Just Look My Way

Just look my way ♥️🌙

Sometimes we fight and roll around and break stuff. Christ on a fucking stick, was a clone, or twin, or whatever the fuck, telling him about his sex life with Lucifer fucking Morningstar? That would be about right, Blitz thought with a groan. Ignoring the pain in his shoulder as best he could, he grit his teeth and just focused on speeding the fuck out of there. Whatever this was, whoever was behind it, he wanted out of the kill zone that the densely packed, skyscraper-backed streets of Pentragram City made.

"Yeah, great, rolling around together, always works up a fucking appetite, doesn't it? Stay the fuck down or I'll put a hole in you myself!" He wouldn't--probably--because shooting the target one was supposed to protect was frowned upon--generally--but today was... fuck, today was something else.

To help with the mood, Blitz flipped the radio on. One of the Wrath channels was Car Chases, Standoffs, and Showdowns, so he twisted the dial until that one came on, and perfect action-movie music started blaring out of the van's (admittedly less than quality) speakers. A few more minutes of loud music, tires squealing, abrupt turns, and then the pings against the van stopped altogether. Still, although it seemed like they were out of harm's way, Blitz kept going for a while longer. He'd been told about a safehouse, some place to bring him until the client would pick him up, when he was given the job. It wasn't much farther--assuming it wasn't a trap.

Eventually, they were in the jagged mountains beyond Pentagram City. Blitz eased off the gas, flexed his injured arm to see how bad it--fuck, ow--was, and let out a tight breath.

"Okay. Okay. It's gonna be like another fuckin' hour until we're at the safe-house where your... benefactor, or what the fuck ever, will be. You said something about healing me?" He glanced into the backseat, trying not to look or sound as worried as he felt. "And are you okay back there, you good? There's some Capri-Sin if you're thirsty. "

There’s an audible “squeak!” as Blitz shoves the angel down to the floor of the van, blue eyes round as saucers. What in Heavens name was going on?! Why are people shooting at them? Is this what being kidnapped is? These thoughts are distracted by just how filthy the floor of the van is. Discarded fast food wrappers and drink cups, loose bullets, a bunch of weird little plastic sleeves labeled “Satan Slong XXL”, and these weird round balls with a metal ring on the top. These items bump and jostle against him as the van swerves and jerked.

Hearing the lizard man cry out, Lucid does in fact sit up in alarm. The angel sees the fresh red staining his jacket, a color that Lucid rarely sees with his own eyes. His own blood and his brethren are gold and glowing. “Whoah whoah! You’re hurt! Pull over so I can heal you!”

He pushes himself up on the cushions of the backseat to stand, only for a bullet to whiz through the space between his head and halo. Ducking down again, Lucid glances over at the wounded lizard demon. “Th-they want me DEAD?! Um, uh, pretty much everybody I guess? In Hell at least? Except Lucifer. Sometimes he wants to but then we fight and roll around and sometimes break stuff. But then after we’re good again and go get sweet treats!”

He's immortal. You are not. He'll probably grieve for you till the end of time, you know. But that's immortality of a sort, eh?~

Blitz shook his head, expression hardening--because if he didn't steel himself now, his heart was going to break and he'd probably break right along with it. Frowning, he looked down at his drink, idly running his claws through the condensation on the outside of the glass.

"Yeah. Of a sort. If there ends up being any way to become immortal. To change. To stay with him. I'll do it. Cause that's--that's the ultimate way to hurt someone, isn't it? To let them love you so fucking much that they remember you forever, when there's nothing left of you but a couple pictures and maybe some unpaid taxes.

"I'm gonna try to be worth remembering. But what about you? Huh? Asking this shit, you--must have some experience with this kind of pain."

Cutest imp ever. No wonder the Prince fell head over heels for you

Blitz started to answer cheerfully, but then over-thought it. He was quiet for a long moment, then shook his head.

"I think maybe... maybe Stolas got really unlucky. Maybe he was, you know. So fucking lonely and neglected, and abused by that asshole of a wife, that he was ready to... I guess fall for the first person to be halfway kind to him? Which, I ain't complaining. I love him, too. Fuck, fuck me fucking dead, I love that pretty goddamn bird.

"But sometimes, I can't help wondering... is it fair, you know, to him? To be with me? When there are so many people out there who are... sweeter. Less damaged. I want him, don't get me wrong, and I'll never give him up until he wants me to. But still. It's hard not to wonder."

Blitz heard him out, taking in every word. Some of them hurt, some of them felt like bliss, and the mixture was a bittersweet one. They had gone too far into the pain, they had hurt each other too badly, for this to just be brushed away like nothing had happened. But we can't brush things away or ignore them anymore, he reminded himself firmly, trying to quash that old fucking instinct that always insisted it was better, better to ignore the problems, better to run, better to be safe and alone than vulnerable and with someone else.

His throat was tight by the time Stolas finished, and since Blitz was still standing up on the furniture, tall enough to do this for once, he pulled the beautiful bird into his arms. Gently, more gently than he wanted to, afraid he might break him somehow, or break this moment, this careful peace they finally had. Closing his eyes, Blitz rubbed his cheek against Stolas's shoulder.

