Getting Over Somebody You Never Dated

getting over somebody you never dated

except you did date them but it was in middle school but they were literally one of the best friends you ever had and even after they clearly couldn't stick to dating one person alone and you had to break up with them you were still each others perfect complement and continue to be so but they're a bad person who cheats and lies and manipulates but they're soft with you but you know it isn't real but kind of wonder if it is because they haven't changed around you since middle school and you're forever a little flirty and in love with each other and every time you talk you're best friends again but because it was middle school nobody lets you count it as a real relationship because you're young adults now and you let it slide because you hate them but you also don't and can't and never will and they're so mean to you but really they aren't they just call you out on your bullshit and you do the same thing but they have a lot more bullshit than you and you just really, really deeply in your soul know that they will never ever be a good person for you and refuse to heal from what hurt them and also kind of enjoy being a bad person who takes from people but when you're with them they're eleven again. And so are you. And you're wearing unicorn leggings and they're complimenting said leggings and they think you're the funniest, prettiest, most enthralling and intelligent and talented person they've ever met and they make sure you always know that and you both secretly always believe you're soulmates but awkwardly dance around that concept just like you did when you were eleven and twelve and awkwardly dancing around like-liking each other and you know they would always come back to you and you'd like to let them but value yourself too much to let them and sometimes, actually most times, you wonder if being with them could possibly hurt as much as being without them. And you know it would and all of your friends would be so mad at you and you'd be so humiliated and the only one who would understand would be your mom who went through the same thing and the only thing that stopped the feeling for her is that he fucking died and they have birthdays two days apart and you wonder if the universe is throwing round two at you and goddammit you wish you were eleven again and sharing a phone with your brothers and frantically saying goodnight while your oldest brother stands in your doorway looking pissed off and you hold their hand in the bleachers the next morning but pretend you aren't into it but you're still holding their hand anyway when you decide you're better of as friends and you still held their hand freshman year in history class because the lecture was boring and they let you color their bracelet in highlighters and told your shitty mean friends about it but they didn't get it and asked why you'd want to date someone you talked so much shit about and you say that you don't but that they haven't changed a bit and you miss how you feel with them and how you understand each other and you still make sly eye contact in sophomore year biology even when you date their best friend that sucked so bad he made you think you only liked girls and you still chose to sit behind them in psychology junior year and talk every day and let them pick your brain and laughed with them at lunch and let them take pictures of you so they could post them on your birthday but they never did because they had another girlfriend that they were cheating on again and you also watched them every day in english that year and were so happy to be in groups with them and you still drew them in your free time and you still watched them in english again your senior year because they looked so beautiful and had grown so much and were so confident now and you still dedicated an entire painting to them in your art class that nobody actually knew the meaning of. But I guess you never dated for real.

I DON'T EVEN WANT THIS MAN ANYMORE

I do but i don't and this is the only place I can say shit like this and not have to apologize for it or worry someone will find it and I'm. lsoing my fucking mind over here. I hate him. We're in love. He doesn't even fucking like me. He's obsessed with me. I can't tell if I'm in a bad relationship or not. Things are easy but aparently I always make him feel guilty, and he slips up and I think he only tolerates me because I do not ask for much, and I ask for more, and he encourages it, and he tells me something new, and makes a passive aggressive comment, and I am so exhausted. I don't think we're playing mind games on purpose I think we're just barely adult teenagers who have never been in a real relationship prior to this and are learning. I fear we may learn just enough to want to be with other people. I fear I will become someone I will not like if this happens. I'm so fucking angry at him right now I can't stand it and I can't tell if it's justified and i am overheating as I type this and I just want somebody who obviously, wholeheartedly, VISIBLY likes and loves me and prefers my time to anybody else's and acts like it. This fucking sucks. I hate it here don't date a man guys don't do it just admire them from afar and run away

Oh?? My God????

Over my last Aquarius just in time for a new one to come in I fucking hate it here <3

if I started hopping around my house on all fours that would fix some things I think. Would really do me a lot of good you should try it

Baby bluesೄྀ࿐