive

It’s an amenity of life, I’m alive!

I’m alive, I’m alive, not surviving like I do every day,

Mostly sadness but small happy moments along the way,

No, I’m certain I’m alive now, this is a real life!

I’m lurking, overworking, dehydration and exhaustion alerting

My passion asserting, as I’m on the stage preserving

my name, my claim, my temporary arbitrary fame,

I refuse to be tame. I’m giving my all, no time to worry about shame

It’s like a midnight summer swim

I’m tired, breathless, thrilled, elated, euphoric, all on my personal whim

I only have once, so I better make it count

1 to 8 I count, taking the rhythm into account

The end is near, I’ve got no time to fear

I wanna focus on the now and here.

Time has run out? My performance has been sincere

Just five more lines,

I’m no longer confined

And there it is, the sugar I’ve been craving

The high I’ve been chasing, I’m chasing,

I’m chasing, I’m chasing

And then it stops; standing ovation.

Kill off your main characters. Please. Not as a cheap ending, or right at the beginning for shock value. Kill them in the middle, and do it well. Leave every character reeling and unable to comprehend what happens next. Leave your antagonists without a solid enemy, wondering if they've gone too far.

When you shatter the heart of a story, a thousand tiny shards will spilt away and grow. Focus on the side characters; the supporting cast, the love interest. Think about how they would change, break and reform. Think about the growth, the quiet moments of reflection and depth.

You don't have to do it, but think about it.

If your story stops with a single character, your story is weak.

Kill the protagonist.