"I'm gonna answer," he said, stomach tight enough that he thought he might be sick, but in a good way, an overwhelmingly good way. "I just... I need a minute. To breathe. Please. Don't--don't leave this time. Because I'm not fast enough to..." He swallowed against tears and hugged Stolas a little tighter, holding onto the lifeline that was this warm body. Fuck, it ached to know a body so well, but feel a million miles away from the person inside it. And right now, until they got onto the same page? They were a million miles apart, if not more. Stolas just said so much, made himself so vulnerable, and Blitz knew that if he fucked this up? Stolas might never be able to open up like this with him again. Why would he want to?

Don't be afraid. Even if he's planning on breaking your heart, you owe it to him to let him. Stop being a little bitch about love, he told himself, trying to find the courage. Fuck, why the fuck was this so terrifying?

"I love you, too," he said, the words coming out softly, before Blitz had even fully decided to say them. "Stolas. I love you, too. I wanted to tell you at your house. It took me--way too long. Into that fight. To realize that you and me, we weren't talking about the same thing, we weren't fighting about the same thing. We were on way fucking different pages, and when I realized it, I tried to reach out but you--you needed to get away. And I. Fuck. I'm the captain of cutting and running. Of getting overwhelmed and freaking the fuck out and needing to just... so I, I get it, Stolas. I get it. Why you didn't stay.

"And I was shitty to you. All the time. But then at the party, after you sang... I wanted to tell you so many things. You were too drunk, I don't know if any of it would have sunk in. And it wouldn't... it wouldn't have been fair? To tell you the things, the things that... that really matter? When maybe you wouldn't remember them.

"I love you. I'm in love with you. And I want you? I don't know what you, why you, why you would want me, but I'm learning to accept that you do. And maybe you're sorry for the deal, but I ain't. Cause that deal? The chance to get close to you? I wouldn't change that for the fucking world.

"I don't know how you can trust me. There's... nothing. That I can fucking say, to convince you. But if you'll let me, I'll try, Stolas. For you. I will try--anything. And I am sorry. For everything. All the times I left you feeling alone. One more asshole in your life who turned away. I'm sorry for everything. Stolas, I'm sorry. For hurting you. For all of it.

"What do..." His heart was racing a million miles a minute. How could it be so terrifying, admitting love to someone else? Trying to work a relationship out? Why did hope have to hurt to experience?

"What do you need? From me. To feel--safe. Wanted. To feel like, like maybe you can start believing, or risk believing, that I care...?"

Stolas held Blitzø's hands in his as the imp confessed everything he had only longed to hear. They were beautiful, hopeful words that Stolas had only dreamt of hearing. Now that they were spoken aloud from the very person he had wanted to hear them from, it was hard to process. Part of Stolas wondered if Blitzø was only saying all of these beautiful things to get back in his good graces and not because he truly felt them. Satan, he hoped that the imp truly meant it. All of it.

He couldn't help but reach out and cup Blitzø's face adoringly, though a sad smile graced his features. Blitzø had been so resistant to telling Stolas how he felt, the prince was stealing himself for it all to slip away in an instant.

"You know how I feel Blitzø, I have told you how much you mean to me and all I have wanted was to hear that you felt the same. How can I trust anything that you have to say? I want to Blitzø, more than anything."

Stolas dropped his hand and hugged himself, needing comfort. "I understand that you do not like to speak about feelings Blitzø but I need you to. I have to hear the words or I will always doubt that you truly care for me as anything other than a convenient fuck. Do you understand? I want more. I deserve more.

"I apologize for ever starting the deal in the first place, I simply wished to spend time with you. I had no frame of reference for how to do that. You were my first and only ever friend Blitzø. I thought about you constantly after that night. I debated over and over how I could get you to come visit once again and that is why the deal was made. I was never going to hold the grimoire over you, I would have let you use it for as long as you needed. I should have never proposed such a deal, for that I am truly sorry.

"Somewhere along the way, I have come to love you Blitzø. Truly, deeply, love you. I can only hope you feel the same but I need to hear the words Blitzø. Please tell me that you love me as well."

How that fight with Lucifer go? Was the king to depressed to show up?

"Hey!" Blitz snapped. "Don't talk about him that way. He showed up, and he's a fucking badass. And he fucking listened. Just because he's got depression doesn't mean he can't listen and do a good job. It got through to him, you know? At least, I'm pretty sure it did." Not to be meta, but it wasn't really over yet, so Blitz could only know so much.

He thought again about how vividly he had sensed Stolas and Visage's presence there near the end, and how he remembered Eclipse's smile, and Moxxie and Loona and Fizz, and the anger went out of him. Expression softening, he nodded to the stranger. "Drink some water and get some real food in you before you go home. All this booze is making you almost as fucked up as me. And I mean it. Don't talk shit about my king. He's the most beautiful--and he showed up. He could have ignored me. But he didn't. He showed up. Listened. Met me where I needed to be met. Lucifer is worth so much more than most of us have any fucking idea of, and I'll fight for him til the end."